Category: disease

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Fifteen Years Already?

It’s hard to believe that it has been fifteen years since my mom went to be with her Savior. Mom had suffered from Alzheimer’s Disease for a number of years. Eventually she reached the point where my dad could no longer take care of her at home, no matter how much he tried. After a short stay in the hospital, Mom was admitted to a local nursing home to live out her final days. It was hard on all of us, but it was especially hard on Dad, who I believe thought that he had failed as a husband. Within a few months, Mom slipped away and we said goodbye.

As it often happens with a disease like Alzheimer’s, there was both sadness and a sense of relief. By the end, Mom didn’t know anyone or anything that was going on. She had gone from the sweetest person anyone could know, to someone else entirely. As her mind slipped away, negative things from her childhood came back to life. We knew that the one we were interacting with was not the wife and mother we knew and loved, so when she died we were relieved that her suffering was over and she was made whole.

I remember the funeral back in Maryland. It was a rainy day, and the song “I Will Praise You in the Storm” came on the radio. While bringing a fresh toreent of tears, the song also brought comfort. I knew that I could praise God in the midst of the physical storm and the emotional storm because the loved me and he loved Mom. She was now resting in his presence and one day all of the tears would be wiped away.

Over the years, the pain has lessened. That is only natural. I still remember all of the good times with a wonder, loving mom who would gladly have given herself up for her children. While I do remember the last couple of years of her life and the struggle it was, I can look back on it thankful that the Father carried me through that with the same loving arms with which he carried Mom home.

I believe that I will see my mom someday, and we will never have to part in tears again.

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Eastertide Thoughts

It has been one week since those of us in the western church celebrated Easter. The Orthodox tradition will celebrate Easter on May 2 this year. Eastertide is the period between Easter Sunday and Pentecost, so the celebration continues in many churches for a full 50 days. Personally, I think that’s a good idea.

This year, I’ve been doing much more thinking about the importance of Easter to those of us who follow the One who was raised from the dead. I think a 50 day celebration of the event that changed history is something that should be practiced much more than it is now.

This has been a momentous year for many of us, with a lot of things happening that caused us to think about what is really important and about the brevity of our lives here on this earth. A little over a year ago, I had a heart attack. Within a couple of weeks, everything was locked down because of a deadly virus. We didn’t get to celebrate Easter in person last year. We didn’t get to do a whole lot of anything in person last year.

We saw the number of cases and deaths grow as the year went on, and very few of us didn’t at least know someone who caught the virus. Add to this what seemed to be the death of reason and understanding in the civil discourse in this country, and the year looked more bleak as it dragged on. We made it to the end of the year, but the future looked very uncertain.

In some ways the future is looking better. In other ways, there is still turmoil and uncertainty. Personally, my health is much better now, but there are things that have happened to keep the realities of life in a broken world in the forefront. From friends and neighbors who have cancer to friends whose parents have fallen ill, from families that are broken to our small town reeling from a senseless murder and suicide, there is much to make one wonder if there really are any answers.

There are many questions that we may never have answered fully. There are some that may not be answered at all. That is why Eastertide this year has become meaningful to me. I believe that Easter is the answer. We may not have all the details filled in for us, but Easter means that death has been brought down, had all its teeth kicked out, and ground into the dust in defeat.

Because King Jesus rose from the dead and inaugurated his kingdom, I know that my friends with cancer will unltimately be healed and will live in the new creation. I know that there will be peace on earth and the swords will be beaten into plowshares, and there will be no war. I know that there will be no hatred or murder, no struggle over possessions, or arguments over ideas. There will be no cancer, heart trouble, Alzheimer’s or Huntington’s Disease. Every tear will be wiped away and everything sad will become untrue.

Let us rejoice and feast! Break out the champagne! There is nothing worth celebrating more than the fact that death has lost its sting, and the grave has no victory. It is not the end yet, but it will be all right in the end. Hallelujah! Christ is risen!

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One Year Ago

I have seen a lot of articles about remembering the “official” beginning of the pandemic one year ago. It was the start of a year that significantly changed our lives in many ways. Before the Covid virus hit, we could go wherever we wanted and be with friends and family without fear. That changed drastically.

For me personally, March 11, 2020 brought a significant, life changing event. I woke up that morning, and got ready for what I thought would be a normal day. I went to my usual Wednesday morning book discussion time with a couple of friends, then went to my job as a bus driver. At the lunch time, I did my usual workout. Afterward, I felt a little off, with a bit of a headache and just a general blah feeling. I figured I must have pushed myself too hard and didn’t give it another thought.

We had a new driver starting and he drove a group to WalMart to do some grocery shopping, while I rode along. When we arrived, I got off the bus to use the restroom. When I walked in the store I began to feel sick to my stomach and thought that I needed to get to the restroom quick before I lost it or passed out.

To make a long story short, I ended up in the hospital with a heart attack. I had had a couple of episodes earlier, but nothing that seemed overly concerning. I had even passed a stress test with flying colors. Little did I know that the artery hiding in the back of the heart had become 95% blocked and needed attention right away. The doctor put a stent in to keep the artery clear. After three or four visitors came to see me in my room, the hospital was put on lockdown.

I left the hospital after four days, and began the recovery process. I am now completely recovered. I have lost ten pounds, and my blood pressure and cholesterol are down to more normal levels. I feel good and have exceeded my fitness level of a year ago.

The most significant change has been my attitude toward life. I am realizing that I can’t take this life for granted and I am much more appreciative of the things in my life. More than that, I especially am thankful for the people in my life. I have been blessed with a wonderful wife, children and grandchildren, other family, and very good friends.

Facing my own mortatlity and seeing others, including people I know personally, face theirs, has taught me how precious and precarious this life is. It has taught me how completely dependant we all are on the grace of a good God. I have learned to depend on Jesus’ words in Matthew 6:26 about the Father’s care for the birds and how he cares for his children so much more. That is a great comfort and encouragement.

I have no idea what lies around the bend on the back road of life. We all have things we wish wouldn’t happen in our lives and the lives of those we hold dear. I do know that the same God who takes good care of the birds of the air and the beasts of the field, is my loving Father who is going to do what is good and best for me and for those I care about.

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Ash Wednesday

Today is Ash Wednesday. In many church traditions, the day is marked by putting ashes in the sign of the cross on one’s forehead. The Church of England is even making it possible to digitally put ashes on the forehead. Today marks the beginning of Lent, a season of remembering and lamenting our brokenness and the brokenness of this world in which we live. This time leads us to the time we remember what Jesus went through on the cross, because of our sin. During Lent, many fast by giving up food, drink, television, social media, or any other pleasurable thing. Others add items of service or charity to their schedule.

Lent is a time to lament, something we here in the West don’t do a very good job of. I know I can easily look at the negative, but I don’t do a very good job of living in the moment and allowing myself space to lament. I prefer to try to quickly look for the positive, to look at the glass as half full. That doesn’t always work. The past twelve months have seemed like an extended season of Lent, and we all have had to give up things as the time has dragged on. There has been a lot of lamenting over what has been lost. Many of those losses don’t lend themselves easily to a positive spin.

Lament and sorrow is not a bad thing. Scripture is full of lament. There is even a book in the Bible titled Lamentations. The Psalms are full of people mourning over this or that. Job lamented his condition and God did not call him out for it. Holding in grief can cause mental and physical problems, and can stunt our emotional and spiritual growth. It’s okay to sorrow and grieve. It’s okay to give voice to that grief.

Give yourself permission to grieve and lament. This past year has been hard. We have all lost, some more than others. Some of those things that have been lost will never be reclaimed. We will never get back those days, weeks, and months. Because we do live in a broken world, there will be more losses ahead.

As followers of Jesus, we have something that can help us in our lamenting. We can be assured that nothing is completely hopeless because our Savior experienced what seemed like the most hopeless of situations and came out the other side, having defeated the one who wields the sword of hopelessness. Jesus conquered death and we need not fear it. We need not fear anything life has to throw at us because we have a loving Father who has it all in his hands. He has promised to turn our mourning into dancing. We can grieve, but we grieve with hope. Hope that one day all tears will be wiped away, and everything sad will become untrue.

In the book Tales of the Kingdom, the signal cry of the Rangers says, “How goes the world?” “The world goes not well! But the Kingdom comes!” Grieve, but grieve well. Lament with the knowledge that it all will be well.

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Encouragement From a Lamppost

Last night was a night of fitful sleep and unsatisfying dreams. When I awoke this morning, I was feeling the weight of a number of things that are happening in this little conrner of the world. The events of the past few months and the strain that has put on relationahips of people that I know, the friend who is waiting for a possible diagnosis of cancer, and the friend whose mother just had a stroke, along with the stresses of helping lead a faith community to follow Jesus more closely. These are on top of dealing with Jan’s HD and all that goes with it, and trying to keep myself healthy.

When I went to the kitchen to make coffee, I looked out the window into our backyard. What I saw was similar to the picture above, minus the snow and fir trees. It was about 6:45, and the sky was just beginning to lighten. What I saw was unusual because the lamp had never stayed lit all through the night before this, and the previous day had been cloudy. I had bought that particular lamppost because it reminded me of the lamppost in the Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis.

When I saw the lamp still lit, the first thing that I thought (I believe it was God speaking to my heart) was, “There is still hope.” In the Narnia tales, the lamppost marked the border between Narnia and the wardrobe in the spare room. In some way it signified hope, because it was there that the story of Aslan coming and reclaiming Narnia began. As you read through the rest of the books, there is always an undercurrent of hope, no matter how dire the circumstances.

I have no idea what is going to happen in each of those situations I mentioned. I know I am praying for healing and restoration, but I also know that the final outcome is beyond my reach. But there is still hope. There is still the hope that no matter what happens, my loving Father has us all in his hands, and he always does what is good and right. There is still hope that the King of Kings will return and make everything right, healing every hurt and wiping every tear. There is still hope that Romans 8:18-39 is true.

You may be going through something similar, or worse. Things may well seem hopless to you. I would encourage you to look to the One who alone can give hope. Look to the King who has conquered death and who is bringing a new creation. Look to him because, to be honest with you, without him it is hopeless.

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Goodbye and Hello

Tonight we say goodbye, or rather, good riddance to the year 2020, and say hello to 2021.

Sometimes, there is a sense of loss in looking back on the year. I don’t believe this year is any different. Many, if not most of us can look back on things lost this year. Lost opportunities abound. Many didn’t get the chance to have their graduation, final season, vacation, family reunion, etc. The list goes on. Businesses closed, and millions of people lost their jobs. Even worse, many lost health and loved ones.

Our institutions took a hit as well. Many churches lost people as attending a virtual worship service morphed into not bothering at all for many. Our political process turned into a sideshow that may have long lasting repercussions. Our society seems as divided as ever, and many wonder if it will ever come back together.

Even the weather seemed to have it out for us. The hurricane season began before the official date and ended after it was supposed to be over. There was a record number of storms, adding to the loss and devastation in some parts of the country.

While there are many reasons to simply write this year off, there have been positive things happen. American politics haven’t yet fallen apart completely, even though some may have been trying to make that happen. Even with all the machinations, the system is still working. In the midst of the division, there has been more of a desire to ensure the rights of those whose rights have been under appreciated. We still have a long way to go, but it’s a start. Even with the horrendous loss of lives from this pandemic, it could have been worse. We have seen people join together on an unprecedented scale to try and alleviate the suffering of others. Many heroes have emerged from this tragedy. There has been much good come out of adversity.

We can look to the year ahead with trepidation or with hope. There will be dark days ahead, as the pandemic continues. Politicians will still look out for their own interests, and forget about the rest of us. There will still be selfish people, and the economy will still struggle. I choose to believe that better days are ahead, regardless of what shape those days might take. To do otherwise would be to give in to despair. As a follower of King Jesus, I believe that nothing that happened this past year suprised him, and that nothing in the future is going to shock him.

I have seen God work in some amazing ways in this past year, and I believe he will contine to work in the year to come. You might call me a starry-eyed optimist who isn’t grounded in reality, but my optimism isn’t an everything will be peachy keen, rose colored glasses optimism. My outlook is shaped by the firm belief that the King has come, has brought his Kingdom and the new creation into being, and will return again to finally set all things right. That is the reality in which I live. I hope you too can come to see that truth as well.

May God bless you in this year ahead.

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Little Bit of an Update

This past week, Jan and I had the opportunity to take part in the Huntington’s Disease Society of America (HDSA) national convention. Because of the pandemic, it was a virtual gathering. It was both informative and inspiring. There were sessions on what to expect, advances in research, and how others were coping. Due to our schedule, there were many things we couldn’t get to, but it was all recorded and will be on the HDSA website.

As Jan’s HD progresses, it was good to be given a sense of what lay ahead. Even though it will get more difficult, it is comforting to be armed with the knowledge of what is going on and some ways we can cope. It was also good to see how different people were dealing with the disease. There was not a sense of despair or sadness. There was more of a feeling that this is the way it is and right now we have to deal with it and live our lives as best we can.

There is also good news for the future. There is promising research that may lead to making HD a disease that we used to talk about. It’s possible that some day the faulty part of the gene will be tweaked and will not be an issue. While we don’t know if it will happen soon enough to help Jan, there is hope for our children and grandchildren.

Please continue to pray for us as we navigate the changes that will happen and learn to deal with each new normal as it comes up.

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On Protesting

Turn on the news today, and you are likely to see a group of people protesting at a state capitol. These protests are, at this time, against the stay at home or shelter in place rules that have been imposed during the pandemic. There are many who are in favor of the protests, and there are many who are against them. America has a long history of protesting, going all the way back to when we were still under the British throne. The freedom to assemble and to let the government know what we like or don’t like is in the Bill of Rights. Over the years, some of the protests have been very effective in bringing about needed change.

As an individual and as a citizen, I am in favor of the right to protest. I have taken part in a couple of protest actions myself. Having said that, I do have a problem with the protests that have happened recently. You may or may not have seen the pictures and video of heavily armed people dressed in combat gear crowding into the Michigan state house and even in front of the governor’s office. I would not call that a protest. I would call that an act of intimidation. Along with the weapons, there were statements made that it was too late for voting and was time for force. Another statement mused about the governor being hit by a shotgun blast.

The 1st Amendment to the Constitution provides the right to peaceably assemble. I didn’t see anything peaceable in a group of people storming into the halls of government with military type weapons, screaming in the faces of the law enforcement officers. I don’t believe that is the type of protest that the founders wanted to protect. It’s interesting that many of those folks would be the quickest to denounce the protests of blacks marching against police brutality, Latinos marching against the conditions in the camps along the border, over even NFL players taking a knee during the national anthem. In fact, I seriously doubt that a group of armed people of color would have been allowed anywhere near the capitol.

You may be saying, “Well, all of those Vietnam protests and civil rights protests weren’t all peaceful either.” You would be correct. Not everyone who protested did so in a peaceful manner. There was violence. In any large group there will be some who are trying to use the protest as a cover for harming others. The difference I see is that during the recent protests, the biggest majority of the group seems to have been the ones who were using intimidation tactics and implicitly threatening violence. There seems to be a fair number of people in this country who feel that it is their God-given right to force their way of thinking on others, with violence if necessary.

I don’t pretend to know what the answer is to all the problems that this pandemic is causing. People are getting desperately sick and many are dying. That doesn’t look like it’s going to get better any time soon. Millions of people are out of work, and know one is able to say definitively when the economy will be back to some sense of normal. Those who say that people need to be able to work are right. People need to be able to provide for themselves and their families. Those who say that we need to try and keep more from getting sick are also correct. The most vulnerable especially need to be protected.

I do believe that there needs to be something that seems to have left public life in America. There needs to be a civility in discourse that accepts what the other is saying and works to find solutions that benefit the whole. We need to respect and empathize with both those who are worried about their livelihood and those that are worried about their health or the health of loved ones. For those of us who claim to be followers of Jesus, Scripture gives us the way to approach things. Philippians 2 tells us that we are to “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

What would it look like if Christians began to think first of the good of others?

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Some Encouragement

It’s May. It may be hard for some of us to tell. Jan and I were talking the other day about the markers not being present this year. April Fool’s Day went by without all the usual antics. We celebrated Easter, but the usual feasting and fellowship was missing. Spring break was non-existent for many students because they were already at home. End of the year testing, spring sports, and graduation are other things that will not happen this year.

For many, the days fade into each other without the markers of commuting to work, going out on a weekend, or traveling to gather for worship. It’s hard. While it looks like there is light at the end of this tunnel, we really don’t know what will happen as businesses slowly reopen and folks start to go about their day-to-day outside of their homes. We are facing an uncertainty that most of us have never had to deal with. Listening to those who seem to have some expertise doesn’t always bring confidence and hope.

We are told in Matthew 6, to pray for God’s Kingdom to be known and his will to be done on earth as it is in heaven. We who follow the King know that he has already defeated death. We know that our King does reign. He has promised us that everything that happens is worked for our good and his glory, and that our present sufferings will pale in comparison to the glory that will be revealed in us. Because we are in Christ, there is absolutely nothing that can separate us from our Father’s love.

Be encouraged. It is hard. The future is cloudy. But our Abba has got this.

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Looking Ahead

We are now roughly two months into the Covid-19 pandemic here in the United States. To say that this is a life changing thing would vastly underestimate the effect it has had on our lives. We don’t know what the future holds, whether immediate or long term. You can find a different prognosis and prediction for each day of the week. I don’t believe anyone has the complete picture. Regardless, the future will look a great deal different than what we have been used to.

There are some things I hope will be true in our lives in the days to come. I hope that we will be kinder people, more patient and understanding. That seems to be true right now, and I hope i t continues. I hope that we continue to care about others, even sacrificing out own interests to help someone. I hope that we actively look for ways to do good to our neighbors. I hope that we will cherish our families and the time we have with them.

I hope that we can put differences aside, whether political, philosophical, or social, and work to recognize and do what is good for all, rather than what benefits one group over another. I hope that we as a culture can be truly pro life, from the womb to the nursing home. I hope that we can welcome those who come here looking for a better life without blaming them for our ills. I hope that we can recognize the value of everyone in our society and pay wages that allow them to take care of themselves and their families. I hope that we can realize that it really doesn’t profit anyone to gain the whole world only to lose their soul.

I hope those of us who follow Jesus will realize that the church is not the building or the institution, but is the people. I hope that we will cherish our brothers and sisters in Christ, and seek to love them as Jesus loved us. I hope that we will be known more for what we are for than for what we are against. I hope that we show the truth, goodness, and beauty of Jesus to our neighbors and demonstrate the hope of people who know that this world will be renewed.

I hope that all of us will have a better idea of what really matters. I hope that the next crisis that comes along will find us better prepared to handle it in a way that benefits us all.

Pipe dream? Maybe, but I will not give up hope.