Category: family

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Who Do You Love?

I heard a couple of things recently that made me think. I know that can be dangerous, and it sometimes gets me in trouble, but I thought anyway. The first was a statement by an individual that he wasn’t indebted to anyone. The second was a Facebook post to the effect that if you want a world where true love is possible, you must allow each person to freely choose who to love. While I can understand the sentiment behind both statements, I believe that they are anti-thetical to the way a follower of Jesus should see things.

The statement about not being in debt to anyone is directly contradicted by Paul’s admonition in Romans 13:8 to owe nothing to anyone except love. Alan Knox has a good post on this here. As those who are loved by the Father and indwelt by his Spirit, we do have one debt. We owe love to our fellow believers, our brothers and sisters.

In Alan’s post, he states that, “I can’t choose who to love.” That leads me to the second statement. As followers of the one who gave his life for us, we have only one choice, to love. Anything else is disobedience to our Master. In John 15, Jesus tells us that his command is to love each other as he has loved us. Since our Savior’s love led him to lay down his life for us, we are to do the same for our brothers and sisters. Doesn’t sound like freely choosing who to love, does it? Jesus also states that the second greatest commandment is to love our neighbor. He then goes on to state that our neighbor is anyone who we come in contact with. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus takes the whole idea of love to the extreme when he tells us to even love our enemies! Sounds to me like he leaves us with no choice. In John 13:35, Jesus says that the world will know that we belong to him because of our love.

There is entirely too much pain and suffering in this world, much of it caused by a lack of love. Unfortunately, this is also true among those who claim to follow the King who founded his kingdom on sacrificial love. Those who are not followers of Jesus know that we are supposed to be different. Many of them also know that the main thing that is supposed to distinguish us is love. Is it any wonder they look at the church and feel that we have nothing to offer them?

Brothers and sisters, we have a debt. It is to love. We have no choice. We are to love everyone who crosses our path. Anything else is blatant disobedience to our Lord and Master.

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Has It Really Been That Long?

Tomorrow is Josh’s 29th birthday. It doesn’t seem like it has been that many years ago. The day he came into the world was a Sunday, the day after the Washington Redskins won the NFC championship and a week before they won the Super Bowl. Needless to say, one of the things that we have shared is being ‘Skins fans. Of course, that makes sense, since one of the other things we have in common is a love of sports.

Josh grew up in the gym. During one basketball season when he was young, he sat on the bench with me and had the job of keeping me calm when the referees weren’t doing their job. He did a pretty good job of it, as I recall. We went to basketball camps together, and when Josh was in high school we played golf together. Actually, he played. I chased the ball all over the course. It was always special watching him play whatever sport he was involved in, coaching him when I had the chance, and just watching and talking about sports.

Another thing we have shared is a love for books. Josh learned to read at an early age, and from that time until now he has always had a book that he is reading. That love of reading has served him well. Sometimes, when I can’t get hold of a book elsewhere, I’ll borrow one of Josh’s. I’ve read some interesting writing that way.

The most important thing we share, and the most gratifying to see, is a love for Jesus. As my love for my Savior has grown, I have seen Josh grow closer to him and learn to follow him more closely. That means more to me than anything else. It has been a joy to see Josh’s faith deepen as he has asked questions and learned to think for himself. His faith is not one which was simply passed down. It is his, a real, vital faith that plays itself out in his day-to-day.

Now, my son is engaged to be married to a wonderful young lady who also loves Jesus. He has had some ups and downs in the relationship department, and it is good to see his patience pay off in such a remarkable way. I am confident that Josh will be a good husband and father.

29 years has flown by. I couldn’t begin to tell you of all the memories, or to express how proud of him we are. We have been truly blessed.

Josh, we pray that the Father will bless you richly and give you many years to love and follow him. We pray that you will be blessed with children that are as much a blessing to you as you are to us. We love you Josh. Happy Birthday.

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Facebook and Community

Facebook has become quite the cultural phenomenon. One indication that something is popular and successful is the number of attempts to copy it. I like Facebook, in fact I have it open in another window as I type this. Because of Facebook, I have reconnected with folks I went to high school and college with as well as former students. It helps Jan and me keep up better with what is going on in our son’s and daughter’s lives. It is a good way to keep in touch with family and former friends and acquaintances.

Facebook becomes a problem when people use it to try to replace real friendships. It is relatively easy to pile up a lot of “friends,” especially if you have lived a few years and known many people. While these “friends” may have been friends at one time, if the only contact we have with them is on a social networking site, I question whether they can really be called friends. Unfortunately, this is not limited to those whose friendship was based on common interests, work, or school. I can see how those might have faded after a while as interests change, and people moved away.

This way of seeing friends also exists in the church. It manifests itself in mega-churches, where many members are acquaintances who have a “relationship” with hundreds of folks who they may see once a week or so. It also manifests itself in those who actually use Facebook as a substitute for real friendship and community. Those of us who follow Jesus are more than just “friends.” We are brothers and sisters. We are members of one Body. We are members of one another. We are called to live in community.

I don’t believe that we can recreate the first century church, nor should we. We live in different times, with different issues. But I do believe the attitude the early Christians had is the same attitude we are called to. They were devoted to Jesus Christ as the King who gave himself for them and was in control of their lives. They were devoted to each other, taking Jesus at his word when he said that love was laying down their life for their friends (how many would lay down their lives for “friends” who they only deal with online).

Living in real community doesn’t necessarily mean that we move into a house together or set up a commune. It does mean that we are devoted to those God has brought into our lives because we are devoted to Christ and because we have the same Father. It can be messy and difficult. It is easy to type “praying” on a Facebook status. It is harder to pray in person with that person. It is harder to sacrifice time and effort to help that person. It is harder still to meet that friend at the police station, hospital, or morgue when something has gone terribly wrong. How many of our on-line friends could, or would do that for us. How many would lay down their lives for us.

We are called to follow Jesus. He didn’t just click on the “Like” button for us or leave a nice comment on our status. He lived to show us how to live and then he did the ultimate. He laid down his life for us, his friends. We are commanded to do the same. It can’t be done on-line. It must be real life.

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For My “Little” Girl

27 years ago, God blessed us with a little girl. She came into this world the day after I coached a basketball game, and it seemed like she grew up in the gym. This little girl was a whirlwind of activity right from the start, and I’ve always maintained that she was put on this earth to have a good time, and to help others have a good time as well.

It has been an absolute joy and wonder to watch this little girl as she entered school to begin her education, as she entered the teenage years and I was blessed with the opportunity to coach her, as she went to college and began to mature into a young woman, and as she struck out to make her own impact on this world (although we still wish she wasn’t all the way across the country). It has been wonderful to watch how God has worked in her life, and how he continues to work.
Jennie, we are extremely proud of you. You bring joy into our lives simply by being who God made you to be. We pray that your heavenly Father will continue to bless you and hold you in his arms. We love you.
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Being Thankful

This Thursday is Thanksgiving Day, so in honor of the season I would like to list a few of the many things I am thankful for.

I am thankful, first of all, that I have a Father in heaven who calls me his child and who loves me with an inexhaustible love. I am thankful for what Jesus Christ has done for me, and for the great privilege of being called to follow him. I am thankful for the wisdom and guidance that the Spirit gives me in my day-to-day. I am thankful for the legacy of godly parents who taught me through their example how to follow Jesus. I am thankful for a sister who loves Jesus and loves me, and for her family.
I am thankful for an absolutely wonderful woman who I am blessed to call my wife. Her love and support means more to me than I can say. I am thankful for her family, and the way they have accepted me as one of their own. I am thankful for two fantastic children who are a joy and a blessing to me, and who have become fine young adults. I am thankful for friends who love me, who have taught me much, and who are not afraid to call BS when the situation warrants it.
I am thankful for a job that is more than just a job, but is also an opportunity to show God’s love to others. I am thankful that I get to coach, and use athletics to influence young people. I am thankful for good health. I am thankful for the Father’s provision down through the years, even though I didn’t always have a lot of faith at the time. I am thankful for the things God has been teaching me these past few years, even the lessons that were hard to learn.
I could go on and on. There is so much to be grateful for. Abba has showered me with his blessings. So, this Thanksgiving I will soak in the riches of God’s glorious grace and love.
I’ll be taking a few days of the rest of the week. Have a happy Thanksgiving!
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It’s Time Once Again…

…to celebrate. It’s time to remember an event from the past. No, I’m not talking about the thing that happened 235 years ago. This event is in the more recent past. Thirty one years ago, as a matter of fact.

Yes, that’s right. It’s time once again to celebrate the day that Jan and I said, “I do.” Tomorrow, July 5 is our thirty-first anniversary. It’s hard to believe it’s been that long, but on the other hand, it seems as if we have been married forever. I have a hard time imagining what it was like to be single. In fact, I can’t imagine life without Jan.
Over the years we have grown as individuals, and as a couple. God has brought us through so many different experiences, some that were joyous and some that tried our faith. We’ve raised two children and experienced much that goes along with that. We’ve seen three of our four parents age and pass from this earth. We’ve had tough financial times when we wondered where the money was going to come from, and we’ve had times when we could pass on some extra to those in need. We’ve lived in the Washington, D.C. area, Cincinnati, and Rock Hill, SC. We’ve worked in the same schools, and we’ve spent time in different jobs. Through it all, we have seen the Father take care of us and provide for us in ways we never could have imagined.
Our faith journey has taken its share of twists and turns. We’ve spent time in different types of churches, and are currently part of a fellowship that meets in a house. Our understanding of and relationship with God has changed and grown over our life together. As our relationship with God has deepened, our love for each other has deepened as well. I am learning more and more how to love Jan as Jesus loved the church, although I still have a long way to go. Again, the faithfulness of Abba has been an amazing thing.
The last thirty one years have been a wonderful part of my journey. I’m extremely thankful to God for the precious gift he gave me in Jan. I’m looking forward to what the next thirty one + years will bring.
Jan, I love you so much more than yesterday, and so much less than tomorrow.
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Resurrection and Unity

Rachel Held Evans is the force behind the Rally to Restore Unity. I am not really worthy to be in the company of some of the bloggers that are adding their voices to the effort this week, but I am chipping in my two cents anyway. As part of this, there is a a fundraising campaign going on for Charity: Water. Even if you think I’m full of hot air (or something worse) :), consider helping out this worthy charity.

Alan Knox wrote this post in April concerning the failure of the disciples to believe in the Resurrection until they had actually encountered the risen Christ. I immediately thought about the folks who came to faith during the first century. They also came to believe in the Resurrection because they encountered the risen Christ. Not in literal bodily form, but in the followers of Jesus they encountered in the day-to-day. It was the presence of Jesus in the “Christians” (little Christs) that cause those people to put their faith in Christ. Those early Christians lived a Resurrection life. They could not have done what they did had the Resurrection not have really happened.
Today, the world looks at the Church and sees a fractured, disunited body. They see us divided into camps based on anything from translations of Scripture to what styles of music. They see a group of people that are known more for what we are against than what we are for, and if we’re not busy fighting the culture war we are fighting each other over how to interpret prophecy or who is a “real Christian.” Is it any wonder the world doesn’t believe in the Resurrection when they don’t encounter the risen Christ? We celebrate Easter and put on a big show, but do we live in the power of that resurrection the other 364 days of the year?
The Resurrection of Jesus changed everything. It still does, if we realize that the same power that raised Jesus is now in us. Life as a follower of Jesus is not an easy one, especially when it comes to living in unity with those we disagree with. Our tendency is to hang out with those who we agree with. That extends to our gatherings as the church. We want to be comfortable and accepted, and I don’t believe there is anything wrong with wanting to be accepted. What we fail to remember is that because of the Resurrection, we are accepted by God. Because of the Resurrection, we are part of God’s family.
Because of the Resurrection, we have the power to live as brothers and sisters, as friends, as members of one another in the Body. We have the power to look past the differences, the disagreements, even the passionate (ahem) “discussions.” Because of the Resurrection, we can have Jesus’ prayer that we be one as he and the Father are one answered in and through us. When that happens, the world around us will be like the ancient Romans who said, “Behold how these Christians love one another.”
Then they will encounter the risen Christ. Then, maybe we’ll turn the world upside down.
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For My Friends

In John 15:13, Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” Of course, we know that the context is Jesus telling his disciples that he is now calling them friends and that he is going to lay down his life. That has also been interpreted over the years to teach that we, as followers of Jesus, are to lay down our lives for others. I look at this verse and put it together with the command to love each other as Christ loves us and the declaration that that love will be the mark that shows who we belong to. It causes me to look at myself and ask if I’m really willing to lay down my life for my friends. I don’t mean just being willing to take a bullet or throw myself in front of a speeding bus. It is much deeper, and I believe, much more difficult than that. Am I willing to give up my time for my friends? Am I willing to make them a priority? Am I willing to rearrange my schedule, if possible, for them? Am I willing to be awakened in the middle of the night to lend a hand? Am I willing to let them have their way in certain matters? To go deeper, am I willing to pursue a brother or sister who is estranged? Am I willing to forgo worship to be reconciled, as Jesus taught? Am I willing to humble myself and ask forgiveness? Am I willing to forgive, whether the other has asked or not? Am I willing to acknowledge hurt, forgive, and then re-establish fellowship because the other is my sister or brother, because we are family? Now it’s starting to sound more like dying. Am I willing to do whatever it takes, at any cost to myself, to strive to keep the unity we have in Jesus Christ? Am I willing to be misunderstood, criticized, even slandered to show Abba’s love to a world that is desperately in need of it? Am I willing to die? Tough questions. Questions that I ask myself, questions that all who follow Jesus should ask. My answer echoes the prayer of the father with the sick son in Mark 9:24: Lord, I am willing, help my lack of willingness!

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A Place to Be

The language arts class in which I assist just finished reading Maniac Magee, by Jerry Spinelli. Because I leave halfway through the class each day, I was only able to catch bits and pieces, but I was able to get the basic idea of the book. It’s about a boy who is orphaned at age three, and spends the next few years of his life trying to find a place to call home. He bounces from place to place, never allowing himself to feel comfortable at any one of them because he is afraid to settle in, afraid to let himself get too close, afraid of losing anyone else.

As we finished the book today, I started thinking about how that is so like those of us who follow Jesus. We’re afraid. Afraid to let others get too close, or to get too close to them. We’re afraid that we won’t be accepted once people discover the real us. I think our biggest fear is the fear of being hurt. I know that fear personally, and there have been times when I have tried to not get too close to folks in certain groups, because I have been hurt and don’t want to get hurt again. I understand those who have to deal with that.
I believe that these fears are one of the reasons churches are not what they could be. Many are looking for a safe place, but they don’t let themselves get too comfortable or too close to the people in a church. In a large church, they can hide. Eventually though, they will get the vague feeling that something is wrong, that the church is not meeting their needs. They will then look somewhere else, like Maniac Magee. Unfortunately the cycle will continue to repeat itself, or they will give up on the whole church thing altogether. Or, they may come upon a small to mid-size church that bills itself as a place “where people matter.” They soon find out that people matter as part of a program, not as individuals. Conflicts may happen, and then, out they go. Some spend their whole lives looking for a place to belong.
Even those who are part of simple churches are not immune to these fears. Again, they are perfectly understandable. If one of the goals of a simple church is to know and be known, there will inevitably be conflict. Too many folks have the idea that if they can just “do church” the way the early church did, all of their problems will be solved. Have you read the letters the Apostles wrote to the early churches lately? It seems that a large part of those letters were written to address problems that the people were having with each other. I have yet to be in a church where a man was sleeping with his father’s wife.
Anytime we deal with people, there will be conflicts. Life is messy, and the deeper we let people into our lives, the better the chance that we will be hurt. That hurt makes it hard to believe that we are safe, that it is really possible to live in community. Some return to the old routine of moving from place to place, never allowing themselves to get comfortable or to love again. Others will give up, and try to go it alone. Both approaches have problems. The first puts us right back into the system that hasn’t produced the community that many look for. The second forgets the fact that the Church is the Body of Christ, that we need each other as the body needs each of its parts. When a limb is amputated, the patient experiences a phantom limb, feeling pain in a part of the body that isn’t there. The same thing happens in the Body of Christ.
Living in community is hard. The conflicts happen, and the wounds they leave are real, and sometimes deep. I don’t believe the answer is to hide our hearts deeper, or refuse to be vulnerable again. Loving and being loved is hard, messy, and painful. It can not be accomplished in our own strength, it can only be done in the power of the risen Christ, the One who has told us to love each other as he loves us.
Be encouraged. Community and love can happen. It is what Abba wants. It is how others will know we belong to Jesus.
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Community and Church Discipline

Church discipline is a subject that is seen in many different ways by different people and different churches. We are given general guidance in Matthew 18 and in Paul’s letters to the Corinthian church. Over the centuries, it has been misused by those in authority and been ignored by others.

While I have always believed that the concept of church discipline is Biblical, the way that concept is carried out has always been a bit fuzzy. In some churches, a person can be subject to discipline for things like not attending every time the doors are open, or going to movies. Some churches don’t hold their members accountable at all. Other churches carry out discipline only to see those folks go across town to another church. There have even been cases where those who have been disciplined have sued the church.

In the last year or so, I have gained an appreciation for what church discipline was in the early church, and for what it can be today. In the institutional church, things are structured in a way that prevents people from really getting to know one another and forming a real community. Even the small group is usually conducted in a way that keeps folks from knowing and being known. This not only allows folks to put on a good front and hide what’s going on, it also prevents people from being able to speak into the lives of others because that close relationship isn’t there.

In a simple church, such as St. Thomas, one of the most important things is community, a sense of family. The gatherings are for the purpose of building one another up, and transparency is not only encouraged but worked for. The goal is to be open and honest with each other, and allow others to speak into our lives. It can be a messy process, but it is also vital to spiritual formation. In the time we have been meeting together, I have grown in my relationship with the Father, and closer to my brothers and sisters. They have become my family along with my physical family. If I ever did something that would cause me to be removed from the fellowship of this grace filled group, it would break my heart. I can see how Paul’s instruction to remove the sinner from fellowship could be so devastating and how it would cause the person to repent.

Maybe church discipline would be effective if more congregations really were communities of faith and not just organizations.