Category: family

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Spring Fever

I know it’s only January 25, but I’m already feeling a touch of the malady known as spring fever. Basketball season is winding down, and even though I am enjoying coaching more than I have in a few years, the long days and the traveling are beginning to wear a bit thin. I’m also getting tired of winter. I know, we really don’t have winter here in the sunny South, but I’m tired of it nonetheless.

Around this time of year, I begin looking around to see if maybe God wants me to do something else to earn a living. It’s not that I’m totally unhappy where I am, although the job is more stressful than I would prefer. It’s just that I try to keep my eyes open for opportunities that may be out there. Of course, there’s not a whole lot out there this year. Not too many jobs are coming open, so I’m definitely grateful I do have a job.

There are some changes on the horizon. Some we know about, some will make themselves known later. Jennie has been promoted at the company where she works, and it sounds like a great move for her. Josh will graduate in May, and will then have to go out and find a job. Hopefully the economy will improve to the point that architectural firms will be hiring. Jan and I will celebrate our thirtieth anniversary this summer, and we hope to do something special.

St. Thomas Community Church is looking at a future that has uncertainties ahead and decisions to be made. We are very close to outgrowing the space where we meet, and we’re not sure what the next step will be. There are many advantages to meeting in a bagel shop. We pay no rent, so any money that is given can go to help those in need. The setting is intimate so there can be good discussion during the teaching time. Right now, we’re small enough that we can begin to know each other more than just on a Sunday morning. We’re in the middle of the marketplace instead of being sequestered behind closed doors in “our place.” We’ve had a couple of the shop employees express an interest in checking us out.

We’ve never had anyone show up and then leave because we were too crowded, that we know of. The possibility exists that we will have to move, but for now we’re going to stay put until we have a clear indication from God where we’re supposed to go. Yesterday we talked about Abram in Genesis 12, and how God told him to go. Abram went, and there is no record that God told him specifically where to go, but that God simply led him. We feel like we’re kind of in that situation as a community. God has called us to be where we are, and to bless those around us. He is leading us step by step, and calling us to simply walk with him and be ready to do what he wants us to do. There is no five year plan (heck, we don’t even have a five week plan). There is no building program, and no plans to build a huge “ministry.” There’s just a day by day, week by week dependence on the Spirit, trying to listen to the still small voice of our Father.

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A Son

It was a Sunday morning in January, 1983. Just the day before, the Washington Redskins had won the NFC championship and were headed to the Super Bowl. I was in the shower, getting ready for church. It seemed like a normal day. Little did we know that our lives were about to be forever changed.

My morning routine was interrupted by the news that it was time to go to the hospital. You see, Jan was in her final days of her first pregnancy, and it was time for this child to come into the world. This first child was a son, someone to carry on the family name. We named him Joshua.

Within the first few months of this son’s life, we moved to the Cincinnati area. During his time there, we began to get a hint of the person this son would become. From asking us to put money in a box set up to collect for a ministry to the poor to expressing concern for homeless people we would see when visiting DC, his concern for the least of these was evident early on.

We learned very quickly that this boy was very intelligent, and our challenge became helping him to develop that intellect. Fortunately he loved to read, and regular trips to the library became our ally. We found out though, that keeping him challenged in school would be more difficult. Although we never really had to worry very much about grade, we did have to nudge him a couple of times in middle school after we had moved to South Carolina. One thing we learned about this son during these years is that while he loved to learn, and was interested in a wide range of subjects, things like grades and class ranks didn’t really interest him.

When he went away to college, we missed him. We knew that going away would be good for him, and for us. He was in a place where his faith would be both challenged and strengthened, where he could grow into the person God wanted him to be. He graduated ready to take on the world.

God had other plans though, and he went through a couple of years of temporary jobs and economic difficulty. As time went on, he came to feel drawn in a different direction. Deciding on a career in architecture, he made the hard decision to leave his friends and the city he had come to love and come back home to pursue a graduate degree. It has been difficult at times for him.

In four months, he will graduate. Then it’s out into the real world. Jobs are scarce, but we are confident that God has something out there for him. One thing that has not changed is the heart for the poor and downtrodden that was there when he was a child. It will be exciting to see how God will combine that heart with the art and science of architecture.

Little did we know what the last twenty seven years would bring. We are extremely gratefully to the Father for the privilege of parenting this special son. Josh, we love you and are very proud of you. You have brought, and continue to bring, great joy to us. We pray for God’s continued blessing on you, and for his guidance as you step into your future.

Happy birthday, Josh. We love you.

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Reflections on a Year

Another year has come and gone. (That’s kind of a lame way to start, isn’t it?) It seems like the older I get the faster the years seem to pass, and 2009 was no exception. I’ve heard that the only thing that remains constant is change, and that has certainly been true this year.

As the year opened, Jan and I began going to a house church on Sunday evenings. The friend who I was going to help plant a church invited us to join him one night. There were about four or five couples there, as well as some children. We enjoyed the fellowship and continued to go every week. As time went on, my friend and his family never came back. Other folks came and went, and through this fellowship we began to help at a local camp that was getting started that summer. Now the house church has faded away, as an organized gathering, but we still get together with the host couple on a regular basis, sharing food, discussing spiritual things (sometimes), and serving some of the less fortunate together.

In June, we went out to California to visit Jennie. Josh had already driven out there, and he was out tour guide during the day. We saw where Jennie works and even “helped” during the filming of a short film. When we returned home, I finished my duties at the church we had been a part of for fourteen years, and we began to look around for a community of faith that would better fit what we thought “church” should be. At the same time the discussion about planting a church came up again, and within a couple of months, St. Thomas Community Church came into existence, meeting in a local bagel shop on Sunday mornings. God is working in our little community as we gather to explore God’s story and our part in it, and how we can follow Jesus in our day-to-day.

As the summer went on, the school where Jan was teaching closed. As you well know, this is not a good time to be looking for work. Jan ended up getting a part-time position in an assisted living facility. God has continued to be faithful and provide for us, although things certainly are tighter.
My duties at the school where I work changed again. I’m now in a class for emotionally disabled students. It is more challenging than what I was doing before, and I realize more and more how dependent I am on God’s grace. I’m still coaching basketball, and that is a highlight in my day.

In October, Jan’s mom went to be with Jesus. All of the family came in during the days before she passed, and it was good to see folks we hadn’t seen in a couple of years. It has not been an easy holiday season for us.

As I look back on the past year, I can see many things God taught me. Things about trusting him, about grace, about living in the moment. A couple of my paradigms have shifted, and a couple have been completely dismantled. (Someday, I’ll write a post about those things) I think the biggest change is that I have learned even more that my schedule, and my plans, are not mine. I need to hold everything with an open hand, and allow the Father to do what he sees needs to be done. So, as one year ends and another begins, I continue to try and follow Jesus on this winding road he has called me to.

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A Little Girl

Twenty five years ago today, on a cold Saturday in Cincinnati, a little girl came into our lives. She had given us a bit of the warning that she was coming the night before, at a basketball game. That would prove to be foretaste of what was to come.

We learned quickly that this child would be different than her brother. She was always an active girl who would sing herself to sleep at night. Fiercely independent, this little girl and I locked horns a few times, although she was always “Daddy’s girl.” As she grew, I knew that this bent would serve her well through her years.

As she grew into her teenage years, I had the joy of coaching her on the basketball teams at school. That experience bonded us closer, as we spent a great deal of time together. I watched, and ached, as she went through the usual high school stuff of trying to figure out relationships and dealing with friends who weren’t always the best. (What is interesting is that those friendships have continued through the years) I watched this daughter figure out who she wanted to be and how she wanted to relate to others. I saw her develop into a beautiful young lady. When she went to college, I cringed sometimes at the decisions she made, but I always felt proud of her, and I knew that the questions were eventually going to lead her to a faith that was real and was her own.

Now this girl is on the other side of the country, and sometimes it’s hard to see what life throws at her and not be able to be there. I know that her heavenly Father loves her even more than I do, and that he is shaping her into the person he wants her to be. In all, I am confident that God is going to continue the work that he has begun in her.

Happy Birthday, Jennie. I love you, as I always have. You are a blessing from God and I am so thankful for the privilege of being your father. I pray God’s grace and blessings be yours in abundance.

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What’s Going On?

Barb wondered what is happening in the lives of her readers, so I finally got around to writing about what’s going on with me.

Things have changed quite a bit in the past few months. In July, Jan and I left the church we had been a part of for fourteen years. That same month, the school Jan taught at closed because of financial problems caused by dwindling enrollment. At the beginning of August we joined a small community of faith that was just starting up. We meet in a bagel shop on Sunday mornings, and we average between twenty and thirty people. We are hoping to form a body that will show the love of Christ to those outside the church, whether “unchurched” or “de–churched.” It’s going well, and we are looking for opportunities to reach out to our city.

Jan found part-time work at a retirement village here in town. She is a resident assistant in the assisted living facility. Working part time allowed her to spend more time with her mom and dad, which was a good thing because her mom slowly went downhill until she passed away in late September. We saw the grace of God during that month, as the three daughters and all nine grandchildren were able to visit and spend some good time with her. Each time a new set of visitors would come, Mom would rally. She recognized each one and was able to talk with them. It was a blessing.

Josh is in his last year of grad school. This year is proving to be a very busy one as he works on his thesis in addition to the regular classes. Hopefully the economy will have improved next spring to the point where architectural firms will be hiring. Jennie has been promoted and is a still photographer for a special effects studio in Los Angeles. She loves California, and is doing well. This school year, I am still a teacher’s assistant, but I am in a different class. I’m still coaching girls’ basketball, and in the spring I will coach softball. There is a different set of challenges this year as I learn to love a different set of “neighbors.” I’m still enjoying what I do, although it does get wearing at times.

My spiritual journey continues along the twists and turns on the back roads. I’m becoming more and more convinced that we Christians have failed at the main thing Jesus told us to do – love others. I’m learning to look at Scripture as God’s story. Not a set of rules. Not a storehouse of individual verses to be mined in order to put together a system of theology. Not a textbook to be mastered. Not a handbook for life. It has some of those aspects in it, but now I see it as the story of how God shows himself and relates to the world he created. Scripture is to be taken as a whole narrative, not chopped up into proof texts. I believe that we are called to proclaim the Good News that Jesus is Lord, not tie the Gospel to a particular political or economic system of thought. While we may participate in the process (or not), the important thing is the Gospel.

My beliefs on a number of other things have changed. I won’t go into a whole lot of detail here. Some of that will probably come out in future posts. Those of you who are regular readers, (and if you’re not, why not?) have read about some of those changes. If you haven’t, there’s an archive on the sidebar. 🙂

Anyway, that’s a bit of an update. I would be interested in reading what’s going on in your life. Drop me a note in the comments so I can check it out.

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In Memory

Yesterday, we buried Jan’s mom, so there is no TGIF this week.

I’m sure you’ve all heard various mother-in-law jokes. They are a staple of stand-up comedy and TV sit-coms. Some of you may have experiential knowledge of mother-in-law jokes or stereotypes.

In the thirty one years that I have known Jan, twenty nine as a married couple, I never experienced any of the things that seem to make mother-in-law jokes so popular. From the first time I met Jan’s mom, I was accepted and loved. One of the best qualities of Wilma Parkis was her unconditional love that she showed to her family, extending to the men who married her three daughters. We were not just sons-in-law. We were sons. That love was also extended to my mom and dad. It was not really a matter of two families joined simply because of a marriage as it was two families merged into one. Even after we moved away for a few years, our parents continued to get together on a regular basis. When we moved to South Carolina, both sets of parents moved here, and their friendship continued.

At the funeral yesterday, some of the grandsons spoke beautifully of their memories of their grandma. We have heard stories from the nurses and others who were her caretakers at the nursing home where she spent her last four years. All of those accounts stressed her unconditional love for those she met and, most importantly, her love for her Savior.

Wilma Winifred Lazear Parkis (she was proud of that name) was a wonderful wife, mother, mother-in-law, grandmother, and great grandmother. We will all miss her, but we are comforted knowing that she is resting in the presence of God.

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Wish-Dreams

Last Sunday, the discussion centered around the death of “wish-dreams.” Wish-dreams are those things that we want to happen, and we all have them. We can have them in any area of our lives. A man can marry a woman and believe that she is going to meet his every need and be the perfect wife. A woman can believe that the man she marries will be her knight in shining armor and make everything right. Parents have wish-dreams for their children. You can see this by looking at the adults at any sporting event their child is a part of. Leaders and members of churches also have certain things that they expect to see in those churches. These are their wish-dreams.

The problem with wish-dreams is that they usually do not come true. Often they crash and burn with disastrous results. Marriages break up when a spouse doesn’t match the ideal and one partner cannot change the other. Young athletes burn out because of the pressure put on them by parents trying to live vicariously through their children. People bounce from church to church trying to find that ideal congregation that will be heaven on earth.

Wish-dreams die. Sometimes God kills them. We can either continue to pursue them and become disillusioned and bitter, or we can give them up and allow the Father to take us where he wants us. I have been through the process of watching dreams crumble and die. While painful, it is a necessary part of our growth as followers of Jesus. As we give up our dreams, God can replace them with his dreams for us.

I was originally going to write about the relationship between wish-dreams and unity, but I’ll give your eyes a rest by continuing this tomorrow. (Plus, I’ve always wanted to post a “series”) 🙂

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Three Years

It’s been three years since my mom was freed from her world of disease and pain. There is still sadness as I think back on that time. I know that she will never leave my heart or my thoughts, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I still miss her. I probably always will.

The longer I live and the more I learn, the more I realize how profound Mom’s life really was. Dan Edelen writes here about the genius of ordinary, simple saints. That got me thinking about the influence that Mom’s simple deep faith had on me. She didn’t have any seminary training, yet she knew Jesus. It was obvious in the way she loved my sister and me, and in the way she loved other people. Her life was hard growing up but I never saw any bitterness or hardness in her. You could see in her that she knew her Savior, and that she wanted to be like him. We always went to conservative churches where there was a certain amount of legalism and judgementalism, but I didn’t see that in Mom. While she was by no means perfect, she was one of the closest to being like the Master that I have ever known. Mom was a wonderful example of simply living her faith out, and that went a long way to shaping me into the person I am now (at least the good parts).

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I’m Baaaaack!

…and there was great rejoicing. 🙂 Saturday we returned from our trip to the Los Angeles area. We had a wonderful time with Jennie and Josh.

The Saturday before, we flew out of Charlotte at 11:20 AM. We landed in Dallas, where we had lunch and changed planes for the flight to LA. We arrived at LAX and were picked up by Jennnie and Josh. We went to Jennie’s place in Santa Monica where we freshened up from the trip. That evening we went to the area of Santa Monica that’s beachfront. We ate at a place called Barney’s Beanery. The menu looked like a newspaper and had just about every type of food you could imagine. After dinner we went to the famous Santa Monica Pier, where a one man band serenaded Jan and me. It was actually chilly that night, as it was every night the entire week. Sunday morning we went and fellowshipped with a community called Kairos in Santa Monica. Hopefully Jennie will get involved there. That afternoon we had a cook-out and met Jennie’s boyfriend, Chris. In the evening we went and watched Jennie direct a short film for a friend who had entered a contest connected to a local film festival.

Monday, Josh took us into downtown LA, where we saw the Disney Concert Hall, the Grand Central Market, Chinatown, and the Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels. Tuesday, we went to the Skirball Cultural Center and the Getty Center. We had lunch at In and Out Burger. That night Jennie and Josh took us out to dinner for an early Fathers’ Day. We ate at a very nice Asian restaurant overlooking Hollywood. The food was delicious and the view was beautiful. After dinner we walked around Hollywood and saw the Walk of Stars, Grauman’s Chinese Theater, and the Kodak Theater. On Wednesday, Josh and I went to an English pub to have lunch and watch England play Andorra in a World Cup soccer qualifier, while Jan and Jennie went to lunch at a French restaurant in Pasadena. After lunch, Josh, Jan, and I walked around old-town Pasedana and then met Jennie at the visual effects studio where she works. Chris gave us a tour and then treated us to a very nice dinner at an Italian restaurant. Jennie’s friend Rachel flew in late Wednesday night.

Thursday, we went up the coast to Malibu, where we walked down a cliff to a fairly secluded beach. We spent a couple of hours there, and then had lunch at a fish place in Malibu. The restaurant was where some of the TV show “Privileged” was filmed when Jennie was an extra. That night, Jan and I moved to a hotel in Venice, where we had a nice room with a great view of the coast. Friday morning, Jan and I had breakfast next to the hotel, and then walked around for a bit and saw some of the interesting people of Venice Beach. The kids picked us up and we went to Rodeo Drive. We walked around for a while, looking at all the stores with stuff we could never afford. We did get delicious cupcakes from Sprinkles. They weren’t too expensive.

We drove around Beverly Hills, and then drove up Mulholland Drive. The views were spectacular and some of the houses were unbelievable. We went to a park with 360 views of the entire area. Then we drove to a park just down the hill from the famous Hollywood sign. After that we went to Griffith Park and drove around it a bit. We went to the Griffith Park Observatory, and spent some time there. We went to another In and Out for dinner, and then drove around Hollywood and some other areas.

We flew out of LA at 8:20 AM Saturday, had lunch in Dallas again, and arrived back in Charlotte Saturday evening, exhausted but very satisfied. The only regret is that LA is so far away.

I have put pictures here.

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Reconnecting

Yesterday, Jan and I traveled to Asheville to attend a ceremony remembering the life of my second cousin. Even though she was a cousin, my sister and I knew her as Aunt Polly. Polly was a member of the Daughters of the American Revolution, and the ceremony was to place a marker on her tombstone designating her membership. The ceremony was a fine example of a simple patriotism that remembers and honors the sacrifices of those who have preceded us. First, we recited the pledge of allegiance, followed by the American’s Creed. Then, a member of the DAR sang the National Anthem.

One of Polly’s daughters spoke of her mom’s life followed by two granddaughters who spoke of her influence on the lives of all the grandchildren. After this, the marker was unveiled, and a great granddaughter played “Taps” on a trumpet. We then went into the church social hall for a reception. It was a wonderful time seeing cousins I hadn’t seen in far too many years, and reconnecting with a bit of my own heritage. I even spent a little time with an aunt on my dad’s side. The visit made me realize how easy it is to lose touch with family and how necessary it is to try and keep in contact.

From Asheville we traveled to Columbia to watch my nephew play soccer. It was good to see my sister and her family after a couple of weeks without being with them.

It was a good reminder of the things that are really important: family, faith, and a love for the country in which God has placed you. So many other things in life are affected by how we live out those three things.