Category: family

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Saying Goodbye to a Dear Friend

Yesterday evening, our dear friend who has been battling stage 4 metastatic breast cancer in her liver for the past 14 months stepped from this life into the life to come. She is now resting in the presence of the Father. Jan and I were able to say our goodbyes to her Saturday evening.

Audrey was one of the strongest women I have had the privilege to know. She had already beaten breast cancer once when we met her ten years ago. A lot of other people could tell you more of her story, how she served as a federal prosecutor in Florida, joined the staff of Campus Crusade for Christ and ministered in Eastern Europe and Canada for a few years. When we met Audrey, she was disabled due to what the cancer treatments had done to her, yet her strength was evident.

One of my first memories of Audrey was a time not soon after we became a part of the church we are in currently. After a Sunday service in the evening, a few of the women were going over to Audrey’s house to watch a movie. Jan was a bit unsure about going. Audrey made sure that Jan knew that that she wanted her to be there and promised her a ride home. That was the first of many times I saw Audrey’s compassion and kindness.

A few years later, she decided to study for the South Carolina Bar and seek employment as an attorney in Rock Hill. I remember sitting outside at church gatherings, helping her review. At one point, I mentioned that I had always had been interested in the law and had even taken some courses in constitutional law. She told me that if she was able to get a job with a law firm, she wanted to hire me as her assistant. She got that job, and a couple years later, I became her assistant. I consider it a privilege to have worked with someone who had a reputation as a fighter for what is right. She was a tireless advocate for families and children. It was an honor to help her work on adoption and custody cases, and on helping people with their estate issues. There was never a day that I woke up and didn’t want to go to work. That job ended, but Audrey continued to encourage me as I looked for work and as I began the work I have now.

There are really not enough words to express how much Audrey has meant to Jan and me, and how much we will miss her. She was a true sister in Christ and a great encouragement and help to us, and we are forever grateful for the blessing it was to know her these past ten years. That’s really not enough time, but we take comfort in knowing that we will see her again in the New Creation.

Goodbye for now Audrey. Take your well deserved rest with the Father. We will see you again. We love you.

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Blast From the Past: Problems and Opportunities

This was first published back in 2011. In some ways, I think it’s still timely.

The stock market is on a roller coaster ride. Some economists say the United States is headed for another recession. European nations are in crisis. The U.S. credit rating has been downgraded. Unemployment continues to be a major problem.   Some say the United States is being punished for “turning away from God.” Others say that this is a sure sign of the end. These things may be true or they may not.

I wonder if maybe God is finished with this country as far as blessing it and using it to bless the world. Many see these things as serious problems, and there are some who are even reacting in the same manner as those who put their trust in material things rather than God.   I do believe we may be in for some rough times in this country. What that will mean is left up to far wiser folks than me to figure out. What I do know is that the coming bad times, if they come, will present those who claim to follow Jesus the opportunity to put their money (or their houses, cars, or other possessions) where their mouth is.  

One of the primary things said about about the early church was that there were no poor persons among them. If you remember, this was at a time when there were a whole lot of poor people around the Empire. The followers of Jesus, because they were devoted to Jesus Christ and to each other, were willing to go so far as selling their possessions in order to help those who were in need.

How far are we willing to go?   Are we willing to sell something to give to a fellow Christian who has lost employment? Are we willing to change our routine and patronize a business on order to help a brother or sister in Christ? Are we willing to provide living space for someone who has lost their home? Are we willing to share possessions (clothes, yard tools, cooking utensils, etc.) in order to ease someone’s burden? In short, are we willing to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters?  

A friend said to me that she believed God was telling her that the time was short. While this could refer to the end times, I think that maybe it’s our time as prosperous “American Christians” that is short. I believe that it may not be very long before those of us who claim to follow Jesus will have to put up or shut up. God help us to be found faithful.

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Update

Life continues to be interesting. While Jan and I were in California visting family, we both contracted Covid. Because we have had all our shots, it was relatively mild, although Jan had trouble with her asthma. We are both well, and life is returning to “normal.”

My radiation treatments for my prostate cancer have been postponed a bit because I have to have a colonoscopy first. It’s been ten years since my last one, so I’m due. The doctor wants me to have the colonoscopy first because the radiation might bother my colon some. The colonoscopy is scheduled for Valentine’s Day (how romantic!). I’m taking pills instead of drinking that nasty liquid, but the effects will be the same. After the procedure and the follow up, I will begin radiation, assuming the results are okay.

The doctor tells me that the radiation will be six to eight weeks, possibly closer to six. I am supposed to be able to pretty much continue with my daily activities, such as work. Hopefully that will be the case. Fortunately, I have a job that is fairly flexible. The outlook for the radiation to work is pretty good. As I wrote in a previous post, the survival rate for what I have is pretty much 100%. There will be some things that may change in my day-to-day, but it should be okay.

I’m learning more and more to trust the Father’s heart, and also realizing that so many of the things we worry about in our lives don’t really amount to much. The list of things that are important is beginning to shrink, and my focus is narrowing. It should be interesting to see how that shakes out in the future.

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Hurry Up and Wait

I am beginning to suspect that the word for 2022 may be “patience.” As the year began, I was awaiting an appointment with a radiation specialist to talk about and schedule the radiation therapy for my prostate cancer. The appointment was scheduled for the Monday after we were to return from a trip out West to celebrate our youngest grandson’s first birthday.

Our flight was scheduled to leave on a Friday morning. Early that day, I received a notification that the first leg of the trip was cancelled. The airline had no flights for us to take Saturday, but they graciously scheduled us to go out Saturday on another airline. So, we’ll be able to get home just one day later. No problem. Right? Wrong! The second airline cancelled the second leg of the trip with them due to the winter storm that was to hit the east coast that weekend. They rescheduled us on yet another flight that left Sunday morning, had four legs, and put us back to our home airport Monday morning. Needless to say, that wasn’t going to work.

Saturday morning I went to the airport to see if the second airline would transfer me back to the original airline for a flight that went Sunday and put us back home Sunday night. After being informed that they could not do that, I cancelled the flight with them, walked down to the original airline’s counter and purchased a one way flight for Sunday. Even though I spent more money, ate least we were going to be home, and I was still going to be able to get to my appointment, which had been changed to virtual, due to the expected weather issues.

After a bit of a delay, we left Fresno Sunday morning and flew into Phoenix for a short layover, before landing in Charlotte Sunday night. Oh, did I mention that we planned to take an Uber home? That becomes important. When we left the plane and walked into the airport, we were greeted with an eerie silence. The airport was almost completely empty. Every flight out had been cancelled because of the storm. After we picked up our luggage, we went outside to procure our Uber ride.

Well, that didn’t go as expected. In fact, it didn’t go at all. Evidently no drivers wanted to drive the thirty or so miles on icy, hazardous roads. Who knew? No taxi drivers were willing either. I can’t really say that I blame them. After a while I got us a room at a hotel near the airport. We took a taxi there and had a night’s rest. In the morning, we dressed, packed, checked out, and walked into the hotel’s business center, where I had my virtual appointment with the doctor. We caught an Uber and finally arrived home a little after noon.

That’s not the end of the story concerning learning patience, but I’ll give you a rest and continue later.

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New Year: New Twists and Turns in the Road

2020 was a year that many would like to forget, and 2021 didn’t’ seem to be much better. As the Covid pandemic hit in March 2020, I was in the hospital with a minor heart attack. I recovered completely and made it through the rest of that year and most of 2021. Most, but not all.

First, a bit of background. My father had prostate cancer. Because of that, my family doctor has been keeping an eye on my PSA (Prostate Specific Antigen). In many areas of my life I am just like my father. Well, it turns out that this is one of them. My PSA levels went up to the point that my urologist wanted to have things checked out further. The first step was an MRI, which showed some small spots in one area.

Next came a biopsy, after a couple months wait, which seemed to me to indicate that the doctor was not overly concerned. The biopsy was performed in early December, and the day before my sixty sixth birthday, I was informed that I had joined the club. I was following my father’s footsteps and had prostate cancer. Happy birthday to me. The good news is that it is stage 2; which means it is confined to one certain area.

At the end of 2021, I underwent a bone scan and today I had a CT scan, along with a chest X-ray to check out a spot found on a rib. The spot may be from an old injury. I remember getting kicked in the ribs a few times playing soccer goalkeeper in high school and college. Hopefully that is the case. The CT scan looked good. The next step is to schedule radiation treatment beginning the third week of this month. This should last about two months or so.

I am learning a few things from this. First, I am learning to not take anything for granted, because you never know when things are going to change. I am also learning that good treatment in American healthcare is extremely expensive. Even with excellent insurance, the costs are still very high. I am learning how to empathize with those who have cancer. Hopefully I am learning to trust my heavenly Father and rest in his love for me.

The five year survival rate for this prostate cancer is pretty much 100%. After that, it’s a matter of keeping an eye on things, much like before. The outlook is good and my urologist is pretty positive, so I think I’m going to be okay. So we shall see how the road ahead goes and where this journey is going to take me this year.

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Blast From the Past: A Baby Changes Everything

This was first posted in 2009. It’s still very relevant.

One night last year we watched “A Home for the Holidays”. It was a tv special about adoption. At the beginning, Faith Hill sang a song about the birth of Christ, and there was a recurring line that stated, “a baby changes everything”.

To me, that sums up the message of Christmas. A baby changes everything. The world that this baby was born into was under the control of an oppressive empire. The people of God were in bondage and waiting for a redeemer to come and free them. Then along comes this baby, born into a working class family and placed in a feeding trough. What many of the folks at that time didn’t realize was that the Redeemer had come. The One who would free them from bondage had arrived on the scene. Everything was about to change.

When Jesus began his public ministry and people began to follow him, most still didn’t realize the extent of the changes that were coming. They didn’t know that even their expectations had to change. They didn’t see that the bondage they were under was spiritual and not just political. They didn’t see that the Kingdom that was in their midst was a kingdom founded on love and grace, not on power.

Everything has changed. Because this baby was born in Bethlehem, because God took on humanity, we can now be saved from the oppression of sin. We can now enter the Kingdom of God, a Kingdom of love. Everything has changed because this Kingdom does not operate like the kingdoms of this world. This Kingdom turns things upside down, or maybe it’s the kingdoms of the world that are upside down. Everything has changed because this Kingdom is concerned, not with serving self, but with serving others.

Everything has changed because this King will not die and allow another to take the throne. He has conquered death, and so His subjects will reign with Him forever in the new heavens and earth.

It’s true. A baby changes everything.

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Reminiscing

It was a warm Saturday morning in 2006. The night before, my father had asked me to go with him to Summerville to watch his grandson, my nephew play soccer. After a week of dealing with middle school students, I really wanted to stay home and relax. However, it had only been a little over a month since Mom had died. My dad needed to be able to do this, and he needed me to do the driving. I don’t remember much of the conversation during the trip, except for him telling me that his sister had just passed away and the funeral was that day.

We drove to the soccer field and settled in to watch the game. I think it was a good game. I really don’t remember. We only saw the first half. At halftime, my niece and I headed to the concession stand to get something to drink. Dad had mentioned that he was hot and thirsty. On the way back, we noticed that there was a crowd of people around someone on the sideline where we had been sitting. As we got closer, we realized that the people were crowded around my father, who was on the ground. He was having a heart attack. An ambulance quickly arrived and the EMTs began to try and revive him. After what seemed like an eternity, they put Dad in the ambulance and headed for the emergency room. My sister and I followed.

I don’t remember how long we waited. Everything was a blur. Finally we were informed that the doctors had done everything they could do, but that Dad had died of a heart attack. We were escorted to a room where he lay on a table, and I immediately lost it. I had lost my hero, and in one sense I was now an orphan. I felt a sense of guilt for not really wanting to drive him to the game, and some relief that I had gone and had been with him on his last day in this life. The next few days were a blur, as arrangements needed to be made with a funeral home where my sister lived, the church here where my parents had been members, and the funeral home and cemetery in Maryland, where Dad was to be buried.

All of the arrangements were completed, and we drove to Maryland for a small service in the funeral home, followed by the burial. It was a mild, sunny day, in contrast to the cold rain on the day Mom was laid to rest. At the end of the gravesite service, when the casket was lowered into the ground and the machine was shoveling the dirt into the grave, I remember that my sister and I both thought of Dad peering down from heaven, making sure that the workers did their job correctly.

It’s been fifteen years. Our two children, his grandchildren are married, and I know he would be proud of them. There are four great grandchildren now, and i can imagine the joy he would get out of spending time with them and teasing them with his corny jokes. I’m trying to carry on that tradition, but my efforts pale in comparison. I still miss him. I think about him a lot, especially when I bump my head. I am thankful that I will see both my mom and my dad in the New Creation.

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Fifteen Years Already?

It’s hard to believe that it has been fifteen years since my mom went to be with her Savior. Mom had suffered from Alzheimer’s Disease for a number of years. Eventually she reached the point where my dad could no longer take care of her at home, no matter how much he tried. After a short stay in the hospital, Mom was admitted to a local nursing home to live out her final days. It was hard on all of us, but it was especially hard on Dad, who I believe thought that he had failed as a husband. Within a few months, Mom slipped away and we said goodbye.

As it often happens with a disease like Alzheimer’s, there was both sadness and a sense of relief. By the end, Mom didn’t know anyone or anything that was going on. She had gone from the sweetest person anyone could know, to someone else entirely. As her mind slipped away, negative things from her childhood came back to life. We knew that the one we were interacting with was not the wife and mother we knew and loved, so when she died we were relieved that her suffering was over and she was made whole.

I remember the funeral back in Maryland. It was a rainy day, and the song “I Will Praise You in the Storm” came on the radio. While bringing a fresh toreent of tears, the song also brought comfort. I knew that I could praise God in the midst of the physical storm and the emotional storm because the loved me and he loved Mom. She was now resting in his presence and one day all of the tears would be wiped away.

Over the years, the pain has lessened. That is only natural. I still remember all of the good times with a wonder, loving mom who would gladly have given herself up for her children. While I do remember the last couple of years of her life and the struggle it was, I can look back on it thankful that the Father carried me through that with the same loving arms with which he carried Mom home.

I believe that I will see my mom someday, and we will never have to part in tears again.

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Blast From the Past: The Prodigal Son – Becoming the Father

In The Return of the Prodigal Son, Henri Nouwen writes that the challenge for him is to become the father. It is a challenge that is full of difficulties. When we look again at the Father in our own stories, we can see how daunting it is.

Our Father is gracious and loving without condition. He gives us many good gifts, but the most important gift he gives is himself. The Father is reckless in giving himself to us. Jesus, who is the image of the Father, gave his very life for us, pouring out his blood for our salvation. We are granted grace and mercy without measure from an eternal, inexhaustible love. There is nothing our Father wouldn’t do for our good.

As children of God, we are called to be like him. When I look in a mirror, I see my dad. The eyes, the facial features, the hair (or lack thereof), the voice, all show whose son I am. The same is to be true of those who are children of the heavenly Father. As God is loving and compassionate, so we are to be loving and compassionate. As God is gracious and merciful, so we are to be gracious and merciful. As God gives himself, so we are to give ourselves. You get the idea.

In my late twenties my life changed as I became a father. Even though I was still a son, I was now a person with a child. That brought a change in responsibilities, and a change in perspective. As we mature in Christ, we are to leave both the prodigal and the elder son behind. We are still in need of fathering from God, but our vocation changes. We are now called to be the father. As I look at the father in the story, I see some things that will be true as we become the father. Nouwen states that the three ways to compassionate fatherhood are grief, forgiveness, and generosity.  

We grieve over those who have left home, we grieve over the injustice and abuse in the world, and we grieve over our own weakness. One aspect of grieving is realizing that we cannot save the one who has wandered away. The father in the story didn’t go after his son, but he watched and waited for him to return. So it is with us. Many times, all we can do is pray that God will turn the prodigal around. We can not go into the far country and drag them back. All we can do is wait and be ready to welcome them home.

This grieving makes us sensitive to others who are hurting, and the sensitivity leads us to forgive those who wrong us. As the father did, we forgive without question any and all who return. As Jesus said, we forgive, and forgive, and forgive, and forgive, and so on. True forgiveness also reconciles. The father didn’t say to the prodigal, “I forgive you, but I think I’ll just keep you on as a servant.” He accepted him back as his beloved son. No strings attached.

The third way to compassionate fatherhood is generosity. The father spared nothing to celebrate his son’s return. He gave the best of everything, including himself. We are called to give ourselves to others in the same way. Yes, we may get hurt. I’m sure the father was hurt when the elder son refused to join the party, and I would guess the younger son wasn’t perfect after he was restored. He may well have cause his father more pain. We are to remember the hurt we have caused our Father and the grace he gives us regardless, and do the same for others.

May the Father enable us to be as gracious, loving, and compassionate to others as he is to us.

Blast From the Past: The Prodigal Son – The Younger Son

Blast From the Past: The Prodigal Son – The Elder Son

Blast From the Past: The Prodigal Son – The Father