Category: family

Posted on

Yet Another Bend in the Road

My journey is about to take another twist. After this school year, I won’t be working at the school where I currently am. After eight years there, it’s time to move on. As has happened before, I have no clue what the next chapter will bring. There are possibilities that I am exploring, some of which will allow me to make use of my education and experience. I’ve been feeling some disquiet for some time, and the desire to move on has gotten stronger.

I’ve been involved in education for 36 years, give or take a couple of years in between jobs. That has included coaching a variety of sports. Through those years, the ten to twelve hour days during the season have taken a toll on me. As my circumstances have changed, I’ve had more of a desire to not be so busy in the evenings and weekends in order to spend more time with Jan, and to be more free to serve folks in our church and community.

Any time my journey goes down paths where the way ahead is not so clear, there is always a bit of trepidation, a nervousness that comes from staring ahead into the mist and not knowing what awaits. As many times as God has shown his faithfulness in providing for us, there is still that bit of a gnawing feeling. My faith is stronger now, but there is still a “help my unbelief” quality to it. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I’m at the age where it is difficult to move into a new line of work. While I don’t at all regret my education and career choices, they do affect me as I look for new areas of work.

The one thing I do know is that my Abba loves me and is going to take care of us. How that happens, I don’t have a clue. If you would, pray for us as the the story unfolds. It should be interesting. To quote J.R.R. Tolkien,

“The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.”






Posted on

Blast From the Past: I Know Who I Am

This was originally posted in 2011, and again in 2012. I am posting it again today because we all need to be reminded from time to time.

One of the perks of driving a bus part time for a summer camp is being able to go to movies for free and see films that you might not otherwise see. Last Friday, I drove a group to the local cheap seat theater and saw “Kung Fu Panda 2.” Since our own children are adults, I probably would not have gone to see this particular movie on my own.


I like it when a popular film or song presents a biblical truth, whether on purpose or not. This was the case in “Kung Fu Panda 2.” The main story of the film is the quest of the title character to find out where he came from, all the while saving China from certain destruction. Near the end of the movie, the main character comes back to his adoptive father (who is a goose, in case you haven’t seen it). When the goose asks the panda if he found out who he was, the reply is, “I know who I am. I am your son.” Since I tend to be somewhat emotional at times, that line caused a catch in my throat. I then thought what a great picture that is of the Christian.

Regardless of the circumstances of the panda’s life, he realized that his identity was rooted in the fact that he had been adopted and loved by the goose. Even though he found out the story of how he came to that place, what mattered was the love given him by his father. Those of us who follow Jesus have the same story. No matter where we have been, no matter what stories our lives have told, we have been loved and adopted by the Father. Our backgrounds are as varied as can be, as are the ways we came to faith. What unifies us is that identity as God’s children.

As the panda was saving China, he faced terrible odds. After he found out the story of how he had been found by the goose, he was able to triumph. I believe that was the point when he saw his identity bound with the goose, and that gave him the strength he needed. Again, we are the same. When we realize our identity as beloved children of Abba and live in that identity, we can handle the obstacles that come our way. That doesn’t mean that we’ll be “winners” all the time, but it does mean that no matter what, who we are doesn’t change. The fact that we are loved by the Creator of the universe doesn’t change. God’s good heart for us is the same, whether we are “spiritual” or struggling. We know who we are. We are God’s sons and daughters. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.
Posted on

Another Lesson Learned

One of the things God has been teaching me about lately is grace. I’ve had lessons on the Father’s grace for me, and how to walk in that grace. I have also been learning what it means to extend that grace to others. It has been said that a little child shall lead them. The other day I learned a lesson on grace from a ten year old boy.

As some of you know, I drive a bus in the mornings and evenings for a local camp. The ages of the kids range from six to twelve. Sometimes things are quiet because they are tired, sometimes it gets a bit noisy because they are still amped up from the day’s activities. One day I had asked one of the boys to put his sunscreen away because he was spraying it on the others. Wouldn’t you know it, the next day this same boy was spraying his sunscreen again! I raised my voice a bit and told him to bring the sunscreen to me. When I said that I had already talked to him about spraying the stuff, he said that was yesterday and he didn’t know he couldn’t spray it that day. Unfortunately, I reacted instead of responding. I lost it and yelled at him. He went back to his seat and slumped down. As we drove down the road, I realized that I had screwed up. He’s just a ten year old kid, and we all know that ten year old kids don’t always say the brightest things. So, I told him, in front of the other kids, that I was wrong and apologized for yelling at him. He said, “It’s okay. It happens.” He brightened up for the rest of the trip, and things are good between us now.

As I think about this, two things come to mind. The first is the way our Father treats us when we mess up. While he doesn’t excuse our sin, he doesn’t hold it over our heads either. Scripture says that he remembers our frame. He knows we’re not perfect. He doesn’t remind us of that. Instead, he reminds us of who we are. We are his children who have the righteousness of Christ, and the sin that we do is not us. It’s not who we are. Our Father is quick to forgive and move on, much like the ten year old boy.

The second thing is the way we should treat others, especially our brothers and sisters in Christ. We love because God first loved us. We are called to show the same grace to others as God shows to us. Jesus told us to forgive others  forty nine, or four hundred ninety times. The actual number doesn’t matter. The point is, we are to forgive those who sin against as many times as needed. We are not to keep track, but keep on forgiving. I believe that this assumes relationship, because you’re not likely to forgive someone multiple times if they are not around. The boy on the bus didn’t tell me that it was okay but he wasn’t going to ride my bus anymore. Things between us went back to normal and continued from there. One goal of  forgiveness and reconciliation is to bring wholeness to both parties. Another is to show God’s grace and glory to a watching world. Jesus said that the world will know we belong to him by the way we love one another.

Maybe, if  God’s children began to really love each other and seek peace and wholeness in our relationships, the world would look at us and see what we have to offer as something they would want. It worked in the first few centuries of the church’s existence. Why not now/

Posted on

40 Years? Really?

Last week, Jan and I took a trip up north to attend my 40th high school reunion. Hard to believe it’s been 40 years! We had a good time, as we combined the reunion with some other stops along the way to see some friends and relatives.

Tuesday, we traveled to Lynchburg, VA, where we spent the night with one of Jan’s college roommates. We had a good time catching up. On Wednesday, we drove north to Ashburn, VA and spent a couple days with a nephew and his wife. We did a bit of walking, around their neighborhood and the nearby town of Leesburg. Friday morning, I went with our nephew and played full court basketball for an hour. I survived and I’m actually proud of myself. I played under control, and my mind (which sometimes thinks I’m still in my 20s) didn’t convince my body to try something I would regret. I didn’t feel too bad the next couple of days. Just a little sore.

After I showed the young guys how to play the game, we traveled to the Rockville, MD area for the reunion as well as some sightseeing. We took a detour to a town near Baltimore where we spent the afternoon with another of Jan’s college roommates, along with her husband, father, and daughter-in-law. We had a great time talking and reminiscing. It was good to see them again after a number of years. Friday night found us at a reunion dinner/happy hour. It was good to see some of my classmates, once they told me their names. For some reason, none of us looked the same as we did 40 years ago.

Saturday morning, we got up and took a trip down memory lane. We drove through our old neighborhoods, taking pictures of the schools we attended, the houses in which we lived, the place where we met, and the church where we were married. We also stopped and visited my parents’ graves, where I found that I still get choked up after almost seven years. It was good to see the old places, most of which looked pretty good. The yards and playgrounds seem to have shrunk quite a bit over the years. So many memories came to mind during our travels that I couldn’t begin to list them here.

After our trip around the past, we went to a cookout where I caught up with even more of my classmates. Again, I remembered them after they told me their names. There was a class picture from 1973 on one wall in the house. It was amazing to see how much hair we all had back then! We ate some good food, had a few drinks, and remembered the good times we had back when. It seemed like a simpler time because we didn’t yet have the responsibilities of careers and families. We were the ones who were going to change the world, and some are doing that, although in smaller ways than we imagined. Most of us have grown up to be responsible adults who are doing some good. We have changed, in ways beyond the obvious physical changes. Some of the changes are good, some are not, but the group that graduated from high school in 1973 really doesn’t exist anymore.

Sunday morning, we headed for home. On the way, we stopped to see another nephew and his wife, along with their two year old son and their six day old daughter. We went from a bunch of memories to a family that was making their own memories that they can tell about 40 years from now. I got to hold our grand-niece and it was good to hold part of the future. It will be fun to see how her life unfolds, as well as the lives of all of our grand- nieces and grand-nephews.

Thomas Wolfe wrote that you can’t go home again. Maybe you can’t. Maybe you can, but it’s not really home. Or maybe, all of our past experiences form the home we’re in today.

Posted on

For My Beautiful Wife

Today is the thirty-third anniversary of the day I married my beautiful wife Jan. When we wed, we vowed to stick with the other through better or worse, health or sickness, etc. At the time neither of us really knew what that all entailed. As the years have passed, we’ve learned a bit of what it means to support each other in the good and the bad.

Through it all, I have been blessed to have such a gracious partner by my side. In Genesis, we are told that God thought it not good for man to be alone so he created a helper suitable (meet) for him. In the Hebrew the words translated “help meet” could be translated as a “helper who complements.” Not a helper in the sense of a servant, but a helper in the sense of a rescuer or deliverer. The word “ezer” is used of God as a deliverer. The word “k’enegdo” can be translated “against” or “opposite.” The idea is something which corresponds to, like a mirror image. So, you could say that a wife is to be a deliverer who mirrors her husband. Opposites attract right?

Jan has certainly been an ezer k’enegdo for me. She has been my deliverer by her love and loyal support. She is a complement to me and I have learned much from her through the years. I can not imagine what it would have been like without her through the moves, the job losses, the losses of my parents, and all the other ups and downs of life. As I look back over thirty-three years, I marvel at the grace of a loving Abba who knew exactly who I needed. I can’t fathom it.

Jan, it’s been an absolutely wonderful journey together these thirty-three years. I can’t imagine life with anyone else, and I pray the Father gives us many more years together. You are a tremendous blessing to me. I love you.

Posted on

Community: Sunday at 10:30

There’s a church sign near us that reads,”Join our community. Sunday at 10:30.” Giving the benefit of the doubt, I imagine the leaders of that church meant well. They were inviting folks to come join their community of faith, which meets on Sunday at 10:30. Unfortunately, much of the time churches are simply inviting people to come into their building at a particular time on a particular day to sing a few songs and listen to a sermon.

Community has become a buzzword in society, including church circles. There are on-line communities, work communities, and housing developments have been replaced with communities. Some of these communities may develop a sense of camaraderie in the members, although I don’t believe the contrived, “planned communities” of houses are anything more than typical suburban sprawl. In the larger sense of the word, many “communities” in society may well bring people together.

I believe the church is different. Community is something that is not based on personal preferences, on a charismatic individual, on shared experiences. In the church, the only kind of community that matters must be based on the Gospel and our shared identity in Christ. The community that God wants is a community that lives life together, learning together to follow Jesus and love our brothers and sisters. In order to do this we must be together more than one day a week. Community needs time and contact to develop. The disciples were with Jesus 24/7 for three years. The first Christians met daily, going from house to house. I know things are different in the 21st century, but we still need time with each other often. We can not do this without learning from each other on a consistent basis.

We are family. While families go through periods where the members don’t spend as much time with each other as at other times, a functional family will not give up getting together. As brothers and sisters in God’s family, we are to spend time with each other. If you are part of a church body that meets in a building at a particular time on a particular day and gathers as friends and family at various times throughout the week, good for you. If not, why not begin?

Posted on

Identity

I spoke to our school’s chapter of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes yesterday morning. The seats were filled. Well, one seat was filled. Anyway, as I was preparing what I wanted to say, I was reminded of some of what God has been teaching me over the past few years.

Like most folks, I have always gained my identity and my sense of worth from the things I did, or didn’t do in some cases. I was involved in sports at an early age, and by the time I entered high school I had turned into a pretty decent athlete. I had also been taught that, as a Christian, I was defined by what I did or didn’t do and where I went or didn’t go. As I entered my high school years, I more defined myself by the standards of my friends more than the standards of my church. Through college I was defined as a bit of a rebel, and also one who was training for “full time Christian work” (whatever that is). I began a career as a teacher and coach, and my identity became that. I was called “Coach,” and I loved it. I was also teacher, athletic director, bus driver, Sunday School teacher, worship leader, deacon, and elder through the years. Add to that son, husband and father, and you can see that my identity was tied up in  a lot of things.

A few years ago, God decided it was time to change my identity. My job went away, so I was no longer a lot of the things I had been previously. I spent a few months driving a shuttle bus at an army base. This job gave me a lot of time to read, think, and pray. I did get a job in another school as an instructional assistant. Both parents passed away. After a time we left the church we had been in for fourteen years to help start a new church. So now I was a “church planter,” so to speak. That lasted a couple of years and we formed a small fellowship with some folks out of that first group. In some ways, I was sort of a pastor, without the title. I was also a member of a community of faith. Those things became what I based my identity on. Within just a few months, that “church” crashed and burned, and with it went the idols I had set up. It was not a fun time.

Fast foward just over a year. We are now part of a community of faith where there is love and service that comes from hearts that have been changed by the Gospel. I am doing some teaching, and am coaching. I am still a husband and a father. But now, I realize that my identity, my self worth is not grounded in those things. The Father has taught me that my identity, the very core of who I am, is grounded in his love for me, and in what Christ has done for me. There are things I do. I teach a couple of Bible studies. I disciple others. I coach sports. I serve my wife as a husband, and I do what a father of grown up adults needs to do. However, that is not who I am.

I am a beloved child of the Ruler of all things. He is pleased with me. I am a co-heir with Christ of all the riches of eternity. As Paul wrote in his letter to the Galatians, I have died with Christ, but I live. It’s not me that lives though. It is Jesus Christ living in me. I don’t totally understand all the particulars of what that means theologically, but I do know that it means that my identity is in the King of Kings. No matter what happens, no matter what I do, that does not change. I can do all sorts of good things, or not. The fact remains that I am a child of God. Period. End of discussion.  

Posted on

Lessons From The Man Who Ate New Orleans Part 2

Two of the seven cardinal virtues of New Orleans are generosity and resiliency. It may seem strange to put these two things together, but I hope to be able to relate them to each other. In Webster’s dictionary, generosity is defined as freedom in spirit or act, especially readiness in giving. Resiliency is defined as the ability to recover from or adjust to misfortune or change. Both of these virtues are characteristic of New Orleans, and both should characterize those who follow Jesus.

Children of God should be the most resilient people. We should be able to adjust to change and recover from misfortune because we have resources to draw on. First, we have a Father who is sovereign over everything, who loves us with a perfect, everlasting love, and who always does good to us. We also have the Holy Spirit to comfort us and guide us. The third thing we have, or at least should have, is a family, a community of believers through whom God works. It is in relationship to others that we can be loved and comforted, and we can then love and comfort others who go through similar troubles. I don’t believe any of us can become resilient outside of community and relationship with our brothers and sisters in Christ.

We tend to think of generosity in terms of giving money or material things. That is one aspect, but being generous involves much more, and it is in that much more that this virtue is related to resiliency.As we become more resilient through the stuff we go through, we are called to freely give to others what has been given to us. We may give money or other material things. We may give work of some sort. Our gift may be words of encouragement and comfort, or simply a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. Again, we must be in community. We cannot truly be generous with our resources unless we are in relationship. Without relationship, our words and actions can be empty or they can even cause further harm. The flip side of being generous in giving is being willing to be generous in our receiving. It takes humility to admit that we need help, to let others know what is going on in our lives, and to allow them the privilege of being generous in their giving to us. That is something that is hard for many of us, myself included. But it is a vital part of living in community.

Let us be generous to our brothers and sisters. Let us freely give and freely receive. As we serve one another, let us be strengthened so that we are resilient when tough times come.

Part 1 is here.

Posted on

30 Years Ago…

…we welcomed a brand new person into our family. He was a considerate individual from the beginning as he waited until the day after the Redskins won the NFC championship to make his arrival. It was a Sunday morning and Jan interrupted my shower with the news that it was time to go to the hospital. We went, and a few hours later our son was born. We moved from the Washington, D.C. area within a few months, but the boy has remained a Redskins fan throughout his life.

We knew very early that we had someone special on our hands. (I know every parent says that, but in our case it was true). As the boy grew up we learned much about parenting, and made our share of mistakes. Through it all, we experienced the joy of watching this little boy grow into a young man, and then the young man grow into a adult. We have seen God work and shape our son into one who loves and follows Jesus. He is now a married man, having made a good choice.

It is said that there is poetic justice when a son or daughter has children who are like they were growing up. Josh, if you have a son who is like you, you will be truly blessed. We certainly have been. We love you Josh. Happy Birthday!

Posted on

A Christmas Program

Last month, I went with Jan to a Christmas program at the school where she teaches. As I sat watching the program, I started thinking that I was at a Christmas program that neither of our children were in, that I didn’t know any of the students, and that the only reason I was there because some of Jan’s students were participating. And, I was enjoying it. As I wondered why, I realized it was because it was a program that was full of the innocence of children, the joy of simple participation, and unconditional love. Later, I thought how that simple school Christmas program was a good picture of what the church is (or should be).

The participants in the program were not professional musicians or actors. While the performance was very good, there were notes that were missed and lines that were flubbed. It was what was there that is most important. There was innocence, an innocence that allowed each child to simply go through their part in the program and not worry about any missteps. There was also a joy in simply doing something in front of their families and friends. They were simply doing something and having fun doing it. None of the children ran crying from the stage because they had missed a cue or hit the wrong note. There was no embarrassment. This was because the children knew that they were loved by their parents and teachers, and that this love did not depend on performance. The audience applauded each part of the program, and showed sincere appreciation for the efforts of the participants.

This is how the church should be. Each of us has a part to play in the “program” that is the church. We are all called to be ministers of the grace of God. Whether that part is “big” or “small,” we all have something to do in the body. We are called to be as children in our trust of the Father. It is an innocent trust that knows that, no matter what, our Abba has everything under control and loves us. Knowing this allows us to do what we do with joy, because we know that the end result doesn’t depend on us and our performance doesn’t determine our acceptance. We can miss cues, flub lines, and hit the wrong notes and our Father loves us the same.

That unconditional love of God calls us to love each other in the same way. Some of us struggle with a critical way of looking at the world. That is wrong. Just as no one criticized the children for not being perfect, so we should not criticize our brothers and sisters who may not do things as well as we do, or who may not be as far along in certain parts of their journey. We must remember that each one of us is solely responsible to God, and how he has called us may not be the same as how he has called another. We are also called to lay down our lives for our brothers. That will help free them to serve with joy and an innocent trust in the God who is sovereign and who can take our poorest efforts and use them for his glory and the advancement of his kingdom.

Let us be as children as we do what God has called us to do. Let us rest in the Father as we work, trusting him completely. Let us take joy in our calling, and let others know the source of that joy. Let us love one another as Christ has loved us and allow each other the freedom to play out our calling, even when it doesn’t look all that pretty.