Category: friends

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40 Years? Really?

Last week, Jan and I took a trip up north to attend my 40th high school reunion. Hard to believe it’s been 40 years! We had a good time, as we combined the reunion with some other stops along the way to see some friends and relatives.

Tuesday, we traveled to Lynchburg, VA, where we spent the night with one of Jan’s college roommates. We had a good time catching up. On Wednesday, we drove north to Ashburn, VA and spent a couple days with a nephew and his wife. We did a bit of walking, around their neighborhood and the nearby town of Leesburg. Friday morning, I went with our nephew and played full court basketball for an hour. I survived and I’m actually proud of myself. I played under control, and my mind (which sometimes thinks I’m still in my 20s) didn’t convince my body to try something I would regret. I didn’t feel too bad the next couple of days. Just a little sore.

After I showed the young guys how to play the game, we traveled to the Rockville, MD area for the reunion as well as some sightseeing. We took a detour to a town near Baltimore where we spent the afternoon with another of Jan’s college roommates, along with her husband, father, and daughter-in-law. We had a great time talking and reminiscing. It was good to see them again after a number of years. Friday night found us at a reunion dinner/happy hour. It was good to see some of my classmates, once they told me their names. For some reason, none of us looked the same as we did 40 years ago.

Saturday morning, we got up and took a trip down memory lane. We drove through our old neighborhoods, taking pictures of the schools we attended, the houses in which we lived, the place where we met, and the church where we were married. We also stopped and visited my parents’ graves, where I found that I still get choked up after almost seven years. It was good to see the old places, most of which looked pretty good. The yards and playgrounds seem to have shrunk quite a bit over the years. So many memories came to mind during our travels that I couldn’t begin to list them here.

After our trip around the past, we went to a cookout where I caught up with even more of my classmates. Again, I remembered them after they told me their names. There was a class picture from 1973 on one wall in the house. It was amazing to see how much hair we all had back then! We ate some good food, had a few drinks, and remembered the good times we had back when. It seemed like a simpler time because we didn’t yet have the responsibilities of careers and families. We were the ones who were going to change the world, and some are doing that, although in smaller ways than we imagined. Most of us have grown up to be responsible adults who are doing some good. We have changed, in ways beyond the obvious physical changes. Some of the changes are good, some are not, but the group that graduated from high school in 1973 really doesn’t exist anymore.

Sunday morning, we headed for home. On the way, we stopped to see another nephew and his wife, along with their two year old son and their six day old daughter. We went from a bunch of memories to a family that was making their own memories that they can tell about 40 years from now. I got to hold our grand-niece and it was good to hold part of the future. It will be fun to see how her life unfolds, as well as the lives of all of our grand- nieces and grand-nephews.

Thomas Wolfe wrote that you can’t go home again. Maybe you can’t. Maybe you can, but it’s not really home. Or maybe, all of our past experiences form the home we’re in today.

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Idols

Mention the word idol and some people think of figures made out of wood or metal that “heathens” worship. Or their thoughts turn to the scene in The Ten Commandments where the Israelites are dancing around the golden calf. In a lot of Christian circles, an idol is something such as drinking, entertainment, or some other “sin” that keeps a person from becoming a Christian. It can be any of those things, but I think idolatry is more insidious and widespread than we would like to believe. We Christians can have idols.

An idol can be our status, whether it’s our status in the community or our place in the church. It can be our job, or any of the things that come because of that job. It can be our church, or the building it meets in. It can be our particular denomination, or the fact that we don’t belong to one. It can be the fact that we worship using a particular liturgy, or the fact that we don’t use a liturgy. It can be the history of our particular church, or the newness of our gathering. An idol can be the institution we are a part of, or it can even be the simple, organic way in which we meet.

An idol can be a particular preacher that we like to watch on TV or hear on the radio. It can even be the leader of our local gathering. It can be an author that we love reading, or a blog that is important to us. It can be a set of doctrines, and the correctness of those doctrines. An idol can be our faith, or our doubts. We can make an idol of our humility. An idol can be our family, or our relationships with friends. Our community of believers can be an idol, as can the very idea of community itself. We can even make an idol of God, or at least our concept of God.

Essentially, an idol is anything from which we find our identity apart from God. There are so many ways we try to get our identity, and it is very easy to put those things in the place of God and how Jesus wants us to follow him. As followers of Jesus our identity can only be truly found in Christ. All of the other things in our life, whether they are things of this world or things that a gracious Father has given us are not what life is about. Life is about Christ, and following him. He may or may not grant us certain things, but our calling is to simply follow. That means putting our self, and everything that goes along with our self, to death and finding our life in Christ only.

Father, help us to find our life and identity in Jesus Christ. Help us to keep you first and only. Be our all in all.

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Thoughts on Les Miserables

A little while back, Jan and I went with some of our church family to see the movie, Les Miserables. We thoroughly enjoyed it. It’s one of those movies you want to see on the big screen and then want to see again on DVD because the story is so good. A lot has been said and written about the theme of grace vs. law and the triumph of grace. The movie was saturated with grace, and the embodiment of grace in Jean Valjean and law in Javert was thought provoking and emotion producing.There were a lot of tissues used, and hopefully a lot of thinking about God’s grace. My thoughts after the film, while still including grace, were a bit different than others that I heard.

There were many scenes in the film that made folks cry, and I choked up many of those times myself. However, what brought me to tears was the scene near the end when Javert dove off the bridge, finally holding on to law all the way to death and rejecting the grace that was offered. Now, keep in mind that I had not read the novel or seen any of the stage or film productions. In my wild-eyed optimism, I hoped that Javert would see the light and be transformed by grace as Jean Valjean was. It broke my heart.

My heart still breaks when I think about the many people who reject a grace that gives life and cling to law which brings death. Some don’t know any better, having been raised in religions that are all about human effort. I would include the American religion of pull yourself up by your own bootstraps self-sufficiency. Many however, should know better. There are multitudes of churches and organizations that will say they are all about grace but then proclaim rules to follow to be “right with God,” or any number of steps to be a better whatever. This includes those “ministries” who proclaim grace but then tell you what to do to have any number of “blessings” in your life.

If those things worked, churches would be full of perfect, completely fulfilled and whole people. Do you know any of those? I don’t. Law doesn’t work to bring life, whether it’s religious commands or simple human effort to get better. Our effort, whether it’s obeying regulations, following steps, or trying to have more faith, will not change us. It is only God’s grace that transforms us, making us into people who show love to others, who trust God, and who sometimes do the right thing. This comes about because the Spirit of the living God dwells in us and changes us from the inside out. We no longer live by law, but we live by grace, out of a heart consumed with love for our Father because he loves us with an unchangeable, everlasting love.

Let us reject law, with its striving and death. Let us embrace God’s grace, which does what we could never do and transforms us into the new creation God means for us to be. 

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Bread and Life

Two weekends ago, Jan and I participated in a forum on food, creativity, and togetherness called A Place at the Table. The event was put on by a group of local artists called Friday Arts Project. We were blessed to be able to help, in a small way, our friends organize and put on this event. A Place at the Table brought together  nationally known speakers such as Molly O’Neill, Peter Reinhart, Tom Hanchett, and local barbeque provocateur Dan Huntley. We experienced a number of thought provoking talks, a film about food and community in New Orleans, and some absolutely fantastic food.

Peter Reinhart is a professor at Johnson & Wales University in Charlotte and is considered an expert on all things bread. On Saturday, he gave a talk on bread. That’s right. Bread. As Reinhart said, all writing about food is about something else, so his talk was about much more than just bread. The talk was titled, “The Leaven Factor: Bread as a Living Symbol of Who We Are as a People.” The theme was bread as a universal symbol of connectedness. I hope my thoughts here do his talk justice.

The word “companion” comes from two root words meaning “with” and “bread,” therefore a companion is “one with whom we break bread.” Breaking bread with a person means that you accept them. It also means that you are willing to share your life with them and make yourself vulnerable. As I wrote in Table As Truth, the masks come off around the table. Sharing food with another takes us out of ourselves, if only for a little while, and allows the other to get a peek behind the curtain.

The way we get bread is a metaphor for life, especially the life of faith. When the grain is ground into flour it dies. That is the first step. In leavened bread, yeast is then added. Yeast is a living thing that brings life to the flour. As the yeast works, the flour is transformed into dough. The dough rises and is kneaded into the shape the baker wants. Then the dough is placed into the oven to be baked. During the baking process there again is death. The yeast is killed by the heat of the oven so the bread can bake without growing anymore.

After the bread has baked, it is then ready to be a source of nourishment. The death in the baking process is necessary in order for the bread to be something that is good to eat. I don’t know too many people that eat dough on a regular basis. It just doesn’t seem to have the same appeal as a warm loaf of bread. Henri Nouwen, in Life of the Beloved, speaks of the bread used in communion and how it is taken, blessed, broken, and given. The bread must be broken before it can be given.

Life as a follower of Jesus is much the same. Jesus said that whoever wants to find their life must first lose it. We must die to our own ambitions, to our own way of living life, in order to be made alive in Christ. I don’t see much in Scripture that tells us to come to Christ so all our problems will be solved, with everything we ever wanted in this life there for the taking. Jesus simply says, “Follow me,” and then lets us know that doing so means we give everything else up. In dying to ourselves, we find that we have true, abundant life. It doesn’t stop there though. The dying process is not a one time thing. Jesus calls us to take up our cross every day. That’s more than just carrying a burden through life. As we go through our our day-to-day, we are called to die to what we want and do what our Lord wants. Like the dough in the oven, we die in order to be something that nourishes others. Like the communion bread, we are broken in order that we might be given. In the process, we are transformed, like the dough, into something that brings life to those who taste and glory to the One who shapes us and “bakes” us.

Let us not despise the grinding of the mill, the heat of the oven, or our brokenness. We can be assured that they are forming Christ within us and indeed making us bread for the world.

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A Place at the Table

This past weekend, Jan and I were blessed to participate in a forum on food and togetherness. I’ll have some of my thoughts here in a few days. In the meantime here is a recap of the event by local Charlotte food writer, Keia

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Event News

On January 18-19, the city of Rock Hill, South Carolina will play host to what is shaping up to be a major conference on food and the arts, put on by Friday Arts Project. Friday Arts Project is a collective of artists committed to pursuing truth, goodness, and beauty with their work, providing a forum for dialogue enabling artists to inspire, engage, and create toward the renewal of hearts and culture. The Forum on Creativity in Food and Togetherness includes nationally known speakers and chefs, a documentary film titled “The Man Who Ate New Orleans,” works by local artists, and some fine dining prepared by local chefs.

If you live near Rock Hill, or would like to travel and experience Southern hospitality at its finest, consider attending. You can register on the Friday Arts Project website. I’ll be there, is any of you loyal readers want to meet in person and hang out. It’s only two weeks away, so you need to hurry.

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Reflections on a Year

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. This quote from A Tale of Two Cities doesn’t exactly describe this past year, but the highs were high and the lows were low. There have been things that I hope I never have to go through again and things that I hope continue on and on.

The first three months of 2012 brought us the end of a small fellowship of believers we had been leading and the end of what we thought was a close friendship. Those months were especially hard on me. If you want to  get an idea of where I was during that time you can go back and read some of the posts from January to April. It was a dark time that I hope to never experience again.

In April, we began meeting with a group of believers on Sunday nights as part of a church plant. God showed his sense of humor by leading a guy who had no desire to go back to the institutional church to a church that is part of a denomination. As we quickly found out, this group is different. They met on Sunday nights for a meal, and then had a worship service, ending with communion. There were also groups that met during the week for a meal, a Bible study, or just hanging out together. We were welcomed and accepted from the beginning. The biggest draw for me was the mission of the church to benefit our city and to help each other learn to follow Jesus.

The defining moment came pretty quickly. You can read about it here. We had been looking for community, and had tried to create it. Those attempts had been a miserable failure. Now the Father had led us into a community of faith that already existed, and that was truly centered in Jesus Christ and the truth of the Gospel. As the months have gone by, we have grown to love these brothers and sisters and God has given us opportunities to minister to them, and be ministered to.

In May, our son Josh got married. His wife is a beautiful young woman, and is a blessing to us. We have grown to love her as one of the family. Josh was able to land a job at a local architecture firm, and we are rejoicing at God’s blessing. As the year continued, there were a couple of dips in the road, but for the most part the journey has been pretty good. God has continued to teach us and bless us, and draw us closer to himself.

When this year began, I had an inkling that God was about to do something in my life. Little did I know what that would mean. I definitely would have done things differently had I been in charge, but then we wouldn’t be where we are now. I have been learning that though the Father’s mercy may look like something far different, I can trust his goodness and love. I am learning to trust my Abba’s love, leaving things in his hands.

It’s been an interesting year. There have been some tough times and there have been some good times. The good has definitely outweighed the bad. We are in a good place, and I’m looking forward to how the Father is going to work in me in 2013. To quote another piece of literature:

“The road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
and I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And wither then? I cannot say.”
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Table As Truth

This is the third installment in a series on table fellowship. I approach this subject with a bit of trepidation. Truth can be a touchy subject, as the term has been thrown around by those who believe that “truth” is the way they see things and those who believe that there is no real truth. I also wanted to avoid over spiritualizing the subject. There are a number of valid ways to approach the subject. I hope I have chosen one of them.

Among the definitions of truth in Webster’s dictionary are fidelity, constancy, sincerity in action, character, and utterance, and the body of real things. Truth is an important, yet seemingly rare, quality. Even those who believe that truth is relative want to know that they can trust certain people to be honest with them. Unfortunately, there seems to be an increasingly smaller number of folks who can be trusted to have fidelity, constancy, sincerity, and who are real.

One of the things that has become evident to me is the difficulty in being untrue when gathered around a table with family or friends. I guess it is possible to not be real while attending a large banquet or similar gathering, but small gatherings tend to be more intimate and revealing. When around the table, it is hard to fade into the woodwork and disappear. Conversation flows around the table, and the more time we spend with others, sharing food and talking, the more we get to know the real person. The masks come off around the table.

Inviting and accepting invitations to the table has long been a sign of acceptance and caring about the other. It is one way we can show love to others. Like the Velveteen Rabbit, we become real when we are loved and accepted. As we grow into that acceptance and love, we allow others to see who we really are, and we learn to accept them as they are. It is around the family table that children first learn social skills, and it is around the table that adults continue the lesson.

In Year of Plenty, Craig L. Goodwin writes about his family’s trip to Thailand:

Our experiences with food in Bangkok reminds me of how a pastor friend from Brazil, Claudio Oliver, helped me understand two unique words used to talk about food in Latin America. He explained to me that “alimento is what nutritionists recommend for you; comida is what your mum makes for you. Comida is what you would call soul food: family together, people talking, warm fresh veggies, sweet potatoes, corn bread, laughing, crying, prayer, thanksgiving, culture, old history, little ones learning who we are through food.” 

Let us learn fidelity, constancy, sincerity in action, character, and utterance, and being real around the table as we share food, drink, and conversation.
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Come As You Are, Bring What You Can

A few weeks ago a friend was talking with us about how she felt a little self conscious about bringing food to dinners and other gatherings because she didn’t cook, and because she didn’t shop at the same grocery stores as a lot of the other people. It’s an understandable feeling. In today’s culture we are bombarded with the message that what you wear, what car you drive, where you shop, and what you eat determines your worth. Unfortunately, this can even be the case within the church. In his first letter to the church in Corinth, Paul addresses the problem of some eating the food that they had brought without sharing with those who had none, and getting drunk while others had nothing to drink. There were evidently wealthy individuals in the church who refused to share with those who were less well off. James writes about Christians who were showing favoritism to rich folks (possibly to get their tithes? 🙂 ), while treating the poor among them like dirt.

Apparently, the early church hadn’t moved far from the attitude of the Pharisees and those who gave and attended dinners to enhance their social standing. Of course, we here in the enlightened 21st century have moved beyond such attitudes, right? Right? *crickets* In a post titled, Accepting a Seat At the Table, Craig at Throwing Bricks writes this:

 It’s strange but I often find Christians who are hesitant to fellowship with other followers of Christ who don’t share their particular set of doctrinal beliefs, political affiliations, worship preferences, social / economic status, race, age or perceived level of maturity.  They are more concerned with being proved right than being with Jesus.  It’s as though we are still abiding by the old rules of table fellowship.  I have some old friends that border on fundamentalism and though we all believe in Jesus and strive to follow his teachings we remain distant due to certain interpretations of scripture.  What gets me is that I have no problem calling them brother and sister but I’m not sure they would reciprocate that sentiment and it sucks.

Evidently, accepting others is an ongoing problem in the church. Sometimes we reject others due to different interpretations of Scripture, sometimes because of social standing. We still seem to have a hard time accepting those whom Jesus has already accepted. Craig also writes:

Jesus didn’t discriminate based on any of these factors but rather invited anyone to come.  To respond to Jesus’ invitation and accept a seat at the table is to accept Jesus himself and everyone else at the table regardless of personal differences.

Our Rabbi, the one we are called to follow, invited everyone to come and accepted all who came. Should we do less. 

To finish the story, I assured our friend that I knew that the folks in her group wouldn’t care where her food came from, who had cooked it, or what bag she carried it in. She is fortunate because she is part of a community of faith that loves her for who she is, not for any standard of “worth” the culture might try to put on her.   

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We All Need Abishai

Many of us who grew up in the church have become disillusioned with the stuff that has been piled on the gospel of Jesus. Some of us have been hurt by others, others have left when the questions they had were dismissed as irrelevant or evil. Some became fed up with the organization and institution that had replaced simple gatherings of God’s people. Many of us were looking for a community of faith where we could be devoted to Jesus and other believers.

Some have found a home in liturgical churches, while some have formed “organic” churches. Others continue to wander in the post-church wilderness. I was one of those for a while earlier this year. I was burnt out on the whole idea of church, and was hoping that I would find community with other followers of Jesus somewhere, somehow. I didn’t know what form that community would take, and I was open to just about anything. Except church. I just wasn’t ready to go back.

As it turns out, God led us to a community of faith in what some would call a traditional church. In the last few months, the Father has taught me a number of things. One of those things is that I need to spend time with others who love me, pray for me, challenge me, and allow me to do the same. I’ve also seen that I need this more than just an hour or two once a week. I need folks with whom I can share life. Jeff Dunn, over at  internetmonk, has written a post that does a very good job of explaining how those of us who have gone back into church-world feel.

In the post, Dunn writes of the time David was about to be killed by a giant by the name of Ishbi-Benob. David was older and was exhausted by the battle. This was a giant that David was not able to slay. Think about it. The mighty warrior-king of Israel, the slayer of ten thousands, was not strong enough at this time in his life. Fortunately, one of David’s men, Abishai came to the rescue and killed the giant. David had to depend on another to save his life. I’m sure this was humbling for David. I know it would be for me.

Like Jeff Dunn, Jan and I gather with this church because there is first of all a love for Jesus that is evident. The other reason is the community that we have with the people. We have felt loved and accepted from the first day we visited. We gather together on Sunday, and at various times throughout the week. We realize that our relationships will get messy and difficult from time to time, but we hope in the Gospel to bring us through the mess and into deeper relationships. We need folks around us who can be Abishai to us, and to whom we can be the same. There are things I disagree with, but to me, the essentials are there.

If you are one of those who is still wandering, search for those who can be Abishai to you, whether it’s in a “traditional” church, or just a group that shares life in Jesus together.