Category: healing

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Blast From the Past: Thoughts on Les Miserables

This was first posted in March of 2013.

A little while back, Jan and I went with some of our church family to see the movie, Les Miserables. We thoroughly enjoyed it. It’s one of those movies you want to see on the big screen and then want to see again on DVD because the story is so good. A lot has been said and written about the theme of grace vs. law and the triumph of grace. The movie was saturated with grace, and the embodiment of grace in Jean Valjean and law in Javert was thought provoking and emotion producing.There were a lot of tissues used, and hopefully a lot of thinking about God’s grace. My thoughts after the film, while still including grace, were a bit different than others that I heard.

There were many scenes in the film that made folks cry, and I choked up many of those times myself. However, what brought me to tears was the scene near the end when Javert dove off the bridge, finally holding on to law all the way to death and rejecting the grace that was offered. Now, keep in mind that I had not read the novel or seen any of the stage or film productions. In my wild-eyed optimism, I hoped that Javert would see the light and be transformed by grace as Jean Valjean was. It broke my heart.

My heart still breaks when I think about the many people who reject a grace that gives life and cling to law which brings death. Some don’t know any better, having been raised in religions that are all about human effort. I would include the American religion of pull yourself up by your own bootstraps self-sufficiency. Many however, should know better. There are multitudes of churches and organizations that will say they are all about grace but then proclaim rules to follow to be “right with God,” or any number of steps to be a better whatever. This includes those “ministries” who proclaim grace but then tell you what to do to have any number of “blessings” in your life.

If those things worked, churches would be full of perfect, completely fulfilled and whole people. Do you know any of those? I don’t. Law doesn’t work to bring life, whether it’s religious commands or simple human effort to get better. Our effort, whether it’s obeying regulations, following steps, or trying to have more faith, will not change us. It is only God’s grace that transforms us, making us into people who show love to others, who trust God, and who sometimes do the right thing. This comes about because the Spirit of the living God dwells in us and changes us from the inside out. We no longer live by law, but we live by grace, out of a heart consumed with love for our Father because he loves us with an unchangeable, everlasting love.

Let us reject law, with its striving and death. Let us embrace God’s grace, which does what we could never do and transforms us into the new creation God means for us to be. 

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Little Bit of an Update

This past week, Jan and I had the opportunity to take part in the Huntington’s Disease Society of America (HDSA) national convention. Because of the pandemic, it was a virtual gathering. It was both informative and inspiring. There were sessions on what to expect, advances in research, and how others were coping. Due to our schedule, there were many things we couldn’t get to, but it was all recorded and will be on the HDSA website.

As Jan’s HD progresses, it was good to be given a sense of what lay ahead. Even though it will get more difficult, it is comforting to be armed with the knowledge of what is going on and some ways we can cope. It was also good to see how different people were dealing with the disease. There was not a sense of despair or sadness. There was more of a feeling that this is the way it is and right now we have to deal with it and live our lives as best we can.

There is also good news for the future. There is promising research that may lead to making HD a disease that we used to talk about. It’s possible that some day the faulty part of the gene will be tweaked and will not be an issue. While we don’t know if it will happen soon enough to help Jan, there is hope for our children and grandchildren.

Please continue to pray for us as we navigate the changes that will happen and learn to deal with each new normal as it comes up.

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Some Encouragement

It’s May. It may be hard for some of us to tell. Jan and I were talking the other day about the markers not being present this year. April Fool’s Day went by without all the usual antics. We celebrated Easter, but the usual feasting and fellowship was missing. Spring break was non-existent for many students because they were already at home. End of the year testing, spring sports, and graduation are other things that will not happen this year.

For many, the days fade into each other without the markers of commuting to work, going out on a weekend, or traveling to gather for worship. It’s hard. While it looks like there is light at the end of this tunnel, we really don’t know what will happen as businesses slowly reopen and folks start to go about their day-to-day outside of their homes. We are facing an uncertainty that most of us have never had to deal with. Listening to those who seem to have some expertise doesn’t always bring confidence and hope.

We are told in Matthew 6, to pray for God’s Kingdom to be known and his will to be done on earth as it is in heaven. We who follow the King know that he has already defeated death. We know that our King does reign. He has promised us that everything that happens is worked for our good and his glory, and that our present sufferings will pale in comparison to the glory that will be revealed in us. Because we are in Christ, there is absolutely nothing that can separate us from our Father’s love.

Be encouraged. It is hard. The future is cloudy. But our Abba has got this.

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Looking Ahead

We are now roughly two months into the Covid-19 pandemic here in the United States. To say that this is a life changing thing would vastly underestimate the effect it has had on our lives. We don’t know what the future holds, whether immediate or long term. You can find a different prognosis and prediction for each day of the week. I don’t believe anyone has the complete picture. Regardless, the future will look a great deal different than what we have been used to.

There are some things I hope will be true in our lives in the days to come. I hope that we will be kinder people, more patient and understanding. That seems to be true right now, and I hope i t continues. I hope that we continue to care about others, even sacrificing out own interests to help someone. I hope that we actively look for ways to do good to our neighbors. I hope that we will cherish our families and the time we have with them.

I hope that we can put differences aside, whether political, philosophical, or social, and work to recognize and do what is good for all, rather than what benefits one group over another. I hope that we as a culture can be truly pro life, from the womb to the nursing home. I hope that we can welcome those who come here looking for a better life without blaming them for our ills. I hope that we can recognize the value of everyone in our society and pay wages that allow them to take care of themselves and their families. I hope that we can realize that it really doesn’t profit anyone to gain the whole world only to lose their soul.

I hope those of us who follow Jesus will realize that the church is not the building or the institution, but is the people. I hope that we will cherish our brothers and sisters in Christ, and seek to love them as Jesus loved us. I hope that we will be known more for what we are for than for what we are against. I hope that we show the truth, goodness, and beauty of Jesus to our neighbors and demonstrate the hope of people who know that this world will be renewed.

I hope that all of us will have a better idea of what really matters. I hope that the next crisis that comes along will find us better prepared to handle it in a way that benefits us all.

Pipe dream? Maybe, but I will not give up hope.

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Thoughts on Easter 2020

The Easter season was a bit different this year. Instead of gathering in person with our brothers and sisters to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus, we gathered around our computer for a livestream service via Zoom. In stead of greeting dear friends with a hug, we waved to the images on the screen. Instead of getting together with friends or family for a feast, we had an Easter dinner for two in our dining room. It was a very good day, and I am grateful for what we were able to do, but it was different, in a strange way.

The coronavirus pandemic, which has devastated much of the world, has changed the way we do just about everything. Many people have been at home for a number of weeks, as “shelter in place” becomes the norm. The great majority of churches have closed their doors, either meeting on line, watching services on television, or not meeting at all. Businesses have been forced to close, and social distancing has forced upon us a new way of relating with each other.

Jan and I found some positive things coming out of an Easter weekend during time of quarantine. We gathered on line with friends Thursday for an altered Seder, followed by an online Maundy Thursday service. Friday evening we watched a Tenebrae service online, and Saturday found us experiencing an Anglican Easter vigil on line. Even though we didn’t do the things we normally do this time of year, we were able to experience a little of the breadth of the the Christian tradition’s celebration of the resurrection.

As the pandemic continues, many of the things we have taken for granted will have to be abandoned or revamped. The ways we work, shop, relate to others, and do church may look totally different in the days ahead. I think that will turn out to be a good thing. There are things that we need to change as individuals, families, churches, nations. As we come to grips with what is really important in our lives, we can become more understanding people, who treat each other as persons made in the image of God. As we learn to work together, we can become more unified. Maybe we can conduct our public lives with an eye toward what is best for all, rather than for our side of the aisle. As churches are forced out of the routine, maybe we can rediscover that the church is not the four walls, but is the family of God who are called to love and serve our neighbors.

Easter is all about hope. The hope that all will be made right, and we will be resurrected. In the midst of tragedy and hopelessness, we can know that Jesus defeated death. Because he walked out of that tomb, nothing will stand in the way of our Father’s plans to restore his creation. Nothing can change that. As the apostle Paul wrote, “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

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Musings From the Past Few Days

Last Wednesday, my life changed. That afternoon I experienced what someone my age hopes will never happen. My heart decided I needed to take a little trip to the emergency room. After arriving by ambulance and having a couple of EKGs done, the cardiologist on duty decided that it was time for me to go to the emergency heart cath room. While there, the doctor found that the artery in back of my heart was 95% blocked and a stent needed to be inserted. While this was happening, my heart tried to make things even more difficult. Fortunately it calmed down and the procedure was completed. After resting in the hospital for a couple days, I was able to go home on Saturday. I am feeling much better and getting anxious to start rehab and get back to some semblance of normal, although I know that the definition of normal will be different.

Between my adventure and all that is going on around the world with the COVID19 virus, I have had some time to think. One thing that something like a heart attack or pandemic will do is cause us to come to grips with what really is important.We chase around trying to find significance in so many different things and we many times forget what really counts. The current virus has pretty much brought the world to a standstill. Almost all sporting events have been cancelled, and the Olympics are in danger of not happening this summer. Restaurants, theaters, even churches are shuttered in an attempt to flatten out the curve and get ahead of this. It is likely that folks will begin to lose jobs, and there is the very real threat of a global recession. There is a great deal of fear as the unknown looms.

All of the dislocation and hardship that folks have gone through or will go through is hard and I don’t want to downplay or minimize their suffering. I grieve with those who are grieving the loss of opportunities, jobs, or especially the loss of loved ones. I am not suggesting that my thoughts are the answer for anyone else. The recent events in my own life and the “new normal” Jan and I are already dealing with, have led me to do a lot of taking stock, trying to determine what is really vital.

First, my relationship with God is the most important thing. Without that, there is nothing else. Loving God with every fiber of my being is the one thing. Next after that comes loving Jan as Jesus loved the church, giving myself for her. Then comes loving my children and their families and being a good grandad. Beyond that comes loving my brothers and sisters in Christ, especially those I am in community with, as Jesus loved me. Then there is loving my neighbor as myself. Regardless of what else may happen in the days and years ahead, if I can do those things I will consider myself to have done well.

Have you thought about these things? What do you consider to be most important?

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Blast from the Past: Reflections on Ash Wednesday

This was first posted on February 21, 2010 and has been edited to bring it up to date.

Wednesday, February 26 is the first day of Lent. Ash Wednesday is celebrated by Christians around the world with a service that includes the placing of ashes on the forehead of the worshipers. The ashes are to remind that we are made from dust, and to dust we will return. In the tradition in which I grew up, Lent (like most of the church calendar) was not even on our radar. We celebrated Christmas, Palm Sunday, and Easter. I had a vague notion that other days were observed in other traditions, but we were taught that those days were not important. So, I’m a bit late to the keeping of the church calendar, and still learning.

As I go through the Lenten period, I am struck by the fact that our bodies are formed from the dust of the ground, and to that dust they will return. Because of the brokenness of Creation, we face the inevitable decay of our physical selves. As a more than middle-aged man who has tried to compete in sports at the same level he did when he was in his twenties, I can attest to that. At some point our bodies will wear out and no longer be useful to us. When they are then placed in the ground, they will return to the dust from which they came. As we look around us, we see that decay in every part of our world. Ash Wednesday and Lent are good reminders that we are broken and in need of a savior.

Thankfully, that is not the end of the story. During this time, we take a good hard look at our humanity and our brokenness, but we also look ahead to the time when our Savior will return and will restore Creation. We look forward to the resurrection and the Kingdom of God coming in all its fullness. When I think about Ash Wednesday, and the symbolism of the ashes on the forehead, I think of the song, “Beauty Will Rise.” In that song Steven Curtis Chapman sings, “Out of these ashes… beauty will rise and we will dance among the ruins We will see Him with our own eyes Out of these ashes…beauty will rise For we know, joy is coming in the morning… in the morning …This is our hope. This is the promise. That it would take our breath away to see the beauty that’s been made out of the ashes…”

As we go through this season of Lent, contemplating our sinfulness and our need of a redeemer, let us remember that we do have a Savior who has made us a new creation, and who will one day make all things new.

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A New Year

Today we enter into a new year. Not only a new year, but also a new decade. Yes, I know that technically the new decade begins next January. But it is the 20s now, so I’m going with calling this a new decade.

I’ve seen a lot of talk about reviewing the past decade, ten year plans, etc. I think it’s a good idea to look back over the last few years and see the changes that have occurred in our individual lives, in our families, and in our world. As I look back over the time since 2010, I can think of a number of things that are different as I enter 2020.

Ten years ago, Jan and I were parents of two unmarried young adults. Now we have added a daughter-in-law, a son-in-law, and three grandchildren. In 2010 I was working as a teacher’s assistant and Jan was working at an assistant living facility. As this decade begins, I am a driver at a retirement community and Jan is semi-retired and tutoring. During this time we have lost Jan’s father and oldest sister.

Ten years ago, we were helping plant a church that met in a bagel shop. In the past ten years the church plant ceased to be and we are now part of a small Presbyterian church that seeks to serve our city. Since 2010, I have lost about 25 pounds and been able to keep it off. My hair has become grayer, and my joints creakier. When the last decade began, we had never heard of Huntington’s Disease. As the new decade begins, we are dealing with the reality of Jan having HD, and all of what that means.

As I look back on the last ten years, I see some happy times and some sad times. I see times of accomplishment and times where I wonder what in the world I was thinking. Sometimes life seemed relatively normal and sometimes it seemed like a long, strange trip. There were times when my faith was strong and there were times when my usual prayer was, “Lord I believe, help my unbelief.”

As I look ahead to the 20s, I don’t know if they will be roaring or calm. I am not even going to attempt a ten year plan and my crystal ball shattered long, long ago. The only thing I do know (and have to constantly remind myself of) is that my Father in heaven loves me and my family with a furious, inexhaustible love and will bring everything about for my good and his glory.

Check back in another ten years. Maybe.

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Blast From the Past: Still More

When we last left our hero, he was wondering what was going to happen next.

I was without work. I thought I was going to realize the fulfillment of a long held dream of coaching college basketball. So, I sent out resumes and waited. I talked to every coach I knew. And I waited. The summer came and went and still no coaching job. In fact, there were no jobs at all on the horizon. We didn’t feel free to move to another area because my parents and my wife’s parents had moved here to be near us and they were in declining health and needed our help. The search continued. As all this was going on, we had to give our Cocker Spaniel to the pound because he was old and had too much wrong with him for us to afford to have him treated. It was not a fun summer. About a week after we gave our dog away, I was out on yet another job search. As I drove past the animal shelter, I lost it. I began to pray, cry, and yell at God. I even cussed (I know that shocks some of you, but that’s the way it is). I told God that if I had anywhere else to go, I’d chuck this whole Christian thing. I realized that, like the disciples, I had nowhere else to go, that Jesus was the only one worth following.

In September of 2005, I was hired by a tour bus company to drive. I was glad because it would give me a chance to travel. As it turned out, the majority of the job consisted of leaving the house at 4:00 AM, driving to a National Guard camp eighty miles away, and shuttling troops back and forth from the camp to a nearby army base so they could be processed for active duty in Iraq. Most of the day was spent sitting on the bus and waiting for the soldiers to get their paperwork in order. I would usually arrive back home sometime after 10:00 PM. Because of this schedule, I usually only worked three days a week, so the income wasn’t real good. The company also had no health insurance for their employees.

At first, I wondered what I had done wrong, wondered why God had “put me on the sidelines”. I felt like I was in a desert. Sitting on the bus gave me plenty of opportunity to read, think, and pray. God began to teach me about trust and patience. He reminded me that he was the most important one in my life, and that my identity was in Jesus, not in being a teacher or coach. I began to rethink even more of my assumptions about God, church, and life. At the same time, God was teaching me increasingly to trust him. Jan and I saw God provide for us again and again.

In January 2006, I walked out of the desert. I was hired as a teacher’s assistant in a self-contained special education class at a public middle school. The kids I work with all have learning disabilities, some more severe than others. Many of them are from low income families. Quite a change from the Christian schools previously worked in, although not as much as I would have thought. Kids are kids wherever you go.

Also in January, both my mom and my mother-in-law went into a nursing home. Jan’s mom suffered a stroke, and my mom was suffering from advanced Alzheimer’s. Our ministry to our parents changed somewhat, as we were visiting our moms and essentially being there for our dads. It was hard to go into a place full of people who were essentially waiting to die and visit Mom, knowing that she would never leave in this life.

I’ll give your eyes a rest and write more later.