Category: Jan

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38 Years and Counting

On this date thirty eight years ago, Jan and I were married. We have been through a lot in that time, most of it good, some it challenging, and some of it flat out bad. We have reared two children, and are grateful that they have grown into responsible adults. We have buried our parents and become the “older generation.” We have become grandparents. Not once, not twice, but three times in the past thirteen months.

We have lived in five homes in three different cities, moving from the bustle of the Washington, DC area to the more blue collar Cincinnati, Ohio suburbs, to the small, yet growing town of Rock Hill, South Carolina. We have each taught in four different schools. Jan is currently tutoring part time, and I am working as an assistant in a law office. We have spent most of our working years traveling together to the same place, and had the blessing of having our son and daughter in the same schools with us for a good bit of the time. Jan has stuck with me through the times I was without work, when we often wondered how we were going to make it and when I seriously doubted my self-worth. There were times when her belief in me was what kept me going.

I am grateful for a wife who has been a constant in my life. There has never been a time when I doubted her love for me. She has been a support and a blessing to me throughout the years. She is one of the people God has used to mold me into who I am. I am thankful for the privilege of being her husband, her companion, her love. I consider myself most blessed man on earth.

As we enter this new stage of our journey, being grandparents, and dealing with getting a bit older, I am glad to have such a wonderful woman to travel with. Jan, I love you so much more than yesterday, and so much less than tomorrow. Happy Anniversary.

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So, What’s Been Going On?

Last week I mentioned that a lot had been going on in my life. It’s true. There have been a fair amount of changes around here. All of these changes are good and will hopefully bring further good as time passes.

The first thing that came our way was the news that our daughter and her husband are expecting. They will become parents toward the middle to end of August. Not too very long afterward came the news that our son and daughter-in-law are going to be parents as well! They are adopting a baby boy who is slated to be born sometime between the middle of July and the beginning of August. So, all of a sudden we have gone from having no grandchildren to expecting​ two! God has answered a lot of prayers.

In the midst of all this wonderful news, I began a new career as a legal assistant for a good friend of ours. This was an answer to prayers that have been going up for the last two years, so needless to say, I am very grateful and happy. They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but so far I think I’m learning a lot of new tricks. I’m looking forward to going in to work on Mondays for the first time in quite a while. It definitely has been an adjustment and is much more challenging than anything I’ve done in a while, but it’s certainly not boring.

Hopefully, I can be forgiven for not posting as much lately. If not, that’s okay too. Sometimes certain things have to take a back seat to life. I’m going to try to be more regular in my writing, but I’m not going to make any promises. Life is good, and it marches on. I hope all of you faithful readers have good things happen to you as you continue on your journey.

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Church Signs: “A Church Alive…

…Is Worth the Drive.”

This was on the sign in front of a church just down the road from our house. Now, I have no firsthand knowledge of how “alive” this church is, so I won’t address that. My issue is more with the idea of making a (possibly long) drive to a church.

When Jan and I were in the process of trying to find a church a few years ago, we visited a few churches within the metro area of which our city is a part. Most of them had good things going for them, and probably could be considered “alive” by most folks. None of them had any doctrinal issues that would have been a deal breaker.

There was one thing that steered us away from all of these churches. They were all at least a twenty to thirty minute drive from our house. While that would have been fine if all we were looking for was a Sunday morning worship service, we were looking for something quite different. We were looking for community, a place where we could serve, love, and be loved. We were looking for a group that we could join with in living as brothers and sisters who saw life together as the church as far more than just a once or twice a week meeting. We wanted a spiritual family that spent time fellowshipping and discipling as a part of day-to-day life.

We wanted to serve with the folks we worshipped with and worship with the folks we served with. We desired to be fully part of a community of faith. Fortunately, we have found that and I can’t imagine traveling one day a week to worship with people who I only see on that day.

There are a lot of folks who do prefer the drive in order to find a church which is “alive.” I know that there are churches like that who do kingdom work and truly make disciples. However, I believe that the model of smaller, parish type churches who live in community and are a part of the neighborhood where they are located are what is going to do the most work for the kingdom in the days to come. I believe that a time may come in this country when followers of Jesus will have to live in community in order to continue. It might do us good if we started now.

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Blast From the Past: Thanksgiving

This was first posted on November 24, 2009. I have edited it to bring it more up to date.

This is the time of year that we remember the Pilgrims who held a feast to give thanks to God and invited the local Indian tribe, who brought the sweet potato casserole, cranberry sauce, and pumpkin pie. We continue the tradition our forefathers began of eating far too much, and falling asleep on the couch while watching football games on TV. The celebration continues as we get up way too early in the morning to fight for parking spaces and all the bargains presented by our friendly local merchants.

It is easy for the above scenario to actually be true in our lives. We can get caught up in all the hype that has come to surround us this time of year. In the midst of the feasting with family, television watching, and shopping, we can forget what is really important. We can forget to be grateful for all that God has given us.

As I look back on this past year, there are many reasons to be thankful. The first, and most important, thing is the grace of God. I am thankful that God has adopted me into his family and that he loves me no matter what. I am thankful for the work of Jesus which makes me a child of God. I am thankful for the Spirit’s guidance and work in me to make me more and more like Jesus.

I am thankful for a wonderful wife who loves me and is patient with my quirks and idiosyncrasies. Jan’s love and support has been a truly amazing thing. I am thankful for a son and a daughter who have grown into responsible adults who love God. I am thankful for their spouses. I am thankful for my sister and her family and for the times we are able to get together, and for my sisters-in-law and their families.

I am thankful for friends who make me think, and challenge me to turn knowledge into action. I am thankful for the community of faith God has given us, a group of people learning together what it means to follow Jesus in the day-to-day of our lives. I am thankful for the things that God has taught me and the ways he has changed me.

I am thankful for the chance to serve some of the ones who are sometimes forgotten by others. I am thankful for life, health and all the things that we take for granted.

What are you thankful for?

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Five Year Plans and Wondering

Last night, I was asked where I saw myself in five years. I had a hard time answering that question for two reasons. First, I’m sixty years old and don’t know how a five year plan fits in. The second reason is the simple fact that I have done all the daily, weekly, yearly, etc., goals throughout my life, including thinking five and ten years down the road, and very few of my long term plans have come to fruition.

I used to be one of those who bought the concept of setting all those goals in order to have success in career and life. I had all sorts of plans. Plans to coach at the college level, eventually being part of a national championship program. Plans to have a great impact in the lives of young people through my coaching.
Before that, I had plans to be an Olympic class sprinter.

Anyone want to take a guess at how those goals turned out? If you have followed college basketball or international track and field with even the smallest interest, you will know that I never reached those heights. While I was an assistant coach of a women’s basketball team for one year at a small college, and I did spend one year running for a nationally recognized track club, those were quite a bit below where I wanted to be.

I used to be somewhat envious of those I knew who had their career track in mind at an early age and were doing exactly what they had envisioned. They had no deviations from the straight and narrow on their career path, while mine looked more like a drunken sailor on his way back to the ship. Not only did the path take some back roads, it sometimes ran along trails that seemed to go nowhere.

I have come to realize that my journey has not been of my planning or of my doing. I know, some of you may be saying, “Here we go. All of the excuses for why he’s not successful.” And, you may be right. I beg to differ. I believe long ago, God decided that I was not to do this whole planning, accomplishing, and succeeding thing on my own. I tried. I went to school, earned degrees, did internships, sent out resumes, all those things I was supposed to do. I watched folks less qualified get positions I was wanting. I spent time in jobs that didn’t come close to fitting my plans. I never did grab the brass ring.

But, you know what? As I look back on my life, I realize that I wouldn’t change a thing. Well maybe a couple of things here and there, but overall not a thing. I have had the opportunity to travel as a part of jobs I had. I have had the opportunity to work with some fantastic people and coach some amazing young folks, whether they were star athletes or not. I have had opportunities to learn some lessons that were life changing. Most importantly, I have had a wonderful wife by my side and the privilege of being a father to two wonderful children, both of whom I had the opportunity to coach. And, I have experienced the love and grace of fellow followers of Jesus that I am grateful to own as my brothers and sisters.

To quote the philosopher, Jerry Garcia, “What a long strange trip it’s been.” I am thankful for the way my Father has led me through all the twisting and turning. I am grateful for all those who have helped me along the way. I guess it’s turned out pretty well. I think I’m looking forward to where the road takes me over the years to come. Should be fun.

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A Passing Generation

This past Friday, my father-in-law passed from this life into the next. He had been in an assisted living facility for a year and a half after falling and breaking his hip. A little over a month ago, he celebrated his 95th birthday and it became increasingly clear that his life on this earth was nearing its end. He became unresponsive on Thursday, and on Friday took his final breath.

There has been grieving, as is normal when a loved one is no longer there, but there is also a sense of relief and a knowledge that his suffering is over and he is now completely whole and at peace. There is also a sense that things are now different, as the last of our parents has passed from the scene. This generation has been called the “greatest generation,” and there is a sense in which this is true. They defeated the greatest threat to the world up to that time, and came back to build a country that became the most influential on earth.

My father-in-law was a good example of that generation. Charlie left a small town in Iowa to move to Washington, DC and begin a career with the FBI. He began as a clerk, going to school at night to get a college degree in order to become a special agent. This career was interrupted by war and he joined the navy and served in the Pacific as a signalman on a troop transport. His ship was torpedoed by the Japanese and survived a typhoon. After returning to the US, he was promoted to special agent. He served in that position for twenty four years.

After retiring from government service, Charlie spent a few years as head of security at a local bank. I met him after he retired when I began to date his youngest daughter. From the start, I felt completely accepted. I was made to feel like part of the family. For some reason my father-in-law thought I was pretty special. When he moved into the facility in 2014, I hung some plates on his wall. I have a decent eye so I was able to hang them pretty straight without using a level. Charlie was always telling people who came in to see him that I had done such an amazing job of hanging them straight by just eyeballing them. He continually told me what a good son-in-law I was and how glad he was that I had married his daughter. He was always a huge encouragement to me..

Charlie’s sense of humor was a source of amusement for all of us. From him, we learned how a crow lights on a limb. We also learned that if you didn’t know where someone was, they were probably on a night train to Memphis, and we also learned the answer to the question, “Think all this rain will hurt the rhubarb?” (Answer: Not if it’s in cans) My father-in-law, along with my mother-in-law got along very well with my parents, so it was a joy to be able to get to together with all four of them when we visited, and later when all four moved to be near us.

Charlie Parkis is at rest with his Savior. I am grateful for the way he accepted me as if I was his son and for the encouragement he was to our family. He will be missed, but we know we will see him again some day.  

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Blast From the Past: The Cave

This was first posted on January 25, 2012. It was not a good time in my life. Thankfully the Father has redeemed and brought healing. Sometimes it’s good to look back and see where we were and where we are now.

Papa! Papa! Where am I?

How did I get here? It’s so dark. I can’t see a thing!
I remember walking along the path with my friends. Next thing I know I’m waking up here in the dark. I think I remember the path passing near the entrance of a cave. Is that where I am?

How do you feel?

Everything hurts. I feel like I got hit by a truck. Now I remember. We were walking along when I was hit by something. Who would have done something like this?

An Enemy has done this.

Papa, it hurts so bad! I don’t understand! I’m all alone here in the darkness and I feel like everyone has abandoned me!

You are not alone. Your most trusted long time companion is near, waiting for you. I am here.

How did this happen? Everything seemed good. There was some loose rock on the path at times, and there were some places where part of the path had washed away. but I thought we had gotten past them. I thought this part of the journey was going well. I thought we were together.

Papa?

I’m broken. I feel like I can’t move. I’m afraid to try because I can’t see and I don’t know if it’s safe. I don’t know what to do!

Do you remember the time you spent in the desert learning to trust me rather than what you expected me to do?

Yes, I do. That was hard.

You still have more to learn.

Does it have to be so painful? I’d rather lose a job again than feel so hurt and rejected!

Papa, what do I do?

Stay here for awhile. Don’t move. I know it’s dark and you’re scared, but I’m here with you. You are broken, but my love will heal you. You are safe here. Learn again to trust me. No matter what.

When the time comes, I will lead you out of this place, and you and the person who truly loves you will continue on in your journey with me.

Papa, help me! I have no strength.

I know. I am your strength. I love you, son.

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Word for the Year: Love

Every year, I try to pick a word to focus on for that year. Two years ago it was grace, and last year’s word was trust. I have learned a lot about receiving and extending grace and I have learned to trust God and people a bit more, although I am still very much a work in progress in both of those areas.

My word for this year is love. I chose it because I realize how far short I fall in loving. I think I do a decent job of loving those who love me. I can generate good, warm feelings toward my family and friends. I can even treat others with respect. Where I want to focus is that self-sacrificing love with which Jesus loved us.

I want to love Jan as Jesus loves his bride, the church. I want to give myself up for her more and more. I want to treasure her as she is, a person with a God given dignity all her own. That means I have to listen and not be in a hurry to get back to what I was doing. That means I have to not take her for granted and realize every moment how much she means to me.

I want to love others as Jesus has loved me. I want to see others as made in the image of God, whether they are a part of my Tribe or not. That means I have to stop judging others, even those who are guilty of judging. That means I have to truly see others as my Father does and treat them with the respect I want to be given.

I want love to become my defining characteristic. That means I have to lay down my life, my wishes and desires, for the good of other people. That means I have to be a servant, as Jesus was. That is scary, because I have no idea how that will all shake out. I also know that I will fail, at times miserably, so I ask forgiveness in advance.

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Another Year? Already?

Every year about this time, we do the same thing. We say goodbye to one year and hello to another. It seems like 2015 just zipped right on by. As I get older, the days seem to pass much more quickly. I have read that it has something to do with the fact that a particular period of time is a smaller percentage of the whole life span of an older person. Makes sense to me.

I’ve never been one to make a resolutions at the beginning of a year. I don’t seem to be able to keep them, so I just don’t make them. That way, I’m not disappointed. I’m beginning to realize that there are fewer years left in my life than there used to be. Unless medical science comes up with some miracles, I’m more than halfway through. So, at the beginning of a new year I look back at the past year and look ahead to the one ahead.

My focus has changed from career and financial goals. There is only so much you can do when you’re semi-retired and not earning a boatload of money. Those things are not all that important in the long run anyway. The things that are becoming more and more important are my walk with Jesus, my wife and family, and my friends.

Have I become a little more like Jesus in the past year? Have I loved Jan as Christ loved his church? Have I made her feel treasured? Have I been a good father and friend to my adult children and their spouses? Have I loved my friends and been willing to lay down my life for them? Have they been helped in their spiritual journey by what they have seen in me?

These are the things I think about. This is how I want to be in the year ahead. I know that, as with resolutions, there will be successes and miserable failures. I hope the important people in my life will be patient and forgiving.

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Birthday Reflections

As of today, I have completed my sixth decade on this earth. I remember, when I was young thinking that sixty was so old. I don’t feel that way anymore, except when I get out of bed in the morning.

It’s been an interesting journey so far. As a wise man once said, “What a long, strange trip it’s been.” It’s not been a story for the ages, although there have been many moments that were memorable, at least to me. As I look back I see a life that was just a little bit outside of what some would call normal. Of course, what is normal?

Like everyone, I have had highs and lows. I have been married to a wonderful woman for thirty five years now and that union continues to be a high. My two beautiful children are happily married and are making their own way in the world. Looking back I see that my family has always been the best part of my life. I have had good jobs and bad jobs. I have lost good jobs and bad jobs. While I never got what I thought was the dream job, I’ve always had the sense that I was in the right place, even if I was there in order to learn some lessons. I have had good friends through the years. Some continue as friends, others have been lost and replaced by better friends.  I have been hurt by people and learned to forgive. I have hurt people and I hope they have forgiven me. I have learned from each of them.

I have traveled through the Christian landscape, from fundamental Baptist circles where I didn’t quite fit in, to a small Presbyterian church where I feel love and acceptance. Along the way I dabbled in Reformed Baptist, non-denominational, simple, and house churches. I have been fed up with church and ready to call it quits. I have gone from being an advocate of attractional worship that uses music to bring in a crowd, to believing that it is in intimate community that we really are formed into the likeness of Jesus.

As the years have gone by, I have become far less convinced that politics can make lasting change, and far more convinced that being an agent of Jesus’ Kingdom is the only thing that can. I have grown less tolerant of those who are convinced that their way is the only way, and that those who disagree are the enemy.

I have traveled the back roads on this journey. I have not been been successful in business, have not built any empires. I have not been named man of the year, or been roasted in front of a large crowd. I’m not famous. Hopefully I’m not infamous. I don’t really care about all that stuff. I do hope that I have touched some lives in a positive way, that I have made a difference in a small way, that others have seen a bit of Jesus in me.

Sixty years. It does seem like a long time. But, it’s not enough. In many ways it feels like the start, like there’s much more out there. Maybe with all the advances in medical science, I’ll have sixty more. Who knows?