Category: Jan

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1000? Really?

I guess this is a milestone of sorts. This is my 1000th post on this blog. When I began this back in December of 2007, I had no idea I would still be writing a little over four years later. Some of you may be wondering why I’m still sharing the sometimes random stuff that rolls around in my brain. Probably because I can? Actually, I keep on because I hope that something I put on here will help, encourage, or challenge someone.

Since that winter day in 2007, the path of my life has taken a few twists and turns. Jan and I left one church, became involved in a couple of church plants (one fizzled and one blew up). I was done with the whole idea of church for a while. Then three years ago, God brought us to a church community that we have grown to love and see as family.

The journey has gone through wide open, sunny spaces and deep dark woods. I have been in a cave and come out again. I have learned over and over to trust the loving heart of my Father, and I have become more amazed at his unfathomable love for me. In the past couple of years, we have added two members to our family with the marriages of our two children.

In June, I lost a job and immediately gained a gig helping to take care of my father-in-law. That continues to this day, but I will have to be getting a regular job in the near future. I am trusting God to provide in his timing, as he always has.

Where this road takes me in the next four years is one of those unknowns. I am sure it will wind through forests, wide open spaces, and valleys. Maybe I’ll crank out another thousand posts. We’ll see. Thank you to all of you who have been with me on part of this trip. I hope that y’all (as we say here in the sunny South) will continue to travel along with me. It should be interesting.

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Goodbye 2014, Hello 2015

If there is one word that best sums up the past year here in the sunny South, it would be the word interesting. There have been a lot of changes and adjustments through the year, especially in the second half. I started 2014 by choosing grace as my word for the year, and there have been multiple moments when I have had to lean on God’s grace.

The first five months of the year were relatively normal. Then, things got weird. June 5 was my last day at the middle school where I have been working the past eight and a half years. I didn’t actually go in to work that day though, because my father-in-law fell and broke his hip that morning. That was the beginning of the adjustments. I was without work and my father-in-law was taking a different road in his journey. As it has turned out, being out of work has allowed me the time to help him out and to take care of his financial affairs as well as helping him with doctor visits and life in an assisted living facility.

We made it through the summer, and in the middle of September we flew out to California for our daughter, Jennie’s, wedding. We had a wonderful time with her and with our new in-laws. I also had the honor of being the officiant at the wedding! That was an amazing thing, and I only choked up three times! We came back home, and within a few weeks our son told us that he and his wife were moving from Charlotte to Seattle so he could work with his cousin who has his own architectural design business. The idea of both of our children being on the opposite side of the country has taken some getting used to, but we know that it’s a great opportunity and we are happy for them.

We were able to get together with both of our children at the beginning of December, when we celebrated Christmas and a couple of birthdays. On the 19th, Josh and Alicia set out with all their worldly possessions in a Honda Fit. They drove across the country and arrived in Seattle two days before Christmas. Jan and I celebrated Christmas with her father, and then with some close friends. So Christmas was a bit different, but it was good.

Last night we said goodbye to one year and hello to another. While there are things I could wish had happened differently, I am grateful for God’s hand in everything. As we enter into this new year, I still don’t have a job, and I’m not totally sure how to proceed. The path is shrouded in fog, and we really don’t have a clue what will happen in the future. What we do know is that our Father loves us, and that his heart is good toward us. He knows what is to come, and how we are going to best represent his kingdom.

My word for this year is trust. My prayer is, “Lord, I believe! Help my unbelief!”

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What I Did During My “Summer Vacation”

On June 5, the last day of school, I left the teacher’s assistant job that I had held for the past 8 1/2 years. On the same day, my father-in-law fell in his garage and broke his hip. Thus began a very interesting summer.

Because of the accident, I actually didn’t go in for my last day. I won’t go into the details here, but it was time to leave. I had been looking for other work, preferably in sports and recreation, for a few months. I didn’t think it would be a hard or long search but, as seems to happen quite a bit, God had something totally different in store for me. Jan and I spent a good bit of the next few days at the hospital. Thankfully, everything happened in the same city in which we live. There were a few complications, so there were some times when we wondered what was going to happen next. Thankfully, the complications were taken care of and my father-in-law moved into a rehab facility. At the time, the goal was to get him healed and rehabilitated to the point where he would be able to return home and live his life as he had before the accident. During this time a number of possible work opportunities presented themselves. None of them were in sports and recreation, and none of them were immediate.

Fast forward to the end of July. Jan’s dad was finally able to put weight on his leg, so the therapy to get him walking and hopefully back home could begin. We would know something in about two weeks. At the same time a few of the possible job opportunities faded away. The one that remained was taking care of my father-in-law during the day, and possibly doing some tutoring on the side. In the midst of all this, our son found out that he had a mass on his thyroid that might be cancerous.

After a couple of weeks of rehab, we were told that Jan’s dad would not be able to go home unless someone could be there 24/7. So, we went on a search for an assisted living place that didn’t cost an arm and a leg and that would be good for him. We found a good place that was affordable, and moved him in just last Friday. He seems to be adjusting well. Two weeks ago, Josh had surgery to remove the thyroid and the biopsy report on the mass showed that there was no cancer! We are thankful for the way we have seen God provide in both of those things the past couple of months.

This past Wednesday, school resumed. I slept in. I still have nothing in the way of what could be called a regular job. There are possibilities still, but nothing concrete yet, except for the responsibility of being my father-in-law’s financial representative. There is much to be done in that area in the next few months. I may be subbing in a local Christian school, and there are preparations to be done for Jennie’s wedding in September. So, at least I won’t be bored.

The road continues to be shrouded in mist, and the way ahead is not as clear as I would like. I am learning to trust that my Father loves me and wants to give me good things. I am learning to live, not in expectation of certain outcomes, but in expectancy of what God is going to do as he expresses his love and grace to me.

So, the road goes on and on.

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Thirty Four Years and Counting

On this date, thirty four years ago, I married a wonderful young lady by the name of Jan. When we said, “I do”, neither of us realized what the years would bring. Like all couples, we brought our own selves into the marriage, and there were adjustments. One of the decisions we made before the wedding was to never consider divorce as an option. I believe that commitment has been a strength of our marriage.

Through the years, we have learned what it means to live out that commitment. We have had to learn how to communicate openly, how to figure out which things were important and which were not, and how to extend grace. As we learned those things, we grew to understand each other more and more. That has served us well in the twists and turns of our journey together.

We’ve been through a lot together in these thirty four years of marriage. Getting jobs, losing jobs, having enough, and wondering if we’ll have enough. We’ve lost loved ones together, and gained and lost friends. We’ve had our ups and downs as we’ve learned to live with one another. Through it all, we have seen God`s grace time and time again.

As I look back on the years, I know that if I had the chance to do it all again, I would. I am so supremely blessed to have the privilege of being married to the most beautiful, wonderful woman on earth. Jan, I love you, and I thank God for you. Here’s to another thirty four years!

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Weekend

I’m sorry there is no Weekend Wanderings post this week. My father-in-law fell Thursday and broke his hip, so we’ve been busy with all that goes along with that. There is a great deal of the unknown ahead of us, so we would appreciate your thoughts and prayers.

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40 Years? Really?

Last week, Jan and I took a trip up north to attend my 40th high school reunion. Hard to believe it’s been 40 years! We had a good time, as we combined the reunion with some other stops along the way to see some friends and relatives.

Tuesday, we traveled to Lynchburg, VA, where we spent the night with one of Jan’s college roommates. We had a good time catching up. On Wednesday, we drove north to Ashburn, VA and spent a couple days with a nephew and his wife. We did a bit of walking, around their neighborhood and the nearby town of Leesburg. Friday morning, I went with our nephew and played full court basketball for an hour. I survived and I’m actually proud of myself. I played under control, and my mind (which sometimes thinks I’m still in my 20s) didn’t convince my body to try something I would regret. I didn’t feel too bad the next couple of days. Just a little sore.

After I showed the young guys how to play the game, we traveled to the Rockville, MD area for the reunion as well as some sightseeing. We took a detour to a town near Baltimore where we spent the afternoon with another of Jan’s college roommates, along with her husband, father, and daughter-in-law. We had a great time talking and reminiscing. It was good to see them again after a number of years. Friday night found us at a reunion dinner/happy hour. It was good to see some of my classmates, once they told me their names. For some reason, none of us looked the same as we did 40 years ago.

Saturday morning, we got up and took a trip down memory lane. We drove through our old neighborhoods, taking pictures of the schools we attended, the houses in which we lived, the place where we met, and the church where we were married. We also stopped and visited my parents’ graves, where I found that I still get choked up after almost seven years. It was good to see the old places, most of which looked pretty good. The yards and playgrounds seem to have shrunk quite a bit over the years. So many memories came to mind during our travels that I couldn’t begin to list them here.

After our trip around the past, we went to a cookout where I caught up with even more of my classmates. Again, I remembered them after they told me their names. There was a class picture from 1973 on one wall in the house. It was amazing to see how much hair we all had back then! We ate some good food, had a few drinks, and remembered the good times we had back when. It seemed like a simpler time because we didn’t yet have the responsibilities of careers and families. We were the ones who were going to change the world, and some are doing that, although in smaller ways than we imagined. Most of us have grown up to be responsible adults who are doing some good. We have changed, in ways beyond the obvious physical changes. Some of the changes are good, some are not, but the group that graduated from high school in 1973 really doesn’t exist anymore.

Sunday morning, we headed for home. On the way, we stopped to see another nephew and his wife, along with their two year old son and their six day old daughter. We went from a bunch of memories to a family that was making their own memories that they can tell about 40 years from now. I got to hold our grand-niece and it was good to hold part of the future. It will be fun to see how her life unfolds, as well as the lives of all of our grand- nieces and grand-nephews.

Thomas Wolfe wrote that you can’t go home again. Maybe you can’t. Maybe you can, but it’s not really home. Or maybe, all of our past experiences form the home we’re in today.

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For My Beautiful Wife

Today is the thirty-third anniversary of the day I married my beautiful wife Jan. When we wed, we vowed to stick with the other through better or worse, health or sickness, etc. At the time neither of us really knew what that all entailed. As the years have passed, we’ve learned a bit of what it means to support each other in the good and the bad.

Through it all, I have been blessed to have such a gracious partner by my side. In Genesis, we are told that God thought it not good for man to be alone so he created a helper suitable (meet) for him. In the Hebrew the words translated “help meet” could be translated as a “helper who complements.” Not a helper in the sense of a servant, but a helper in the sense of a rescuer or deliverer. The word “ezer” is used of God as a deliverer. The word “k’enegdo” can be translated “against” or “opposite.” The idea is something which corresponds to, like a mirror image. So, you could say that a wife is to be a deliverer who mirrors her husband. Opposites attract right?

Jan has certainly been an ezer k’enegdo for me. She has been my deliverer by her love and loyal support. She is a complement to me and I have learned much from her through the years. I can not imagine what it would have been like without her through the moves, the job losses, the losses of my parents, and all the other ups and downs of life. As I look back over thirty-three years, I marvel at the grace of a loving Abba who knew exactly who I needed. I can’t fathom it.

Jan, it’s been an absolutely wonderful journey together these thirty-three years. I can’t imagine life with anyone else, and I pray the Father gives us many more years together. You are a tremendous blessing to me. I love you.

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Thoughts on Les Miserables

A little while back, Jan and I went with some of our church family to see the movie, Les Miserables. We thoroughly enjoyed it. It’s one of those movies you want to see on the big screen and then want to see again on DVD because the story is so good. A lot has been said and written about the theme of grace vs. law and the triumph of grace. The movie was saturated with grace, and the embodiment of grace in Jean Valjean and law in Javert was thought provoking and emotion producing.There were a lot of tissues used, and hopefully a lot of thinking about God’s grace. My thoughts after the film, while still including grace, were a bit different than others that I heard.

There were many scenes in the film that made folks cry, and I choked up many of those times myself. However, what brought me to tears was the scene near the end when Javert dove off the bridge, finally holding on to law all the way to death and rejecting the grace that was offered. Now, keep in mind that I had not read the novel or seen any of the stage or film productions. In my wild-eyed optimism, I hoped that Javert would see the light and be transformed by grace as Jean Valjean was. It broke my heart.

My heart still breaks when I think about the many people who reject a grace that gives life and cling to law which brings death. Some don’t know any better, having been raised in religions that are all about human effort. I would include the American religion of pull yourself up by your own bootstraps self-sufficiency. Many however, should know better. There are multitudes of churches and organizations that will say they are all about grace but then proclaim rules to follow to be “right with God,” or any number of steps to be a better whatever. This includes those “ministries” who proclaim grace but then tell you what to do to have any number of “blessings” in your life.

If those things worked, churches would be full of perfect, completely fulfilled and whole people. Do you know any of those? I don’t. Law doesn’t work to bring life, whether it’s religious commands or simple human effort to get better. Our effort, whether it’s obeying regulations, following steps, or trying to have more faith, will not change us. It is only God’s grace that transforms us, making us into people who show love to others, who trust God, and who sometimes do the right thing. This comes about because the Spirit of the living God dwells in us and changes us from the inside out. We no longer live by law, but we live by grace, out of a heart consumed with love for our Father because he loves us with an unchangeable, everlasting love.

Let us reject law, with its striving and death. Let us embrace God’s grace, which does what we could never do and transforms us into the new creation God means for us to be. 

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A Christmas Program

Last month, I went with Jan to a Christmas program at the school where she teaches. As I sat watching the program, I started thinking that I was at a Christmas program that neither of our children were in, that I didn’t know any of the students, and that the only reason I was there because some of Jan’s students were participating. And, I was enjoying it. As I wondered why, I realized it was because it was a program that was full of the innocence of children, the joy of simple participation, and unconditional love. Later, I thought how that simple school Christmas program was a good picture of what the church is (or should be).

The participants in the program were not professional musicians or actors. While the performance was very good, there were notes that were missed and lines that were flubbed. It was what was there that is most important. There was innocence, an innocence that allowed each child to simply go through their part in the program and not worry about any missteps. There was also a joy in simply doing something in front of their families and friends. They were simply doing something and having fun doing it. None of the children ran crying from the stage because they had missed a cue or hit the wrong note. There was no embarrassment. This was because the children knew that they were loved by their parents and teachers, and that this love did not depend on performance. The audience applauded each part of the program, and showed sincere appreciation for the efforts of the participants.

This is how the church should be. Each of us has a part to play in the “program” that is the church. We are all called to be ministers of the grace of God. Whether that part is “big” or “small,” we all have something to do in the body. We are called to be as children in our trust of the Father. It is an innocent trust that knows that, no matter what, our Abba has everything under control and loves us. Knowing this allows us to do what we do with joy, because we know that the end result doesn’t depend on us and our performance doesn’t determine our acceptance. We can miss cues, flub lines, and hit the wrong notes and our Father loves us the same.

That unconditional love of God calls us to love each other in the same way. Some of us struggle with a critical way of looking at the world. That is wrong. Just as no one criticized the children for not being perfect, so we should not criticize our brothers and sisters who may not do things as well as we do, or who may not be as far along in certain parts of their journey. We must remember that each one of us is solely responsible to God, and how he has called us may not be the same as how he has called another. We are also called to lay down our lives for our brothers. That will help free them to serve with joy and an innocent trust in the God who is sovereign and who can take our poorest efforts and use them for his glory and the advancement of his kingdom.

Let us be as children as we do what God has called us to do. Let us rest in the Father as we work, trusting him completely. Let us take joy in our calling, and let others know the source of that joy. Let us love one another as Christ has loved us and allow each other the freedom to play out our calling, even when it doesn’t look all that pretty.