Category: Jan

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And I Still Do

One day, a minister asked me if I took the young woman standing next to me as my wife, to love and cherish, in sickness and health, for better or worse, as long as we both would live. That warm July day, I said I do.

Fast forward thirty two years. The woman is no longer young. Neither am I. We have been through both health and sickness. There have been times when things couldn’t have been any better, and there have been other times when things seemed as if they couldn’t be any worse. That day in July, neither one of us could have predicted all that was going to happen as we journeyed together. I know Jan had no idea what she was getting into. We have been through moves, jobs gained and lost, and have raised two children to adulthood. There have been disagreements and arguments. There have been many changes in our lives.

There are a couple of things that have never changed. The first, and most important, is the love that our Father has for us and the grace he has shown us every day. There have been times we couldn’t have made it without God’s grace and love. He has been faithful to provide for us all along, many times in ways we could never expected. While we have never been wealthy in terms of material things, we have been rich in the things that can never be taken away. We have always had the love of friends and family and the knowledge that our Papa would give us exactly what we needed at exactly the right time. He owns the riches of heaven, and we have learned to trust him as he takes care of us.

The second constant had been the fact that this woman who stood beside me thirty two years ago has always stood beside me. Jan has been my support through all I have done, whether teaching, coaching, or teaching others about following Jesus. She has been right there when jobs disappeared and new jobs were slow in coming. She has comforted me in times of sorrow and grief, and been extremely patient with me in my failings and struggles. We have been a team through these years. After all these years, it still boggles my mind to think of how wonderfully God has blessed me. He has given me a treasure that I can’t even begin to fathom. I am one of those men who definitely married up. 


I cannot adequately express the depth of my love for you, Jan. Words don’t do justice to my gratitude for all you have been to me. I can say one thing though. I still do.

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My Week

The past seven days have been pretty busy. There were the usual work related goings-on, family happenings, etc. There were more significant things that happened as well. One of the events was life changing, and the other was different.

Our son was married this past weekend. We held the rehearsal and dinner at the local camp where we work. There was barbecue, baked beans, cole slaw, and cobbler. It was a busy day, setting up and taking down, driving to pick up the meat, and cooking. Everyone had a good time. The wedding was Sunday. Josh and Alicia were married in the evening in an old dairy barn that has been converted into a venue for different events. Jan and I went there to help decorate in the afternoon, and back for the ceremony. It was a beautiful time. The food at the reception was delicious, and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves.

We spent Monday recovering and visiting with relatives who came in for the wedding. Tuesday found me home with a bad head cold. Wednesday morning, I received a phone call from the pastor of the church we have been gathering with, telling me that a young woman in the church had passed away that morning. The church was going to gather that night to share a meal, to sing some hymns, to share memories, and to pray and encourage one another. It was an interesting experience, because I had never been part of a church gathering for that purpose. I’d been to funerals, taken dinner to grieving families, and stood around and talked at viewings. This was the first time I had been at a gathering of a church like that. It was…well, it was like a family gathering. It was like the brothers and sisters, uncles and cousins, had gathered to comfort each other and pay their respects to their departed loved one. As I thought about it later, it hit me. This is what church is supposed to be. We are family! We have the same Father, the same older Brother. We are brothers and sisters. So why wouldn’t we gather as a family when something like this happens? So many Christians say that they are family with other Christians, but the reality is far different (maybe it’s because there are so many dysfunctional examples out there).

The gathering Wednesday night was family. The gathering I had with a brother in Christ at a local pub the next night was also family. We met for dinner and a couple of pints, and spent the next few hours sharing our lives and encouraging each other. Again, that’s what family does. That’s what church is. It doesn’t have to be in a particular building, at a particular time, on a particular day. It is wherever and whenever the children of God get together to encourage each other and share the Father’s love.

I think we may have found our family.

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Bend in the Road

I’m sorry there was no Weekend Wanderings post this weekend. Jan and I were volunteering at a music festival put on by a local camp and were very busy Friday night and all day Saturday. Sunday was a full day as well, so I ran out of time. Next time.

From time to time, I like to let all my loyal readers (or maybe that’s reader) know what’s going on in my journey. Some of you know that I have had issues with the institutional church. I grew up in fundamentalism, earned a Bible college degree, and taught for years in Christian schools. I have seen the operation of churches as a member of the congregation, a very part time youth director, a worship leader, a deacon, and an elder. I have taught Sunday School, preached in the pulpit, and performed special music.

About two and a half years ago, we walked away from the institution. I helped a friend begin a “simple” church that met in a bagel shop. At first, things were great. We were building community and beginning to learn how  to disciple and love one another. By the end of the second year, that community had ceased to exist. Some of the folks went back to church, some left completely, and some of us began to meet in another bagel shop. Again, things seemed to be going well. After about four months, without warning, things fell apart. Again, some went back to church, and some just walked away.

Due to the circumstances surrounding the end of this second community, I was devastated. Jan was also hurt, and we both had a hard time for a while. We couldn’t figure out what had happened, and had no clue what God wanted us to do. After a lot of prayer, we felt the Father was telling us to rest, not to do anything but rest. There was still one individual who wanted to continue meeting with us, so we have been meeting in our dining room on Sunday mornings for the last four months. It has been good to meet with this person and do a chronological study of the life and teachings of Jesus, with the goal of being transformed by what we learn.

Four weeks ago, I felt the Father was telling us that it was time to be going. We had learned about a new church from our son, Josh and his fiancee, Alicia. The church meets on Sunday evening, so we were able to continue what we were doing in the morning. We checked it out, and decide we liked it. The group meets for a meal before the service, and celebrates Communion every Sunday. Those are two things that I have come to believe are essential in the life of a church. The music is good, and it’s not a show where the congregation does more watching than anything else. The mission of the church is to be a community that helps each other follow Jesus, and to reach out for the betterment of our city. Two more things I see as essential.

There are a couple of things that are not quite what I believe a local assembly of the church should be. Each Sunday there is a sermon, and the church is part of a denomination. I believe a participatory meeting is better for making disciples, and I also believe that a lot of denominational policies are extra-Biblical and can distract a church from its mission. I also have come to believe, however, that although I am not a fan of institutional church, the Church can be found anywhere God’s people gather, even in church.

So, we have taken a step toward what we think may be where God wants us to be. If we have found a community that is focused on Jesus, on helping each other to follow him, and on being a blessing to our city; if we have found Church within a church, then we will probably stay awhile.

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Being Thankful

This Thursday is Thanksgiving Day, so in honor of the season I would like to list a few of the many things I am thankful for.

I am thankful, first of all, that I have a Father in heaven who calls me his child and who loves me with an inexhaustible love. I am thankful for what Jesus Christ has done for me, and for the great privilege of being called to follow him. I am thankful for the wisdom and guidance that the Spirit gives me in my day-to-day. I am thankful for the legacy of godly parents who taught me through their example how to follow Jesus. I am thankful for a sister who loves Jesus and loves me, and for her family.
I am thankful for an absolutely wonderful woman who I am blessed to call my wife. Her love and support means more to me than I can say. I am thankful for her family, and the way they have accepted me as one of their own. I am thankful for two fantastic children who are a joy and a blessing to me, and who have become fine young adults. I am thankful for friends who love me, who have taught me much, and who are not afraid to call BS when the situation warrants it.
I am thankful for a job that is more than just a job, but is also an opportunity to show God’s love to others. I am thankful that I get to coach, and use athletics to influence young people. I am thankful for good health. I am thankful for the Father’s provision down through the years, even though I didn’t always have a lot of faith at the time. I am thankful for the things God has been teaching me these past few years, even the lessons that were hard to learn.
I could go on and on. There is so much to be grateful for. Abba has showered me with his blessings. So, this Thanksgiving I will soak in the riches of God’s glorious grace and love.
I’ll be taking a few days of the rest of the week. Have a happy Thanksgiving!
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It’s Time Once Again…

…to celebrate. It’s time to remember an event from the past. No, I’m not talking about the thing that happened 235 years ago. This event is in the more recent past. Thirty one years ago, as a matter of fact.

Yes, that’s right. It’s time once again to celebrate the day that Jan and I said, “I do.” Tomorrow, July 5 is our thirty-first anniversary. It’s hard to believe it’s been that long, but on the other hand, it seems as if we have been married forever. I have a hard time imagining what it was like to be single. In fact, I can’t imagine life without Jan.
Over the years we have grown as individuals, and as a couple. God has brought us through so many different experiences, some that were joyous and some that tried our faith. We’ve raised two children and experienced much that goes along with that. We’ve seen three of our four parents age and pass from this earth. We’ve had tough financial times when we wondered where the money was going to come from, and we’ve had times when we could pass on some extra to those in need. We’ve lived in the Washington, D.C. area, Cincinnati, and Rock Hill, SC. We’ve worked in the same schools, and we’ve spent time in different jobs. Through it all, we have seen the Father take care of us and provide for us in ways we never could have imagined.
Our faith journey has taken its share of twists and turns. We’ve spent time in different types of churches, and are currently part of a fellowship that meets in a house. Our understanding of and relationship with God has changed and grown over our life together. As our relationship with God has deepened, our love for each other has deepened as well. I am learning more and more how to love Jan as Jesus loved the church, although I still have a long way to go. Again, the faithfulness of Abba has been an amazing thing.
The last thirty one years have been a wonderful part of my journey. I’m extremely thankful to God for the precious gift he gave me in Jan. I’m looking forward to what the next thirty one + years will bring.
Jan, I love you so much more than yesterday, and so much less than tomorrow.
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Reflections on the New Year

I haven’t blogged in almost two weeks. Due to traveling and other Christmas activities, my time on the computer was not as regular as it usually is. I just got caught up in my blog reading yesterday. I have had some time to reflect on the year that has past, and also to look ahead to the new one.


I’ve heard it said that the only constant in life is change. That has certainly been true in the past year. My job responsibilities changed, and I’m now working on a more individual basis with a few students. I enjoy it more than what I was doing, and I feel like I’m actually helping them. Jan left her job at the assisted living facility, and is teaching part time and cooking for a retreat center part time. Our church has not grown this year, in fact it has actually shrunk. That’s a good thing though. We made the decision to try and be open to each other and learn to live life with each other. It’s been an interesting experience, and I think we’ve grown closer as a community and have experienced a measure of healing and freedom. It will be interesting to see what the Father will do in us in 2011. God has been teaching me how to go through my day-to-day being aware of his presence, and focus on listening and doing what he tells me to do. I am learning, although there are times when what I think is the voice of God is just my addled brain talking.

I’m looking forward to this year. I’m sure it will bring changes, some positive, some not so much. I don’t make resolutions, mainly because I never keep them. 🙂 I do have certain things I want to see happen. You can call them goals if you want. I want to live in awareness of God’s presence more each day and hear his voice. I want the courage to take risks when the Spirit directs me. I want to love God and others with abandon, not worrying about what people may think. I want to be a blessing to my faith community, and to others that I come in contact with. I want to be a better husband, loving Jan more as Christ loved the Church. I want to be a better father to my adult children, letting them see Jesus.

I know the road ahead will take some turns. There will be some bumps, and there will be times when I will mess up. The one thing I know for certain is that my relationship with my Father doesn’t hinge on how many resolutions I make and keep, on how well I perform certain spiritual duties, or on anything that I do. Abba loves me, and there is nothing I can do that will change that in any way. I can be the prodigal, the elder brother, or something in between, and God still loves me with a reckless, graceful love. That is why I look forward to the year ahead.

You may make resolutions at the start of a new year, or you may not. You may set goals, and plan how to reach those goals. That’s fine. Just remember that some goals will be met, but others will not be realized. Some resolutions will be shelved until next year. Remember also, that your Father loves you and will continue to love you the same no matter whether you keep all your resolutions or not. You are free, free to make resolutions and then break them, free to set goals and then not meet them.
Jesus came to give us a full, abundant life. So, live. Be free. Abba loves you.
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Lessons From Easy Rider

The other night we watched Easy Rider. Even though the film has been out for 41 years, it was the first time any of us had seen it. As we watched, Jan and I were both struck by the idea of freedom, although in slightly different ways.

Jan saw the characters as people looking for freedom. Wyatt (Peter Fonda) and Billy (Dennis Hopper) traveled across America free to do whatever they wished. The folks at the commune wanted to be free to live off the land as they saw fit. George (Jack Nicholson) saw traveling with Wyatt and Billy as a chance for freedom. What Jan said is that while they were looking for freedom, or thought that they were free, all of them were bound by something. I think that’s true. All of the characters were bound, by drugs, prostitution, prejudice, the weather, or the actions of others. That’s true in real life as well. People are bound by any number of things. As Jan said, everyone who is outside of Christ is bound by sin. Only in Jesus do we have freedom.

That brings me to my thoughts as we watched the film. There was a section where George talks about freedom:

“They’re scared of what you represent to them….

What you represent to them is freedom….

But talking about and being it, that’s two different things.

Don’t tell anybody that they’re not free, because they’ll get busy killing and maiming to prove to you that they are. They’re going to talk to you and talk to you about individual freedom. But, they see a free individual, it’s going to scare them. Well, it don’t make them running scared. It makes them dangerous.”

There are a lot of churches that loudly proclaim grace and freedom. “By grace are you saved” is a common theme. Some put grace in their name. They will tell you that they are all about grace and freedom. If you take a closer look, however, you will notice that the folks in those churches are like the characters in Easy Rider. They are bound. Bound by the expectations of others, by their pursuit of the American Dream. Bound by rules handed down from the pastor or group of leaders. Bound by a system of theology or a tradition of worship. Bound by guilt or prejudice. Just don’t tell them that they are not free or let them see an individual who is living free in God’s grace. That’s when they become dangerous.

People who try to truly live in freedom are looked upon as “backsliders.” They are “lawless” and “they need to get right with God.” They are removed from leadership roles, or expelled from institutions. People who live in freedom are ostracized. Some are even branded as “heretics,” and are denounced in writing or on blogs. Christians are scared of grace and of the freedom that we have because of grace. It’s nothing new. Paul was accused of promoting lawlessness because he preached grace.

I think we are scared of freedom because freedom is a dangerous thing. It causes us to rely completely on the Holy Spirit to guide us, rather than a law handed down from an authority figure. If we live in freedom we have to think, and we have to be willing to make mistakes and then own up to those mistakes. We even have to be willing to sin. Yes, I said that we even have to be willing to sin. Face it, we are going to sin. Instead of trying to hide it and pretend we don’t, we should own up to it. We shouldn’t live our lives constantly looking around for some sin to jump out from the shadows and attack us. We shouldn’t go through our day worrying about avoiding sin. We should flee temptation when it presents itself, but we shouldn’t be anxious about it.

We are called to live in freedom. Christ has fulfilled the law, and it is for freedom that he has set us free. Learn from Jesus. Let his Spirit fill you and teach you. As you grow more and more in the grace of God through Jesus, and let Christ live through you, the more you’ll be able to live in grace, and the more you will be truly free.

You might be scary to some. But, that’s a good thing.

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St. Augustine Trip – Final Day

The last night in the inn had passed. It was now time to say goodbye to St. Augustine and begin the trek back to South Carolina. But first, there were things to do and places to see. After one more delicious breakfast we hopped on the trolley and rode it around town again, stopping at Memorial Presbyterian Church, built by Henry Flagler as a memorial to his only daughter.


From there we walked to Flagler College, which occupies the old Ponce de Leon Hotel built by Henry Flagler. It’s a beautiful campus.
From there, we walked around the Spanish Quarter some more, going into buildings and shops that were closed in the evenings the other days.

After finishing our explorations, we had one final stop – the St. Augustine Lighthouse. The lighthouse reportedly is also haunted, although we didn’t see anything out of the ordinary there either.

What can be see though, are great views of the ocean and the city.After leaving the lighthouse, we said farewell to the oldest continuously inhabited city in the United States. We left behind a few dollars, but we took with us fond memories of good times together, as well as some pictures. We arrived home later that night, tired and happy. It was a wonderful trip.

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St. Augustine Trip – Day 3

After another wonderful breakfast at the St. Francis Inn, Jan and I went on a cruise around Matanzas Bay. The cruise gave us a look at the city from a different perspective.
After the hour and a half cruise (thankfully no one named Gilligan was on board), we walked back to the inn to get our car and drove to the beach. The inn provided us with a place to change, towels and chairs, so we didn’t have to take anything with us. While the weather was extremely hot back in South Carolina, it was very pleasant at St. Augustine Beach.
We ate dinner at a small beach restaurant named Mango, Mangos, and then went back and walked around the old city some more before going back to the inn for dessert. After a relaxing evening, we called it a night as we had some driving to do the next day.

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St. Augustine Trip – Day 2

After a good night’s sleep, we awoke to a beautiful north coastal Florida day. We went downstairs to the dining roomand filled our plates with a delicious breakfast, which we ate outside in the courtyard.

After breakfast, we hopped the trolley to travel around the city, picking out places that we hadn’t seen in our previous visits so we could go back to them later. We ate lunch at the Santa Maria Restaurant, where diners can feed bread to the fish in the bay through small trapdoors in the window sills.
After lunch, we walked around the old Spanish Quarter, looking at buildings that, in some cases, predated Jamestown and Plymouth. Of course, we also shopped. After we had tromped around for a couple hours, we went back to the inn for hors d’oeuvres and drinks. We then walked back to the old city gates for a ghost walk. The only problem was that I had bought the tickets on-line and for some reason we weren’t on the list for the time I had reserved. So, we had to wait for a bit. We walked to the Spanish fort and sat on a bench and just relaxed, watching people and the boats on the bay. After about an hour or so, we went on the walk. We heard some interesting stories of paranormal encounters, but we didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. There were a couple of folks in our group who took pictures that showed things that weren’t visible to the eye, so…

After the tour was over, we walked back to the inn and rested up for the next day.