We traveled to St. Augustine on Monday from Summerville, SC, having spent the night with my sister and her family. Since Jan shares my enjoyment of traveling off the interstate, we rolled down Highway 17 to I-95 South. We took 95 through South Carolina and Georgia to just north of Jacksonville, FL. There we exited and got on A1A, which winds down the coast through the beach towns and vacation homes of north Florida. On the way we found that traveling on this particular road includes a trip on a ferry.
After a 15-20 minute trip, we were back on the road. We continued south until we made it to St. Augustine and the St. Francis Inn. The inn is a bed and breakfast in a house that dates back to 1791.
After checking in and resting for a bit, we had an anniversary dinner at an excellent Italian restaurant, and chilled out for the rest of the evening, resting up for some busy days ahead.
30 Years
Thirty years ago, Jan and I set out on a journey together. Through those years the path has had many twists and turns. We have gone through jobs lost and found, leaving old friends and getting to know new ones, saying goodbye to parents, and seeing our children grow up and go out on their own. Of course, we have also gone through many of the adjustments that married couples make as they get to know each other.
We both had wonderful examples of marriage from our parents, so as we started out, we determined from the start that divorce was not going to be an option. That commitment, along with the grace of God, has helped make our marriage strong. Of course, it’s easy to want to stay with someone who you’ve never fallen out of love with.
God has truly blessed me with a woman like Jan. She has a wonderful sense of humor, which is a requirement for living with someone like me. Her love for Christ is evident in her demeanor and the way she approaches life. Through the years, as I have watched her teach Josh and Jennie and her school students, I have clearly seen her love for others. Her quiet and gentle spirit has been a calming influence for me many times, as well as her ability to cut through the fog and bring clarity to my sometimes muddled mind.
Proverbs 31:10 says that a noble wife is worth far more than rubies. I know that to be true. In Jan, I have found a noble wife whose worth exceeds not only rubies, but all other things as well. I know that I am truly blessed, and I am awed by the love that the Father shows me through her. I cannot imagine what life would be like without her.
Happy 30th anniversary, Jan. May God grant us many more. I love you more than yesterday, and less than tomorrow.
Church as Family
This past Sunday in our gathering, we were talking about gathering together as a church, and what it means to be a church. One of the points that was made was that we aren’t the church because we gather together, but that we gather together because we are the church, and we gather together as the church because we are family. We are children of our heavenly Father, therefore we are brothers and sisters. As Sister Sledge sang back in the day, we are family.
Now the term family conjures up different pictures for different people, some good and some bad. For me, regardless of the picture presented in many TV shows, the idea of church as family means several things. First, it means that we carry the same spiritual DNA. We have the Spirit of God within us, and we are God’s children. We are one because we have the same Father. The second thing family means is loyalty. The saying “blood is thicker than water” can be applicable here. People will do almost anything for those in their family, sometimes going to outrageous lengths. As I was growing up, my sister and I would tease each other and get into arguments from time to time, but woe to anyone outside our family who would try to hurt the other. Jan and I have also stressed that attitude of loyalty with Josh and Jennie.
Another aspect of family is the idea that certain responsibilities come with being a family member. Certain things are expected simply because of who you are. Of course, we all fail at different times, so one of those responsibilities is forgiving and restoring the erring family member. That is sometimes hard to do, but we do it because we are family. A fourth thing that family means is a willingness to give help when it is needed, and to receive help when we need it. This a two-sided coin. On the one hand we are ready to give to family when it is necessary. The flip side of that is being willing to ask for help. It’s easy sometimes to help others, but it can be a difficult thing to ask for help. Difficult, but necessary.
The final and most important thing I see in family is love. Love makes all the other things possible, and it is because of God’s love that we are family. Love can be difficult, even in families. Love opens us up and leaves us vulnerable, and sometimes family members hurt us. Sometimes we may be very good at extending love to others, but have a hard time receiving it from others. Both are needed in a family. Love, given and received, is the oil that makes a family run smoothly.
May God help us to be fully functional family.
Fathers’ Day
Today is a day when fathers are remembered. It is a day of feelings, some good, and some bad. There are many who have loving Fathers, and today is a day of celebration. Others have absent or abusive fathers, and today is a day of hurt feelings. Still others have fathers who have passed on, and today is a day of remembrance. For me, this fourth Father’s Day since Dad passed away has been such a day.
Along with remembering my own father, I have been thinking today of the great privilege it is to be a father. This is my twenty-eighth Fathers’ Day, and I can say that I have been blessed beyond measure with my son and daughter. Those years have had their ups and downs, but I wouldn’t give them up for anything.
They say that having a child come into your life changes things, and that is certainly true. Not only does it change your lifestyle, it also causes you to become a student again. The lessons are not presented in a classroom, but are taught right in the middle of life. Sometimes the lessons are simple, and only need to be learned once. Other times the lessons are hard, and need to be repeated. The classroom is also a place of danger, for unlike an algebra or science lesson, failure to learn can have negative life-changing results. On the flip side, successful learning can have results that can be amazing.
*WARNING!* BRAGGING ALERT!
My heavenly Father has been gracious to me. Through the years of teaching and learning, Josh and Jennie have grown into young adults who are a source of great pride to Jan and me. They successfully navigated the teenage years, and have done well in the world of higher education. Josh has earned an undergraduate degree in mass communications, and a Master’s in architecture (anyone know of any firms that are hiring? 🙂 ). Jennie earned a bachelor’s degree in graphic design and photography, and created the marketing department at a visual effects studio in Los Angeles (look up Stargate Studios on youtube). I am confident that both of them will be successful in what their careers.
The thing that brings me more joy than their academic and career success is the knowledge that both of them have grown into responsible, caring individuals who are not afraid to walk a different path. They both have a heart for helping those less fortunate, and seeing God’s justice carried out in this world. If you are fortunate to have one of them as your friend, you have a friend that is loyal.
They are not afraid to ask questions, and are not satisfied with stock answers. Their relationship with Jesus has not followed what some would say is standard path, but their love for him is evident. The Father has had his hand on each of them from birth, and he is forming them into the image of Jesus. The Kingdom will benefit from the grace and glory of God shining through them.
As you may have guessed by now, I am extremely proud of my children and grateful to God for allowing me the awesome privilege of being their father. Josh and Jennie, I love you beyond words, and I am thankful for you.
Spring Fever
I know it’s only January 25, but I’m already feeling a touch of the malady known as spring fever. Basketball season is winding down, and even though I am enjoying coaching more than I have in a few years, the long days and the traveling are beginning to wear a bit thin. I’m also getting tired of winter. I know, we really don’t have winter here in the sunny South, but I’m tired of it nonetheless.
Around this time of year, I begin looking around to see if maybe God wants me to do something else to earn a living. It’s not that I’m totally unhappy where I am, although the job is more stressful than I would prefer. It’s just that I try to keep my eyes open for opportunities that may be out there. Of course, there’s not a whole lot out there this year. Not too many jobs are coming open, so I’m definitely grateful I do have a job.
There are some changes on the horizon. Some we know about, some will make themselves known later. Jennie has been promoted at the company where she works, and it sounds like a great move for her. Josh will graduate in May, and will then have to go out and find a job. Hopefully the economy will improve to the point that architectural firms will be hiring. Jan and I will celebrate our thirtieth anniversary this summer, and we hope to do something special.
St. Thomas Community Church is looking at a future that has uncertainties ahead and decisions to be made. We are very close to outgrowing the space where we meet, and we’re not sure what the next step will be. There are many advantages to meeting in a bagel shop. We pay no rent, so any money that is given can go to help those in need. The setting is intimate so there can be good discussion during the teaching time. Right now, we’re small enough that we can begin to know each other more than just on a Sunday morning. We’re in the middle of the marketplace instead of being sequestered behind closed doors in “our place.” We’ve had a couple of the shop employees express an interest in checking us out.
We’ve never had anyone show up and then leave because we were too crowded, that we know of. The possibility exists that we will have to move, but for now we’re going to stay put until we have a clear indication from God where we’re supposed to go. Yesterday we talked about Abram in Genesis 12, and how God told him to go. Abram went, and there is no record that God told him specifically where to go, but that God simply led him. We feel like we’re kind of in that situation as a community. God has called us to be where we are, and to bless those around us. He is leading us step by step, and calling us to simply walk with him and be ready to do what he wants us to do. There is no five year plan (heck, we don’t even have a five week plan). There is no building program, and no plans to build a huge “ministry.” There’s just a day by day, week by week dependence on the Spirit, trying to listen to the still small voice of our Father.
Reflections on a Year
Another year has come and gone. (That’s kind of a lame way to start, isn’t it?) It seems like the older I get the faster the years seem to pass, and 2009 was no exception. I’ve heard that the only thing that remains constant is change, and that has certainly been true this year.
As the year opened, Jan and I began going to a house church on Sunday evenings. The friend who I was going to help plant a church invited us to join him one night. There were about four or five couples there, as well as some children. We enjoyed the fellowship and continued to go every week. As time went on, my friend and his family never came back. Other folks came and went, and through this fellowship we began to help at a local camp that was getting started that summer. Now the house church has faded away, as an organized gathering, but we still get together with the host couple on a regular basis, sharing food, discussing spiritual things (sometimes), and serving some of the less fortunate together.
In June, we went out to California to visit Jennie. Josh had already driven out there, and he was out tour guide during the day. We saw where Jennie works and even “helped” during the filming of a short film. When we returned home, I finished my duties at the church we had been a part of for fourteen years, and we began to look around for a community of faith that would better fit what we thought “church” should be. At the same time the discussion about planting a church came up again, and within a couple of months, St. Thomas Community Church came into existence, meeting in a local bagel shop on Sunday mornings. God is working in our little community as we gather to explore God’s story and our part in it, and how we can follow Jesus in our day-to-day.
As the summer went on, the school where Jan was teaching closed. As you well know, this is not a good time to be looking for work. Jan ended up getting a part-time position in an assisted living facility. God has continued to be faithful and provide for us, although things certainly are tighter.
My duties at the school where I work changed again. I’m now in a class for emotionally disabled students. It is more challenging than what I was doing before, and I realize more and more how dependent I am on God’s grace. I’m still coaching basketball, and that is a highlight in my day.
In October, Jan’s mom went to be with Jesus. All of the family came in during the days before she passed, and it was good to see folks we hadn’t seen in a couple of years. It has not been an easy holiday season for us.
As I look back on the past year, I can see many things God taught me. Things about trusting him, about grace, about living in the moment. A couple of my paradigms have shifted, and a couple have been completely dismantled. (Someday, I’ll write a post about those things) I think the biggest change is that I have learned even more that my schedule, and my plans, are not mine. I need to hold everything with an open hand, and allow the Father to do what he sees needs to be done. So, as one year ends and another begins, I continue to try and follow Jesus on this winding road he has called me to.
What’s Going On?
Barb wondered what is happening in the lives of her readers, so I finally got around to writing about what’s going on with me.
Things have changed quite a bit in the past few months. In July, Jan and I left the church we had been a part of for fourteen years. That same month, the school Jan taught at closed because of financial problems caused by dwindling enrollment. At the beginning of August we joined a small community of faith that was just starting up. We meet in a bagel shop on Sunday mornings, and we average between twenty and thirty people. We are hoping to form a body that will show the love of Christ to those outside the church, whether “unchurched” or “de–churched.” It’s going well, and we are looking for opportunities to reach out to our city.
Jan found part-time work at a retirement village here in town. She is a resident assistant in the assisted living facility. Working part time allowed her to spend more time with her mom and dad, which was a good thing because her mom slowly went downhill until she passed away in late September. We saw the grace of God during that month, as the three daughters and all nine grandchildren were able to visit and spend some good time with her. Each time a new set of visitors would come, Mom would rally. She recognized each one and was able to talk with them. It was a blessing.
Josh is in his last year of grad school. This year is proving to be a very busy one as he works on his thesis in addition to the regular classes. Hopefully the economy will have improved next spring to the point where architectural firms will be hiring. Jennie has been promoted and is a still photographer for a special effects studio in Los Angeles. She loves California, and is doing well. This school year, I am still a teacher’s assistant, but I am in a different class. I’m still coaching girls’ basketball, and in the spring I will coach softball. There is a different set of challenges this year as I learn to love a different set of “neighbors.” I’m still enjoying what I do, although it does get wearing at times.
My spiritual journey continues along the twists and turns on the back roads. I’m becoming more and more convinced that we Christians have failed at the main thing Jesus told us to do – love others. I’m learning to look at Scripture as God’s story. Not a set of rules. Not a storehouse of individual verses to be mined in order to put together a system of theology. Not a textbook to be mastered. Not a handbook for life. It has some of those aspects in it, but now I see it as the story of how God shows himself and relates to the world he created. Scripture is to be taken as a whole narrative, not chopped up into proof texts. I believe that we are called to proclaim the Good News that Jesus is Lord, not tie the Gospel to a particular political or economic system of thought. While we may participate in the process (or not), the important thing is the Gospel.
My beliefs on a number of other things have changed. I won’t go into a whole lot of detail here. Some of that will probably come out in future posts. Those of you who are regular readers, (and if you’re not, why not?) have read about some of those changes. If you haven’t, there’s an archive on the sidebar. 🙂
Anyway, that’s a bit of an update. I would be interested in reading what’s going on in your life. Drop me a note in the comments so I can check it out.
In Memory
Yesterday, we buried Jan’s mom, so there is no TGIF this week.
I’m sure you’ve all heard various mother-in-law jokes. They are a staple of stand-up comedy and TV sit-coms. Some of you may have experiential knowledge of mother-in-law jokes or stereotypes.
In the thirty one years that I have known Jan, twenty nine as a married couple, I never experienced any of the things that seem to make mother-in-law jokes so popular. From the first time I met Jan’s mom, I was accepted and loved. One of the best qualities of Wilma Parkis was her unconditional love that she showed to her family, extending to the men who married her three daughters. We were not just sons-in-law. We were sons. That love was also extended to my mom and dad. It was not really a matter of two families joined simply because of a marriage as it was two families merged into one. Even after we moved away for a few years, our parents continued to get together on a regular basis. When we moved to South Carolina, both sets of parents moved here, and their friendship continued.
At the funeral yesterday, some of the grandsons spoke beautifully of their memories of their grandma. We have heard stories from the nurses and others who were her caretakers at the nursing home where she spent her last four years. All of those accounts stressed her unconditional love for those she met and, most importantly, her love for her Savior.
Wilma Winifred Lazear Parkis (she was proud of that name) was a wonderful wife, mother, mother-in-law, grandmother, and great grandmother. We will all miss her, but we are comforted knowing that she is resting in the presence of God.
Led Zeppelin in Rock Hill!
Actually, it was a group named ZoSo. They bill themselves as “The Ultimate Led Zeppelin Experience.” They looked and sounded an awful lot like the original, so it was a pretty good concert in downtown Rock Hill Friday night. After the concert, Jan and I watched the annual fireworks show. On Saturday, we sat in our front yard and watched our neighborhood parade, then we went to the neighborhood picnic. After a cookout with Jan’s dad, we watched a July 4 show on TV, and some fireworks at a church across the street.
On Sunday, we went out for breakfast and then went to the Latta Plantation north of Charlotte. We learned a bit of the history of one part of the Charlotte area. Later, we went and spent the evening with the our small group/house church that we have been a part of the last few months.
All in all, a good weekend.
29
Tomorrow Jan and I celebrate the 29th anniversary of the day we said, “I do.” It’s hard to believe it has been 29 years. It’s hard to believe Jan has put up with me this long. 🙂
There are differences of opinion on whether there is “that certain one” that God has for each person. I don’t know, but I do know that I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else, or loving anyone else as much as I love Jan. I am extremely grateful to the Father for the gift of such a wonderful wife, lover, and friend.