Category: loss

Posted on

Encouragement From a Lamppost

Last night was a night of fitful sleep and unsatisfying dreams. When I awoke this morning, I was feeling the weight of a number of things that are happening in this little conrner of the world. The events of the past few months and the strain that has put on relationahips of people that I know, the friend who is waiting for a possible diagnosis of cancer, and the friend whose mother just had a stroke, along with the stresses of helping lead a faith community to follow Jesus more closely. These are on top of dealing with Jan’s HD and all that goes with it, and trying to keep myself healthy.

When I went to the kitchen to make coffee, I looked out the window into our backyard. What I saw was similar to the picture above, minus the snow and fir trees. It was about 6:45, and the sky was just beginning to lighten. What I saw was unusual because the lamp had never stayed lit all through the night before this, and the previous day had been cloudy. I had bought that particular lamppost because it reminded me of the lamppost in the Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis.

When I saw the lamp still lit, the first thing that I thought (I believe it was God speaking to my heart) was, “There is still hope.” In the Narnia tales, the lamppost marked the border between Narnia and the wardrobe in the spare room. In some way it signified hope, because it was there that the story of Aslan coming and reclaiming Narnia began. As you read through the rest of the books, there is always an undercurrent of hope, no matter how dire the circumstances.

I have no idea what is going to happen in each of those situations I mentioned. I know I am praying for healing and restoration, but I also know that the final outcome is beyond my reach. But there is still hope. There is still the hope that no matter what happens, my loving Father has us all in his hands, and he always does what is good and right. There is still hope that the King of Kings will return and make everything right, healing every hurt and wiping every tear. There is still hope that Romans 8:18-39 is true.

You may be going through something similar, or worse. Things may well seem hopless to you. I would encourage you to look to the One who alone can give hope. Look to the King who has conquered death and who is bringing a new creation. Look to him because, to be honest with you, without him it is hopeless.

Posted on

Thoughts on Epiphany, 2021

The word epiphany, at its core, means a revealing. This past Wednesday was Epiphany Day, and the events that unfolded in Washington, DC and other cities revealed a few things.

First, they revealed the true nature of some, not all of the supporters of Donald Trump. I recognize that many of the folks who have supported him the past four years are good people with motives they consider right. Having said that, I also believe that many of the folks that have ridden the Trump train have done so because they do not want to see “their side:, whatever that is, lose power. Many of the Republicans who are now loudly speaking out against him had nothing to say the last four years because they wanted to keep their party in power. There are folks who are afraid that white Americans will lose power and “those people” will take all our liberties away. I believe that this fear has led many to embrace some of the conspiracy theories swirling around the recent election. If a theory about the election, or anything else for that matter, is put forth by someone who believes that lizard people are among us and out to take all our children away to be eaten or turned into zombies, it’s probably not true.

The other thing the events of last Wednesday revealed is the utter bankruptcy of trying to do the work of the Kingdom of God using the tools of the world. There is actually a huge conspiracy out there. It is the conspiracy of the ruler of the powers of the air, i.e. satan. He has been conspiring and attempting to destroy God’s creation ever since the beginning. He is the father of lies, and is constantly trying to hinder what God is doing by attacking and dividing. He has succeeded in dividing the Church in America, because we have bought the lies that our political allegiance is paramount, that the ballot box will determine if the Church will succed or fail. I was appalled to see banners with Jesus on them carried next to Trump banners, as if they were equal. I was disheartened to see the Christian flag carried into the chambers of Congress by members of the mob. I am saddened by the preachers who stand in front of rallies and proclaim that they must fight to preserve their rights. Peter tried that in the garden and Jesus told him to put his sword away. And don’t quote the verse to me where the disciples tell Jesus they had two swords and he said that was enough. Do you really believe he was saying two swords would be enough to fight against the Roman Empire?

I don’t care on which side of the aisle we place ourselves. If we claim to follow the One who said his Kingdom was not from this world, who told his followers to love their enemies, who willingly gave himself over to the authorities to be killed, we have no business condemning folks who disagree with us. We have no business hitching our wagon to the star of any political party. Neither Trump nor Biden is equal to Jesus. The United States is not equal to the Kingdom of God. We have no business downgrading our faith by taking it down to the level of our political ideas.

Followers of Jesus, we have work to do. There are too many who have taken the mission of the Kingdom and turned it into gaining earthly power and influence. There are too many who are making Republicans, or Democrats, or Libertarians instead of making disciples of King Jesus. I can understand why many have rejected the message. It’s because we have either proclaimed the wrong message or we have hidden the real message under layers of garbage. We must return to telling others that there really is a King, that he died to free us from sin and death, that he rose again because he had broken the power of death, and that he calls everyone to follow him. We must tell them that this King will return and that he will set everything right. Along with this proclamation, we must show the world that it is true by the way we live our lives, loving each other, loving our enemies, and living out our sole allegiance to the King of Kings over and above any other party or man.

God help us to recapture the gospel.

Posted on

Goodbye and Hello

Tonight we say goodbye, or rather, good riddance to the year 2020, and say hello to 2021.

Sometimes, there is a sense of loss in looking back on the year. I don’t believe this year is any different. Many, if not most of us can look back on things lost this year. Lost opportunities abound. Many didn’t get the chance to have their graduation, final season, vacation, family reunion, etc. The list goes on. Businesses closed, and millions of people lost their jobs. Even worse, many lost health and loved ones.

Our institutions took a hit as well. Many churches lost people as attending a virtual worship service morphed into not bothering at all for many. Our political process turned into a sideshow that may have long lasting repercussions. Our society seems as divided as ever, and many wonder if it will ever come back together.

Even the weather seemed to have it out for us. The hurricane season began before the official date and ended after it was supposed to be over. There was a record number of storms, adding to the loss and devastation in some parts of the country.

While there are many reasons to simply write this year off, there have been positive things happen. American politics haven’t yet fallen apart completely, even though some may have been trying to make that happen. Even with all the machinations, the system is still working. In the midst of the division, there has been more of a desire to ensure the rights of those whose rights have been under appreciated. We still have a long way to go, but it’s a start. Even with the horrendous loss of lives from this pandemic, it could have been worse. We have seen people join together on an unprecedented scale to try and alleviate the suffering of others. Many heroes have emerged from this tragedy. There has been much good come out of adversity.

We can look to the year ahead with trepidation or with hope. There will be dark days ahead, as the pandemic continues. Politicians will still look out for their own interests, and forget about the rest of us. There will still be selfish people, and the economy will still struggle. I choose to believe that better days are ahead, regardless of what shape those days might take. To do otherwise would be to give in to despair. As a follower of King Jesus, I believe that nothing that happened this past year suprised him, and that nothing in the future is going to shock him.

I have seen God work in some amazing ways in this past year, and I believe he will contine to work in the year to come. You might call me a starry-eyed optimist who isn’t grounded in reality, but my optimism isn’t an everything will be peachy keen, rose colored glasses optimism. My outlook is shaped by the firm belief that the King has come, has brought his Kingdom and the new creation into being, and will return again to finally set all things right. That is the reality in which I live. I hope you too can come to see that truth as well.

May God bless you in this year ahead.

Posted on

Shadow and Hope

In The Return of the King, the hobbits Frodo and Sam are near the end of their journey into the land of Shadow in their attempt to destrtoy the One Ring. They have journeyed far, through hunger and thirst, battles with spiders and orcs, and the near overwhelming despair that lies heavy on Mordor. Now more than ever, the quest seems to be a fool’s errand. They don’t know if they will ever reach their destination, or if it will matter if they do.

One night, as Frodo sleeps, Sam looks up at the sky above him:

Far above the Ephel Duath in the West the night sky was still dim and pale. There, peeping among the cloud-wrack above a dark tor high up in the mountains, Sam saw a white star twinkle for a while. The beauty of it smote his heart, as he looked up out of that forsaken land, and hope returned to him. For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him that in the end the Shadow was only a small and passing thing; there was light and high beauty for ever beyond its reach.

There is talk going around in some circles that if (fill in the name) gets elected, or re-elected, a Shadow will cover our land and our nation as we know it will cease to exist. When you think about it, this has been the fear of some for a number of election cycles. The language used to describe candiates on either side comes close to the language used to describe Sauron and his minions. These people, whoever “these people” may be, are the scourge of the earth and are worthy only of hatred and contempt. We are told to fear those who disagree with us, because their ideas will enslave us in some sort of socialist, fascist, anarchist, dictatorial, etc. distopia.

What there seems to be a short supply of, is hope. People talk about what country they are going to flee to if a certain party wins (although I don’t know if anyone has ever actually done that). Now, I can understand a lack of hope from those who have all their dreams tied into a certain way of seeing the world, who have pledged their allegiance to a system or person. What I don’t understand is when some of that despairing language comes from the mouths of those who claim to follow the One who brings hope. I realize that some of that is done to raise money to put in the coffers of certain organizations, or because they want to keep a privileged position. That doesn’t make it any less sad.

Think of that Friday afternoon a little over two thousand years ago, when the disciples of Jesus thought that they had lost all hope. They had hitched their wagon to the star of this man they believed was going to restore the kingdom to Israel and make it great again. Now he was dead, and it seemed as if their whole world had come crashing down around them. They, like many today, had a misplaced hope.

If you are a follower of Jesus, if you have pledged your allegiance to the King of Kings, then whatever happens in this election or in any other year should not lessen your hope one iota. Our hope is in the One who went into death and came out the other side victorious. Jesus is King and no matter who occupies the White House, the Capitol, or the Supreme Court, our mission as ambassadors of the Kingdom of God does not change. We are still called to make disciples. That may well get more difficult in the years to come, but it is still our calling. If everything hits the fan and this nation does crunble, as all empires have so far, we are still citizens of the Kingdom that will never be shaken and have a hope that always endures. Because Jesus is King, the Shadow is only a small and passing thing and there is a light and high beauty for ever beyond its reach.

Hope in the Lord, and your hopes will never be crushed.

Posted on

Remembering a Dog

When we brought him home from the shelter, he was a 2 month old puppy named Chester. We immediately changed the name to Charles Chaplain because he was black with white markings and reminded us of the Little Tramp. We shortened it to Charlie. Charlie was a cute little puppy, with ears that went up and out, looking like the Flying Nun. He was quite a handful at first, very active and curious. He used to follow us down the hall, nipping at our heels, and it was a job to keep him from digging under the fence to attempt to escape. When he did get out, it was play time for him. Eventually we would get him back in the yard, although there was one time when we thought he was gone and wouldn’t come back.

We finally took Charlie to a place to get him, and us, some training. Charlie picked up on things very quickly because he was a very intelligent dog. The trainer said she thought he was part border collie, because of his looks and intelligence. That explained the herding behavior and his constant need to be outside running around. We never had to take him anywhere for exercise, because our back yard is large and fenced. He was able to run to his heart’s content. Because we live on a corner at the beginning of our neighborhood, everyone got to know Charlie.

As we were in the process of becoming empty nesters, Charlie was a wonderful companion. He always greeted us at the door with his whole back end wagging. In the mornings we would go out together and get the newspaper. I would ask Charlie if he wanted to go get the paper and you could see the absolute joy course through his entire body. He was already to play and never seemed to tire. We enjoyed watching him chase squirrels in our back yard. After a while he simply chased them to the tree and let them run away, and then seemed to grow bored with even that because it was too easy.

During Charlie’s life, no one ever came to see us. They all came over to visit Charlie. At least that’s what he thought. Everyone who came to visit was an instant friend, and he greeted them with total affection. The only person he didn’t seem to like was the poor man who came to read the electric meter every month. For some reason Charlie thought he was a threat to our house.

For the past few months, as Charlie aged, he slowed down a fair amount. When he did go out and run, he was just as fast as ever. He had a new friend who used to run up and down the side fence with him and Charlie had no problem keeping up with him. In between running, he began to sleep a lot. He developed arthritis in his joints, and it got hard for him to get up and down. It seemed like all of a sudden, Charlie had become an old dog. He still liked to run and play at times, but those times were shorter and fewer.

Last Friday, Charlie stopped eating. We had been given some medicine for his arthritis, and we don’t know if that suppressed his appetite or not. He continued drinking water, so we thought if we stopped the medicine that would help. On Tuesday, Jan called the vet and told him what was going on. He was going to prescribe another pain medicine for Charlie. During those last few days. he threw up a few times and had very little interest in any activity. Tuesday afternoon, Charlie’s buddy came by and they ran up and down the fence a couple of times. Charlie didn’t run far and was limping. The other dog’s owner said that Charlie’s bark sounded weak.

That evening, we went to bed. Charlie was in the front hall, where he had been for a few hours. In the middle of the night I heard him throwing up in the bedroom next to ours. I cleaned up after him, told him I loved him and went back to bed. A couple hours later, Jan got up and cleaned up after him again. When I got up at 6:15, I went into the room and saw that Charlie had left us, not long before. We buried him in the back yard later that morning, and said our goodbyes. A life full of happily running and playing was over. He was no longer in pain, now it was our turn to hurt. While we are glad that Charlie is no longer suffering, there is a hole in our hearts. There will be no more walks to get the paper, no more greetings at the front door. I walk out of our bedroom in the morning and look to see where Charlie spent the night. Then I realize he is no longer there.

I don’t know if dogs go to heaven. I do believe that there will be animals in the new creation. Perhaps God will create a Charlie. Then again, maybe not. I do know that I am grateful for the thirteen years we had with a canine companion who brought a great deal of joy into our lives. We loved Charlie and we will miss him. I don’t think we could have asked for a better pet, and I know he can never be replaced.

Posted on

Little Bit of an Update

This past week, Jan and I had the opportunity to take part in the Huntington’s Disease Society of America (HDSA) national convention. Because of the pandemic, it was a virtual gathering. It was both informative and inspiring. There were sessions on what to expect, advances in research, and how others were coping. Due to our schedule, there were many things we couldn’t get to, but it was all recorded and will be on the HDSA website.

As Jan’s HD progresses, it was good to be given a sense of what lay ahead. Even though it will get more difficult, it is comforting to be armed with the knowledge of what is going on and some ways we can cope. It was also good to see how different people were dealing with the disease. There was not a sense of despair or sadness. There was more of a feeling that this is the way it is and right now we have to deal with it and live our lives as best we can.

There is also good news for the future. There is promising research that may lead to making HD a disease that we used to talk about. It’s possible that some day the faulty part of the gene will be tweaked and will not be an issue. While we don’t know if it will happen soon enough to help Jan, there is hope for our children and grandchildren.

Please continue to pray for us as we navigate the changes that will happen and learn to deal with each new normal as it comes up.

Posted on

Some Encouragement

It’s May. It may be hard for some of us to tell. Jan and I were talking the other day about the markers not being present this year. April Fool’s Day went by without all the usual antics. We celebrated Easter, but the usual feasting and fellowship was missing. Spring break was non-existent for many students because they were already at home. End of the year testing, spring sports, and graduation are other things that will not happen this year.

For many, the days fade into each other without the markers of commuting to work, going out on a weekend, or traveling to gather for worship. It’s hard. While it looks like there is light at the end of this tunnel, we really don’t know what will happen as businesses slowly reopen and folks start to go about their day-to-day outside of their homes. We are facing an uncertainty that most of us have never had to deal with. Listening to those who seem to have some expertise doesn’t always bring confidence and hope.

We are told in Matthew 6, to pray for God’s Kingdom to be known and his will to be done on earth as it is in heaven. We who follow the King know that he has already defeated death. We know that our King does reign. He has promised us that everything that happens is worked for our good and his glory, and that our present sufferings will pale in comparison to the glory that will be revealed in us. Because we are in Christ, there is absolutely nothing that can separate us from our Father’s love.

Be encouraged. It is hard. The future is cloudy. But our Abba has got this.

Posted on

Thoughts on Easter 2020

The Easter season was a bit different this year. Instead of gathering in person with our brothers and sisters to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus, we gathered around our computer for a livestream service via Zoom. In stead of greeting dear friends with a hug, we waved to the images on the screen. Instead of getting together with friends or family for a feast, we had an Easter dinner for two in our dining room. It was a very good day, and I am grateful for what we were able to do, but it was different, in a strange way.

The coronavirus pandemic, which has devastated much of the world, has changed the way we do just about everything. Many people have been at home for a number of weeks, as “shelter in place” becomes the norm. The great majority of churches have closed their doors, either meeting on line, watching services on television, or not meeting at all. Businesses have been forced to close, and social distancing has forced upon us a new way of relating with each other.

Jan and I found some positive things coming out of an Easter weekend during time of quarantine. We gathered on line with friends Thursday for an altered Seder, followed by an online Maundy Thursday service. Friday evening we watched a Tenebrae service online, and Saturday found us experiencing an Anglican Easter vigil on line. Even though we didn’t do the things we normally do this time of year, we were able to experience a little of the breadth of the the Christian tradition’s celebration of the resurrection.

As the pandemic continues, many of the things we have taken for granted will have to be abandoned or revamped. The ways we work, shop, relate to others, and do church may look totally different in the days ahead. I think that will turn out to be a good thing. There are things that we need to change as individuals, families, churches, nations. As we come to grips with what is really important in our lives, we can become more understanding people, who treat each other as persons made in the image of God. As we learn to work together, we can become more unified. Maybe we can conduct our public lives with an eye toward what is best for all, rather than for our side of the aisle. As churches are forced out of the routine, maybe we can rediscover that the church is not the four walls, but is the family of God who are called to love and serve our neighbors.

Easter is all about hope. The hope that all will be made right, and we will be resurrected. In the midst of tragedy and hopelessness, we can know that Jesus defeated death. Because he walked out of that tomb, nothing will stand in the way of our Father’s plans to restore his creation. Nothing can change that. As the apostle Paul wrote, “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Posted on

Musings From the Past Few Days

Last Wednesday, my life changed. That afternoon I experienced what someone my age hopes will never happen. My heart decided I needed to take a little trip to the emergency room. After arriving by ambulance and having a couple of EKGs done, the cardiologist on duty decided that it was time for me to go to the emergency heart cath room. While there, the doctor found that the artery in back of my heart was 95% blocked and a stent needed to be inserted. While this was happening, my heart tried to make things even more difficult. Fortunately it calmed down and the procedure was completed. After resting in the hospital for a couple days, I was able to go home on Saturday. I am feeling much better and getting anxious to start rehab and get back to some semblance of normal, although I know that the definition of normal will be different.

Between my adventure and all that is going on around the world with the COVID19 virus, I have had some time to think. One thing that something like a heart attack or pandemic will do is cause us to come to grips with what really is important.We chase around trying to find significance in so many different things and we many times forget what really counts. The current virus has pretty much brought the world to a standstill. Almost all sporting events have been cancelled, and the Olympics are in danger of not happening this summer. Restaurants, theaters, even churches are shuttered in an attempt to flatten out the curve and get ahead of this. It is likely that folks will begin to lose jobs, and there is the very real threat of a global recession. There is a great deal of fear as the unknown looms.

All of the dislocation and hardship that folks have gone through or will go through is hard and I don’t want to downplay or minimize their suffering. I grieve with those who are grieving the loss of opportunities, jobs, or especially the loss of loved ones. I am not suggesting that my thoughts are the answer for anyone else. The recent events in my own life and the “new normal” Jan and I are already dealing with, have led me to do a lot of taking stock, trying to determine what is really vital.

First, my relationship with God is the most important thing. Without that, there is nothing else. Loving God with every fiber of my being is the one thing. Next after that comes loving Jan as Jesus loved the church, giving myself for her. Then comes loving my children and their families and being a good grandad. Beyond that comes loving my brothers and sisters in Christ, especially those I am in community with, as Jesus loved me. Then there is loving my neighbor as myself. Regardless of what else may happen in the days and years ahead, if I can do those things I will consider myself to have done well.

Have you thought about these things? What do you consider to be most important?