Category: marriage

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Reflections at 65

Yesterday I completed my sixty fifth year on this earth. It seems hard to believe it’s been that long, yet at the same time it feels like a long time has past. There have been a lot of changes over the years, in me and in the world around me. When I was born, Dwight Eisenhower was President. Many more have come and gone, some good, some bad. Communication has gone from rotary phones with party lines to Dick Tracy style wrist watches with video calling. Back then, a zoom meeting meant driving fast across town to a particular location. Wars used to be fought in person, now they are sometimes fought remotely.

Over the years, I have gone from being a rail thin youngster to a chubby middle age man to a slightly slimmer senior. I used to be athletic, now my knees ache when I get up in the morning. As a matter of fact, a good bit of my body aches in the morning. I have finally learned that when my mind tells me I can do something that I used to be able to do, I shouldn’t listen. My body always disagrees with my mind, and it is usually right. I have had the opportunity to continue my athletic career as a coach, and been able to coach some pretty good athletes, including my children. Because I coached, I also drove buses and have been able to turn that into in-between jobs, and finally into the job I have now.

I have learned a few things along the way. Some of them are important and some are good answers to trivia questions. I have learned that a great many of the things we think are vital are not, and some of the things we think are inconsequential are extremely important. Even though I still get upset more than I should, I have come to realize that there are really very few things in this life worth getting upset about. More and more, my philosophy is boiling down to, like Karl Barth, Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so, along with love God and others. I have found that holding those thngs closely makes things simpler and more complex. I do believe if more of those of us who call ourselves Christians would live in the realization that we are loved by God and are to love him and our neighbor, this world would be a much better place.

I am truly blest by the Father. He has given me a wonderful wife, two fantastic chidlren, and three of the best grandchildren in the world, with one more on the way. Jan and I are part of a beautiful community of fellow Jesus followers. I have been able to do things that I loved, both in work and play. I have seen some amazing things and met some amazing people. As the years have gone by, I have become more and more grateful for all my blessings and for all the lessons I have learned, even the hard ones.

None of us knows what the future holds. That is not in our hands. I am thankful that my loving Father has the future in his hands. I hope to spend many more years traveling the back roads of life trying to keep up with Jesus.

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Forty Years and Counting

It was a different time. The nation had experienced some healing from Vietnam and Watergate. The economy was not in very good shape. Iran held Americans hostage. The Reagan Revolution was just a soon to be realized dream for the Republican Party. The Miracle on Ice was a recent memory and the Summer Olympics would take place without the United States, as well as a number of other countries.

We were different as well. We both were much younger and both of us had more hair. Jan’s hair is simply shorter, while mine is simply gone and my beard is now white. We were both teachers then, and while Jan has kept her hand in, I have bounced around among a variety of jobs.

During these last forty years, we have lived in a number of different homes in three cities. We began life as a couple in the Washington, DC area, spent some time in the Cincinnati area, where our family grew from two to four. For the last twenty five years we have called the small city of Rock Hill home. Our son and daughter grew up here, and left the nest to pursue their own path. In the ensuing years, we buried our parents, moved on to new jobs, and found a community of faith that has become a family.

Through the years, much has changed. We have been on the heights, and we have been through the valleys. This journey together has not always been an easy one, and the road has always been winding. There have been times of plenty, and times when we struggled financially. We have never been “wealthy” in the usual sense, but God has always provided. We have argued and been angry with one another, and made up and moved on.

What has never changed is our love and commitment to each other. As our lives took the twists and turns, we knew that the other one was with us and we were on this journey together, come hell or high water. We learned to communicate and that has been a major factor in our marriage. We still face the challenges of life. Both of us are growing older and dealing with those issues. Jan’s HD is a big challenge. But we are facing these things together, as we have always faced life. We are trusting our heavenly Father to take care of us, as he always has.

Forty years. It seems like a long time, over half of our lives, yet it somehow feels like a blip on the screen of time. We may celebrate another forty years, we may not. No matter how many more years God gives us, I know that I am truly blessed to be married to a beautiful woman who is a wonderful partner.

Jan, I am so thankful to the Father for bringing us together and allowing us to spend these years together as one, and I pray he gives us many more years to journey through this life.

I love you more than yesterday, and less than tomorrow.

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Another Year? Already?

Every year about this time, we do the same thing. We say goodbye to one year and hello to another. It seems like 2015 just zipped right on by. As I get older, the days seem to pass much more quickly. I have read that it has something to do with the fact that a particular period of time is a smaller percentage of the whole life span of an older person. Makes sense to me.

I’ve never been one to make a resolutions at the beginning of a year. I don’t seem to be able to keep them, so I just don’t make them. That way, I’m not disappointed. I’m beginning to realize that there are fewer years left in my life than there used to be. Unless medical science comes up with some miracles, I’m more than halfway through. So, at the beginning of a new year I look back at the past year and look ahead to the one ahead.

My focus has changed from career and financial goals. There is only so much you can do when you’re semi-retired and not earning a boatload of money. Those things are not all that important in the long run anyway. The things that are becoming more and more important are my walk with Jesus, my wife and family, and my friends.

Have I become a little more like Jesus in the past year? Have I loved Jan as Christ loved his church? Have I made her feel treasured? Have I been a good father and friend to my adult children and their spouses? Have I loved my friends and been willing to lay down my life for them? Have they been helped in their spiritual journey by what they have seen in me?

These are the things I think about. This is how I want to be in the year ahead. I know that, as with resolutions, there will be successes and miserable failures. I hope the important people in my life will be patient and forgiving.

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To Jennie On the Eve of Your Wedding

When you came into our lives we knew that the day would come when you would fly from the nest and begin a new chapter in your life. That day is upon us and we could not be any more proud of you or any happier for you. You have brought so much joy into our lives and it is wonderful to see how God has blessed you.

We are so proud of the woman you have become, and we are so pleased that God has brought you and Charlie together. We think he will be a good husband, who will love you as Christ loved the Church.

Jennie, we pray for God’s richest blessings on your marriage, as you travel through life together. May your lives be filled with joy and love. May the Father draw you close to him and fill you with his grace and love. We love you so much!

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Thirty Four Years and Counting

On this date, thirty four years ago, I married a wonderful young lady by the name of Jan. When we said, “I do”, neither of us realized what the years would bring. Like all couples, we brought our own selves into the marriage, and there were adjustments. One of the decisions we made before the wedding was to never consider divorce as an option. I believe that commitment has been a strength of our marriage.

Through the years, we have learned what it means to live out that commitment. We have had to learn how to communicate openly, how to figure out which things were important and which were not, and how to extend grace. As we learned those things, we grew to understand each other more and more. That has served us well in the twists and turns of our journey together.

We’ve been through a lot together in these thirty four years of marriage. Getting jobs, losing jobs, having enough, and wondering if we’ll have enough. We’ve lost loved ones together, and gained and lost friends. We’ve had our ups and downs as we’ve learned to live with one another. Through it all, we have seen God`s grace time and time again.

As I look back on the years, I know that if I had the chance to do it all again, I would. I am so supremely blessed to have the privilege of being married to the most beautiful, wonderful woman on earth. Jan, I love you, and I thank God for you. Here’s to another thirty four years!

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For My Beautiful Wife

Today is the thirty-third anniversary of the day I married my beautiful wife Jan. When we wed, we vowed to stick with the other through better or worse, health or sickness, etc. At the time neither of us really knew what that all entailed. As the years have passed, we’ve learned a bit of what it means to support each other in the good and the bad.

Through it all, I have been blessed to have such a gracious partner by my side. In Genesis, we are told that God thought it not good for man to be alone so he created a helper suitable (meet) for him. In the Hebrew the words translated “help meet” could be translated as a “helper who complements.” Not a helper in the sense of a servant, but a helper in the sense of a rescuer or deliverer. The word “ezer” is used of God as a deliverer. The word “k’enegdo” can be translated “against” or “opposite.” The idea is something which corresponds to, like a mirror image. So, you could say that a wife is to be a deliverer who mirrors her husband. Opposites attract right?

Jan has certainly been an ezer k’enegdo for me. She has been my deliverer by her love and loyal support. She is a complement to me and I have learned much from her through the years. I can not imagine what it would have been like without her through the moves, the job losses, the losses of my parents, and all the other ups and downs of life. As I look back over thirty-three years, I marvel at the grace of a loving Abba who knew exactly who I needed. I can’t fathom it.

Jan, it’s been an absolutely wonderful journey together these thirty-three years. I can’t imagine life with anyone else, and I pray the Father gives us many more years together. You are a tremendous blessing to me. I love you.

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And I Still Do

One day, a minister asked me if I took the young woman standing next to me as my wife, to love and cherish, in sickness and health, for better or worse, as long as we both would live. That warm July day, I said I do.

Fast forward thirty two years. The woman is no longer young. Neither am I. We have been through both health and sickness. There have been times when things couldn’t have been any better, and there have been other times when things seemed as if they couldn’t be any worse. That day in July, neither one of us could have predicted all that was going to happen as we journeyed together. I know Jan had no idea what she was getting into. We have been through moves, jobs gained and lost, and have raised two children to adulthood. There have been disagreements and arguments. There have been many changes in our lives.

There are a couple of things that have never changed. The first, and most important, is the love that our Father has for us and the grace he has shown us every day. There have been times we couldn’t have made it without God’s grace and love. He has been faithful to provide for us all along, many times in ways we could never expected. While we have never been wealthy in terms of material things, we have been rich in the things that can never be taken away. We have always had the love of friends and family and the knowledge that our Papa would give us exactly what we needed at exactly the right time. He owns the riches of heaven, and we have learned to trust him as he takes care of us.

The second constant had been the fact that this woman who stood beside me thirty two years ago has always stood beside me. Jan has been my support through all I have done, whether teaching, coaching, or teaching others about following Jesus. She has been right there when jobs disappeared and new jobs were slow in coming. She has comforted me in times of sorrow and grief, and been extremely patient with me in my failings and struggles. We have been a team through these years. After all these years, it still boggles my mind to think of how wonderfully God has blessed me. He has given me a treasure that I can’t even begin to fathom. I am one of those men who definitely married up. 


I cannot adequately express the depth of my love for you, Jan. Words don’t do justice to my gratitude for all you have been to me. I can say one thing though. I still do.

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My Week

The past seven days have been pretty busy. There were the usual work related goings-on, family happenings, etc. There were more significant things that happened as well. One of the events was life changing, and the other was different.

Our son was married this past weekend. We held the rehearsal and dinner at the local camp where we work. There was barbecue, baked beans, cole slaw, and cobbler. It was a busy day, setting up and taking down, driving to pick up the meat, and cooking. Everyone had a good time. The wedding was Sunday. Josh and Alicia were married in the evening in an old dairy barn that has been converted into a venue for different events. Jan and I went there to help decorate in the afternoon, and back for the ceremony. It was a beautiful time. The food at the reception was delicious, and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves.

We spent Monday recovering and visiting with relatives who came in for the wedding. Tuesday found me home with a bad head cold. Wednesday morning, I received a phone call from the pastor of the church we have been gathering with, telling me that a young woman in the church had passed away that morning. The church was going to gather that night to share a meal, to sing some hymns, to share memories, and to pray and encourage one another. It was an interesting experience, because I had never been part of a church gathering for that purpose. I’d been to funerals, taken dinner to grieving families, and stood around and talked at viewings. This was the first time I had been at a gathering of a church like that. It was…well, it was like a family gathering. It was like the brothers and sisters, uncles and cousins, had gathered to comfort each other and pay their respects to their departed loved one. As I thought about it later, it hit me. This is what church is supposed to be. We are family! We have the same Father, the same older Brother. We are brothers and sisters. So why wouldn’t we gather as a family when something like this happens? So many Christians say that they are family with other Christians, but the reality is far different (maybe it’s because there are so many dysfunctional examples out there).

The gathering Wednesday night was family. The gathering I had with a brother in Christ at a local pub the next night was also family. We met for dinner and a couple of pints, and spent the next few hours sharing our lives and encouraging each other. Again, that’s what family does. That’s what church is. It doesn’t have to be in a particular building, at a particular time, on a particular day. It is wherever and whenever the children of God get together to encourage each other and share the Father’s love.

I think we may have found our family.

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A Prayer for Josh and Alicia

Abba Father,

Thank you for Josh and Alicia. In your grace and love, you have brought them together. As we have watched them grow from little ones to mature adults, you have answered many prayers, including the prayers for their mates.


We pray for your blessings on their marriage. May it be a picture of Christ and his Church and a shining testimony of your love. Let Josh and Alicia find their center in you as they follow Jesus together. may their love for each other flow our of your love for them, and may that love grow throughout their lives.


May they be quick to listen and slow to speak. May they be slow to anger and quick to forgive. Let grace and mercy rule and their love conquer all.


Father, we pray that you would richly bless Josh and Alicia. provide out of your abundance and let them never lack any good thing. May they be generous with what you give and may they be a blessing to others. May their children learn early to follow you and may they be a blessing to Josh and Alicia as they are a blessing to us.


Give them many happy years together. Let your kingdom come and your will be done in and through them as it is in heaven.


In Jesus name we ask these things. Amen