Category: my journey

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Goodbye 2014, Hello 2015

If there is one word that best sums up the past year here in the sunny South, it would be the word interesting. There have been a lot of changes and adjustments through the year, especially in the second half. I started 2014 by choosing grace as my word for the year, and there have been multiple moments when I have had to lean on God’s grace.

The first five months of the year were relatively normal. Then, things got weird. June 5 was my last day at the middle school where I have been working the past eight and a half years. I didn’t actually go in to work that day though, because my father-in-law fell and broke his hip that morning. That was the beginning of the adjustments. I was without work and my father-in-law was taking a different road in his journey. As it has turned out, being out of work has allowed me the time to help him out and to take care of his financial affairs as well as helping him with doctor visits and life in an assisted living facility.

We made it through the summer, and in the middle of September we flew out to California for our daughter, Jennie’s, wedding. We had a wonderful time with her and with our new in-laws. I also had the honor of being the officiant at the wedding! That was an amazing thing, and I only choked up three times! We came back home, and within a few weeks our son told us that he and his wife were moving from Charlotte to Seattle so he could work with his cousin who has his own architectural design business. The idea of both of our children being on the opposite side of the country has taken some getting used to, but we know that it’s a great opportunity and we are happy for them.

We were able to get together with both of our children at the beginning of December, when we celebrated Christmas and a couple of birthdays. On the 19th, Josh and Alicia set out with all their worldly possessions in a Honda Fit. They drove across the country and arrived in Seattle two days before Christmas. Jan and I celebrated Christmas with her father, and then with some close friends. So Christmas was a bit different, but it was good.

Last night we said goodbye to one year and hello to another. While there are things I could wish had happened differently, I am grateful for God’s hand in everything. As we enter into this new year, I still don’t have a job, and I’m not totally sure how to proceed. The path is shrouded in fog, and we really don’t have a clue what will happen in the future. What we do know is that our Father loves us, and that his heart is good toward us. He knows what is to come, and how we are going to best represent his kingdom.

My word for this year is trust. My prayer is, “Lord, I believe! Help my unbelief!”

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Lessons Learned in a Lifetime

Yesterday marked the end of my 59th journey around the sun. It was a good day, capping off with a pizza dinner with Jan, my sister, who shares the same birthday, and her family. I spent some time thinking about some of the things I’ve learned over the past almost six decades. These are not in any particular order, and I will probably think of others later, but here they are.

1. There is a God, and it’s not you. One of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn over the years is that there is a whole lot that I can not control. Thankfully, I trust that my Father in heaven loves me and is in control, even when I can’t understand what is happening.

2. Love those around you, especially your family. They will be gone far too quickly.

3. Enjoy your children while they are growing up. Spend time with them and treasure each moment. The time will quickly come when they will be grown and not around as much. You will  miss them.

4. Enjoy your grown children as fellow adults and friends. They may ask you for advice, they may not. Let them be who they are, and enjoy them.

5. Never, ever sit on a glass fishbowl. Trust me. You don’t want to do this. It’s not fun.

6. Hold most things loosely. Money, possessions, friends, ideas. As life changes, and changes you, so many things you think are important turn out to not be. Don’t make it worse by grasping too tightly.

7. Be teachable. Too many folks go through their lives never exploring, never learning new things. Don’t stop learning.

8. You are not always right. I am convinced that when we stand before God and wait for him to tell us how right some of our pet dogmas were, that he’ll shake his head, chuckle, and tell us that we all had it wrong.

9. Love. Love your family. Love your friends, Love your neighbors. Love your enemies.

10. Love even when they don’t accept your love. Loving is your calling. What they do is between them and God, and is not your responsibility. Love them anyway. Love as Jesus loved you. In case you forget, he gave his life for you.

11. Forgive and seek reconciliation. When Jesus told us to forgive and seek reconciliation over and over again, he probably meant that it was something important to do.

12. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church. In other words, give yourself up for her. Period.

13. Don’t be a lone ranger. We can’t go it alone. It is scary, living in community with other folks. It will get messy. It is also the way to love and be loved, and to disciple one another as we learn to follow Jesus together. I’m not advocating a “be in church every time the doors are open” mentality, but rather doing life together with fellow followers of Jesus, sharing each others’ lives, stories, joys, and sorrows.

14. Enjoy the world around you. Creation is not an evil place that we hope to escape some day. It is something that God said was good, and that will be restored one day. The people around you are not your enemies. They are folks in need of the gospel, just like we all are.

15. God’s grace is truly amazing. God’s grace is far wider and deeper than any of us can hope to imagine. I don’t know how all that shakes out theologically (see lesson 8, above), but I do know that we can trust a loving God and his grace.

16. Live free. If you belong to Jesus, God has freed you from sin and guilt, and you can live as a free son rather than a slave. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. As a wise man once said, “Love God, and do as you please.”

Some of these lessons have been harder to learn than others, but they have all been valuable. What has God taught you over your life?

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Blast From the Past: Free!

This was first posted on February 24, 2011.

I read a couple of posts this morning that started the wheels turning in my head (that’s what the squeaking noise was). The first post was by Dan Edelen here, and the second was by Jeff Dunn and is found here.

As one who grew up and served in conservative Christian circles, I have constantly bumped against walls that were put up to keep us from engaging in certain behaviors, or to make us do other things. I’ve always been anti-legalism, and over the years cultivated an image as a bit of a rebel. Unfortunately, the image was many times driven by a desire to do what I wanted rather than what God wanted. I was more anti-legalism than pro grace.
I am learning that a reliance on God’s grace and love is what should define my life. The posts mentioned above are part of that learning. I am learning that Romans 7:5-6, Galatians 2:19-21, and Colossians 2:20-23 are good passages to live by. I am learning that my Father loves me no matter what I do or don’t do. I am learning that Jesus took away all my sins: past, present, and future. Not only that, but the power of sin has been broken by Christ.
Sin is no longer the defining force in my life. I still sin, but I also have a Savior that has freed me. When I do sin, it’s not because sin is controlling me. It’s life. It’s part of being a man who is still learning how to follow Jesus and live in God’s grace. Fortunately, my Father doesn’t condemn me, he is not disappointed with me. He sees me as his beloved son. He teaches me and leads me, and continues to fill me with his love.
I’m learning that I am not in control of my life, God is. No matter hard I try, I can’t please God more. I can’t do things that are going to influence God to bless me. It’s not up to me.
I’m learning that I am a dead man. I have died to sin and its power. I have died to this world. I am dying to the opinions of other people, because the only opinion that counts is that of the One who calls me child. That last one will take some time.
I want to be as Jesus, who only did what the Father told him to do. Jeff Dunn says that folks accuse him of being “all grace.” I’ll gladly accept that label. Dan Edelen writes, “Anymore, the only rules I impose on myself on this walk of faith are, am I loving the Lord, and am I loving other people.” That sounds good to me. Jesus himself said that the two greatest commandments are to love God and love others, and that everything else hangs on that.
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Blast From the Past: Back Roads

This is something I wrote a little over eight years ago. It still is true.

I love back roads. When I travel, I would rather take back roads than the interstate any day. I enjoy seeing what lies in those places that most people just zoom by in their hurry to get to their destination. I like exploring and am usually willing to go out of my way to see what I can see.

What is interesting (to me anyway) is that my journey following Jesus seems to be taking me on the back roads. I know people who knew right from a young age what God was going to have them do. I thought I knew, at least in my senior year of high school. One year of Bible college, then two years learning the printing trade. One year turned into five, a youth ministry emphasis turned into a teaching and coaching gig at a Christian school, where I met my wife. After leaving that school, the plans were to get a job in the federal government. Of course, that was the time when the government had a hiring freeze. One year, a son, and a low paying job later, God told us it was time to go someplace else.

A move to Cincinnati brought further adventures. The twelve years we spent there brought a daughter, success in coaching, another job loss, and more education (both formal and informal). After some difficult times the Lord moved us again. This time to Rock Hill, SC.

The place God put us in was in a Christian school where I had applied for a job seventeen years earlier. During my time there I learned how to coach some different sports and how to teach some different subjects. All along God was taking me down some spiritual paths that I had never explored before. I also had the privilege of coaching both son and daughter and watching them grow up. Then, God decided it was time to take another back road.

After leaving that school, I was sure that the road was going to lead to the fulfillment of a long-time dream. I found out that road was closed, and I had to take a detour. The road God put me on led out into the desert, to a dry and empty place where He could teach me more of the things he had already started. After wandering around for a while, I stopped and settled in for what looked like a long stay. The desert school turned out to be sometimes hard, sometimes boring, sometimes frustrating. It was a one-to-one teacher to student ratio, and I had the full attention of my Rabbi. I learned that many of the things I had been taught were not right, that many of my ideas and presuppositions needed to be scrapped. I learned what is really important, what is really essential to following Jesus. I became a disciple of my Rabbi, and finally understood what a disciple really is. Finally it was time to leave the desert.

My journey is still taking twists and turns. But I’m finding out that, even though it may be hard and frustrating at times, I am enjoying exploring some of the back roads and trails that Jesus leads me on. Sometimes I lag behind, sometimes I try to run ahead. But, I am learning that the best way is to follow the Rabbi so closely that I am covered with the dust from His feet. Life is an adventure.

May God bless you on your journey.

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The River

This past summer, while on a break from my bus driving duties, I spent some time sitting on the bank of the river that runs out by the camp. I stayed there about an hour, relaxing and watching some of the wildlife. As I sat, a number of things made their way through my mind.

I saw a hawk and an osprey fly along the surface of the river looking for fish. At one point the hawk dove into the water and came up with a meal. I saw fish come up to the surface and snatch the insects scurrying there. I thought how the river is a giver of life, and was reminded of Jesus’ statement that rivers of living water would flow from those who would follow him, that water being the Spirit of the One who gives eternal life.

I saw a cicada fall into the water and twice narrowly miss being dinner for a fish. The cicada tried to swim to a branch or something to get out of the water, struggling more and more as his wings grew tired and waterlogged. I thought of how the river can also be a bringer of death. It was high and flowing swiftly, and anyone caught in the current would have been in danger. I saw branches and other debris carried downstream by the inexorable flow, and thought of the way life can be. As I get older, I am more aware of how quickly time passes, and how it moves relentlessly to the end. Sometimes life, like the river, brings us death. Dreams, goals, careers, and so on, can die as our lives change. Death is a fact of life.

Since June, I have often felt like I am in a river that is running swiftly. I don’t know where it is taking me and I feel as if there is not a whole lot I can do about it. On one hand, there is some uneasiness because of the unknown. One the other, there is a feeling of adventure. There is a sense of moving into new territory and a wonder at what I might find there. I believe that I have a guide with me on this journey, even though he currently is not saying much along the way.

All along, I have had the sense that God was going to do something a bit unexpected with me. I still feel that way. What that may be, I don’t know. The river may take me to a tropical paradise, or it may leave me stuck on a sandbar for a while. I am sure that it will be interesting, and I know my Father is good and that he loves me.

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Church Signs: When We Love Christ…

A few weeks ago, I saw another church sign that arrested my attention. This time it was in a good way. The sign read, “When we love Christ, we love others.” As I thought about the message on the sign, I thought about how true that is, and how it pretty much sums up our profession of faith in Christ.

There are a lot of people going around who proclaim their devotion to Jesus, who stand up in churches every week and loudly sing of their love for him. Now, it’s way above my pay grade to determine how many of those people truly belong to Christ, so I am not judging their spiritual state. I am simply putting this out there as an encouragement for all of us to look at how the way we relate to others matches up with who we say we are in Christ.

In the Gospel of John, Jesus is spending time with his disciples on the night he was to be betrayed. He is giving them some last minute teaching and encouragement because he is going to be leaving them. One of the things Jesus gives to his followers is a new command. In Chapter 13, he says that the new command is to love one another as Jesus has loved us. This comes right after the Teacher performs a menial task and serves his disciples by washing their feet, and just before he lays down his life for them. Jesus says that this kind of sacrificial love for others is the way the world will know that we belong to him. In Chapter 15 Jesus calls us to keep his commands and obey his teaching, and then follows with the statement that his command is to love others.

In his first letter, John reminds his us of that command given by Jesus, and then goes on to state that love for others is a test of whether we are truly walking in the light or are still in darkness. John later says that our love for others shows that we have passed from death to life. If we hate, we are proclaiming that we are still in darkness. This love is to be shown, not by flowery words, but by action, by laying down our lives for others.

The command to love was given to followers of Jesus who were facing a world that was totally against them. They were told to love their fellow disciples because there was great danger that their fellowship could be destroyed if they weren’t willing to give themselves up for one another. We don’t face the same opposition that the early believers faced, but I would venture that all of us have either seen or experienced fellowships that have been destroyed by a lack of love. People have left churches, churches have split or dissolved because folks refused to think of others before themselves. Whole denominations have even come into existence because of a failure to love.

Some may say, “That’s all well and good, but we don’t have to show the same kind of love for those outside. Right?” I beg to differ. Jesus stated that the second greatest command was to love our neighbor. He also said that our neighbor was essentially anyone with whom we come into contact. The early church understood this. They were known for the love they showed each other and for the love they showed their pagan neighbors, even for the ones who persecuted them. The first Christians were known for their love. They were not known for their “spiritual” vocabulary, for their dress, for what they were against. Yes, they proclaimed truth. Yes, they were not afraid to speak out when a believer was not living out his profession. Yes, they proclaimed that Jesus was the only way, the true King. But, the sacrificial manner in which they lived out their lives in relationship to others put weight behind their words. They showed the world that this Jesus stuff was real and was life changing. With that they turned the world upside down.

Let us all look at our lives and ask ourselves if what we say we believe works out in our day-to-day relationships, both with our brothers and sisters in Christ, and with those who don’t don’t know him.

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Book Review: Undiluted by Benjamin L. Corey

This is my first attempt at a book review, so be gentle.

Benjamin Corey and I grew up in very similar environments. The difference between us is that he had his evangelical fundamentalist paradigm turned upside down while in seminary, while it didn’t happen to me until I was a few years older. Corey begins his book with this statement:

As Christians in America, we’re often lulled into the false belief somehow we have a monopoly
  on the pure and undiluted version of the message of Jesus. Unfortunately, we don’t. Christianity
     by nature has a tendency to blend in and become obscured by the cultural influences that surround      it —such has been the case for nearly 2,000 years of Christian history.
     Our experience is no different.
He then proceeds to tell how his world was turned upside by what he calls the undiluted message of Jesus. 
Corey’s premise is that Christianity as we know it is not what it was meant to be in the beginning. He makes the case that we have watered down the message of Jesus into something that fits our lifestyle, our economics, our politics and our personal comfort. In each chapter we find an area where our version of Christianity has lessened the original message and how going to back to what Corey calls the undiluted message of Jesus changed his life. 
This is not an easy book to read. As the author states, “In doing so (recovering the undiluted message of Jesus), you might experience a few deaths.” How many deaths will depend on how tied to cultural Christianity one may be. I found myself challenged to think about where I wasn’t simply following Jesus, and reaffirmed in ways I had already left diluted ways of thinking behind. 
I would recommend this book to anyone who is willing to take a good hard look at what they believe and why. Some may not like what Corey has written. Some may even dismiss him as another one of those “liberals.” I have found through the years that it is best not to dismiss things out of hand, but rather to see what is there that is worth keeping and depending on the Spirit to guide me. You may not agree with everything in this book, but there is much there that is worth keeping. At the very least, Corey will make you think. And that’s good. 
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What I Did During My “Summer Vacation”

On June 5, the last day of school, I left the teacher’s assistant job that I had held for the past 8 1/2 years. On the same day, my father-in-law fell in his garage and broke his hip. Thus began a very interesting summer.

Because of the accident, I actually didn’t go in for my last day. I won’t go into the details here, but it was time to leave. I had been looking for other work, preferably in sports and recreation, for a few months. I didn’t think it would be a hard or long search but, as seems to happen quite a bit, God had something totally different in store for me. Jan and I spent a good bit of the next few days at the hospital. Thankfully, everything happened in the same city in which we live. There were a few complications, so there were some times when we wondered what was going to happen next. Thankfully, the complications were taken care of and my father-in-law moved into a rehab facility. At the time, the goal was to get him healed and rehabilitated to the point where he would be able to return home and live his life as he had before the accident. During this time a number of possible work opportunities presented themselves. None of them were in sports and recreation, and none of them were immediate.

Fast forward to the end of July. Jan’s dad was finally able to put weight on his leg, so the therapy to get him walking and hopefully back home could begin. We would know something in about two weeks. At the same time a few of the possible job opportunities faded away. The one that remained was taking care of my father-in-law during the day, and possibly doing some tutoring on the side. In the midst of all this, our son found out that he had a mass on his thyroid that might be cancerous.

After a couple of weeks of rehab, we were told that Jan’s dad would not be able to go home unless someone could be there 24/7. So, we went on a search for an assisted living place that didn’t cost an arm and a leg and that would be good for him. We found a good place that was affordable, and moved him in just last Friday. He seems to be adjusting well. Two weeks ago, Josh had surgery to remove the thyroid and the biopsy report on the mass showed that there was no cancer! We are thankful for the way we have seen God provide in both of those things the past couple of months.

This past Wednesday, school resumed. I slept in. I still have nothing in the way of what could be called a regular job. There are possibilities still, but nothing concrete yet, except for the responsibility of being my father-in-law’s financial representative. There is much to be done in that area in the next few months. I may be subbing in a local Christian school, and there are preparations to be done for Jennie’s wedding in September. So, at least I won’t be bored.

The road continues to be shrouded in mist, and the way ahead is not as clear as I would like. I am learning to trust that my Father loves me and wants to give me good things. I am learning to live, not in expectation of certain outcomes, but in expectancy of what God is going to do as he expresses his love and grace to me.

So, the road goes on and on.

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End of an Era

A couple of weeks ago, I coached for what possibly will be the last time. While I never say never, and there is always the possibility that may change, it looks like my thirty four year career as a coach has come to an end. There are a lot of memories, mostly good, that come to mind as I reflect on what has been a major part of my life.

It all began in college, where I worked with the goalkeepers on the soccer team. That was when I decided that I wanted to coach. The coaches I had during my playing days had a profound impact on my life, and I wanted to do the same thing for others.

After graduation, I took a position at a small Christian school as athletic director and teacher.During the next four years, I coached boys soccer, basketball, and track. I drove the bus, van, or whatever vehicle was available. We traveled all over the Washington/Baltimore area, and one year drove a group of students all the way to Idaho for competition. We played on city soccer fields, church gymns, and had some pretty successful teams, winning a number of tournaments. One of the soccer players led the entire county in scoring one year, and a couple of basketball players went on to play in college.

The next stop was Cincinnati, where I again served as athletic director and coached soccer, basketball, and track. During my nine years there, we made it to the soccer state finals once, and made it to the basketball final four four times in a row, winning back-to-back state championships. Those teams were among the best defensive teams in the Cincinnati area, and one player ranked among the top players in career points in the state of Ohio. A couple of the players went on to play at the next level, and one is a successful high school basketball coach. After leaving that school, I assisted in a NCAA Division 3 women’s basketball program, where I got a small taste of the life of a college coach for one year. On that team, we had the number one player in three point shooting in the nation.

Our next stop was Rock Hill, South Carolina. There I coached a wider variety of sports. During the ten years there I coached boys and girls soccer, volleyball, girls basketball, and golf (really all I did is drive the golfers to matches and play behind them). While my teams were not as successful in terms of wins as some of the earlier teams, the athletes worked just as hard and were as much of a joy to coach. I also drove the bus, which gave me the opportunity to travel to Florida and Tennessee for tournaments. The best part was being able to coach both my son in golf, and my daughter in basketball. I cannot begin to tell you what a blessing that was to me. I had given up the search for a college job to be able to see them grow up, and being able to work with them and see them come to love sports like I do made it more than worth it. It’s something I would never trade.

The past eight years I have assisted on middle school football and track teams, and been the head coach on softball and volleyball teams. My “claim to fame” is assisting on the 8th grade football team on which Jadeveon Clowney played. I have also had the privilege to coach high school girls basketball on a higher level. I have been the head junior varsity coach and assistant varsity coach, working with one of the best coaches in the area. Those programs are the closest thing I could get to a college level job, and I thoroughly enjoy working with this individual. We had some good teams, making it to the SC AAAA Upper State championship one year. It is that program that I have said goodbye to as a coach.

It’s a bittersweet thing. My evenings will be much more free, and the long hours won’t wear me out. But, I know I will miss it. I have been blessed to be able to travel, to do something I loved for a long time, and to work with some fantastic people. If you are one of those who have spent some time with me, as a player or a fellow coach, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are the ones that made it such a joy.

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Sports? Yes, Sports

There was an on-line discussion a couple of weeks back about sports and the impact, positive and negative, that it has on people. I have been involved in sports, as an athlete or coach for fifty-two of my fifty-eight years. Currently, we are part of a church that has just a few folks interested in sports. It can make for some interesting conversations.

Our community’s mission is to show the truth, goodness, and beauty of Jesus to our city so that it flourishes. One of the ways we do this is through the arts. We have a number of artists and musicians, and there are many different ways in which they seek to carry out this mission. Jan and I love being in this spiritual environment and we are learning a great deal. I’ve even had a few artistic stirrings my self. As I see my artist friends do what they do as a way of bringing the kingdom of God to bear, I am thinking more and more how that can be done through sports.

Sports is one of those things that can do a great deal of good, or a great deal of harm. I am well aware of the problems in the sports world. I have known my share of athletes who were sure they were going to make it in the pros, and didn’t bother to study. I have known coaches who have been fired from their jobs, not because they didn’t produce capable student-athletes who were good citizens, but because they didn’t get into post season tournaments every season. I have seen the athletes, and coaches, who believe that the rules somehow don’t apply to them as long as they win.

Unlike the arts, sports has not been neglected or shunned by the wider Christian church. In fact, it has been embraced by the church as something good. That is not a bad thing in and of itself. The problem comes when we begin to make idols out of athletes, teams, etc. Don’t tell me that we don’t follow the lead of the culture when it comes to putting athletes up on pedestals. We just have a different set of criteria for who we put up there. Unfortunately, when our idols fall off the pedestal, the fallout is usually worse.

Yes, there are problems in the sports world. At times it can seem like the bread and circuses of the Roman Empire. On the other hand, sports can be a beautiful thing. I would even go so far as to say that one can find art in sports. The arc of a shot from behind the three point line, a soccer team moving the ball up the pitch with short precise passes, the graceful lines of a high jumper clearing the bar, the power of a sprinter exploding out of the starting blocks. All of these things have a beauty to them. Sports can also teach lessons that are life-long. The ability to work with others to accomplish a common goal is a useful thing. The discipline of practicing and constantly trying to improve skills comes in handy in many situations. Persistence learned in the heat of competition goes a long way toward helping one to not give up when things get tough.

As a follower of Jesus, I try to see the good in all of the abilities that God gives to those made in his image. Whether it’s a painter, an illustrator, a writer, a musician, or an athlete, all of the abilities we have are gifts to us from a creative God. As a Christian, I believe we have a calling to show the glory of our Father to a watching world through through those gifts. I believe that we can show the truth, goodness, and beauty of Christ through sports. Hopefully, I’ll have opportunities to explore ways to do that in the near future.

What do you think?