Category: my journey

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Yet Another Bend in the Road

My journey is about to take another twist. After this school year, I won’t be working at the school where I currently am. After eight years there, it’s time to move on. As has happened before, I have no clue what the next chapter will bring. There are possibilities that I am exploring, some of which will allow me to make use of my education and experience. I’ve been feeling some disquiet for some time, and the desire to move on has gotten stronger.

I’ve been involved in education for 36 years, give or take a couple of years in between jobs. That has included coaching a variety of sports. Through those years, the ten to twelve hour days during the season have taken a toll on me. As my circumstances have changed, I’ve had more of a desire to not be so busy in the evenings and weekends in order to spend more time with Jan, and to be more free to serve folks in our church and community.

Any time my journey goes down paths where the way ahead is not so clear, there is always a bit of trepidation, a nervousness that comes from staring ahead into the mist and not knowing what awaits. As many times as God has shown his faithfulness in providing for us, there is still that bit of a gnawing feeling. My faith is stronger now, but there is still a “help my unbelief” quality to it. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I’m at the age where it is difficult to move into a new line of work. While I don’t at all regret my education and career choices, they do affect me as I look for new areas of work.

The one thing I do know is that my Abba loves me and is going to take care of us. How that happens, I don’t have a clue. If you would, pray for us as the the story unfolds. It should be interesting. To quote J.R.R. Tolkien,

“The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.”






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Blast From the Past: Too Comfortable With Jesus?

This was first posted on  February 16, 2010.

In Mark 6, Jesus is teaching in the synagogue in his hometown. The people are amazed at his teaching and wisdom. Matthew 13 tells us that his neighbors also were amazed at his miracles. They asked how Jesus got all this wisdom and power. After all, this was the same man who had grown up in their town. They knew his family. He had played with their children. Jesus had probably done work for them. They knew Jesus, or at least they thought they did. He was one of them. They were comfortable with this neighbor.

According to the text, thinking that they had Jesus all figured out caused a lack of faith in them. They couldn’t believe that this small town boy could do the miracles he was doing or teach with the wisdom he was showing. Even with the evidence staring them in the face, their familiarity with Jesus blinded them to what God was doing. Consequently, Jesus did not do many miracles in his hometown.

How easy is it for us to become comfortable with Jesus? Growing up, I heard the stories. I saw the flannel graph pictures. I became familiar with this soft spoken. gentle, fair-haired Savior who seemed to float serenely through first century Palestine ( except for the time that he really got ticked off at the money changers in the Temple). I was a Christian. I had asked Jesus to come into my heart, and since I had my “get out of hell free” card, I grew complacent in the relationship. I prayed, and asked forgiveness when I sinned, but the relationship was not really a close one. I had my image of Christ, and didn’t really expect him to ask much more of me than being a good boy and “worshipping” him when the church doors were open. I’m afraid that the image many churchgoers have of Jesus is not very different from that.

In the past couple of years, I’ve begun to learn to see Jesus more as he is. Through a few authors, particularly N. T. Wright and Dallas Willard, I have seen a different side of the Savior. Jesus the King has stepped into my path and shown himself to be exactly who the Gospels say he is. He is the Christ, the Anointed One of God. He is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. He is God incarnate. His Kingdom is now, not just in the future. Along with that, he is my brother and friend, and he calls me to follow and obey him out of love and gratitude for what he has done for me on the cross.

Jesus also calls me into a relationship with him, a relationship that is in many ways like those with other humans, but is so much better. That relationship is one where I am learning to not think that I have him all figured out, but rather to be open to anything he might do. In the Gospels, Jesus didn’t fit into any one’s preconceived notions, and he dealt with different people in different ways. So it is in my life. I am learning to expect the unexpected.

May we never say, “We have Jesus figured out. We know how he does things, and we know how he doesn’t work.”

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Room for Redemption

A firestorm erupted in the sports world recently with the revelation that the owner of the Los Angeles Clippers is a racist although, as Kareem Abdul Jabbar and others pointed out, the NBA has known that for quite some time. The controversy continues to swirl, as the league looks for a way to force Sterling to sell the team. Now reports of prostate cancer and a possible divorce have been added to the mix. Donald Sterling has become a pariah. He has been banned for life from the NBA, and his name is becoming a byword for the worst kind of individual.

Sterling’s statements and his attitudes are reprehensible and should be condemned. I don’t see anything in them that is defensible. What strikes me about this incident is not the fact that a rich owner of a sports franchise has been outed as a racist. The fact that a human being is a sinner is not a surprise at all. What strikes me is the seeming impossibility of any chance of redemption for Donald Sterling. Now, whether or not Sterling should be redeemed by the league is something that is way above my pay grade. Most would say that there is no way he should ever be involved in professional sports again, and I think I would agree with them. Sometimes the consequences of our actions last a lifetime.

When I think of Donald Sterling and the way all of this has come down, I realize that I was in a similar situation. I was a sinner by nature, and everything I did was unacceptable to a holy God. Humanly speaking there was no chance at all of redemption. I was hopelessly, irrevocably lost.
What awaited me made Donald Sterling’s lifetime ban seem like a walk in the park. I deserved every bit of it. But…

That holy God loved me. Even though I had nothing that would cause him to look on me with favor, God loved me and Jesus died in my place. This not only made my redemption possible, it made it a finished fact. It is as if someone stepped up and took Donald Sterling’s punishment and Sterling was accepted back into the league with open arms. Actually, it’s a whole lot more amazing, and scandalous, than that. The Son of God came down, became a human like me, and died the death I should have died, so I could live. Now I am accepted in God’s family with open arms as a beloved child. All of the inheritance that belongs to Jesus also is mine because I am now in Christ. It’s not Fred anymore, trying and failing to be acceptable to God. It’s now Christ living in me, and the Father’s acceptance of his Son is now mine. I am redeemed!

There probably isn’t any redemption for Donald Sterling from the NBA, or from society. The only redemption he could hope for would have to come from Christ. If you’re reading this and realize that you are also a person without hope of redemption, I would encourage you to call on Jesus, the only One who can and will redeem.

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Blast From the Past: I Know Who I Am

This was originally posted in 2011, and again in 2012. I am posting it again today because we all need to be reminded from time to time.

One of the perks of driving a bus part time for a summer camp is being able to go to movies for free and see films that you might not otherwise see. Last Friday, I drove a group to the local cheap seat theater and saw “Kung Fu Panda 2.” Since our own children are adults, I probably would not have gone to see this particular movie on my own.


I like it when a popular film or song presents a biblical truth, whether on purpose or not. This was the case in “Kung Fu Panda 2.” The main story of the film is the quest of the title character to find out where he came from, all the while saving China from certain destruction. Near the end of the movie, the main character comes back to his adoptive father (who is a goose, in case you haven’t seen it). When the goose asks the panda if he found out who he was, the reply is, “I know who I am. I am your son.” Since I tend to be somewhat emotional at times, that line caused a catch in my throat. I then thought what a great picture that is of the Christian.

Regardless of the circumstances of the panda’s life, he realized that his identity was rooted in the fact that he had been adopted and loved by the goose. Even though he found out the story of how he came to that place, what mattered was the love given him by his father. Those of us who follow Jesus have the same story. No matter where we have been, no matter what stories our lives have told, we have been loved and adopted by the Father. Our backgrounds are as varied as can be, as are the ways we came to faith. What unifies us is that identity as God’s children.

As the panda was saving China, he faced terrible odds. After he found out the story of how he had been found by the goose, he was able to triumph. I believe that was the point when he saw his identity bound with the goose, and that gave him the strength he needed. Again, we are the same. When we realize our identity as beloved children of Abba and live in that identity, we can handle the obstacles that come our way. That doesn’t mean that we’ll be “winners” all the time, but it does mean that no matter what, who we are doesn’t change. The fact that we are loved by the Creator of the universe doesn’t change. God’s good heart for us is the same, whether we are “spiritual” or struggling. We know who we are. We are God’s sons and daughters. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.
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Blast From the Past: Christian, Follower, or…

This was first posted on March 26, 2009.

I’ve been reading The Great Omission by Dallas Willard, and some thoughts have been stirred. I became a Christian at an early age, so you could say that I grew up Christian. In the circles I was a part of the definition of “Christian” was someone who had prayed a prayer to ask Jesus into their heart and who assented to a particular set of beliefs. Those who had not said “the prayer” or didn’t believe as we did were seen as not Christian, or at the most, not a very good one. We were taught that America was “a Christian nation,” and that some folks wanted to deny our Christian heritage and take it away from us. Our job as Christians was to live a good moral life, and stay away from those who didn’t. At the same time we were to be a “good witness” to those we were staying away from. We were to tell them that they were sinners and that if they said the prayer, they too could become Christians and live good moral lives and then go to heaven when they die.

As I grew into young adulthood, I slowly began to realize that others beside fundamental Baptists could be Christians as well. They still had to assent to a set of beliefs, but my definition of those beliefs narrowed a bit. I still saw salvation as a moment in time and the Gospel as only a way to get into heaven without it necessarily affecting your life very much. The interesting thing about this is that while I still held to many of the ideas of my childhood teaching regarding God and the Bible, many areas of my life would give some people reason to doubt my own Christianity. I had succumbed to the idea that having a home in heaven when I died was the only thing that mattered, so how I lived here in this life wasn’t really important. Of course, I tried to make sure that certain people didn’t find out certain things. After all, I had a reputation as a Christian to protect.

The term “Christian” has come to mean something far different from what it originally meant. Depending on who you talk to, “Christian” can mean a politically conservative American, or someone who leans to the left. It can mean someone who is not Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, or atheist. Many hear the term and think of a person who is mean spirited, narrow minded, and arrogant. Many who call themselves Christian are simply part of the culture of Christendom that has grown in the West over the past few hundred years. So, to separate from that mindset, I have been calling myself a follower of Jesus.

While I still like the term “follower of Jesus,” especially as opposed to “Christian,” I’m beginning to think that even that is not descriptive enough of what I am, or at least what I am trying to be. Dallas Willard writes about how the concept of discipleship has been ignored by the Church, or at best relegated to a group of super spiritual folks who want to “go deeper.” Willard makes the point that the Great Commission given by Jesus is a call to make disciples. In first century Palestine a disciple was one who apprenticed himself to a rabbi. The disciple made a commitment to learn from the rabbi and had a goal to relate to God in the same way the rabbi did. It was more than just learning information. It was being with the rabbi and watching him, how he dealt with people and situations. It was becoming like the rabbi, not just learning about the rabbi. A saying from that time was, “Follow the rabbi. Drink in his words, and cover yourself with the dust of his feet.” The idea was to be so close to the rabbi that when people saw the disciple they saw the rabbi.

That is what I want. I want to to learn from Jesus, to spend time with him and see how he relates to God. I want to obey what he teaches, and follow him so closely that folks see him through me. I want people to see the hope that is in me, so I can tell them about Jesus. I want to be like Jesus. I’ve got a long way to go, but that is my desire.

So, just call me a disciple of Jesus.

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Yet Another Lesson

I’ve written before about some of the things God has taught me through my interactions with the students with whom I work, and with friends. This morning the Father had another one lined up for me. I have been asking for more intimacy, for open ears to hear what he has for me, and for open eyes to see what he is doing so I can join in. Today, for some reason I was starting to wonder if some of the things that I do are worth it. This is something that pops into my head from time to time.

One of my students came in this morning and told me that he had left his binder at home. Essentially, he had nothing that he needed for the day. My initial reaction was what consequences need to happen to remind him to bring his stuff to school. I brought it to the attention of my lead teacher, and her response was to give him paper and a pen. On the way to his class, I was still thinking, “How can he forget his stuff? Why can’t he be more responsible?” As we walked down the hall, I felt the Father say, “How many times do you forget?”

It’s true. I often forget who I am in Christ. I forget that Christ lives in me. I forget that my Father knows the end from the beginning, and is working to reconcile all things to himself, using even my puny efforts to advance his kingdom. I forget that I am not called to save anyone or do anything on my own. I am simply called to abide in Christ and let him produce fruit in me as I seek to follow him. Any good that comes from what I do, as a teacher, husband, father, or friend is up to God, not me. I am not responsible to bring about any change. I am only responsible to be faithful to what God has called me to. I forget that my Abba loves me with an inexhaustible love that goes beyond my understanding. I forget that his grace is given to me simply because he loves me, and that I can’t earn more grace or blow it so badly that I lose grace.

What is interesting is that God didn’t berate me for forgetting those things. He didn’t treat me like I would have treated the student. He graciously reminded me of those things which I too easily forget, and reminded me that he gives me everything I need for each day, just like the teacher gave paper and a pen to the student. Abba doesn’t treat me like a forgetful student, but as his beloved son in whom he is pleased. Thank God for his grace and love!

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This Is Your Life. Or Not

Imagine a scene. You are a Christian who is standing, or sitting, with all of the other folks who have believed on Jesus down through the centuries. You are waiting in anticipation, when suddenly, up in the sky, your life is being played out. Every good thing you have ever done and every bad thing you have ever done is all out there for everyone to see, including your thoughts and motives. As some of the sins you have committed are shown, you begin to hang your head. The tears start to flow as you realize how disappointed God is in what you have done. You know you’ll still get into heaven, but there are an awful lot of tears God will have to wipe away.

Sound familiar? It does if you grew up in dispensational fundamentalism. I can’t tell you how many times that was used as motivation to get us to behave and do what was right. After all, we wouldn’t want the whole world to see the shameful things we’ve thought and done. We were admonished that we didn’t want to get into heaven by the skin of our teeth. For most of us, I think that worked for awhile. At some point though, some of us didn’t buy into it enough to keep us from doing things we weren’t supposed to be doing. There are still some who live their lives always looking over their shoulder, always worried that they are going to commit some sin that will later leave them ashamed before God.

I have come to believe that Scripture teaches something far, far different. I do believe that believers sin, because sin is still present with us. I do believe that we need to confess those times we sin, to God and to others. What I don’t believe is the teaching that there will be some sort of cosmic movie that will display all the bad stuff we’ve done. While Scripture does indicate that there will some sort of reckoning for what we build on the foundation of Jesus Christ, I see nothing about all of our deeds being displayed in some sort of celestial multiplex.

Instead, I see a number of places that tell us who we are and what we have in Christ. We are united with Christ. We are in him and he is in us. Because of this union, everything that Christ has, we have.
We have his righteousness, and when our Abba looks at us he sees beloved children with whom he is well pleased. Because of the cross, our sin is no longer an issue between us and God. All of our past sins, all of our present sins, and all of our future sins are under the blood. We are told that we will one day stand without shame before God. Christ has finished the work. There is nothing we need do except believe it.

Performance based religion says, “Do, so you will stand acceptable before the Father.” The gospel says, “Done. You are acceptable, because Christ is acceptable. Welcome home.” Believe the gospel and throw away the movie ticket. You won’t need it.

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Keep On Keeping On, and Rest

I’ve entered into one of those “I don’t know” phases of my life. I feel like I’m beginning a period of transition. It seems as if there is more for me to do with the gifts God has given me, or at least something different. As my involvement in our community of faith has grown and evolved, I am sensing that God wants me to shift my focus.

What I believe the Spirit is leading me to do is to keep on doing at least part of what I am doing. At the same time I sense that I am to rest and let God lead me rather than to go out and push things as far as relationships and service. Any of you that know me know that I have a tendency to run ahead and try to make things happen. It is hard for me to rest and trust that my Father is going to take care of everything. Two of the things God has given me are the ability to teach, and a heart that is empathetic towards other people. I care deeply about others’ well being (sometimes it seems as if I care too deeply, but that’s another story that’s yet to be written). Because of these things, I sometimes push things too far and forget to give space for God to work, hence the need to rest and trust.

I am learning that I can rest while working because I have seen the Father work time and time again through what I do, and sometimes in spite of what I do. I have seen God redeem my mistakes, and turn them into something far better than anything I could have brought about. It’s a hard lesson to learn, and is one that I am continually learning. Thankfully, God has placed me in a community that is all about the gospel, discipleship, and bringing the kingdom to bear in our surroundings. I am learning how to use the gifts God has given me in a way that shows the truth, goodness, and beauty of Jesus to those around us. Not just to “build a church,” but to be the church. To be in this world as a witness to the gospel, rather than just witness to people while somehow being apart from them.

It wouldn’t surprise me if some of you are going through the same sort of thing. You believe that God has gifted you in certain ways and you aren’t sure how to proceed at this stage in your journey. I don’t have any pat answers, no series of steps to take to fulfill your potential or whatever. All I can do is
suggest a couple of things because of how I’ve seen God work. These are things I’ve come to believe are vital.

The most important thing is to find a group of believers who are committed to living life together. Join with them, be willing to take off the masks and walk through the messiness of life with them. Not just a “small group,” but a group of folks who will love and accept you as you are, and who will
also challenge you in your walk with Jesus. Commit yourself to them, and be willing to be discipled. God will also bring some your way that you can disciple. Second, allow the Spirit to use the messiness of community to work in you and shape you. In the give and take of a family of faith, you learn how to use what God has given you in a way that advances his kingdom. You learn how to live as Jesus loved, and serve as he served. Be willing to put up with the imperfectness of other people and situations in order to live life together with fellow pilgrims on this journey. Be in it for the long haul. It will not be easy, but it will be worth it.

May the Father lead you to a community of believers where you can grow in love and grace.

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Blast From the Past: Another Lesson Learned

This was first posted on May 30, 2010. The circumstances have changed but the lesson still remains.

This morning, after our gathering, we were waiting for some food to be delivered. I was on the front porch of the house talking with a friend. Partway through the conversation the food that we were waiting for arrived, and help was needed to carry it into the house. Without thinking, I immediately left in the middle of the conversation to help. There were others there who could have helped, so it wasn’t like it was absolutely necessary for me to get involved. A bit later I thought about that and realized that I had abandoned my friend right in the middle of our conversation, and I wondered why I did that.

Part of it could be that I’m not a great conversationalist, so it was more comfortable for me to help out in a way that didn’t require talking. That’s something I need to continue working on, although I am better than I was. Part of it could be that I feel like I have a reputation as a servant to uphold. That is one of my gifts, and I do feel more comfortable behind the scenes than out front, so of course I don’t want people to think I’m being lazy. Regardless of the reason, I should have stayed on the porch and not abandoned my friend.

I think that a bigger reason is something that most of us deal with in our walk with Jesus, and that is the tendency to feel that we have to do something all the time rather than just be in the moment. I know that I sometimes will let things to do draw me away from spending time with the Father or with my brothers and sisters. A lot of evangelicalism, especially the fundamentalist branch, is built on “doing something for God.” Great churches are built on the efforts of the leaders and members. Christians are made to feel guilty if they aren’t involved in one of the programs of their church. Pastors burn out because they feel that it’s their job to build a great work. In the midst of all this busyness, churches find that their members are not being discipled and are not growing in their walk with God.

The thing is, many of the programs and things that we try to do for God can be done without the Holy Spirit. Huge, “successful” churches and ministries can be built completely on human effort. Some of those come tumbling down, some get even bigger, but they really don’t have much impact for the Kingdom. We bemoan the fact that people aren’t knocking down the doors of our churches, and young people are leaving as soon as they are able. I think one reason is that we have presented a gospel that claims to be all about grace and a relationship with God, but is really about working. Not for salvation, but to please God.

God invites us into relationship with him. He tells us to be still and know that he is God. God is our Father, not our employer. It is true that we serve God and others. It is true that there are things that each one of us is called to do. But, do we do them in our own strength or in the power of the Spirit coming from just being in a close relationship with the Father? It is out of that relationship that we walk in God’s love through our day-to-day. It is in that relationship that we learn the Father’s heart and find out where he is working so that we can join in. The closer we draw to our Father, the more sensitive we will be to his agenda, and the more we may realize that we need to let our agenda go. Our efforts will be to join God’s work rather than trying to get him to bless ours.

Joining in God’s work might just mean that we continue a conversation on the front porch and let someone else help with the other stuff.

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Free Grace or Come and Die

The message of free grace is becoming more and more widespread in the church these days. It is a message that resonates with many who feel beat down by legalistic messages they have heard in churches. There are many proponents of free grace, such as Steve Brown, author of Scandalous Freedom and Three Free Sins, and Tullian Tchividjian, author of  Glorious Ruin and One Way Love. At the same time, there is a push back from those who believe the idea of free grace cheapens the gospel and produces folks who just feel free to sin all they want. These people would refer to Bonhoeffer’s writing that Jesus calls us to “come and die,” and against “cheap grace.”

I believe that the message of the free grace of God to sinners and the calling to die are not incompatible. In fact they are parts of the same message. Jesus tells us that we cannot follow him if we don’t take up our cross and die to ourself. Scripture also tells us that the finished work of  Christ on the cross frees us from the law of “do and live.” We are not under condemnation if we are in Christ and we have been made brand new. In Romans 6, Paul anticipates the arguments of those that say teaching grace leads to lawlessness and of those who say that grace allows us to sin more and more. In the first two verses, Paul asks if we should sin more in order for more grace to be given and then answers his question with, “No way! We’ve died to sin! How can we live in it?” In the rest of that chapter Paul goes on to tell us that we are to count ourselves as dead to sin and no longer under it’s control.

In Galatians, Paul says that he has been crucified with Christ, but that he lives because it is now Christ living in him. When grace captures us, we die to our self and begin to live in Christ. Unfortunately, because we still live in a broken world and sin is still present in us to varying degrees, we have to continually take up our cross daily. That taking up our cross is not striving to make ourselves acceptable to God by keeping the law. It has to do with giving up our interests because of what God has done for us.

One way of looking at it is to look at our relationship to God and our relationship to others. The grace that God freely gives us is what makes us his beloved children. There is nothing we can do to earn it or lose it. In response to this grace and because Christ lives in us, we then do those things which show that same love and grace to others. We love because God first loved us. We die to ourselves by putting others first. Jesus said that the greatest love is to lay down our lives for others. We only do that through the grace of God in our hearts.

So, God offers us his free grace which will make us right with him and his beloved children. That grace causes us to give up ourselves, to die, in order that we may show that same grace to others. In the words of the song, grace calls us to “come and die, and find that I might truly live.”

I pray that you are resting in that grace.