Category: my journey

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Something Different

I am going to try and write some poetry from time to time. Enjoy. Or not.

The knees ache, the hips hurt
There’s pain in the thumbs when I grasp
The hair is no longer wavy, it’s waving
Goodbye
I’m a bit bigger and softer
Around the middle

They say I’m getting older
At times it feels that way
But I also feel younger
At times so alive!
I hear about the Restoration
I see it beginning

Learning to see the past
Adjusting to the present
Anticipating the future
Learning to trust
Accepting grace
Extending grace

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And Another Year Passes

Another year is upon us. It seems to happen on a regular basis, no matter what we try to do. Along with a new year, there comes something called New Year’s Resolutions. This is when people determine that they are going to do certain things and accomplish certain goals in the next 365 days. That is why you see special deals on weight loss programs, fitness center memberships, and home fitness equipment. Other resolutions include career, financial, relational, or spiritual goals.

I have nothing against resolutions as such. It is good to have goals for the coming year. My problem is I tend to make resolutions and then not keep them. It seems that is a problem common to the human condition. It is very easy for us to see resolutions as devices to make us better people, much like the 5 steps to ________________ that you can hear in many churches on Sunday mornings. If we fail to keep these resolutions, we can become filled with guilt and frustration. If we are able to keep them, we can become self-righteous.

Pam Hogeweide has written a good article on what she wants for the coming year. It is titled, “Soaring into Everday Loveliness With One Word.” Pam writes that, rather than making resolutions, she has chosen the word “soar” as what she wants to do in 2014. She also asks her readers to comment with what their one word would be. I chose “grace.”

In the last couple of years, I have been learning what grace is. The idea that Abba loves me no matter what and sees me as his beloved son is liberating. As I learn, it is becoming more and more clear that absolutely nothing I can do will ever change the Father’s love for me or my standing as his child. I’m not saying that nothing I do matters, because it does. I’m saying that my actions can not make me a better person inside, that they can not make me righteous. I am righteous because of God’s grace through what Christ has done. It is finished, and there is nothing more for me to do.

I want to live every day in and from my Father’s grace to me. I want to do everything out of love and gratitude, not out of a desire to earn God’s favor or stay right with him. I want to walk looking at Jesus and his finished work, and not fearfully looking over my shoulder or around me, worried that I might screw up. Because I will screw up, sometimes royally. But, it’s okay because it doesn’t change who I am in Christ. It also doesn’t change the settled fact that God is redeeming everything in my life for his kingdom and his glory. I want to live out of that reality.

I also want to live a life that extends that same grace to others, to those whom I love and to those who are difficult to love. I want to love my neighbor (who just happens to be everyone) as Jesus loves me. I want to love others without putting conditions on them. No reciprocity, no demanding, and certainly no “exacting a pound of flesh.” I know I can only do that as I am able to rest in the grace of Abba. Otherwise it becomes just another one of those resolutions that I can’t keep.

My word for 2014 is grace. I’d love to hear what word you would choose.

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Blast From the Past: Just Wondering

This was first posted on July 31, 2008.

I was thinking this afternoon (that’s dangerous, I know) about Jesus statement to his disciples that they could expect to be hated and persecuted because he was. When I was growing up I was always taught that this meant if I didn’t dress like the world, didn’t listen to the same music as the world, and didn’t hang around with worldly people, then those folks would hate me, make fun of me, call me names, etc. It would be okay though, because Jesus had been hated, been made fun of, and been called names. That message is still being preached in some churches around the country.

There is no question that Jesus was hated and persecuted by some of the people in his day. Heck, they even put him to death! But, I started to think about the folks who did the persecuting and the reasons why. Amazingly enough, it was not the “sinners” that hated Jesus, made fun of him and called him names. Those were the very people who followed Jesus. They were the ones who hung on his every word and who believed that he was the Messiah.

It was the religious leaders who hounded Jesus wherever he went, always looking for a way to trip him up and get him in trouble. They were the ones who said Jesus had a demon and implied that he was an illegitimate child. And, they called Jesus names like drunkard and glutton because he hung out with the “sinners”. Wait a minute. I thought the sinners, the ones who drink and party, are the very people I’m supposed to stay away from so my “testimony” isn’t damaged. I mean, heaven forbid someone should see me go into a bar or attend a party where “lost” people are gathered. They might start calling me a drunk or something like that, or at least might think that I’m not a very good Christian.

After all, I’m supposed to be a follower of Jesus and he would never put himself in a position where others would see him hanging out with the riff-raff and think badly of him. Would he?

Wait, you mean…?

Hmmmm.

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God Be Merciful

In Luke 18:9-14, Jesus tells a story about a Pharisee and a tax collector who both came to the Temple to pray. The Pharisee prayed in an arrogant, condescending manner, thanking God that he wasn’t like all of the “sinners” around him. In contrast, the tax collector didn’t even look up toward heaven, but beat his chest and begged for God to have mercy on him because he was a sinner. As I read this the other day, I was convicted of my own tendency to think that I’m better than others.

I grew up in a church culture that taught that we were better off than others because we had made the choice to accept Jesus as personal Savior, and didn’t commit some of the sins that characterized those “of the world.” While we claimed to be humble because we were simply “sinners saved by grace,” our attitudes indicated otherwise. There was a definite divide between “us” and “them.” As a Bible college student, and later as a graduate involved in “full time” Christian ministry, the temptation was to think of myself as on another level because I “knew” Scripture and was teaching others.

After a few years, I became one of the Reformed. I was fairly young, though not restless, but I was enthralled with the intellectual side of faith. Again, the temptation, which I unfortunately succumbed to at times, was to think that my study and reasoning put me ahead of those who just didn’t know what Scripture “really meant.” In the ensuing years I have wandered through the post-evangelical wilderness, through non-denominational church, emerging Christianity, and “simple organic” church. I have actually landed in a community that is in the Reformed tradition, although I am certainly not young and am quite content.

 I could very easily think that I have arrived. The problem is that it’s still far to easy to fall into that old trap of thinking that I’m somehow better than any number of people. I can think, “I’m glad I’m not one of those_____________________ any more.” We all want to think that we have it together and are better than other folks, and I am no exception. I thank the Father that it’s not as bad as it used to be, but there are still times when that spiritual pride rears its ugly head. I don’t want to give in to that temptation because I have learned that if God needs to humble me, the experience tends to not be a whole lot of fun.

I want my attitude to be that of the tax collector, who saw his condition without God’s mercy. I know that it’s only by the Father’s grace that there is anything good in me, but sometimes I try to take a little bit of credit myself. I am relieved and grateful that God is my Father, and that he is working in me and will bring that work to its conclusion. He is merciful.

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The Lord’s Prayer: Give Us This Day Our Daily Bread

I could also title this post “The Real Prosperity Gospel.”

In the Lord’s Prayer, we pray for our Father’s name to be glorified, and for his kingdom to come on this earth as it is in heaven. The next thing we pray for is for our daily provisions. This prayer is counter to the way those in the kingdom of this world operate, and unfortunately contrary to the way many Christians live their lives as well.

I believe that the teaching that God wants everyone to be wealthy and healthy and have success in everything they do doesn’t go far enough. I know that sounds strange. Hear me out. Those who teach what is known as the prosperity gospel put their followers eyes on the things of this earth, on things that will not last. A new car? It will rust and quit running. A big house? It will crumble. (Especially with the way they’re building houses these days) Lots of money in the bank? All gone someday. Success in business, etc.? Eventually your business will close. Fame? Most of us will be forgotten eventually.

Why do we spend so much energy playing in the mud in the ghetto when we have the offer of a trip to the beach? We have a Father who owns everything. His kingdom is forever, and is full of unimaginable riches. We are told in Scripture that we are fellow heirs of all things with Jesus. We have the righteousness of Christ. We have his Spirit in us. We have the expectation of glory, in fact, Romans 8 tells us that we are already glorified. It just doesn’t show completely yet. Our Father gives us good gifts.

Praying for our daily needs means we realize our dependence on God. We put ourselves in his hands and humbly ask rather than demand. A child who loves his father doesn’t go to him and demand things, unless that child is spoiled. A child who loves and is loved by her father knows that all she has to do is ask and her father can be trusted to provide for her. She also knows that her father will do what is best and not give her anything that is not good for her. In the same way, we trust that our Father will not give us a stone when we ask for bread, but knows exactly what is best for us, and will give us exactly what we need. Many times, God goes far beyond just what we need. We can simply trust Abba to do exactly what is best for us.

One of the things God has taught me through the years is that it is far better for me to simply put my needs and desires in his loving hands. It doesn’t depend on how well I’ve been praying or on how much faith I have. It simply depends on what my Papa, who loves me with a perfect love, knows is the best thing for me. As his love fills me more and more, Jesus’ words become more real. To paraphrase, seek first and foremost the kingdom of God and you will get that. The rest is just gravy.

Rest in who you are in Christ and that will bring the contentment that is able to humbly ask the Father for each day’s needs, knowing that it’s all taken care of. The Psalmist tells us that the Lord is our shepherd, and that we will never lack. While we may not have everything we want, we will have everything we need. Along with that we have Jesus, and with him all the blessings of the new heaven and new earth which will last far longer than anything we can hope to have on this earth.

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Blast From the Past: Being Real

This was first posted on November 15, 2010.

A few years ago, there was a thread on theooze.com titled “Which story are you in?” As I thought about what story I was in at the time, I thought of one of my favorite all-time stories – “The Velveteen  Rabbit”. The story is about a stuffed rabbit who becomes real because of the love of a little boy.

As I thought about all that has transpired in my journey the last few years, I thought how God’s love is making me “real.” The process has not been without pain. In the story the Skin Horse tells the Velveteen Rabbit that becoming real may hurt but that when you do become real you don’t mind the hurt. So it is with being formed into the image of Christ – the hurt pales in comparison to the final result, so in some sense you really don’t mind it.

The Skin Horse also said that while you might not seem real to others, the one that matters is the one that is causing you to become real through their love. Again that has its parallel in the process of becoming like Jesus. You come to the place where the only one whose opinion of you matters is God.
Obviously, I have a long way to go in the process of becoming real. But God is working.

What story are you in?

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The Lord’s Prayer: Hallowed Be Thy Name

Jesus tells us that we can call the God of the universe, Father. He is our loving, gracious Father. Jesus then directs us to ask for God’s name to be hallowed, or lifted up. I think this is an important part of the prayer that we sometimes forget in the course of our day-to-day. Our aim is to live our lives out in light of this prayer, rather than just repeating it from time to time.

If we pray for God’s name to be hallowed, we are praying for that name to be made much of, to be lifted up and glorified. As the Westminster Catechism states, the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy him forever. The Psalmist tells us that creation itself declares the glory of the Creator. Everything and everyone is made to bring glory to God.

Sometimes we ask for God to be glorified, but we are not sure that we really want that. Sometimes God is glorified in things that we would consider tragedies. It is hard to look at the loss of a job, the death of a loved one, or anything else we would see as negative and see any way God can get glory through it. We can easily see glory for the Father when things go our way, but when it all hits the fan we act as if God’s name is irrevocably damaged. I can think of many times when I questioned how in the world God could get any glory from things that happened.

It has been a hard lesson to learn, but it is true that the Father can be glorified through any and every thing. He is God, after all. Romans 8 tells us that God works in everything, even the messes in our lives, for the good of those who love him. This good could be directly for the person who is going through the stuff, or it could be for the body of Christ as a whole. Either way, God is glorified, whether it’s through an individual becoming more like Christ or a group of Christians being strengthened by what the individual has gone through.

We are taught to pray that our Father be glorified. We need to understand that that glory may come through trouble in our lives. At the same time, we can be encouraged that the one who loves us with a perfect, inexhaustible love can and does redeem everything.

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Failing? Maybe. Failure? No!

I’m beginning to notice a sort of mini epidemic. Lately, I’ve heard a fair amount of folks state that they feel like a failure, that they feel as if nothing they do means anything. To quote author Steve Brown, that is ” from the pit of hell and smells like smoke.” When we begin to feel that we are failures who can’t do anything right, we are listening to the wrong voices. We are listening to lies direct from the father of lies.

I know what is is like to feel like you can’t do anything right. I know what it’s like to feel like a failure and wonder if the people in your life would be better off without you. I know what it is like to give up because, “it doesn’t matter anyway.” I have listened to those lies. Even now, some of those feelings rear their ugly heads from time to time. It’s not a good thing, and can harm us and those around us.

One of the things God has taught me over the years is the lesson that those of us who are followers of Jesus are beloved children of the Creator of the universe. We are not only children, but we also have the inheritance of a son. Everything Jesus has, we have in him. We are the dwelling place of God, his temple. Our Father has began a work in us, and he will finish that work in us. God works in everything in our lives for the good of those who love him, and he will conform us to Christ. Because of what Christ has done, we cannot be failures. God is working in us and that work will not fail. We have the word of the King on that!

Will we fail at things? Yes. Will we royally screw up sometimes? Of course! We must remember that making a mistake or failing at something is not necessarily sin. Sometimes it’s a lack of knowledge or  skill. Other factors may be involved. One thing it is not is a reflection of our character, of who we really are as a son or daughter of God. It does not change how the Father sees us, or how much he loves us.

When we do sin, it still doesn’t change who we are in Christ.  We shouldn’t beat ourselves over the head. We confess ( agree with God that it was wrong), turn away and continue to follow our Savior. As Martin Luther said, we are to sin boldly and trust God more boldly. We are to live our lives fearlessly free, not always looking around to see where we might stumble. Many of us were taught to always be worried about sinning, being careful to stay as far away from the cliff as possible. That leads to a performance based religion which caused us to try and get our identity from what we did and how well we did it. Thankfully, our Father doesn’t treat us that way. Our identity comes from God, who calls us his beloved. We don’t have to perform to please our Abba. As Scripture say, the righteous fall seven time and get up each time. I read that as saying we fall and keep on getting up, no matter how many times.

Take courage. Live life as one who is free, free to make mistakes, free to fail. In Christ there is no such thing as a failure. Who you really are is not based on how well or how badly you perform. Take risks! Be bold! Your Father’s got this.

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Blast From the Past: Obedience Leads To Freedom

Originally posted on August 18, 2009.

 …or does it? I was listening to Steve Brown the other day. He was speaking about a teaching that I had heard all my life and fully believed, until about a year or so ago. This was the idea that obedience leads to freedom. I heard the story about how the fence around the yard allowed the little dog the freedom of running around the whole yard and protected it from the big dogs outside the fence. I also remember preachers talking about how the train tracks allow the train the freedom to run without wrecking. All of this was to emphasize how we need rules and regulations in our lives and how obedience led to freedom.

Now, it is true that rules do allow many things, including our lives , to run smoother in a lot of ways. Sporting events run much smoother with rules, and obeying those rules does bring freedom as you compete. The problem with applying this to our spiritual lives is that is just not true. The Pharisees rigidly obeyed the Law. They even came up with rules to keep people from even coming close to breaking the rules. They not only had no freedom, they didn’t realize they were in bondage. We all know people who obeyed all the rules while they were growing up and rejected the faith as soon as they got out on their own. Many of us also know folks who obey and stay in church, yet are obviously not free. Of course, that brings up the question of whether they are obeying God’s commands or man’s rules, but that’s another topic.

We aren’t free because we obey. We obey because we are free. Because God has been gracious to us, and has set us free, we can now obey him. Because we are free, we can also choose to disobey. But, because God has given us his Spirit, he works in us to make us more and more like Jesus. That is not to say that we have no responsibility to learn and be a disciple, but rather to say that the strength to do that comes from God and the motivation to do that arises out of gratitude and love. God puts in us the desire to obey. We often fail miserably, but the desire to do what is right and become more like Jesus is from our Father.

It is good for us to realize that it is not our own effort that brings freedom. We are free because of what Christ has done for us. As we sink deeper and deeper into the love the Father has for us, and seek to be more like the Master, we will more naturally do what God wants us to do.

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Another Lesson Learned

One of the things God has been teaching me about lately is grace. I’ve had lessons on the Father’s grace for me, and how to walk in that grace. I have also been learning what it means to extend that grace to others. It has been said that a little child shall lead them. The other day I learned a lesson on grace from a ten year old boy.

As some of you know, I drive a bus in the mornings and evenings for a local camp. The ages of the kids range from six to twelve. Sometimes things are quiet because they are tired, sometimes it gets a bit noisy because they are still amped up from the day’s activities. One day I had asked one of the boys to put his sunscreen away because he was spraying it on the others. Wouldn’t you know it, the next day this same boy was spraying his sunscreen again! I raised my voice a bit and told him to bring the sunscreen to me. When I said that I had already talked to him about spraying the stuff, he said that was yesterday and he didn’t know he couldn’t spray it that day. Unfortunately, I reacted instead of responding. I lost it and yelled at him. He went back to his seat and slumped down. As we drove down the road, I realized that I had screwed up. He’s just a ten year old kid, and we all know that ten year old kids don’t always say the brightest things. So, I told him, in front of the other kids, that I was wrong and apologized for yelling at him. He said, “It’s okay. It happens.” He brightened up for the rest of the trip, and things are good between us now.

As I think about this, two things come to mind. The first is the way our Father treats us when we mess up. While he doesn’t excuse our sin, he doesn’t hold it over our heads either. Scripture says that he remembers our frame. He knows we’re not perfect. He doesn’t remind us of that. Instead, he reminds us of who we are. We are his children who have the righteousness of Christ, and the sin that we do is not us. It’s not who we are. Our Father is quick to forgive and move on, much like the ten year old boy.

The second thing is the way we should treat others, especially our brothers and sisters in Christ. We love because God first loved us. We are called to show the same grace to others as God shows to us. Jesus told us to forgive others  forty nine, or four hundred ninety times. The actual number doesn’t matter. The point is, we are to forgive those who sin against as many times as needed. We are not to keep track, but keep on forgiving. I believe that this assumes relationship, because you’re not likely to forgive someone multiple times if they are not around. The boy on the bus didn’t tell me that it was okay but he wasn’t going to ride my bus anymore. Things between us went back to normal and continued from there. One goal of  forgiveness and reconciliation is to bring wholeness to both parties. Another is to show God’s grace and glory to a watching world. Jesus said that the world will know we belong to him by the way we love one another.

Maybe, if  God’s children began to really love each other and seek peace and wholeness in our relationships, the world would look at us and see what we have to offer as something they would want. It worked in the first few centuries of the church’s existence. Why not now/