Category: my journey

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Taken, Blessed, Broken, Given Part 2

This is the second post in a four part series. Part 1 is here.

In Life of the Beloved, Henri Nouwen writes of four words that helped him identify the movements of the Spirit in his life. In the first post I looked at the idea that we are taken by the Father. Today, we’ll look at the concept of being blessed.

As those who are beloved of the Father and chosen by him, we are blessed. We are not only blessed in the sense of having our sins forgiven and being at peace with God, but we are also blessed in the sense that God says good, true things about us. Our Father tells us that we are his beloved children, that we are adopted into his family and have all the benefits of heirs. We are in Christ, therefore we are co-heirs with Jesus. God tells us that he will always take care of us, that we can trust him to do nothing but good. While that good may not look wonderful to our eyes, we can know that it is truly good.

In a world that is full of curses and lies, we need to hear the truth that we are blessed. First, we need to hear from our Father. We do this by prayer. Not just talking to God, but also listening to him. It is hard to tune out the noise of the world around us and the lies whispered to us by our Enemy. Sometimes it is hard to distinguish between the voice of the thief who can disguise himself as an angel of light, and the true Shepherd who gave his life that we might live life to the full. Being still and learning to hear the Shepherd’s voice is vital in our walk with him. Whether it’s a few minutes here and there, an hour or a day, we need to carve out time where we simply are still so we can know that he is God.

Another way we can hear the blessing from the Father is to cultivate presence. We normally go through our day-to-day with tunnel vision and miss the many blessings Abba brings our way. Some of those come directly from heaven, some come through other people. When we realize those blessings, we need to receive them and show gratitude. Sometimes receiving blessing from another is humbling. It forces us to recognize that we really do need each other. Unfortunately, this is as true in the church as in the outside world. We want to appear strong and able, so we tend to pooh pooh times that someone has met our needs and forget that we have been truly blessed. Many times, the simple presence of someone in our lives is a blessing that we miss.

Through these two ways we recognize and claim our blessedness. We are not blessed just for our sake though. The Father blesses us so that we will bless others. Claiming our blessing will give us a desire to bless those we come in contact with each day, from the brother or sister who needs help, to the cashier at the grocery store who is tired at the end of the shift. In a world that is full of curses and lies, people hunger for blessing whether we realize it or not. Jesus commanded us to love others as he loved us. As we are forgiven, we are to forgive. As we are shown grace, we are to show grace. As we are blessed, we are to bless.

We can only bless others as we tune out the noise of the darkness and listen to the voice of our Father and claim our blessedness. Then, as Nouwen states,

“…we can face our own and others’ brokenness with open eyes.”

That’s a topic for another time.

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Taken, Blessed, Broken, Given

At the camp I drive for during the summer, we hold a weekly study for the staff. This summer we are looking at Life of the Beloved, by Henri Nouwen. In this book, Nouwen writes about four words that have helped him identify the movements of the Spirit in his life. Nouwen’s idea is that as followers of Jesus we are bread for the world, therefore we are taken, blessed, broken, and given, as the bread during communion. As I read the explanation of these words, I am finding them helpful in my own walk. In this four part series, I am going to share some of  my thoughts.

The first word is taken. You could substitute the word “chosen.” We are chosen by God to be his beloved children. He has become our Father, and he is pleased with his children. As Nouwen states:

“Our preciousness, uniqueness, and individuality are not given to us by those who meet us 
in clock-time — our brief chronological existence — but by the One who has chosen us
with an everlasting love, a love that existed from all eternity and will last through all eternity.”

Unfortunately, we live in a world that tells us that we are nothing, that there is nothing special about us. Those voices bombard us constantly, from advertisements that tell us we must have the latest (fill in the blank) in order to be happy and fulfilled, to preachers who tell us how far short we fall and how much harder we need to work. Those voices do not come from our Father. They come from our Enemy who seeks to steal our joy, kill our spirits, and destroy our lives.

Nouwen gives three ways we can stay in touch with our chosenness. The first is to keep unmasking the world around us for what it is. The world is full of manipulation and destruction. It’s prevailing wisdom is to step on anyone and everyone in the climb up the ladder. When we feel hurt or rejected, we should recognize those feelings, but also recognize that they are not the truth about ourselves. The truth is that the Father loves us with an everlasting love, and has chosen us to be his children.

The second way is to look for people and places where our chosenness is affirmed. These people and places will not be perfect, but as Nouwen writes,

“The limited, sometimes broken, love of those who share our humanity can often point us to the truth of who we are: precious in God’s eyes.” 


We need each other, and we need to affirm in each other the precious, beloved children that we are.

The third way is to celebrate our chosenness constantly. We are to be grateful to the Father for choosing us, and grateful to those who remind us of our chosenness. We need to be careful, because occasions for gratitude can also be occasions for cynicism, for questioning motives, even for bitterness. We must guard against this and consciously choose to be grateful.

 Rather than making us feel superior or more favored, claiming our chosenness will give us a great desire to help others recognize and claim their chosenness, their place as a beloved child of the Father. This is another reason we need to be in community with our brothers and sisters in Christ. We can build up and encourage one another as we gather together as God’s chosen, beloved children.

One final thought from Nouwen:

” It is only when we have claimed our own place in God’s love that we can experience this all-embracing, noncomparing love and feel safe, not only with God, but also with all our brothers and sisters.” 

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Wednesday Night Church

Last night was what you could call a movable church feast. First, a group of us met at a home for dinner, as is our usual practice. What made this night different was that after dinner we headed downtown to help a local restaurant owner clean her new place so she could open next week. We spent about ninety minutes cleaning, fixing some furniture, moving things, etc.

After we finished, some of us traveled down the street to a local pub where we continued to fellowship  over food and pints. It was a good couple of hours hanging out, talking about theology, philosophy, and what was going on in our lives. I had a bit of a hard time waking up at an early hour this morning, but it was definitely worth it. 🙂

Along with learning that the Church can be found even within the church, I am learning more and more that just hanging out with brothers and sisters in Christ is gathering with the church, no matter what is going on. Sometimes just rubbing shoulders with other followers of Jesus builds us up and forms us into Christ’s image. Children learn a great deal from watching parents, grandparents, and other family members. As the saying goes, more is caught than taught. So it is in the family of God. As we spend time with each other, sharing our lives, we pick up things that build us up and help us follow Jesus, even when we may not realize it. Discipleship is by example much more than by formal teaching.

I would encourage you to seek out believers that you can spend time with, sharing your lives and getting to see how they follow Christ. Don’t limit “church” to just studying the Bible or being taught.

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Repost: Continuation of “Even More”

I had lost my hero, my adviser, my example. That next Christmas was hard. The biggest thing about the celebration of Christmas for me had always been family, and now I was an orphan.

At the same time a group of us in our church had decided that things needed to change or we could no longer continue there. A few months before this, we had gone to two Sunday morning worship services. One was a traditional service and the other was a more contemporary service. The church was losing people and it was thought that if we provided opportunity for people to worship as they preferred, it would strengthen and grow the church. The contemporary service quickly became just like the traditional service, only with cooler music.

Our group of “revolutionaries” believed that we needed to approach “church” from a fresh angle. We agreed that the church needed to reach into the community around us. We began to meet weekly to set out a course of action and to plan the weekly gatherings. At first, things were moving in a direction that really encouraged me. I was an elder, and had agreed to become an elder in order to try and influence the church in a direction that was more “emerging”. Someone accused us trying to break away and start a new church. I said that I had no interest in planting a new church. (Famous last words)

As time went on I realized that the only way we were going to do what we believed God wanted us to do was to actually begin a new church under the auspices of the original church, with our own leadership. Unfortunately, there were a number of people in leadership, as well as other influential members, who wanted to have a say in what we were doing. We were accused of dividing the church and conditions were put on what we were doing. The conditions were probably good but they essentially put brakes on our efforts. As time went on, the enthusiasm for “doing church” differently waned and the worship service reverted to same old same old with cooler music. At the same time, there were positive signs, so I still planned to stay around and minister where I could.

Toward the end of the summer, I heard about a possible church plant here in Rock Hill. I was immediately intrigued. I contacted the one doing the planting and as we talked and got to know each other a little bit, God began to nudge me in the direction of helping in the plant. As time went on and I began to read and study, I became increasingly convinced of the need for a new church in Rock Hill. God continued to work on me, and by the end of December I decided to leave the current church and help plant the new one.

So now, I’m about to set off on another leg of my journey. Where this one will lead only God knows. If there’s on thing I’ve learned through the years it’s that no matter how much the road twists and turns, and no matter how dark things get, my Father is with me and is leading me exactly where he wants me to go. That makes the trip an adventure rather than a chore.

Should be fun.

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Repost: Even More

This was originally posted on January 15, 2008:

During a time of prayer one night in January, 2006, a friend told me that he saw me going through a time of winter. He saw snow swirling around, deeper and deeper, and wolves howling around the door. I thought, “Great! I just came out of the desert, and now I’m going to experience winter?” So, I was left wondering what was going to happen next.

The next few months were relatively uneventful. Mom continued to get worse and things were tight financially (but that wasn’t new). Things were unsettled in the church we served in. I felt a sense that things were changing, that God was doing something. What was happening, I had no idea, but there was a sense of anticipation and disquiet.

The year wore on, with Mom getting worse and worse, and Dad beginning to wear under the strain. In August, Dad had to make the decision to not do anything more to prolong Mom’s life, and we contacted hospice to come and help Mom be comfortable, and at the end of August Mom passed from this life into the presence of the Father. While we were grieving, we were also relieved that Mom was no longer suffering and was now more alive than ever. The next month was busy with helping my dad with some of the stuff resulting from Mom’s passing, and going with him to my nephew’s soccer games.

At the end of September, thirty-three days after Mom died, I drove my dad to a soccer game. The day seemed perfectly normal. Then, it all fell apart. At halftime of the game, Dad had a massive heart attack and joined Mom in the presence of Jesus. It was a huge shock, and something that knocked me for a loop.

I’ll try to finish this tomorrow.

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And I Still Do

One day, a minister asked me if I took the young woman standing next to me as my wife, to love and cherish, in sickness and health, for better or worse, as long as we both would live. That warm July day, I said I do.

Fast forward thirty two years. The woman is no longer young. Neither am I. We have been through both health and sickness. There have been times when things couldn’t have been any better, and there have been other times when things seemed as if they couldn’t be any worse. That day in July, neither one of us could have predicted all that was going to happen as we journeyed together. I know Jan had no idea what she was getting into. We have been through moves, jobs gained and lost, and have raised two children to adulthood. There have been disagreements and arguments. There have been many changes in our lives.

There are a couple of things that have never changed. The first, and most important, is the love that our Father has for us and the grace he has shown us every day. There have been times we couldn’t have made it without God’s grace and love. He has been faithful to provide for us all along, many times in ways we could never expected. While we have never been wealthy in terms of material things, we have been rich in the things that can never be taken away. We have always had the love of friends and family and the knowledge that our Papa would give us exactly what we needed at exactly the right time. He owns the riches of heaven, and we have learned to trust him as he takes care of us.

The second constant had been the fact that this woman who stood beside me thirty two years ago has always stood beside me. Jan has been my support through all I have done, whether teaching, coaching, or teaching others about following Jesus. She has been right there when jobs disappeared and new jobs were slow in coming. She has comforted me in times of sorrow and grief, and been extremely patient with me in my failings and struggles. We have been a team through these years. After all these years, it still boggles my mind to think of how wonderfully God has blessed me. He has given me a treasure that I can’t even begin to fathom. I am one of those men who definitely married up. 


I cannot adequately express the depth of my love for you, Jan. Words don’t do justice to my gratitude for all you have been to me. I can say one thing though. I still do.

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Still More: Reposted

This was first posted January 8, 2008:

When we last left our hero, he was wondering what was going to happen next.

I was without work. I thought I was going to realize the fulfillment of a long held dream of coaching college basketball. So, I sent out resumes and waited. I talked to every coach I knew. And I waited. The summer came and went and still no coaching job. In fact, there were no jobs at all on the horizon. We didn’t feel free to move to another area because my parents and my wife’s parents had moved here to be near us and they were in declining health and needed our help. The search continued. As all this was going on, we had to give our cocker spaniel to the pound because he was old and had too much wrong with him for us to afford to have him treated. It was not a fun summer. About a week after we gave our dog away, I was out on yet another job search. As I drove past the animal shelter, I lost it. I began to pray, cry, and yell at God. I even cussed (I know that shocks some of you, but that’s the way it is). I told God that if I had anywhere else to go, I’d chuck this whole Christian thing. I realized that, like the disciples, I had nowhere else to go, that Jesus was the only one worth following.

In September of 2005, I was hired by a tour bus company to drive. I was glad because it would give me a chance to travel. As it turned out, the majority of the job consisted of leaving the house at 4:00 AM, driving to a National Guard camp eighty miles away, and shuttling troops back and forth from the camp to a nearby army base so they could be processed for active duty in Iraq. Most of the day was spent sitting on the bus and waiting for the soldiers to get their paperwork in order. I would usually arrive back home sometime after 10:00 PM. Because of this schedule, I usually only worked three days a week, so the income wasn’t real good. The company also had no health insurance for their employees.

At first, I wondered what I had done wrong, wondered why God had “put me on the sidelines”. I felt like I was in a desert. Sitting on the bus gave me plenty of opportunity to read, think, and pray. God began to teach me about trust and patience. He reminded me that he was the most important one in my life, and that my identity was in Jesus, not in being a teacher or coach. I began to rethink even more of my assumptions about God, church, and life. At the same time, God was teaching me increasingly to trust him. Jan and I saw God provide for us again and again.

In January 2006, I walked out of the desert. I was hired as a teacher’s assistant in a self-contained special education class at a public middle school. The kids I work with all have learning disabilities, some more severe than others. Many of them are from low income families. Quite a change from the Christian schools previously worked in, although not as much as I would have thought. Kids are kids wherever you go.

Also in January, both my mom and my mother-in-law went into a nursing home. Jan’s mom suffered a stroke, and my mom was suffering from advanced Alzhiemer’s. Our ministry to our parents changed somewhat, as we were visiting our moms and essentially being there for our dads. It was hard to go into a place full of people who were essentially waiting to die and visit Mom, knowing that she would never leave in this life.

I’ll give your eyes a rest and write more later.

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The Lorax

As I did last summer, I had the opportunity to go see a movie with the kids at summer camp. This year the movie was The Lorax. I’m not going to review the film, just give some of my thoughts. I have heard a lot about the movie being a bit of “environmentalist propaganda.” My brain tends to work differently than most folks (whether that’s a good thing is open to debate), so I came away with some different thoughts.


What I saw was a tale of unintended consequences faced by someone who was not trying to do bad things, but got caught up in things that quickly spiraled out of control. The character named The Once-Ler started out trying to make a name for himself with his invention. He seemed to be a good person and was simply trying to better himself. After the initial tree was cut down, he was willing to change his ways and harvest material from the trees without doing them harm. He was willing to think of others. Then, his family came along. The family which had never accepted him, which had always told him that he was a failure, a disappointment. The matriarch moves right in and shames her son into doing what he had promised not to do – cut down the trees. Things quickly went from bad to worse, and in due course all the trees were eliminated.


I see some things in this tale that ring true in real life. Many of our problems, especially in relationships, are caused by us doing things that have unintended consequences. Sometimes we will do or say something that is intended to help someone, and the opposite will happen. Sometimes this is because we don’t know how to say or do it the correct way, sometimes it is because the other person is not ready. Eventually things are said that cut deeply, and soon, things deteriorate to the point where great damage is done to all involved. You could say all the trees are cut down. Unfortunately, this happens in churches as much as, or maybe more, than it happens in the general population.  


Like Once-Ler, we many times act out of things in our past. Good things can affect us, and so can negative things. Unfortunately, many of us have wounds from our past that we have simply covered up and not allowed to heal. We do things to try and win the approval of others, or to “show them.” Sometimes, buried hurts rise up and cause us to hurt others. Sometimes, we are driven because someone once told us we were not good enough, or did not accept us. Many times those past experiences can get such a hold on us that it seems like things are out of control. We think, “I’m not bad,” and we’re right. We’ve just been caught up in things that have overwhelmed us. Don’t think that I’m saying that a Christian never sins. We do, but it’s not because we’re bad people. It’s because sin, which is still hanging around in us, takes advantage of things that we often don’t realize are there and causes us to act in ways that are contradictory to who we are as God’s children. Before we realize it, things have gotten out of control and are damaged seemingly beyond repair.


In his book, Life of the Beloved, Henri Nouwen writes, “It is only when we have claimed our own place in God’s love that we can experience this all-embracing, noncomparing love and feel safe, not only with God, but also with all our brothers and sisters.” The key is fully accepting and claiming the love of our Father and trusting him to redeem our past and present mistakes, and to heal and restore us.


At the end of the film, Once-Ler redeems himself by giving the last seed to a young man who wants a tree. The seed is planted and things are made right once again. As children of God, we can have hope that one day all will be restored when Jesus returns. Possibly, God will redeem our situations in this life.


May we fully receive the Father’s love and grace in all areas of our lives.

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Repost: More

This was originally posted on January 4, 2008.

It’s another day, so I’ll continue my story.

About three years ago, God started doing some things in me that would change the way I saw life and ministry. Through a “chance” look at a magazine, I discovered TheOoze.com and immediately began to read the articles and enter into the discussions. I became aware that there were a lot of others out there that just didn’t quite fit in the cubbyholes that “church” tried to put us in. I began to read authors outside of what I knew as mainstream Christianity people like Brian McLaren, Leonard Sweet, Phillip Yancey, Mike Yaconelli, John Fischer, Rob Bell, N.T. Wright, and others.

God began to show me that at least part of what I had been taught and believed was not Biblical, but was simply a part of the culture of mid to late twentieth century America. So, now my rebellious spirit had a legitimate focus. Now, I saw myself as sort of a “missionary to the fundamentalists”. I began to teach some of these things to my middle school Bible classes. I tried to convey to them that Christianity is more than just mentally assenting to certain propositions and following certain rules. Hopefully some of them got it and will spread the subversiveness.

Unfortunately, this chapter in my life was to come to a rather abrupt end. The school decided to basically eliminate all the middle school teaching positions and give those classes to the high school teachers. They also decided to eliminate the athletic director position, and since I was both a middle school teacher and the athletic director, my contract was not removed.

More to come…

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Repost: A Little Bit About Me

Evidently, there are a few more folks reading my ramblings and ranting these days. So, I’m going to reach back a few years and let you have a look at some things I wrote previously. Hopefully, this will give you an idea of who I am and where God has brought me through my journey. I hope you enjoy some “classics.” 🙂

This was originally posted January 1, 2008:

I started my journey as a follower of Jesus when I was four years old. I know that may seem young, but I distinctly remember asking God to forgive my sins and save me, and I believe that’s when I became his child. Obviously, at that age, I didn’t have a clue about how this was going to work out in my life. I grew up as a pretty good kid, started a period of rebellion as a teenager, went to a conservative Bible college where the rebellion continued, actually graduated and began a few years of ministry in Christian schools.

My rebellion continued, but changed from a general fighting against “authority” to a realization that a lot of the things I was taught in fundamentalism were not only not sensible, but were not even Biblical. For awhile I tried to still minister in fundamental schools, while growing increasingly frustrated with the legalism and lack of grace and love that I saw around me and sometimes experienced. I know that I was seen as a “black sheep” by many.

About three years ago, God began to take me on a part of the journey that would change my life.

But, that’s a story for another day.