Category: my journey

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Dead, Yet Alive

Those of you who have read this blog over the past three or four months know that one of the topics I wrote a fair amount on was death. Death to self, dying for others. Those posts came out of some recent experiences, and as I was thinking about them the other day, I was concerned that I may have come across as a bit morose. Over the last couple of months, I have learned a few things. Believe it or not, I am still very much a work in progress and am continually learning.

The biggest thing that I am learning is the difference between what so many of us see as living, and what Scripture tells us about life. Many people (Christians included) see life as all about getting as much stuff as you can. That stuff can be money and possessions, or career satisfaction and success. It can be friends and followers, or family. It can be any number of things. The prosperity gospel preachers tell us that if we just have faith, God will give us a life filled with health and wealth, and devoid of problems. Some preachers preach that if we just love everyone, our lives will be filled with friends. Many evangelicals preach that if we follow a number of steps (based on the Bible of course) we will have great marriages, successful children, and a joyous life. Even those who look on horrified at all those things teach that if we keep all the rules our life will be wonderful.

In John 10:10, Jesus states that he came so we could have an abundant life. There are many places in Scripture where a life of following Jesus is presented as the ultimate way to live. Jesus says in Luke 17:33 that those who lose their lives for his sake will find life. In Luke 18, Jesus states that those who give up family, etc. to follow him will receive those things back, and then some. Jesus does call us to come and die. He also says that dying is the way to real, abundant life. The problem comes when we expect that abundant life to include lots of friends, success in our endeavors, good health, enough money to do anything we want, or anything else we think will make us happy. We are like those described by C.S. Lewis in Weight of Glory, “It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”  

We tend to see life in terms of what we can see and touch, when the life Jesus offers us rises far above the mundane things of this life. We are far too easily pleased. We set our sights on things that will pass away and miss the eternal pleasures the Father has for us right now. I wonder how many of those who believe God is in the business of giving them whatever they want believe that they will have those things in the new heavens and new earth. I hope none of us really believe that the things of this earth are the things that count. We do act like it many times.

As Christ calls us to die, let us remember that he also calls us to live. Live in him.  

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How God Became King 2

In How God Became King, N.T. Wright states that the death of Jesus Christ on the cross was the inauguration of the kingdom, that “The cross serves the goal of the kingdom. just as the kingdom is accomplished by Jesus’ victory on the cross.” Jesus’ victory was accomplished by taking the worst the kingdoms of this world (symbolized by Rome) and the one behind those kingdoms (Satan) could throw at him, and coming out the other side, having conquered death and hell. The establishment of this kingdom was not what everyone expected. It was a kingdom based on sacrificial love, rather than a kingdom like all the other kingdoms.

Wright goes on to state that Jesus followers saw themselves as participating in Jesus’ kingdom through their suffering. Jesus was very clear that following him meant suffering. We here in the West seem to have forgotten that. One one side are “Job’s friends,” who see any suffering as a result of some sin in the individual’s life. On the other side are those who see all suffering as coming from Satan, so all we have to do is have enough faith to “speak” the suffering away, in effect pretending the suffering doesn’t exist. Of course, if you don’t have enough faith to speak the trouble away, then it is your fault just as it is on the other end of the spectrum. I believe both ends of the spectrum miss the boat.

I was having a short on-line discussion with a friend the other day about an article I had read about a theology of suffering. The article stated that we need to teach that God doesn’t always heal, but that he is always present with us in our suffering. My friend made the comment that it can be as damaging to believe in a God who is present but doesn’t heal as it is to have a God who can heal but lets us suffer because of our lack of faith. I agree with that. This is where the idea of suffering as the means by which God’s kingdom comes to earth changes a lot of our thinking and practice. If we suffer, and the kingdom advances through our suffering, then we can say with Paul, “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” (Romans 5:3-5) 


Paul also stated that he wanted to know Christ, to know the power of his resurrection. We have no problem wanting that as well. But then Paul goes on to say that he wanted to participate in Christ’s sufferings, becoming like him in his death. We have a hard time getting hold of that. But if the suffering of the followers of Jesus advances his kingdom, then we shouldn’t see it as a result of our sin or an attack of Satan (although those may be contributing factors), but rather see it as something that will bring glory to our King and good to his kingdom.



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Bend in the Road

I’m sorry there was no Weekend Wanderings post this weekend. Jan and I were volunteering at a music festival put on by a local camp and were very busy Friday night and all day Saturday. Sunday was a full day as well, so I ran out of time. Next time.

From time to time, I like to let all my loyal readers (or maybe that’s reader) know what’s going on in my journey. Some of you know that I have had issues with the institutional church. I grew up in fundamentalism, earned a Bible college degree, and taught for years in Christian schools. I have seen the operation of churches as a member of the congregation, a very part time youth director, a worship leader, a deacon, and an elder. I have taught Sunday School, preached in the pulpit, and performed special music.

About two and a half years ago, we walked away from the institution. I helped a friend begin a “simple” church that met in a bagel shop. At first, things were great. We were building community and beginning to learn how  to disciple and love one another. By the end of the second year, that community had ceased to exist. Some of the folks went back to church, some left completely, and some of us began to meet in another bagel shop. Again, things seemed to be going well. After about four months, without warning, things fell apart. Again, some went back to church, and some just walked away.

Due to the circumstances surrounding the end of this second community, I was devastated. Jan was also hurt, and we both had a hard time for a while. We couldn’t figure out what had happened, and had no clue what God wanted us to do. After a lot of prayer, we felt the Father was telling us to rest, not to do anything but rest. There was still one individual who wanted to continue meeting with us, so we have been meeting in our dining room on Sunday mornings for the last four months. It has been good to meet with this person and do a chronological study of the life and teachings of Jesus, with the goal of being transformed by what we learn.

Four weeks ago, I felt the Father was telling us that it was time to be going. We had learned about a new church from our son, Josh and his fiancee, Alicia. The church meets on Sunday evening, so we were able to continue what we were doing in the morning. We checked it out, and decide we liked it. The group meets for a meal before the service, and celebrates Communion every Sunday. Those are two things that I have come to believe are essential in the life of a church. The music is good, and it’s not a show where the congregation does more watching than anything else. The mission of the church is to be a community that helps each other follow Jesus, and to reach out for the betterment of our city. Two more things I see as essential.

There are a couple of things that are not quite what I believe a local assembly of the church should be. Each Sunday there is a sermon, and the church is part of a denomination. I believe a participatory meeting is better for making disciples, and I also believe that a lot of denominational policies are extra-Biblical and can distract a church from its mission. I also have come to believe, however, that although I am not a fan of institutional church, the Church can be found anywhere God’s people gather, even in church.

So, we have taken a step toward what we think may be where God wants us to be. If we have found a community that is focused on Jesus, on helping each other to follow him, and on being a blessing to our city; if we have found Church within a church, then we will probably stay awhile.

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Sermon on the Mount

In our Sunday gatherings in our house, we’ve been looking at the life of Jesus. We’ve been going through the Gospels in chronological order. About 4 weeks ago, we came to Matthew 5, where Jesus teaches about the kingdom of God.

Growing up, I was taught that the teachings about the kingdom of God were essentially for the Jews of Jesus’ day, and that when they rejected Jesus that kingdom was essentially postponed until the Millennium. They were not really for the church, other than as an example for us to follow. We were taught that if we became poor in spirit because of our sin, we would then mourn over that sin, and so on. All of these things would lead to us being “right with God.” The other teachings were pretty much new laws for us to try and follow. Still, not a lot was said about the kingdom.

In recent years, as I’ve studied Jesus and his kingdom, I’ve come to different conclusions about these teachings in Matthew, and in other passages. I believe that Jesus is teaching about the kinds of people who are welcome in his kingdom, and through whom the kingdom will come. The poor, the left out, the outcasts, are the ones who are in the kingdom, as opposed to the elite, the self-sufficient, those who have it all together. These are the ones through whom the Spirit moves, and the way these folks carry out there day-to-day is completely different from the way those in the kingdoms of this world operate. Instead of pride, there is humility. Instead of “justice,” there is mercy. Instead of revenge, there is forgiveness.

We also saw that so much of the way God’s kingdom works on this earth has to do with relationships. We are told that seeking forgiveness and reconciliation is more important than worship. We are told that treating others in a loving, forgiving manner is more important than following some rules that allow us to avoid love. We are taught that a righteousness that comes from inside is better than one that is simply external.

Jesus took the “traditional” definition of God’s kingdom and turned it upside down. He said that the kingdom was here, but not in the way it was expected. The religious leaders (the righteous) missed it. It was the “sinners” who got it. It was not the best and brightest who followed the King. It was the folks who had been told they were not good enough. The early church was full of these. Somehow, we’ve taken Jesus’ teachings and basically forgotten them. We follow the preachers who are the most articulate speakers, the ones who can command an audience of thousands. We use others for our own purposes, rather than love them. We want God to give us everything we want, instead of being willing to suffer for Jesus’ sake.

If Jesus is the King, if we are part of his kingdom, our lives will be such that the world will think us strange. Our values, the way we treat others, will seem upside down. Our righteousness will go far beyond a righteousness that is determined by law. It will be a righteousness that comes from inside, from the Spirit that is in us. We will indeed be agents of a kingdom that is not from this world, and a King who has already conquered the powers. As we look for the ultimate setting right of all things, we will see, and provide, glimpses of that final, full fruition of the kingdom of God.

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Come and Die

One the things that has become a tradition for us is the annual Good Friday Stations of the Cross here in Rock Hill. This year the event was held on the campus of the university in town. It is always a meaningful time. This year was more special than others.

This past year has not been the best for Jan and me. There have been some very good things happen, but also some things that are not good at all. This year has seen us experience the death of two communities of faith we were involved in, the second after only a few months. In the last three months we have also gone through the very messy death of what we thought was a close friendship. All of these things added to the usual stresses of life have been hard for both of us, but especially hard on me.

Today, I had the opportunity to help carry the cross from the first station to the second. As I was walking along, I could sense Jesus saying to me, “This is what I want you to do.” I have read the verse where Jesus says that anyone who follows him must take up their cross, but this was the first time it had hit home that Jesus meant me. I am the one who is to take up my cross and die. It’s a fine concept to think about, to debate, and to teach, but I’m finding that actually taking the idea and living it is not easy at all. In a sense, I have died a little bit this year. To be honest, it hurts. It is one of the hardest things one could go through.

As I continued on the walk this afternoon through the different stations, I was again struck by the realization that Jesus knows exactly what I have gone through, because he has experienced the same thing to a much greater extent. In Gethsemane, he agonized over the death he was facing, asking the Father if there was any other way. Recognizing that the cross was the only way, he faced it. Fortunately, that was not the end. After death came resurrection. Jesus conquered death and brought life. As he said, a seed must go into the ground and die before it can yield a harvest.

After the walk, as I sat at the foot of the cross and reflected on what Jesus had said to me, I knew that he has called me to come and die. But as the song below states, he “bids me come and die and find that I may truly live.” There can be no joy on Sunday morning without the pain and death of Friday. There is no resurrection without death. There is no salvation without the cross.

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Lessons Learned From a Cat

Keith Giles at subversive1 has a guest post written by his wife Wendy titled Lessons Learned from Tiger. The post is about their cat Tiger, and the lessons she learned from caring for him after he was injured in a fight. I think the lessons she learned are lessons that we all can take to heart in our lives, especially in our relationships with others and with God. God spoke to me through these lessons. Maybe there is something here for you as well.

  • Feeling trapped can make you destructive.
  • Sometimes help can look a lot like punishment.
  • We can mistake family for strangers because of smell/appearance.
  • It’s hard to eat and drink on your own when you’re wearing the “cone of shame.”
  • That’s when you step in and feed them by hand.
  • Medicine that’s hidden in food goes down more easily.
  • The treatment against infection is sometimes painful.
  • The one stuck outside wants desperately to be inside. The one inside desperately wants to be outside.
  • We can’t always see the big picture.
  • Two weeks seems like an eternity.
  • It’s awful to not be able to scratch your own itch, and such a relief when someone comes to help.
  • It’s easier when you don’t fight it.
  • Wounds require a great deal of care to heal properly.
  • Fighting can be quite costly and painful.

She goes on to list four more lessons that she found “much more touching and beautiful.”

  • God didn’t set a limit on how much He was willing to pay for my sake.
  • He understand the groaning of my heart which are much too deep for words.
  • He is patient and attentive to detail in caring for my needs which continue throughout my life, and not just two weeks.
  • He is compassionate even when I am frustrating.
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Letting Go Part 2

I think I must be hardheaded or something. It seems that God had to slow me down a bit more in order to teach me that I am not the one in charge here. A week ago, I lifted a box containing softball uniforms and felt something pop in my lower abdomen where I had hernia surgery about 12 years ago. I went to the doctor on Friday and was informed that it was a strain. Needless to say, I was relieved. Unfortunately the story doesn’t end there.

On Monday, I was informed by the personnel office of the school district that I was not supposed to work for two weeks. The doctor had written on the report that I was not allowed to do any heavy lifting, bending, stooping, etc. for two weeks. I figured it wouldn’t be a problem because I don’t do any of those things in my job. Unfortunately, because I work in special ed., there is the slight (read miniscule) possibility that I might have to do something like that. So, I was sent home until I was cleared by the doctor to come back. Normally, I wouldn’t complain too loudly about a two week vacation in March, except for the fact that I also am not allowed to coach my softball team during that time. There is another teacher in the school who was able to step in and take the team, along with my two assistants, and I am grateful for that.

The hard part for me is letting go of the team for two weeks. There are all kinds of scenarios that I can come up with while I am not there. I went to the game on Tuesday to show my support for the girls, and it was hard to sit and watch. Between that and being at home without being able to do a whole lot, it’s hard. I’m able to do a bit of work around the house and in the yard, but it’s not quite the same as doing what I get paid to do. I’ve had to slow down at a time when I’m usually pretty busy, and my temptation is to complain about it and then waste the time. I’m trying to relax and listen to the voice of my Shepherd in all of this, and trust his will. It’s not an easy thing to do, but hopefully I will learn more about letting my Father lead me and show me what he wants me to do.

There is definitely on good thing in all this. I get to watch all of the NCAA Tournament. 🙂

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Letting Go

During one of the preliminary races before the Daytona 500, Danica Patrick found herself heading into the wall. Just before she hit, Patrick took her hands off the steering wheel. It was a smart move, and possibly kept her wrists from being broken. Her Indy Car experience may have contributed to the action, as she also covered her head with her hands like she was in an open wheel car. If I had been in that situation, I would have held on to that wheel with every ounce of my strength, trying to keep control of the car. The results would have been painful.

I am learning just how much I hate letting go of control in my life. As a recovering perfectionist, I want everything to turn out right. Of course, “right” means what I want. So, in order to make sure that things turn out right, I try to be in control. At the very least, I attempt to keep my hand in what is going on. Now, this method works pretty well when you’re coaching, at least until the players get into the games. Then, the illusion of control sometimes quickly disappears. When you’re dealing with people, especially in discipleship, trying to control another person doesn’t work. Actually, trying to be the one in charge doesn’t really work in most areas of our lives.

One of the things God is teaching me is that my control of my life and the lives of others is ultimately an illusion. God is the one in control. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not advocating a fuzzy “let go and let God” thinking. Nor am I saying that we bear no responsibility for our actions and the consequences of those actions. I do believe that there is much of our lives that is simply out of our control.

This not a reason for despair, however. For the follower of Jesus, the fact that we are ultimately not in control is actually comforting and freeing. Much of the time we worry about making sure that we say and do just the right thing so our efforts will be “successful.” If we are listening to our Shepherd and doing what he wants us to do, we can rest and leave the results up to him. We must remember that we cannot fix anyone, we cannot heal, but God can. We can be privileged to be the vessels through which God channels that healing, but even that is out of our control. We must remember that it is not up to us to make things happen. It is simply our calling to be faithful to what Jesus calls us to do.

God helps us to hear his voice, to be about doing what he calls us to do, and to leave the results in his hands.

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Who Do You Love?

I heard a couple of things recently that made me think. I know that can be dangerous, and it sometimes gets me in trouble, but I thought anyway. The first was a statement by an individual that he wasn’t indebted to anyone. The second was a Facebook post to the effect that if you want a world where true love is possible, you must allow each person to freely choose who to love. While I can understand the sentiment behind both statements, I believe that they are anti-thetical to the way a follower of Jesus should see things.

The statement about not being in debt to anyone is directly contradicted by Paul’s admonition in Romans 13:8 to owe nothing to anyone except love. Alan Knox has a good post on this here. As those who are loved by the Father and indwelt by his Spirit, we do have one debt. We owe love to our fellow believers, our brothers and sisters.

In Alan’s post, he states that, “I can’t choose who to love.” That leads me to the second statement. As followers of the one who gave his life for us, we have only one choice, to love. Anything else is disobedience to our Master. In John 15, Jesus tells us that his command is to love each other as he has loved us. Since our Savior’s love led him to lay down his life for us, we are to do the same for our brothers and sisters. Doesn’t sound like freely choosing who to love, does it? Jesus also states that the second greatest commandment is to love our neighbor. He then goes on to state that our neighbor is anyone who we come in contact with. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus takes the whole idea of love to the extreme when he tells us to even love our enemies! Sounds to me like he leaves us with no choice. In John 13:35, Jesus says that the world will know that we belong to him because of our love.

There is entirely too much pain and suffering in this world, much of it caused by a lack of love. Unfortunately, this is also true among those who claim to follow the King who founded his kingdom on sacrificial love. Those who are not followers of Jesus know that we are supposed to be different. Many of them also know that the main thing that is supposed to distinguish us is love. Is it any wonder they look at the church and feel that we have nothing to offer them?

Brothers and sisters, we have a debt. It is to love. We have no choice. We are to love everyone who crosses our path. Anything else is blatant disobedience to our Lord and Master.

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Trust

This is something that I’m constantly having to be reminded of:

“Above all, trust in the slow work of God. We are, quite naturally, impatient in everything to reach the end without delay. We should like to skip the intermediate stages, we are impatient of being on the way to something unknown, something new. And yet, it is the law of all progress that it is made by passing through some stages of instability . . . and that it may take a very long time.”

Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
The Making of a Mind: Letters from a Soldier-Priest.