Category: my journey

Posted on

On Autumn

Autumn, or Fall, is one my two most favorite seasons, the other being Spring. I enjoy the cooler temperatures and the smell of smoke that often hangs in the air. In some way, even the decay of the leaves and the bare branches are beautiful and speak of the renewal that is to come.

The thing I like best about Fall is the beauty of the leaves as they change from green to different shades of red, yellow, and orange. The other day, Jan and I took a trip up into the high country of North Carolina and visited Banner Elk and Blowing Rock. The drive up was beautiful, as we saw the hues change from green with a bit of other colors to almost completely the colors of fall. As we drove from Banner Elk to Blowing Rock in the late afternoon, I was struck by the beauty of the fading sunlight as it filtered through the yellow and orange leaves.

The image that came to my mind was that of the elven realm of Lothlorien and the golden leaves of the Mallorn trees. As i continued to drive, I could imagine that place as a place where only beauty dwelt and where no evil could enter. I could have continued on that drive for much longer than we did. At some point we had to get off the road and return to the world as we know it, much as the ringbearers had to leave the realm of the Elves and continue on their journey.

Autumn reminds me that, as I go through this life that is often filled with decay, I can know that the golden hued forest we passed through is a picture of the time when all of creation will be renewed, and when there will be a land where no evil will enter, and only good will reign. It will be a land of unspeakable beauty and love that the best tales of humans can only allude to. It will be the realm of the True King, where there is no night, no pain or sickness, and no death. All tears will be wiped away, and everything sad will become untrue.

I look forward to seeing that renewal come to pass.

Posted on

Christian Nationalism?

Back in the early 80s, (yes I am that old) I was what you might call a Reagan Republican. I was a pretty conservative evangelical who believed that it was the Christian’s responsibility to influence government in ways that reflected God’s kingdom. I remember voting pretty much straight ticket Republican, except for the Senate race where the Democrat was more conservative than the liberal Republican. I was a teacher in a small Christian school affiliated with the Accelerated Christian Education folks. The writings of North and Rushdoony came across my desk and I earned a Master’s degree in Public Affairs, with an eye of possibly going into government. Of course, that was the time when the federal government put a freeze on hiring. I spent a summer carrying my resume all around downtown Washington in stifling heat in a futile attempt to convince someone that they should hire me. We moved to another town, and that idea disappeared.

The idea of “Christian Nationalism” was something confined to a few writers who believed that the country should be governed under Old Testament law. Fast forward to today. The words “Christian” and “Nationalism” have been combined to describe a philosphy that believes that the United States is and always has been a Christian nation and Christians should seek to take control and govern the country according to the Bible. Many believe that America is a special nation that has been blessed by God and that we must bring America “back to God.” A few years ago, I might have agreed with at least some of that thinking. Something happened though. I began to read the New Testament, especially the gospels, and in particular the teachings of Jesus.

Now, I still believe that 2 Timothy 3:16-17 is true, that all Scripture is given by God for us, but I have come to believe that the teachings of the apostles found in the New Testament are not simply stand alone writings. They are the teachings telling the early Christians, and us, how to practically live out the teachings of Jesus. The teachings of Jesus in the gospels is where we start. Jesus didn’t come to earth just to die on a cross. He came to teach and to show us who the Father is. He spoke of a Kingdom that is not of this world, of how to enter that Kingdom, and of how to live as a subject of the true King. Not once can you find Jesus telling someone to ask him into their heart, but you can find many times when he told folks to follow him. That meant more than just going around the countryside with him and listening to what he said. To follow a rabbi as disciple meant to become like the rabbi. Jesus even said that those who did not obey his teachings had no place in his Kingdom.

The early Christians got in trouble with the Roman Empire, not because they were preaching that you had to accept Jesus in order to go to heaven when you die, but because they were proclaiming that this man from Galilee that the Romans executed had risen from the dead and was the one True King. That meant that Caesar was not the true king. The early Christians obeyed the laws of the empire, but they refused to pledge allegiance to Caesar. This continued for roughly three hundred years. Then Constantine claimed to have seen a cross in the sky, and made Christianity a legal religion. You could say that he was the first politician to use the Church for his own political ends. The next step was the decree by Theodosius I that Christianity was the official religion of the Roman Empire. It was downhill from there.

History has shown that combining church and state tends to benefit those in both who are willing to use the other for their own ends, but it has also shown that while the state and the offical church gain, those who follow Jesus are often persecuted like those in the early Church. The state and the church wash each other’s backs and anyone who doesn’t go along with them is out. The founding of the United States was an attempt to end that, with the exception of those that saw this new land as a sort of a “new Israel.” For the most part that separation of church and state was successful for a couple hundred years. Now, that seems to be changing, at least in some circles. There are people who are calling for the Church to lead the state, for the laws of the country to favor one religion (“Christianity”) over all others. Many are using words and phrases that are only properly applied to Jesus Christ. “The best hope for mankind,” “The savior of our country,” among others.

In the first half of the last century, a man sought to gain power by promising the people that he would restore the nation to its formet glory and lead them to even more greatness and power. He promised a regime that would last a thousand years, surpassing even the Roman Empire. That man was Adolf Hitler. One of the groups supporting Hitler was something called the “German Christian Movement”. (sound familiar?) They saw him as someone who would end the decadence in Germany and purify it. A poster from the time features an image of Martin Luther, along with a swastika and the words, “Hitler’s fight and Luther’s teaching are the best defense for the German people.” Of course, we know how that pairing of church and state turned out.

The Kingdom that we belong to as followers of Jesus is a Kingdom that is not from this world. It is a Kingdom that comes through love and service, rather than power and force. It is a Kingdom that works from the inside out, not through law and coercion. It has been said that the Kingdom of God comes, not through a sword, but through a towel. Unfortunately, the Church has forgotten that through the centuries, and has aligned itself with the kingdoms of this world in an attempt to bring God’s Kingdom to this earth. Instead, these unholy unions have only brought war, bloodshed, and oppression. The nations have disappeared or been greatly reduced and the church has suffered. What would lead us to think that the results would be any less disastrous in our day.

Some (many?) of you may disagree with me. That’s your prerogative. I would only ask that you look at the history of the early Church. I would especially ask that you look at what Jesus himself said about his Kingdom. The Sermon on the Mount is a good place to start.

Posted on

A Long (Sometimes Strange) Trip

The other day, I was sitting in my transportation office and started thinking about how many years I have been transporting passengers in various types of vehicles. I started in college by driving various athletic teams to contests in fifteen passenger vans. When I graduated and began teaching and coaching, one of my duties was to transport the teams. We generally drove vans and cars. After a year out of the classroom I took a another job as a teacher and coach, and learned to drive a school bus. Back then, all you needed was a driver’s license to be able to get a chauffeur’s license, which then allowed you to drive a bus for churches and private schools. Over the next ten years, I drove teams and field trips all over southwest Ohio.

After leaving that school, I spent a year as a collegiate athletic department intern and assistant basketball coach. Things had changed, and I had to get a commercial driver’s license with a passenger endorsement During that year, I transported teams around Ohio, Kentucky, Tennessee, and even into upstate New York. From there, we moved to South Carolina for another job teaching and coaching. This time I had to upgrade my license to one with an air brake endorsement, and a move up in class to drive heavier buses. That job ended, as they all do, and for a couple of months I drove for a local motor coach company, mostly shuttling military reservists from a National Guard camp to a fort where they were processed to head over to the Middle East for Desert Storm. The next eight years I worked as an classroom assistant in a public middle school. Once again, I also worked as a coach and drove the bus to away games. I also drove to field trips and other outings. My next job was driving a bus for the county’s low cost service for seniors and other folks who don’t have much income. I did that for a year and a half. In the summer, I also drove a shuttle bus for a local camp. After a two year detour as a legal assistant, I began my current job. I drive for a retirement community. I get to go all over the states of North and South Carolina and see some pretty interesting things. I expect this will be the job I retire from, but you never know.

During the forty six or so years I have transported passengers, I have driven up and down the East Coast numerous times, have driven from Pennsylvania to Missouri and back twice, and traveled from Maryland to Pocatello, Idaho and back. While I haven’t driven every kind of rig that’s ever been made, I have driven cars, vans, mini buses, buses holding anywhere from fourteen to forty four passengers. I’ve driven on the interstates and on the back roads, and navigated through the middle of nowhere and through New York, Philadelphia, Washington, D.C., and other cities.

Most of the time, the work has been good and very rewarding. There have been moments and trips that were strange, and moments when everything was great. When I first sat in the driver’s seat of that fifteen passenger van, preparing to drive a team to a game, I never imagined what it would lead to. I’m grateful for the opportunities I have had had, just because I can drive a bus.

Posted on

Blast From the Past: Taken, Blessed, Broken, Given, Part 4

In Life of the Beloved, Henri Nouwen writes about the four words that helped him identify the movements of the Spirit in his life. Those words are, taken, blessed, broken, and given. In previous posts I have looked at the first three. Today, I want to look at the fourth word.

As followers of Jesus, we are to be bread for the world. As such, we are taken (chosen) to be blessed. We are blessed so that we may be broken. We are broken so that we may then be given. The chosenness, blessedness, and brokenness are not just for our benefit, although we do gain from it. These things happen to us so that we might be a blessing to others. The communion bread is given for the benefit of others. It is to be the same with us. We do not live for ourselves, we live for others.

Jesus commanded us to love others as he loved us. That means we are to lay down our lives for others. We are to live lives of sacrificial love. Ephesians 5:1 & 2 calls us to imitate our Father by living a life that is characterized by the same love that he showed to us. The Father’s love for us is a giving love. Abba loves us simply because he loves us. He gives us his grace regardless of what we do. We are his beloved children and he is pleased with us. Therefore, he loves us.

We are called to that same love that gives. If I do something for someone with an expectation of something in return, I am not showing love. That is a lesson that can be very difficult to learn, but it is necessary. Nouwen states that we find our greatest fulfillment in giving our self to others. I think he is right. After the fulfillment we find only in God, our greatest sense of worth comes when we are able to show God’s love to another individual. We can see this sense of fulfillment in those who don’t know Christ yet give to others.

This giving must be a conscious, deliberate thing. It is not going to happen automatically. We must determine day by day to give ourselves away. We can do this as we embrace being chosen by the Father, being blessed by him, experiencing brokenness, and realizing that all of this is so that God can give us to others. Paul writes that it is Christ who lives in us. It is Jesus who empowers us to give ourselves.

The giving can take many forms. It can be helping someone move, or repairing something around their house. It can be having them over for a meal. It can be something as simple as just spending time with someone and really listening to them without judging or trying to “fix” things (That’s hard for some of us). It doesn’t matter what form the giving takes as long as it is done for the good of another without expecting anything in return, simply because we love the other person. Being in community with other believers and sharing our lives with them will teach us to give, and to receive, as we interact as brothers and sisters.

As we live a life of sacrificial love, we can even give to others in our death. Our legacy can inspire others to give themselves as they remember the love that God showed them through us. A few years ago, a commercial for a pizza brand asked, “What do you want on your Tombstone?” A good thing for a Christian to be able to have on their tombstone when they die would be, “He showed us Jesus.” That would sum up a life lived as one taken, blessed, broken, and given.

Posted on

Blast From the Past: Taken, Blessed, Broken, Given Part 3

This is part three of a four part series.

As we are able to claim our blessedness, we can then, “face our own and others’ brokenness with open eyes.” Henri Nouwen ends his chapter on blessedness with these words. The next chapter is on the third word that Nouwen found useful in identifying the movements of the Spirit in our lives. That word is broken.

“Broken” is a term that most of us in the church don’t like to hear or think about. We do love hearing about the “broken body of Christ,” because it speaks to us of what Jesus did for us on the cross. We love to hear about the power of sin being broken, even though we sometimes live as if we were still under its sway. What we don’t like to think about is the idea that we have been, are, and will be broken. But, it is true.

We live in a broken world. All anyone needs to do is look around them or watch the evening news. The creation is broken. It is being restored, but it is still broken. Take a look at the folks around us. They are broken people, and much of the heartache and misery in the world is caused by broken people breaking other people. No one escapes being broken. Nouwen puts it this way,

“Instinctively we know that the joy of life comes from the ways in which we live together and that the pain of life comes from the many ways we fail to do that well.”  

I think Nouwen is correct when he states that, just as we claim our chosenness and blessedness, we must claim our brokenness. We must own up the fact that we have been hurt in the past, may be hurt in the present, and will be hurt in the future. That’s part of the job description. After owning up to our brokenness, we then can respond to it. We do that in two ways, by befriending it and by bringing it under the  blessing.

Our first response to our brokenness is to befriend it. That seems counterintuitive to us. Our first, and sometimes only response is usually to run away, to avoid that which is causing us pain and convince ourselves that if we ignore it it will go away. The problem with that approach is that it doesn’t bring healing. I believe that our tendency to run from pain is a contributing factor to some of the mental health problems in society, and to many, if not most of our relationship problems. We are afraid of pain, of heartbreak, of suffering. If we do find the courage to embrace our pain we then find that we have started down the road of healing. Nouwen writes,

“The deep truth is that our human suffering need not be an obstacle to the joy and peace we so desire, but can become, instead, the means to it.”

Everything in our lives, good or bad, joyful or painful, can be part of the path we take to being fully human. This is a hard concept to grasp. We can easily see how the good in our lives brings us to glory, but it’s another thing entirely to see our suffering in the same light.

The second response to suffering is to put it under the blessing. Like the first century disciples who asked Jesus if the man’s blindness was a result of his sin or his parents’, we usually look at suffering as an indication that we’re bad people. There are many voices out there that tell us that if we just do things the right way, or  if we are really God’s child, then we won’t have to suffer. I wonder what the apostle Paul, or the Christians being martyred for their faith today would say to that. Suffering does not necessarily mean that we are bad people. It does not mean that the negative voices in our lives are right. We must listen the voice that calls us beloved children, the voice of our Father. Our brokenness does not cause God to love us any less, it does not cause him to see us in a negative light.

As we live in our blessedness and take our brokenness there and put it in the proper perspective, we find that the burden becomes lighter and the way becomes clearer. We can then see the suffering as a means of  purifying us. Ask a grape vine if pruning is something it enjoys. If the vine could feel and talk, it would tell you that pruning is painful. I mean, how would you like to have a limb hacked off? The vine would also tell you that the suffering of pruning is worth it because it produces the abundant harvest of grapes that allows us to share wine with our friends. Sometimes there are things in our lives that need to be pruned away. While it is a painful process, it is also an indication that our Abba loves us, and is forming us into the people he wants us to be.

As the bread in the Communion, we are taken in order to be blessed. We are blessed so that we can be broken. As the bread cannot be distributed unless it is broken, so with us. We are broken so that we might be given.

Posted on

Blast From the Past: Taken, Blessed, Broken Given

This is part 1 of a four part series first published ten years ago.

At the camp I drive for during the summer, we hold a weekly study for the staff. This summer we are looking at Life of the Beloved, by Henri Nouwen. In this book, Nouwen writes about four words that have helped him identify the movements of the Spirit in his life. Nouwen’s idea is that as followers of Jesus we are bread for the world, therefore we are taken, blessed, broken, and given, as the bread during communion. As I read the explanation of these words, I am finding them helpful in my own walk. In this four part series, I am going to share some of  my thoughts.

The first word is taken. You could substitute the word “chosen.” We are chosen by God to be his beloved children. He has become our Father, and he is pleased with his children. As Nouwen states:

“Our preciousness, uniqueness, and individuality are not given to us by those who meet us in clock-time — our brief chronological existence — but by the One who has chosen us with an everlasting love, a love that existed from all eternity and will last through all eternity.”

Unfortunately, we live in a world that tells us that we are nothing, that there is nothing special about us. Those voices bombard us constantly, from advertisements that tell us we must have the latest (fill in the blank) in order to be happy and fulfilled, to preachers who tell us how far short we fall and how much harder we need to work. Those voices do not come from our Father. They come from our Enemy who seeks to steal our joy, kill our spirits, and destroy our lives.

Nouwen gives three ways we can stay in touch with our chosenness. The first is to keep unmasking the world around us for what it is. The world is full of manipulation and destruction. It’s prevailing wisdom is to step on anyone and everyone in the climb up the ladder. When we feel hurt or rejected, we should recognize those feelings, but also recognize that they are not the truth about ourselves. The truth is that the Father loves us with an everlasting love, and has chosen us to be his children.

The second way is to look for people and places where our chosenness is affirmed. These people and places will not be perfect, but as Nouwen writes,

“The limited, sometimes broken, love of those who share our humanity can often point us to the truth of who we are: precious in God’s eyes.” 

We need each other, and we need to affirm in each other the precious, beloved children that we are.

The third way is to celebrate our chosenness constantly. We are to be grateful to the Father for choosing us, and grateful to those who remind us of our chosenness. We need to be careful, because occasions for gratitude can also be occasions for cynicism, for questioning motives, even for bitterness. We must guard against this and consciously choose to be grateful.

 Rather than making us feel superior or more favored, claiming our chosenness will give us a great desire to help others recognize and claim their chosenness, their place as a beloved child of the Father. This is another reason we need to be in community with our brothers and sisters in Christ. We can build up and encourage one another as we gather together as God’s chosen, beloved children.

One final thought from Nouwen:

” It is only when we have claimed our own place in God’s love that we can experience this all-embracing, noncomparing love and feel safe, not only with God, but also with all our brothers and sisters.” 

Posted on

Palm Sunday and Expectations

Tomorrow, we celebrate the day that Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey, surrounded by people hailing him as the Messiah. Evidently this procession was not the only one making it’s way into the city that day. The Roman governor, Pilate, was also entering Jerusalem with his forces. This was something that happened before every Jewish holiday. After all, the Romans had to remind the Jews who really was in charge.

So, you have an imperial Roman procession on one side of the city and a subversive, Messianic parade on the other side. The people shouting, “Hosanna!” as Jesus made his way along the road thought they understood what was going on. As they saw it, this man who had performed so many miracles was the promised king who would drive out the hated Gentile oppressors and restore the glory of Israel. Unfortunately, as the week unfolded, some of these same people, now disillusioned, would join in the calls for his crucifixion by those same oppressors.

Those folks were partially right. Jesus was the promised Messiah. He had come to set up a kingdom and free them from their oppression. What they didn’t realize was the nature of the kingdom. Even the disciples didn’t completely understand what this kingdom was all about. It was a kingdom that is not of this world, a kingdom that came in, not by way of overthrowing the present empire, but by the king dying at the hands of that empire. The Jews were expecting God to do things the way they expected. They didn’t understand that God rarely works that way.

I thought of how many times I pray for things and think that God is going to answer those prayers in a certain way, either because I jump through a certain number of hoops to “earn” God’s blessing, or because I can’t think of any other way God could act. I trust in God for the things I think he will (or should) do. Like the Jews, I sometimes follow Jesus for what I can get out of it. The funny thing is, God often seems to not do the things that I expect, yet things turn out in such a way that I know the Father is taking care of me. Things have not been all sweetness and light, and sometimes I question God about what he is doing. But I can look back on days gone by and see that God was there, and that he was working.

I am learning that God is not predictable. He is not someone who can be counted on to always do things a certain way. God relates to people in all kinds of ways, and we cannot tie him down to a particular plan of action. None of us can figure God out, yet he calls us into relationship with him. In that relationship we learn to trust God simply for who he is rather than for what we think he can do for us.

Be encouraged. Your Father loves you more than you know. He has given you his life and his glory. Trust the Father, even when the parade of Palm Sunday turns into the darkness of Friday.

Posted on

Saying Goodbye to a Dear Friend

Yesterday evening, our dear friend who has been battling stage 4 metastatic breast cancer in her liver for the past 14 months stepped from this life into the life to come. She is now resting in the presence of the Father. Jan and I were able to say our goodbyes to her Saturday evening.

Audrey was one of the strongest women I have had the privilege to know. She had already beaten breast cancer once when we met her ten years ago. A lot of other people could tell you more of her story, how she served as a federal prosecutor in Florida, joined the staff of Campus Crusade for Christ and ministered in Eastern Europe and Canada for a few years. When we met Audrey, she was disabled due to what the cancer treatments had done to her, yet her strength was evident.

One of my first memories of Audrey was a time not soon after we became a part of the church we are in currently. After a Sunday service in the evening, a few of the women were going over to Audrey’s house to watch a movie. Jan was a bit unsure about going. Audrey made sure that Jan knew that that she wanted her to be there and promised her a ride home. That was the first of many times I saw Audrey’s compassion and kindness.

A few years later, she decided to study for the South Carolina Bar and seek employment as an attorney in Rock Hill. I remember sitting outside at church gatherings, helping her review. At one point, I mentioned that I had always had been interested in the law and had even taken some courses in constitutional law. She told me that if she was able to get a job with a law firm, she wanted to hire me as her assistant. She got that job, and a couple years later, I became her assistant. I consider it a privilege to have worked with someone who had a reputation as a fighter for what is right. She was a tireless advocate for families and children. It was an honor to help her work on adoption and custody cases, and on helping people with their estate issues. There was never a day that I woke up and didn’t want to go to work. That job ended, but Audrey continued to encourage me as I looked for work and as I began the work I have now.

There are really not enough words to express how much Audrey has meant to Jan and me, and how much we will miss her. She was a true sister in Christ and a great encouragement and help to us, and we are forever grateful for the blessing it was to know her these past ten years. That’s really not enough time, but we take comfort in knowing that we will see her again in the New Creation.

Goodbye for now Audrey. Take your well deserved rest with the Father. We will see you again. We love you.

Posted on

A Little Update

This morning I had my tenth radiation treatment for my prostate cancer. I have nineteen more to go. As I was sitting in the waiting room, a young woman came in and sat down. She looked like she was in her late teens, early twenties. I thought, “She’s far too young to have to undergo radiation for cancer.” At the same time I thought of a dear friend who is in her last hours on this earth due to cancer, and how she is also too young.

These thoughts, combined with the fact that I was sitting in a waiting room waiting to receive radiation for cancer, made me quite aware again of the fact that none of us gets out of here alive, barring the return of Jesus to set all things right. The past year or so, I have been doing a bit of downsizing, housecleaning, whatever you want to call it with my personal posessions. I have also been doing the same in the ways I approach life and those around me.

The buzz word (or dirty word, depending on your point of view) among Christians, is “deconstructing.” It means different things for different people. I am doing some deconstructing, or maybe decluttering might be a better word. I am realizing that many of the things we allow ourselves to get all worked up about aren’t realy worth the mental or emotional energy. I care and less about national and world politics, although I will still speak about things that I think are important to my faith. I am learning to care less and less about what people think, although there is still a large part of me that wants to be liked.

My theology, like Karl Barth’s, is becoming more and more summed up in the words of the children’s song; “Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so,” and my rule for living has become “Love God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind. And, love your neighbor as yourself.” I firmly believe that if those of us who claim to follow Jesus would practice those two commands, the church and the world would be better for it.

Life is short. Macbeth said that it is “a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.” I heartily disagree. Life is a precious gift from our Creator, and we are to live in a way that gives back to him a bit of the love he has shown us, and that extends that love to those in our lives. Love the people around you, while there is still time.

Posted on

Update

Life continues to be interesting. While Jan and I were in California visting family, we both contracted Covid. Because we have had all our shots, it was relatively mild, although Jan had trouble with her asthma. We are both well, and life is returning to “normal.”

My radiation treatments for my prostate cancer have been postponed a bit because I have to have a colonoscopy first. It’s been ten years since my last one, so I’m due. The doctor wants me to have the colonoscopy first because the radiation might bother my colon some. The colonoscopy is scheduled for Valentine’s Day (how romantic!). I’m taking pills instead of drinking that nasty liquid, but the effects will be the same. After the procedure and the follow up, I will begin radiation, assuming the results are okay.

The doctor tells me that the radiation will be six to eight weeks, possibly closer to six. I am supposed to be able to pretty much continue with my daily activities, such as work. Hopefully that will be the case. Fortunately, I have a job that is fairly flexible. The outlook for the radiation to work is pretty good. As I wrote in a previous post, the survival rate for what I have is pretty much 100%. There will be some things that may change in my day-to-day, but it should be okay.

I’m learning more and more to trust the Father’s heart, and also realizing that so many of the things we worry about in our lives don’t really amount to much. The list of things that are important is beginning to shrink, and my focus is narrowing. It should be interesting to see how that shakes out in the future.