Category: my journey

Posted on

Spring Fever

I know it’s only January 25, but I’m already feeling a touch of the malady known as spring fever. Basketball season is winding down, and even though I am enjoying coaching more than I have in a few years, the long days and the traveling are beginning to wear a bit thin. I’m also getting tired of winter. I know, we really don’t have winter here in the sunny South, but I’m tired of it nonetheless.

Around this time of year, I begin looking around to see if maybe God wants me to do something else to earn a living. It’s not that I’m totally unhappy where I am, although the job is more stressful than I would prefer. It’s just that I try to keep my eyes open for opportunities that may be out there. Of course, there’s not a whole lot out there this year. Not too many jobs are coming open, so I’m definitely grateful I do have a job.

There are some changes on the horizon. Some we know about, some will make themselves known later. Jennie has been promoted at the company where she works, and it sounds like a great move for her. Josh will graduate in May, and will then have to go out and find a job. Hopefully the economy will improve to the point that architectural firms will be hiring. Jan and I will celebrate our thirtieth anniversary this summer, and we hope to do something special.

St. Thomas Community Church is looking at a future that has uncertainties ahead and decisions to be made. We are very close to outgrowing the space where we meet, and we’re not sure what the next step will be. There are many advantages to meeting in a bagel shop. We pay no rent, so any money that is given can go to help those in need. The setting is intimate so there can be good discussion during the teaching time. Right now, we’re small enough that we can begin to know each other more than just on a Sunday morning. We’re in the middle of the marketplace instead of being sequestered behind closed doors in “our place.” We’ve had a couple of the shop employees express an interest in checking us out.

We’ve never had anyone show up and then leave because we were too crowded, that we know of. The possibility exists that we will have to move, but for now we’re going to stay put until we have a clear indication from God where we’re supposed to go. Yesterday we talked about Abram in Genesis 12, and how God told him to go. Abram went, and there is no record that God told him specifically where to go, but that God simply led him. We feel like we’re kind of in that situation as a community. God has called us to be where we are, and to bless those around us. He is leading us step by step, and calling us to simply walk with him and be ready to do what he wants us to do. There is no five year plan (heck, we don’t even have a five week plan). There is no building program, and no plans to build a huge “ministry.” There’s just a day by day, week by week dependence on the Spirit, trying to listen to the still small voice of our Father.

Posted on

Reflections on a Year

Another year has come and gone. (That’s kind of a lame way to start, isn’t it?) It seems like the older I get the faster the years seem to pass, and 2009 was no exception. I’ve heard that the only thing that remains constant is change, and that has certainly been true this year.

As the year opened, Jan and I began going to a house church on Sunday evenings. The friend who I was going to help plant a church invited us to join him one night. There were about four or five couples there, as well as some children. We enjoyed the fellowship and continued to go every week. As time went on, my friend and his family never came back. Other folks came and went, and through this fellowship we began to help at a local camp that was getting started that summer. Now the house church has faded away, as an organized gathering, but we still get together with the host couple on a regular basis, sharing food, discussing spiritual things (sometimes), and serving some of the less fortunate together.

In June, we went out to California to visit Jennie. Josh had already driven out there, and he was out tour guide during the day. We saw where Jennie works and even “helped” during the filming of a short film. When we returned home, I finished my duties at the church we had been a part of for fourteen years, and we began to look around for a community of faith that would better fit what we thought “church” should be. At the same time the discussion about planting a church came up again, and within a couple of months, St. Thomas Community Church came into existence, meeting in a local bagel shop on Sunday mornings. God is working in our little community as we gather to explore God’s story and our part in it, and how we can follow Jesus in our day-to-day.

As the summer went on, the school where Jan was teaching closed. As you well know, this is not a good time to be looking for work. Jan ended up getting a part-time position in an assisted living facility. God has continued to be faithful and provide for us, although things certainly are tighter.
My duties at the school where I work changed again. I’m now in a class for emotionally disabled students. It is more challenging than what I was doing before, and I realize more and more how dependent I am on God’s grace. I’m still coaching basketball, and that is a highlight in my day.

In October, Jan’s mom went to be with Jesus. All of the family came in during the days before she passed, and it was good to see folks we hadn’t seen in a couple of years. It has not been an easy holiday season for us.

As I look back on the past year, I can see many things God taught me. Things about trusting him, about grace, about living in the moment. A couple of my paradigms have shifted, and a couple have been completely dismantled. (Someday, I’ll write a post about those things) I think the biggest change is that I have learned even more that my schedule, and my plans, are not mine. I need to hold everything with an open hand, and allow the Father to do what he sees needs to be done. So, as one year ends and another begins, I continue to try and follow Jesus on this winding road he has called me to.

Posted on

What’s Going On?

Barb wondered what is happening in the lives of her readers, so I finally got around to writing about what’s going on with me.

Things have changed quite a bit in the past few months. In July, Jan and I left the church we had been a part of for fourteen years. That same month, the school Jan taught at closed because of financial problems caused by dwindling enrollment. At the beginning of August we joined a small community of faith that was just starting up. We meet in a bagel shop on Sunday mornings, and we average between twenty and thirty people. We are hoping to form a body that will show the love of Christ to those outside the church, whether “unchurched” or “de–churched.” It’s going well, and we are looking for opportunities to reach out to our city.

Jan found part-time work at a retirement village here in town. She is a resident assistant in the assisted living facility. Working part time allowed her to spend more time with her mom and dad, which was a good thing because her mom slowly went downhill until she passed away in late September. We saw the grace of God during that month, as the three daughters and all nine grandchildren were able to visit and spend some good time with her. Each time a new set of visitors would come, Mom would rally. She recognized each one and was able to talk with them. It was a blessing.

Josh is in his last year of grad school. This year is proving to be a very busy one as he works on his thesis in addition to the regular classes. Hopefully the economy will have improved next spring to the point where architectural firms will be hiring. Jennie has been promoted and is a still photographer for a special effects studio in Los Angeles. She loves California, and is doing well. This school year, I am still a teacher’s assistant, but I am in a different class. I’m still coaching girls’ basketball, and in the spring I will coach softball. There is a different set of challenges this year as I learn to love a different set of “neighbors.” I’m still enjoying what I do, although it does get wearing at times.

My spiritual journey continues along the twists and turns on the back roads. I’m becoming more and more convinced that we Christians have failed at the main thing Jesus told us to do – love others. I’m learning to look at Scripture as God’s story. Not a set of rules. Not a storehouse of individual verses to be mined in order to put together a system of theology. Not a textbook to be mastered. Not a handbook for life. It has some of those aspects in it, but now I see it as the story of how God shows himself and relates to the world he created. Scripture is to be taken as a whole narrative, not chopped up into proof texts. I believe that we are called to proclaim the Good News that Jesus is Lord, not tie the Gospel to a particular political or economic system of thought. While we may participate in the process (or not), the important thing is the Gospel.

My beliefs on a number of other things have changed. I won’t go into a whole lot of detail here. Some of that will probably come out in future posts. Those of you who are regular readers, (and if you’re not, why not?) have read about some of those changes. If you haven’t, there’s an archive on the sidebar. 🙂

Anyway, that’s a bit of an update. I would be interested in reading what’s going on in your life. Drop me a note in the comments so I can check it out.

Posted on

The Road Winds a Little More

A few years ago (at least it seems like just a few years), The Hollies sang a song which began, “The road is long, with many a winding turn.” That pretty much sums up my journey, and the road is winding a bit more now. The bends have become sharper and the road ahead is a little harder to see. Things have changed in our lives the last couple of weeks.

The school where Jan and I taught (me for ten years, and Jan for fourteen) has closed. The enrollment had dwindled to the point where the school could no longer afford to operate. It’s sad to see a place you’ve poured your life into, a place your children graduated from, close its doors. It’s also sad to watch as people try to lay blame. As in many Christian organizations, unfortunately, there are a number of people who have been hurt. I don’t want to get caught up in the blame game, because it does the Kingdom no good at all. Regardless of the reasons, the fact remains that those who worked at the school, including Jan, are now looking for work. So, that’s one bend in the road.

The other thing that has happened is that we have left the congregation we have been a part of for the last fourteen years. Over the past months, we have come to the realization that God is leading us in a different direction than the one in which that group is going. What that is going to mean for the future, we don’t know. We do know that the Father is leading us, so there is not a concern in that area. We have been part of a house church that meets on Sunday nights for about half a year, and a friend and I are seriously thinking about beginning a fellowship on Sunday mornings. We’ll see where God leads.

So, the road sometimes seems long, and there are many winding turns. But, as another line in the song says, “We’ll get there.”

Posted on

29

Tomorrow Jan and I celebrate the 29th anniversary of the day we said, “I do.” It’s hard to believe it has been 29 years. It’s hard to believe Jan has put up with me this long. 🙂

There are differences of opinion on whether there is “that certain one” that God has for each person. I don’t know, but I do know that I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else, or loving anyone else as much as I love Jan. I am extremely grateful to the Father for the gift of such a wonderful wife, lover, and friend.

Posted on

Christian, follower, or…

I’ve been reading The Great Omission by Dallas Willard, and some thoughts have been stirred. I became a Christian at an early age, so you could say that I grew up Christian. In the circles I was a part of the definition of “Christian” was someone who had prayed a prayer to ask Jesus into their heart and who assented to a particular set of beliefs. Those who had not said “the prayer” or didn’t believe as we did were seen as not Christian, or at the most, not a very good one. We were taught that America was “a Christian nation,” and that some folks wanted to deny our Christian heritage and take it away from us. Our job as Christians was to live a good moral life, and stay away from those who didn’t. At the same time we were to be a “good witness” to those we were staying away from. We were to tell them that they were sinners and that if they said the prayer, they too could become Christians and live good moral lives and then go to heaven when they die.

As I grew into young adulthood, I slowly began to realize that others beside fundamental Baptists could be Christians as well. They still had to assent to a set of beliefs, but my definition of those beliefs narrowed a bit. I still saw salvation as a moment in time and the Gospel as only a way to get into heaven without it necessarily affecting your life very much. The interesting thing about this is that while I still held to many of the ideas of my childhood teaching regarding God and the Bible, many areas of my life would give some people reason to doubt my own Christianity. I had succumbed to the idea that having a home in heaven when I died was the only thing that mattered, so how I lived here in this life wasn’t really important. Of course, I tried to make sure that certain people didn’t find out certain things. After all, I had a reputation as a Christian to protect.

The term “Christian” has come to mean something far different from what it originally meant. Depending on who you talk to, “Christian” can mean a politically conservative American, or someone who leans to the left. It can mean someone who is not Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, or atheist. Many hear the term and think of a person who is mean spirited, narrow minded, and arrogant. Many who call themselves Christian are simply part of the culture of Christendom that has grown in the West over the past few hundred years. So, to separate from that mindset, I have been calling myself a follower of Jesus.

While I still like the term “follower of Jesus,” especially as opposed to “Christian,” I’m beginning to think that even that is not descriptive enough of what I am, or at least what I am trying to be. Dallas Willard writes about how the concept of discipleship has been ignored by the Church, or at best relegated to a group of super spiritual folks who want to “go deeper.” Willard makes the point that the Great Commission given by Jesus is a call to make disciples. In first century Palestine a disciple was one who apprenticed himself to a rabbi. The disciple made a commitment to learn from the rabbi and had a goal to relate to God in the same way the rabbi did. It was more than just learning information. It was being with the rabbi and watching him, how he dealt with people and situations. It was becoming like the rabbi, not just learning about the rabbi. A saying from that time was, “Follow the rabbi. Drink in his words, and cover yourself with the dust of his feet.” The idea was to be so close to the rabbi that when people saw the disciple they saw the rabbi.

That is what I want. I want to to learn from Jesus, to spend time with him and see how he relates to God. I want to obey what he teaches, and follow him so closely that folks see him through me. I want people to see the hope that is in me, so I can tell them about Jesus. I want to be like Jesus. I’ve got a long way to go, but that is my desire.

So, just call me a disciple of Jesus.

Posted on

The Road Changes

For the past few months I have felt as if I was travelling down a road where the tree branches hang over the path, shutting out much of the sunlight. The road was fairly straight and level, but it was dark, and the feeling it gave me was one of uncertainty.

I feel like I am coming out of the deep dark woods into some sunlight. It’s a little hard to see as my eyes adjust to the increased light. As I look ahead I can make out that the road ahead is no longer straight and level, but twisting and turning. There are hills and valleys, and the path stretches past the horizon. It’s not a wide road, and there are not that many folks travelling that way.

For now, I’m going to rest in the sunlight and wait until it’s time to start moving again.

Posted on

Hi. My Names’s Fred and I’m a…

…recovering Pharisee. There should be a group named P.A. (Pharisees Anonymous). I would join. Growing up in fundamentalism, I was taught that the only ones who were right were independent fundamental Baptist. I fully believed that. I can remember being judgemental of those that used the RSV as their Bible. After all, they left out some things that were in the King James, which we knew was the only correct interpretation. Those who baptized infants, learned catechisms, venerated saints, or believed in the “social gospel” were somewhat lesser Christians than we were, if they were Christians at all. Even in the midst of my teenage rebellion, I still believed that I had been taught THE TRUTH, and everyone who disagreed with that was wrong. The attitude persisted through Bible college and I graduated fully ready to defend the Faith.

Fast forward twenty or thirty years. Through those years God has been working in me and teaching me that many of the things I had been taught were either not Biblical at all, distinctives of a particular group, or simply cultural. I began to experience real grace for the first time as I learned that the Father loves me no matter what. He is pleased with me and there is nothing I can do to make him any more or any less pleased with me. I desire to follow Jesus out of a heart full of gratitude and love rather than a need to “stay right with God” (I did a lousy job of that).

The problem is that I still struggle with being a Pharisee. I still have a tendency to judge people. The difference is that now I am not judging liberals or any of the ones I used to judge. Now, I tend to be judgemental of other people who are judgemental. I tend to look at fundamentalists, especially independent Baptists with a much too critical eye. I am realizing more and more that this attitude is nothing less than it was when I was younger. It’s sin. I am no better than those I criticize for being critical.

I read an interview in which Brain McLaren was asked about those who criticize him and call him heretic, etc. His response was that he believed that those critics loved Jesus and were trying to follow him the best they could, and that he simply disagreed with their methods as well as some of their theology. It was one of the most gracious responses I’ve ever seen. He did not condemn them, but accepted them as brothers, even though they disagree. That’s the kind of response I want to have in my life toward those who are critical. May God grant that to all of us.

My name’s Fred and I’m try to leave Phariseeism behind.

Posted on

Another Year Passes

Tonight we say goodbye to 2008. I’m not sure if seeing the year pass into history saddens me or if it makes me glad. It has been a year with few major changes, positive or negative.

At the beginning of 2008, I believed that God was calling me to help with the planting of a new church. That has not come to pass. A number of circumstances came up which put that on hold indefinitely. God has also kept me in the current church, even though it is dying or dead. For some odd reason, there still seems to be a ministry for me there. I have no idea what 2009 will bring.

My duties as an educational assistant have changed. Instead of working in a single self-contained class, I now travel to a number of classes within the building. It makes the day go a bit faster and I get to work with a variety of students. I’m still coaching basketball, but this year it seems there is more teaching needed as far as skills go.

Our daughter, Jennie, has flown the coop and made her way to the left coast, where she is trying to leave her mark on the film industry. I’m looking forward to seeing how God works in and through her. Josh, our son, is halfway through his architecture studies, and is still enjoying it.

My beautiful wife, Jan, continues to minister in a Christian school, although this year her duties have increased. We are grateful that her parents are in town so we can see them and help them as they need it.

God continues to teach me, and strip ideas and beliefs from me that I don’t need. I’m finding that I am being increasingly, as imonk so succinctly put it, “reduced to Jesus.” I’m seeking to follow more closely the Rabbi presented in the Gospels, rather than than the one created by modern Christendom. I’m finding that the pursuit is a lifetime thing rather than a one-time “turning everything over to God”. Actually, spending a lifetime trying to follow Jesus so closely that I am covered in the dust from his feet is not a bad way to live. There are days when I sense his presence right there with me, and there are days when I wonder where he is.

As I enter 2009 I journey down a back road that is shaded by trees that have grown over the road and made the path very dark. It’s not scary. It’s more like an adventure, like exploring a path that you know leads somewhere. The question is where? I don’t have an answer. Only God does, and he hasn’t chosen to let me know. So, I journey on, step by step, walking by faith and not by sight.

Maybe in 2009, the branches will part and a bit more of the path will be revealed.

Happy New Year everyone! May you have a blessed year.

Posted on

Muddled

N.T. Wright uses the term “muddled” to describe those whose thinking is not altogether organized or clear. That word aptly describes where my head is at right now.

Most of you know that I am in the midst of trying to figure out what it is that God wants me to do concerning “church”, and the timing of that decision. I’m kind of in what imonk calls the “evangelical wilderness”. I’ve been trying for a couple of years to influence the congregation I worship with in a direction that is far different from church as they’ve always known it.

I started reading The Present Future by Reggie McNeal, and God is using it to break my heart and show me the ways I have actually hindered the Kingdom in an attempt to help. I grew up in very conservative churches where the feeling was that as the culture drifted farther and farther from God, the job of the church was to hunker down in the bunker and lob hand grenades of “truth” at the wicked ones who were outside. As my thinking changed I began to think that church was to be a place that was so dynamic, professional, and slickly packaged that it would attract folks to come into the church and be saved. That was my mindset as I began to try and influence change in the church.

Over the past few months, God has been shaping my thinking and showing me that his heart is toward the poor, the downcast, the oppressed. The Father has shown me that his grace is far bigger than I can realize and that attempts on my part to limit grace are not only doomed to failure, but are actually sin. He has shown me that my job is to do two things: go and be. I am to go, not only about my daily life, but intentionally where those away from God are. I am to be an ambassador of the King, a person who shows others the beauty of Jesus and the magnificence of the Kingdom.

Reggie McNeal writes about the mission of the church and how so much of what churches do are more for the comfort of the membership than for the Kingdom. I totally agree that the missio dei, the mission of God, is our calling as followers of Jesus Christ. What has muddled me, and twisted me up in a knot, is that I don’t know what to do next.

I know that what I write may be read by members of the current church (my post Autopsy caused a mini storm), but I have to be open here. I honestly don’t see the church moving beyond the “we need to focus on teaching our people and if the rest of the world ever catches on, they’ll come here ” mentality to a missional one. Because of this, I think my time there is quickly drawing to a close.

The question is, when and how? The pastor is a godly man who I have gotten to know and love over the past couple of years, and I have tried to be supportive of him and his family. He has tried to bring about needed change in the church, but has been met with opposition all along. My heart goes out to him, and that is what makes the decision to leave such a hard one.

I believe now that God is calling me to go down another road on my journey. Where that road will lead, I don’t know. Last Sunday night Jan and I joined with a group for worship and Bible study. Whether that will grow into something the Father wants us to be a part of remains to be seen. There are good people in that group, so even if God widens our circle of friends, it will be good.

Stay tuned to this channel. I’m sure adventures await.