Category: my journey

Posted on

Two Years

It’s been two years since my mom and dad left this world and stepped into the presence of their Lord. Mom passed on August 27, and Dad joined her thirty three days later, on September 30.

After two years, the pain and sorrow is not as fresh or strong as it was. I am continuing to heal, although there are still times when I find myself with a catch in my throat and a tear in my eye. When a holiday comes, especially Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, I stop and think about how much I miss them. Whenever I read or hear something about the loss of a family member, I feel my own loss. When I read about being reunited with loved ones in God’s presence, I long for that day.

When Josh, along with a little bit of help from me, laid a new kitchen floor, I thought of how my dad was probably watching while we were working; wishing we could hear his words of advice. I think he is pleased.

Losing the ones who brought you into this world, who began the process of teaching you to make your way, and who were a major influence on your journey of faith is hard. It does leave a hole that is not filled. Maybe that is so we don’t get too attached to life in the here and now, but look for the time when the King will make all things right.

Posted on

Hummingbirds II

A while back, I wrote about the hummingbirds that come to our feeder. A couple of days ago, I was sitting on the back porch and a hummingbird came to the feeder. It was interesting to watch because it spent all the time looking around to see if another bird was going to come chase it away. The poor thing never did get any nectar because it was afraid of the other hummingbird.

I got to thinking how often we are like that hummingbird. We are afraid to really follow Jesus because we are afraid of being attacked, by non-Christians and by Christians. Those of us who grew up in more conservative circles know what it’s like to always worry about doing something that will “harm your testimony” or “offend another Christian”. When I first began to realize that many of the things I was taught when I was younger were more in line with the culture that grew around the American Church in the past century than with what the Bible teaches, I still had times of looking over my shoulder in fear of what people might think or say.

That is not a Christ-honoring way of thinking. Jesus has set us free from the expectations and opinions of others. He has called us to follow him, not any system or philosophy concocted by human beings. A quick glance at the history of Christ followers shows the diversity in the ways we are called to follow. Beyond what we find in the New Testament, Jesus did not give us an exhaustive list of how to live our lives. Yes, there are certain principles that inform our lives, the most important being love God and love others. But there is a lot of life that is not as cut and dried as some would like to think.

Galations 5:1 Paul tells us that it is for freedom that Christ set us free. Galations 5:13 does tell us that we are not use our freedom as an excuse to sin, but much of the time that verse is misused as a weapon to get people to do what a particular group or person wants them to do.
We are free. Free to follow Christ in the way that he calls us, without worrying about what other people think. What can they do? Take our things? It all belongs to God anyway. Will they refuse fellowship? We have fellowship with the Father. Will they try to damage our reputation? What reputation? We’re all broken people in need of God’s grace and none of us is better than another. Will they take away our position? That frees us up to pursue another avenue of service. The worst they can do is kill us. If they do that, then we are with Christ. If we realize that all we are is because of God’s grace and that Jesus loves us no matter what, we can then be free to live our lives as the Holy Spirit leads us and become more like Jesus according to his schedule, not ours or any body else’s.

Don’t be like the hummingbird. Spend time drinking the nectar of God’s amazing grace instead of looking around to see who might attack you.

Posted on

Moving or Standing Still?

We had a good weekend here in the sunny South. Saturday was kind of a lazy day, which was nice because there hadn’t been too many of those lately. Sunday morning could have been better. In the church service, we spent the first ten minutes or so worshipping America. Don’t get me wrong. I love this country and I’m grateful to God for his blessings on it. I just don’t think a corporate gathering for worship should be centered around something other than God. I don’t have any problem remembering those who died defending our liberties during the service. But when the choir sings “I’m Proud to be an American” and every other song praises this country rather than the one who gave us our freedom, then I have a problem. If a church wants to center something around a celebration of America and the sacrifices some have made, that’s fine. Just have it on Memorial Day. I don’t believe the Sunday AM time is the end of all things for followers of Jesus, but I feel like something was missing.

I’m at one of those crossroads that I come across from time to time.There are a couple of different directions I could go. The problem is that I don’t know which way to go and I really don’t have very much control over things. I’m just standing here, enjoying the scenery, watching other people go on their way, and waiting for God to show me a direction.

At the same time, I’m feeling a bit of discontentment with things as they are now. I don’t know if it’s because I’m tired and ready for this school year to be over, or if it’s something else. Maybe the Spirit has put this in me. I just know that there are some changes that need to be made. Whether they are changes in my situation or ministry, or just changes that need to happen within me is something I’m unsure of.

Posted on

Prince Caspian

We saw Prince Caspian Friday night. It’s a good movie, and we all really enjoyed it. There were some things in the movie that are not in the book and overall it isn’t as true to the book as the first film.

There were a couple of scenes that got me thinking. The first was when the children and Prince Caspian were at the gorge, trying to figure out how to get across. Lucy caught a glimpse of Aslan on the other side and told the others that he wanted them to follow him. The others didn’t believe her and decided that they could find the way better on their own. Later, when they came back to the spot, they found a way across that was much better than any they had thought of. The second scene was when Lucy tried to get the rest to wait for Aslan before they faced the enemy. Again, no one listened and the Narnians went out to fight. In the meantime, Peter and Caspian were having a power struggle over who had the best strategy.

I thought that I am so often like Peter and the others. When it really gets down to it, how much do I really trust Jesus to take care of me and direct my steps? How often do I ask God to show me his will, when what I really want is for God to give his approval to my plans? When things get tough, do I wait for God to move or do I strike out on my own and muck things up? Jesus has told me to follow him, and I know that that is the best way. Sometimes though, I fall back into old patterns and try to figure things out on my own, and then pray that what I want to happen does come about.

I want to follow Jesus like Lucy followed Aslan, with childlike trust that rests completely in him.

Posted on

Wondering as I wander

I think God has taken me down one of the trails that I explore from time to time. The plans for planting a church here in Rock Hill seem to be on hold for awhile. Some of us are trying to figure out just what it is that God wants us to do. We’re more than a little tired of all the institutional stuff that seems to go along with church. We want community and fellowship, and all that. What we don’t want is worrying about buildings, salaries, staff and programs. I’m thinking that we should just get together and hang out and see what happens after that. Maybe house church, maybe small church in a rented facility. Heck, maybe we’ll become the largest mega-church in North America. 🙂

I’m also wondering what’s going to happen job/ministry wise in the near future. There’s a couple of possible opportunities that have presented themselves, and I’m comfortable with any one of them. I’m not in a hurry to leave where I’m at now, but there are some other things I could see myself doing.

I figure this trail will come back out to the road eventually, so I’ll just follow it and see where it goes.

Posted on

Lesson in Grace

It is so true that, when we least expect it, God brings things our way to teach us. Last Friday, I had a run-in with a boy in my class. He is a Christian and is not afraid to let everyone know it. He can also be a behavior problem at times. His attitude toward school and authority is not what you would call good, and occasionally we will clash.

He came into class griping about something, and was some what disrespectful to the teacher I work with. After listening for a bit, I had had enough. I said, “If you’re going to act the way you do, and have that kind of attitude, just stop calling yourself a Christian.”

Last night, God told me that I needed to apologize for my self righteous arrogance. I came in this morning and called the student aside and apologized to him. Somehow, in the middle of my apology, I got the brilliant idea that this was an opportunity to teach this young man about grace. Instead, he reached out his hand and said, “That’s okay, I know we all have problems and things God is working on us about. I know I’ve got anger issues, and I’m trying to deal with it.” Then he shook my hand and went to class. Then God reached out and lightly smacked me on the back of the head. I realized that I was the one who needed to learn the lesson about grace. In effect, what the student had said to me is, “It’s okay, we’re all broken in some way. But you’re my brother so I love you”.

That’s what God says to us. “I know you’re not perfect, and you’re going to screw up. But you’re my child and I love you”. “My grace is big enough to cover everything”.

Because God has given us the gift of his unending grace, we need to extend that same grace to those we come in contact with. Because we’re all broken and we all need grace, both from God and from each other.

Posted on

Good Friday

This evening, we went downtown for a Stations of the Cross service. I was privileged to help carry the cross to one of the stations. It gave me just a minuscule taste of what my Savior went through.

While we were at one of the stations, a transit bus pulled away from a stop and drowned out part of what was being said. I thought how for most people in our town, life was going on as usual tonight. I imagine that on the day that Jesus was crucified, life went on as usual for many of the people in Jerusalem. The religious leaders had a day that was out of the ordinary, as did the followers of Jesus. I would guess that most of the folks in the city went about the usual preparations for the Sabbath. The darkness and earthquake threw a bit of a scare into them, but it may have been a minor inconvenience.

How many of us are like that? Sure, we believe that Jesus died to save us, that his blood cleanses us from sin. We are thankful for that, we sing songs about how much we love him and we “Amen” sermons about the cross. But we go on and live our lives as if nothing significant happened, and life goes on as usual. What difference has the cross made? Is it really important, or is it just something that defines our religious system as different from others?

Jesus didn’t die on the cross just to buy us a ticket to heaven. His sacrifice was not so we could use the cross to prove that we are better than others. Jesus suffered and died so that we who were dead could live. He died to make us children of God. His death takes away all our sin and our guilt so we no longer have to live in fear. We are free because of the cross.

Jesus’ death also serves as the example of the way we should love others. He said that the greatest love was to lay down your life for your friends, and then he laid his life down for us. Jesus also gave a command that we love others in the same way that he loved us. He said that our love would prove to others that we belong to him.

Do we live in a manner that puts others first? Are we known for our love and sacrifice, or are we known for the things we are against? Is our life characterized by simplicity and generosity or are we wrapped up in the pursuit of the American Dream?

Has the cross made a difference in our lives? Is it continuing to make a difference?

Or is life going on as usual?

Posted on

I had lost my hero, my adviser, my example. That next Christmas was hard. The biggest thing about the celebration of Christmas for me had always been family, and now I was an orphan.

At the same time a group of us in our church had decided that things needed to change or we could no longer continue there. A few months before this, we had gone to two Sunday morning worship services. One was a traditional service and the other was a more contemporary service. The church was losing people and it was thought that if we provided opportunity for people to worship as they preferred, it would strengthen and grow the church. The contemporary service quickly became just like the traditional service, only with cooler music.

Our group of “revolutionaries” believed that we needed to approach “church” from a fresh angle. We agreed that the church needed to reach into the community around us. We began to meet weekly to set out a course of action and to plan the weekly gatherings. At first, things were moving in a direction that really encouraged me. I was an elder, and had agreed to become an elder in order to try and influence the church in a direction that was more “emerging”. Someone accused us trying to break away and start a new church. I said that I had no interest in planting a new church. (Famous last words)

As time went on I realized that the only way we were going to do what we believed God wanted us to do was to actually begin a new church under the auspices of the original church, with our own leadership. Unfortunately, there were a number of people in leadership, as well as other influential members, who wanted to have a say in what we were doing. We were accused of dividing the church and conditions were put on what we were doing. The conditions were probably good but they essentially put brakes on our efforts. As time went on, the enthusiasm for “doing church” differently waned and the worship service reverted to same old same old with cooler music. At the same time, there were positive signs, so I still planned to stay around and minister where I could.

Toward the end of the summer, I heard about a possible church plant here in Rock Hill. I was immediately intrigued. Some of you know Frank Hamrick. I contacted him and as we talked and got to know each other a little bit, God began to nudge me in the direction of helping in the plant. As time went on and I began to read and study, I became increasingly convinced of the need for a new church in Rock Hill. God continued to work on me, and by the end of December I decided to leave the current church and help Frank.

So now, I’m about to set off on another leg of my journey. Where this one will lead only God knows. If there’s on thing I’ve learned through the years it’s that no matter how much the road twists and turns, and no matter how dark things get, my Father is with me and is leading me exactly where he wants me to go. That makes the trip an adventure rather than a chore.

Should be fun.

Posted on

Still more

When we last left our hero, he was wondering what was going to happen next.

I was without work. I thought I was going to realize the fulfillment of a long held dream of coaching college basketball. So, I sent out resumes and waited. I talked to every coach I knew. And I waited. The summer came and went and still no coaching job. In fact, there were no jobs at all on the horizon. We didn’t feel free to move to another area because my parents and my wife’s parents had moved here to be near us and they were in declining health and needed our help. The search continued. As all this was going on, we had to give our cocker spaniel to the pound because he was old and had too much wrong with him for us to afford to have him treated. It was not a fun summer. About a week after we gave our dog away, I was out on yet another job search. As I drove past the animal shelter, I lost it. I began to pray, cry, and yell at God. I even cussed (I know that shocks some of you, but that’s the way it is). I told God that if I had anywhere else to go, I’d chuck this whole Christian thing. I realized that, like the disciples, I had nowhere else to go, that Jesus was the only one worth following.

In September of 2005, I was hired by a tour bus company to drive. I was glad because it would give me a chance to travel. As it turned out, the majority of the job consisted of leaving the house at 4:00 AM, driving to a National Guard camp eighty miles away, and shuttling troops back and forth from the camp to a nearby army base so they could be processed for active duty in Iraq. Most of the day was spent sitting on the bus and waiting for the soldiers to get their paperwork in order. I would usually arrive back home sometime after 10:00 PM. Because of this schedule, I usually only worked three days a week, so the income wasn’t real good. The company also had no health insurance for their employees.

At first, I wondered what I had done wrong, wondered why God had “put me on the sidelines”. I felt like I was in a desert. Sitting on the bus gave me plenty of opportunity to read, think, and pray. God began to teach me about trust and patience. He reminded me that he was the most important one in my life, and that my identity was in Jesus, not in being a teacher or coach. I began to rethink even more of my assumptions about God, church, and life. At the same time, God was teaching me increasingly to trust him. Jan and I saw God provide for us again and again.

In January 2006, I walked out of the desert. I was hired as a teacher’s assistant in a self-contained special education class at a public middle school. The kids I work with all have learning disabilities, some more severe than others. Many of them are from low income families. Quite a change from the Christian schools previously worked in, although not as much as I would have thought. Kids are kids wherever you go.

Also in January, both my mom and my mother-in-law went into a nursing home. Jan’s mom suffered a stroke, and my mom was suffering from advanced Alzhiemer’s. Our ministry to our parents changed somewhat, as we were visiting our moms and essentially being there for our dads. It was hard to go into a place full of people who were essentially waiting to die and visit Mom, knowing that she would never leave in this life.

I’ll give your eyes a rest and write more later.