Category: my journey

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Some Things I Don’t Understand

A young teenage girl died this week. She left behind family and friends who loved her dearly. I know all the things that are true. She lived far longer than expected. She is no longer in pain. God is good and kind and he is in control. I know all that and I believe all that. Still, there are some things I don’t understand.

Last night some of us sat with two friends of the young lady. Most of that time was spent in silence. We grieved with them. At this time, it’s the only thing we could do. I spent some time wondering about the brokenness of this world and the pain that we humans have to endure. Jan and I have lost both of our parents in the last few years. That kind of thing is more normal. Children are “supposed” to outlive their parents.

This is different. Parents are not supposed to bury their children. Teenagers are not supposed to spend evenings grieving for other teenagers. People are not supposed to die that young. This world is not supposed to be the way it is. Even though I know the creation is broken and groaning because of sin, I still don’t understand why it sometimes works out the way it does. Even though I know God is good and compassionate, I still don’t understand why this compassion sometimes plays out the way it does.

I know and believe that my Father is loving. I know and believe that his love extends to the young lady and the family and friends she left behind. Having said that, I still have to admit that I don’t understand. The only thing I can do is try to trust my Father’s heart. I have to trust that Romans 8 is right, that God works in everything for the good of those who love him. I have to believe, not only for me, but in some way for my friends who lost a loved one. 

I  have to trust my Father because I can’t trust my own understanding.

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So, What’s Been Going On?

Last week I mentioned that a lot had been going on in my life. It’s true. There have been a fair amount of changes around here. All of these changes are good and will hopefully bring further good as time passes.

The first thing that came our way was the news that our daughter and her husband are expecting. They will become parents toward the middle to end of August. Not too very long afterward came the news that our son and daughter-in-law are going to be parents as well! They are adopting a baby boy who is slated to be born sometime between the middle of July and the beginning of August. So, all of a sudden we have gone from having no grandchildren to expecting​ two! God has answered a lot of prayers.

In the midst of all this wonderful news, I began a new career as a legal assistant for a good friend of ours. This was an answer to prayers that have been going up for the last two years, so needless to say, I am very grateful and happy. They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but so far I think I’m learning a lot of new tricks. I’m looking forward to going in to work on Mondays for the first time in quite a while. It definitely has been an adjustment and is much more challenging than anything I’ve done in a while, but it’s certainly not boring.

Hopefully, I can be forgiven for not posting as much lately. If not, that’s okay too. Sometimes certain things have to take a back seat to life. I’m going to try to be more regular in my writing, but I’m not going to make any promises. Life is good, and it marches on. I hope all of you faithful readers have good things happen to you as you continue on your journey.

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A Poem: Home Again

I wrote this one a couple weeks ago.

HOME AGAIN
It’s been said that you can’t go home again
I decided to see for myself, so I went back
Back to the places that shaped me
The places that for so long defined my life
They were still there, still the same
Yet somehow different, somehow changed
The house I grew up in seemed smaller
The tree in the front gone, the shed in the back dilapidated
The elementary school still stands, but it too has shrunk
So have the baseball fields where I used to play
The junior high is now a community center
The posts with dirt on top replaced by benches
My old high school has been torn down
Replaced by a new one that looks like a prison
The small town has grown into a sprawl of suburbia
Where it takes forever to drive anywhere
The chicken house has no chickens or eggs
The “giant” hogs are gone from the pen
The path up the hill through the pasture is overgrown
Just a few cows still wander the hillside
The old house has hot water now
You don’t have to heat water on a wood stove for a bath
Cell phones have replaced the old crank wall phone
Where you listen in on other folks’ conversations

The old mules are no longer around
And the smell of Paw’s pipe is long gone
The old wooden church we used to visit is gone
Replaced by a larger brick building
Family names still dot the old graveyards
New ones have been added

They say you can’t go home again
You can, but it’s not home
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A Little Bit of Poetry

Here is a poem I wrote last month and read at a local poetry reading:

A Sunny Day, Three Teen Boys, and a Fishbowl. What Could Go Wrong?
It was a beautiful sunny day,
But the crawfish had long since ceased to be.
The teacher said, “You and your friends take that out!”
“Go to the creek to clean that nasty fishbowl.”
So, off they went, three teen boys headed down to the creek,
On a sunny day, with a fishbowl.
What could go wrong?
The cleanup was surprisingly quick,
Considering there were three teenage boys down at the creek.
After a minimum of horseplay, it was time to go.
Back to class, to finish the day.
So, off they trekked.
On a sunny day, with a fishbowl.
What could go wrong?
Nearing the building, they came across a gym class.
A girls’ gym class, playing softball.
So being teenage boys, on a sunny day,
They decided to stop and watch for a while.
 After all, it was such a nice day.
Who wants to be stuck inside?
What could go wrong?
Where to sit?
There were only posts, with dirt
Where the bench used to be.
The young man had new pants on, so that wouldn’t work.
“I know,” he thought,
“I’ll turn the fishbowl on its side and sit!”
What could go…
Crack!
Oops!
Something had gone wrong, terribly wrong.
The fishbowl had splintered into jagged shards of glass,
Some of which were now embedded
Deep in the young man’s thigh.
Since they now couldn’t stay,
The three teen boys began the trek
Up two flights of stairs.
After the ambulance ride to the hospital,
The young man tried to explain to his mother
Why he thought sitting on a fishbowl was a good idea.
What could go wrong?
‘Tis strange but true,
This little story,
About a sunny day, three teen boys and a fishbowl.
After his brush with death
The young man recovered and
Lived to tell the tale.
Boy, I miss that fishbowl.  
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Following Jesus: Part 2-Loving God

If we follow Jesus, we will seek to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. The problem is that we don’t often really know what it is that we love. We may think that we love God, but our love actually belongs to something else. We pursue a different version of what the good life is, a different kingdom. In You Are What You Love: The Spiritual Power of Habit, James K. A. Smith makes the case that we are primarily loving beings and that our love is formed by habits and liturgies that we engage in. Many of the things that we do in our day-to-day shape us and present a vision of a life worth living that is antithetical to the kingdom of God.

Smith makes the point that our love for God is formed and strengthened by the liturgy of the church through the centuries. Coming from a background where we said that we didn’t do liturgy (even though it really was a liturgy of sorts,), I have come to appreciate the parts of a worship service, from the greeting and call to worship where we are welcomed by God and called to come apart and lift him up, to the benediction where we receive one final blessing from God and are sent out to bring his Kingdom to bear in our day-to-day. In between, we sing praises to God, confess our sin and receive a reminder of his forgiveness. We give a portion of what God has given to us as an act of worship, and we hear the truth, goodness, and beauty of Jesus from the words of Scripture. We gather around the table and remember what Christ has done for us and receive a foretaste of the feast to come in the new heavens and earth.

All of these things have deepened my love for God, his Kingdom, and his people. I have found that they have begun to work in me to wean my heart from those things the culture says we need to flourish. I have a long way to go, but I am confident that God will continue to work in me and give me a heart for him.

May we all come to love our Father more and more.

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Blast From the Past: Light

This was first posted on August 25, 2009.

Sunday morning we were talking about 1 John 1:5 , where John declares that God is light. That verse is one of the few times where Scripture says God is something. It’s hard for me to imagine pure light with no darkness at all. God is light, and that light is so pure that it is impossible for one of us to see God and live. Maybe taking the idea of staring at the sun and multiplying it by infinity might approach the idea of God being light, but probably not.

Now think of Adam and Eve in the Garden before the Fall, spending their time in God’s presence. They walked and talked with their Creator. Were they pure enough to be able to see the glory of God and still live? I think that they were, even though I can’t wrap my tiny brain around that. Unfortunately, that purity and close relationship was broken by sin, and people could no longer stand to see God. Moses only saw the afterglow of God’s presence and had to put a veil on because the people couldn’t even stand to look on that reflection of God’s glory.

Then along comes Jesus, the One called the Light of the world. He revealed the Father to us and abolished the barrier between us and God by his death, burial, and resurrection. Now we are the light of the world. Think about what that means. If people are to see the glory of God, they will see it in those of us who follow Jesus. Jesus said that people don’t take a light and hide it, but rather allow it’s light to shine. In the same way, we are not to hide the light of God that is in us, but we are to live our lives in such a way that people see God in us.

I believe that we let our light shine by taking it where the darkness is. If you light a candle outside on a sunny day, there is not much light seen from that candle. In the same way, if the only time we shine is when we are with other followers of Jesus, our light is not going to be as bright. We also can’t sit behind walls and lob “truth grenades” at those outside and expect any light to be seen. We need to shine where those living in darkness can see God’s light in us.

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Church Signs: “A Church Alive…

…Is Worth the Drive.”

This was on the sign in front of a church just down the road from our house. Now, I have no firsthand knowledge of how “alive” this church is, so I won’t address that. My issue is more with the idea of making a (possibly long) drive to a church.

When Jan and I were in the process of trying to find a church a few years ago, we visited a few churches within the metro area of which our city is a part. Most of them had good things going for them, and probably could be considered “alive” by most folks. None of them had any doctrinal issues that would have been a deal breaker.

There was one thing that steered us away from all of these churches. They were all at least a twenty to thirty minute drive from our house. While that would have been fine if all we were looking for was a Sunday morning worship service, we were looking for something quite different. We were looking for community, a place where we could serve, love, and be loved. We were looking for a group that we could join with in living as brothers and sisters who saw life together as the church as far more than just a once or twice a week meeting. We wanted a spiritual family that spent time fellowshipping and discipling as a part of day-to-day life.

We wanted to serve with the folks we worshipped with and worship with the folks we served with. We desired to be fully part of a community of faith. Fortunately, we have found that and I can’t imagine traveling one day a week to worship with people who I only see on that day.

There are a lot of folks who do prefer the drive in order to find a church which is “alive.” I know that there are churches like that who do kingdom work and truly make disciples. However, I believe that the model of smaller, parish type churches who live in community and are a part of the neighborhood where they are located are what is going to do the most work for the kingdom in the days to come. I believe that a time may come in this country when followers of Jesus will have to live in community in order to continue. It might do us good if we started now.

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Just Jesus and Me?

 When I was growing up, we used to sing a song about how it was “Jesus and me” traveling the road of life together. This went right along with the idea that salvation was an individual thing and that Jesus was “my personal Savior.” While there is a sense in which God redeems us as individuals, I believe that there is much more to the work of Christ than just Jesus and me.

I no longer believe that following Jesus is just about making him your personal Savior or that the Christian life is lived individually. As I have studied Scripture I have come to believe that when God calls us and makes us his children, he is making us members of a family, a body. The word for church means a called out assembly, not a collection of separate individuals.

The idea that salvation and the Christian life is an individual thing has done damage to the body of Christ. If you look around at the Church in the United States you see the results of an individualistic faith. In many places there is a lack of commitment to the larger body. People move from church to church for various reasons. Many times folks leave because of problems in relationships. Someone has done something against them and it’s easier to simply find another church than do the hard work of repenting, forgiving, and reconciling. It seems as if many look for a place where they can be served and “fed” (whatever that means) by a weekly concert and inspirational talk. They aren’t looking for community, or they don’t understand what community entails.

We are redeemed to be part of one another. We are a body and each part of the body needs each other part. I believe the day may come when those who claim Christ will have to come together and live as one body. We will no longer have the luxury of dividing over things that are not worth dividing over. We will be forced to live in harmony, forgiving each other no matter how many times they sin against us and loving each other with a selfless love, just as Jesus loved us. Maybe we ought to start doing that now so it won’t be such a shock.

May God help us to live together as fellow children of the Father who are members of one body.

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Advent

I’m thankful for the season of the church calendar called Advent. To me, it is a good antidote to the sometimes crazy Christmas season. This year the message of longing, hope, and anticipation resonates with me more than it has in previous years.
This has been a tough year. Ten people that I know have died this year, including my father-in-law, a dear friend, and some of my bus passengers, among others. Add to that the craziness of the political scene and other things, and I pray, “Even so, come Lord Jesus,” with more longing. As the people of Israel longed for their Messiah to come and deliver them, so I long for the King to return and set all things to right. I long for the day when all will be restored, when everything sad will become untrue.

Fortunately, along with the longing there is hope. Simeon and Anna lived with hope that the Messiah would come and their hope was rewarded. We can have hope that our Savior will return as he promised and that all our longing will be fulfilled. Because we know our Father loves us, we can live in expectancy that he will do as he has promised.

Embrace the longing, the unmet desires of the heart. Trust that all of the promises of a new creation will be kept. Celebrate the season as one who waits and hopes for the fulfillment of what our Christmas celebrations are but a dream.

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Blast From the Past: Dreaming Again. Or Not

This was first posted on July 23, 2008. Nothing has changed.

Most of my life I’ve heard that God wants us to “dream big”, “attempt great things for God, expect great things from God”, and desire to be “greatly used”. Well, I’ve dreamed big dreams and I’ve asked God to let me do great things for him. And, guess what? *crickets chirping*

That’s right. Nothing has come of those dreams. In fact, most of them have crashed and burned. The dreams have ranged from competing in the Olympics (or at least getting to the Trials), to coaching college basketball and building a program that would be among the best in the country and having a ministry that would deeply impact the campus. I’ve even dreamed of of helping plant a church that would touch my community and advance the community. I’ve followed the advice of Christian motivational speakers and asked God to give me his dream for me, and I really believed he had done this.

I have come to the point in my life where I am done with dreaming. I believe that God does give some big dreams and big things to do for the Kingdom. I don’t believe that I’m one of those people. Through my reading (Bible, blogs, and books), praying, and thinking, I’ve come to believe that God has called me to simply be a follower of Jesus. He is telling me to not worry about where the road is going to go, or what I am going to do along the journey. When I ask, he just says, “You’ll find out”. There were a lot of followers of Jesus in the 1st century that didn’t make it into the New Testament or any of the writings of the time, but they were faithful to what God called them to do. That’s what the Father is calling me to be. And, I’m okay with that.

I’ve often described my walk with God as a journey on the back roads. One of the things about the back roads is that they are away from the crowds, away from the spotlight. Back roads are not the places to do great things or become famous. They are places where a traveler can slow down and get to know their companions, where those you encounter are more likely to give and accept anything that is needed.

So, I’ll continue following my Teacher and Friend down the back roads (and sometimes along narrow trails). There’s a lot to see along the way and many interesting people to meet. And at the end, I look forward to the Father saying, “Welcome home”.