Category: My kids

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A New Bend in the Road

A little over twenty seven years ago, we moved from Cincinnati to Rock Hill, South Carolina. At that time we said that we were never moving again. Famous last words! We have just moved into a new house. The house and yard had become more than we could handle and we decided we needed a smaller place. Added to that were some repair issues that had become expensive due to a plumbing mishap. Did I mention that I hate plumbing?

After a few months of sort of looking, but sort of not, we got serious and put our house on the market. Knowing that we were looking for a smaller place meant that we had to let a lot of things go. We began to look at all the stuff that had accumulated over the years. I had inherited the “maybe I can use this someday” gene from my father, so there was quite a bit. The challenge was to pare the things from a 1500 square foot, three bedroom. two bath home with a dining room, garage, back patio, shed and a half acre yard down to where they would fit into an 850 square foot, two bedroom, one bath house with less than a quarter acre lot.

I made numerous trips to charitable organizations and to our county’s waste/recycling center. Facebook Messenger became our friend. It was hard to let go of many of the things, especially furniture. Fortunately, we made some money from selling much of the furniture and a great deal of it went to people who would get good use of it. One couple bought a dresser and were going to donate it to a local women’s shelter, and we sold a rocker and footstool to a couple that was expecting their first child. That was a blessing to us. Our son and daughter-in-law, and daughter and son-in-law have been an amazing help with the purging and the planning.

We moved into the house the week after Thanksgiving. I have again made numerous trips to recycling and charitable places. As it turned out, we used a lot of cardboard boxes and also had to do more downsizing. It’s been a busy week and a half, and there is still furniture to put together and positioned, art to hang, and stuff to put away. I’m going to hold off on the yard until the spring.

It was hard to leave a place where we made so many good memories. Fortunately we can carry those memories with us and we will make new ones. We are closer to our church community, and to many other places and activities we have been a part of. The move has been stressful at times, and there were even a few times when I wondered if it was worth it. At those times, I could sense the Father saying, “I got this.” Jan and I are looking forward to getting to know our neighbors and learning to love them well, and to what lies ahead of us on this part of the journey.

We’re not moving again. I guess I shouldn’t be saying that should I?

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Reminiscing

It was a warm Saturday morning in 2006. The night before, my father had asked me to go with him to Summerville to watch his grandson, my nephew play soccer. After a week of dealing with middle school students, I really wanted to stay home and relax. However, it had only been a little over a month since Mom had died. My dad needed to be able to do this, and he needed me to do the driving. I don’t remember much of the conversation during the trip, except for him telling me that his sister had just passed away and the funeral was that day.

We drove to the soccer field and settled in to watch the game. I think it was a good game. I really don’t remember. We only saw the first half. At halftime, my niece and I headed to the concession stand to get something to drink. Dad had mentioned that he was hot and thirsty. On the way back, we noticed that there was a crowd of people around someone on the sideline where we had been sitting. As we got closer, we realized that the people were crowded around my father, who was on the ground. He was having a heart attack. An ambulance quickly arrived and the EMTs began to try and revive him. After what seemed like an eternity, they put Dad in the ambulance and headed for the emergency room. My sister and I followed.

I don’t remember how long we waited. Everything was a blur. Finally we were informed that the doctors had done everything they could do, but that Dad had died of a heart attack. We were escorted to a room where he lay on a table, and I immediately lost it. I had lost my hero, and in one sense I was now an orphan. I felt a sense of guilt for not really wanting to drive him to the game, and some relief that I had gone and had been with him on his last day in this life. The next few days were a blur, as arrangements needed to be made with a funeral home where my sister lived, the church here where my parents had been members, and the funeral home and cemetery in Maryland, where Dad was to be buried.

All of the arrangements were completed, and we drove to Maryland for a small service in the funeral home, followed by the burial. It was a mild, sunny day, in contrast to the cold rain on the day Mom was laid to rest. At the end of the gravesite service, when the casket was lowered into the ground and the machine was shoveling the dirt into the grave, I remember that my sister and I both thought of Dad peering down from heaven, making sure that the workers did their job correctly.

It’s been fifteen years. Our two children, his grandchildren are married, and I know he would be proud of them. There are four great grandchildren now, and i can imagine the joy he would get out of spending time with them and teasing them with his corny jokes. I’m trying to carry on that tradition, but my efforts pale in comparison. I still miss him. I think about him a lot, especially when I bump my head. I am thankful that I will see both my mom and my dad in the New Creation.

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Forty Years and Counting

It was a different time. The nation had experienced some healing from Vietnam and Watergate. The economy was not in very good shape. Iran held Americans hostage. The Reagan Revolution was just a soon to be realized dream for the Republican Party. The Miracle on Ice was a recent memory and the Summer Olympics would take place without the United States, as well as a number of other countries.

We were different as well. We both were much younger and both of us had more hair. Jan’s hair is simply shorter, while mine is simply gone and my beard is now white. We were both teachers then, and while Jan has kept her hand in, I have bounced around among a variety of jobs.

During these last forty years, we have lived in a number of different homes in three cities. We began life as a couple in the Washington, DC area, spent some time in the Cincinnati area, where our family grew from two to four. For the last twenty five years we have called the small city of Rock Hill home. Our son and daughter grew up here, and left the nest to pursue their own path. In the ensuing years, we buried our parents, moved on to new jobs, and found a community of faith that has become a family.

Through the years, much has changed. We have been on the heights, and we have been through the valleys. This journey together has not always been an easy one, and the road has always been winding. There have been times of plenty, and times when we struggled financially. We have never been “wealthy” in the usual sense, but God has always provided. We have argued and been angry with one another, and made up and moved on.

What has never changed is our love and commitment to each other. As our lives took the twists and turns, we knew that the other one was with us and we were on this journey together, come hell or high water. We learned to communicate and that has been a major factor in our marriage. We still face the challenges of life. Both of us are growing older and dealing with those issues. Jan’s HD is a big challenge. But we are facing these things together, as we have always faced life. We are trusting our heavenly Father to take care of us, as he always has.

Forty years. It seems like a long time, over half of our lives, yet it somehow feels like a blip on the screen of time. We may celebrate another forty years, we may not. No matter how many more years God gives us, I know that I am truly blessed to be married to a beautiful woman who is a wonderful partner.

Jan, I am so thankful to the Father for bringing us together and allowing us to spend these years together as one, and I pray he gives us many more years to journey through this life.

I love you more than yesterday, and less than tomorrow.

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Father’s Day 2020

Thirty seven years ago, our son was born and I became a father. Even though thirty seven years seems like a long time (it is over half my life), as I look back it really doesn’t feel like all that long ago. Because there are so many memories, they crowd together and make the time seem somehow compressed, as if the years have joined together and decreased their number.

There have been a lot of changes over those years. We added a daughter three years later. There have been different jobs, as I went back and forth between working as a teacher and coach and various other jobs. Some times were tough financially, and I felt sorry that we couldn’t do everything we wanted as a family, or for our children. God has always provided for us, but there were times when there wasn’t any extra. What I value most about the teaching/coaching gigs are the opportunities provided when it came to Josh and Jennie. We all had the same vacation schedule, and went to the same place every morning during the school year. I had the opportunity to coach both of them, something I will always cherish.

It has been an absolute joy to see both of them grow up into responsible, caring people. I have always been proud of them, no more so than now. I see Jesus in them in the way they interact with others, and in the way they care for those around them. When they were growing up, I was always known as “Josh’s and Jennie’s dad,” and I am still proud to wear that title.

Now I am blessed to have another title: “Granddaddy.” That makes this day even more special. I get to participate in some way in the raising up of the next generation, and for that I am grateful. I have no worries because I know that my grandchildren are in good hands.

Josh and Jennie, I am so proud and thankful for the privilege of being your father. I thank God for you and pray that you will know his love in increasing measure in the days and years ahead. I love you.

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Little Bit of an Update

This past week, Jan and I had the opportunity to take part in the Huntington’s Disease Society of America (HDSA) national convention. Because of the pandemic, it was a virtual gathering. It was both informative and inspiring. There were sessions on what to expect, advances in research, and how others were coping. Due to our schedule, there were many things we couldn’t get to, but it was all recorded and will be on the HDSA website.

As Jan’s HD progresses, it was good to be given a sense of what lay ahead. Even though it will get more difficult, it is comforting to be armed with the knowledge of what is going on and some ways we can cope. It was also good to see how different people were dealing with the disease. There was not a sense of despair or sadness. There was more of a feeling that this is the way it is and right now we have to deal with it and live our lives as best we can.

There is also good news for the future. There is promising research that may lead to making HD a disease that we used to talk about. It’s possible that some day the faulty part of the gene will be tweaked and will not be an issue. While we don’t know if it will happen soon enough to help Jan, there is hope for our children and grandchildren.

Please continue to pray for us as we navigate the changes that will happen and learn to deal with each new normal as it comes up.

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Musings From the Past Few Days

Last Wednesday, my life changed. That afternoon I experienced what someone my age hopes will never happen. My heart decided I needed to take a little trip to the emergency room. After arriving by ambulance and having a couple of EKGs done, the cardiologist on duty decided that it was time for me to go to the emergency heart cath room. While there, the doctor found that the artery in back of my heart was 95% blocked and a stent needed to be inserted. While this was happening, my heart tried to make things even more difficult. Fortunately it calmed down and the procedure was completed. After resting in the hospital for a couple days, I was able to go home on Saturday. I am feeling much better and getting anxious to start rehab and get back to some semblance of normal, although I know that the definition of normal will be different.

Between my adventure and all that is going on around the world with the COVID19 virus, I have had some time to think. One thing that something like a heart attack or pandemic will do is cause us to come to grips with what really is important.We chase around trying to find significance in so many different things and we many times forget what really counts. The current virus has pretty much brought the world to a standstill. Almost all sporting events have been cancelled, and the Olympics are in danger of not happening this summer. Restaurants, theaters, even churches are shuttered in an attempt to flatten out the curve and get ahead of this. It is likely that folks will begin to lose jobs, and there is the very real threat of a global recession. There is a great deal of fear as the unknown looms.

All of the dislocation and hardship that folks have gone through or will go through is hard and I don’t want to downplay or minimize their suffering. I grieve with those who are grieving the loss of opportunities, jobs, or especially the loss of loved ones. I am not suggesting that my thoughts are the answer for anyone else. The recent events in my own life and the “new normal” Jan and I are already dealing with, have led me to do a lot of taking stock, trying to determine what is really vital.

First, my relationship with God is the most important thing. Without that, there is nothing else. Loving God with every fiber of my being is the one thing. Next after that comes loving Jan as Jesus loved the church, giving myself for her. Then comes loving my children and their families and being a good grandad. Beyond that comes loving my brothers and sisters in Christ, especially those I am in community with, as Jesus loved me. Then there is loving my neighbor as myself. Regardless of what else may happen in the days and years ahead, if I can do those things I will consider myself to have done well.

Have you thought about these things? What do you consider to be most important?

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A New Year

Today we enter into a new year. Not only a new year, but also a new decade. Yes, I know that technically the new decade begins next January. But it is the 20s now, so I’m going with calling this a new decade.

I’ve seen a lot of talk about reviewing the past decade, ten year plans, etc. I think it’s a good idea to look back over the last few years and see the changes that have occurred in our individual lives, in our families, and in our world. As I look back over the time since 2010, I can think of a number of things that are different as I enter 2020.

Ten years ago, Jan and I were parents of two unmarried young adults. Now we have added a daughter-in-law, a son-in-law, and three grandchildren. In 2010 I was working as a teacher’s assistant and Jan was working at an assistant living facility. As this decade begins, I am a driver at a retirement community and Jan is semi-retired and tutoring. During this time we have lost Jan’s father and oldest sister.

Ten years ago, we were helping plant a church that met in a bagel shop. In the past ten years the church plant ceased to be and we are now part of a small Presbyterian church that seeks to serve our city. Since 2010, I have lost about 25 pounds and been able to keep it off. My hair has become grayer, and my joints creakier. When the last decade began, we had never heard of Huntington’s Disease. As the new decade begins, we are dealing with the reality of Jan having HD, and all of what that means.

As I look back on the last ten years, I see some happy times and some sad times. I see times of accomplishment and times where I wonder what in the world I was thinking. Sometimes life seemed relatively normal and sometimes it seemed like a long, strange trip. There were times when my faith was strong and there were times when my usual prayer was, “Lord I believe, help my unbelief.”

As I look ahead to the 20s, I don’t know if they will be roaring or calm. I am not even going to attempt a ten year plan and my crystal ball shattered long, long ago. The only thing I do know (and have to constantly remind myself of) is that my Father in heaven loves me and my family with a furious, inexhaustible love and will bring everything about for my good and his glory.

Check back in another ten years. Maybe.

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So, What’s Been Going On?

Last week I mentioned that a lot had been going on in my life. It’s true. There have been a fair amount of changes around here. All of these changes are good and will hopefully bring further good as time passes.

The first thing that came our way was the news that our daughter and her husband are expecting. They will become parents toward the middle to end of August. Not too very long afterward came the news that our son and daughter-in-law are going to be parents as well! They are adopting a baby boy who is slated to be born sometime between the middle of July and the beginning of August. So, all of a sudden we have gone from having no grandchildren to expecting​ two! God has answered a lot of prayers.

In the midst of all this wonderful news, I began a new career as a legal assistant for a good friend of ours. This was an answer to prayers that have been going up for the last two years, so needless to say, I am very grateful and happy. They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but so far I think I’m learning a lot of new tricks. I’m looking forward to going in to work on Mondays for the first time in quite a while. It definitely has been an adjustment and is much more challenging than anything I’ve done in a while, but it’s certainly not boring.

Hopefully, I can be forgiven for not posting as much lately. If not, that’s okay too. Sometimes certain things have to take a back seat to life. I’m going to try to be more regular in my writing, but I’m not going to make any promises. Life is good, and it marches on. I hope all of you faithful readers have good things happen to you as you continue on your journey.

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Blast From the Past: Thanksgiving

This was first posted on November 24, 2009. I have edited it to bring it more up to date.

This is the time of year that we remember the Pilgrims who held a feast to give thanks to God and invited the local Indian tribe, who brought the sweet potato casserole, cranberry sauce, and pumpkin pie. We continue the tradition our forefathers began of eating far too much, and falling asleep on the couch while watching football games on TV. The celebration continues as we get up way too early in the morning to fight for parking spaces and all the bargains presented by our friendly local merchants.

It is easy for the above scenario to actually be true in our lives. We can get caught up in all the hype that has come to surround us this time of year. In the midst of the feasting with family, television watching, and shopping, we can forget what is really important. We can forget to be grateful for all that God has given us.

As I look back on this past year, there are many reasons to be thankful. The first, and most important, thing is the grace of God. I am thankful that God has adopted me into his family and that he loves me no matter what. I am thankful for the work of Jesus which makes me a child of God. I am thankful for the Spirit’s guidance and work in me to make me more and more like Jesus.

I am thankful for a wonderful wife who loves me and is patient with my quirks and idiosyncrasies. Jan’s love and support has been a truly amazing thing. I am thankful for a son and a daughter who have grown into responsible adults who love God. I am thankful for their spouses. I am thankful for my sister and her family and for the times we are able to get together, and for my sisters-in-law and their families.

I am thankful for friends who make me think, and challenge me to turn knowledge into action. I am thankful for the community of faith God has given us, a group of people learning together what it means to follow Jesus in the day-to-day of our lives. I am thankful for the things that God has taught me and the ways he has changed me.

I am thankful for the chance to serve some of the ones who are sometimes forgotten by others. I am thankful for life, health and all the things that we take for granted.

What are you thankful for?

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Another Year? Already?

Every year about this time, we do the same thing. We say goodbye to one year and hello to another. It seems like 2015 just zipped right on by. As I get older, the days seem to pass much more quickly. I have read that it has something to do with the fact that a particular period of time is a smaller percentage of the whole life span of an older person. Makes sense to me.

I’ve never been one to make a resolutions at the beginning of a year. I don’t seem to be able to keep them, so I just don’t make them. That way, I’m not disappointed. I’m beginning to realize that there are fewer years left in my life than there used to be. Unless medical science comes up with some miracles, I’m more than halfway through. So, at the beginning of a new year I look back at the past year and look ahead to the one ahead.

My focus has changed from career and financial goals. There is only so much you can do when you’re semi-retired and not earning a boatload of money. Those things are not all that important in the long run anyway. The things that are becoming more and more important are my walk with Jesus, my wife and family, and my friends.

Have I become a little more like Jesus in the past year? Have I loved Jan as Christ loved his church? Have I made her feel treasured? Have I been a good father and friend to my adult children and their spouses? Have I loved my friends and been willing to lay down my life for them? Have they been helped in their spiritual journey by what they have seen in me?

These are the things I think about. This is how I want to be in the year ahead. I know that, as with resolutions, there will be successes and miserable failures. I hope the important people in my life will be patient and forgiving.