Category: openness

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Blast From the Past: Out of the Cave, Into…

This too was written eight years ago. Shortly afterward, God led us to a community of faith where we have been ever since.

Some of you have read my recent post about finding myself in a cave. I’m now out of the cave, although still not far from the entrance. I now find myself in the middle of a thicket, sort of like a stand of rhododendron or mountain laurel, so thick that you cannot see out of it. It is still somewhat dark, and the direction I should take is unclear. I see many paths out, but don’t know yet which one to take.

There is the path that would take me back into the church world I left a few years ago. Next to it is the path that would take me to the land of the mega-church. Here I could find a place to hide and lick my wounds. One path seems to go in circles, and looks as if it would leave me no better off. Yet another way out continues in the search for community. That is the path that interests me the most, and the way that I have learned most about in the last couple of days.

You see, I have learned something about community, and about myself. I think I’m beginning to learn why I spent time in the dark cave. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am a pretty laid back individual, but that when I am passionate about something, I tend to go all out. As I learned more and more about the God’s desire for his children to live as brothers and sisters because of Christ, I became more and more passionate with living in community. Dietrich Bonhoeffer said, “The person who loves their dream of community will destroy community, but the person who loves those around them will create community.” As I look back on the past year, and my desire to have and fight for community, I realize I inadvertently pushed it too hard and may have been part of the cause of its destruction. I know that my heart was good, but I think I may have wanted community so badly that I didn’t see the problems that it was causing. Even though I tried to sacrificially love those around me, I think that I didn’t leave room for God to work, thinking that as long as we spent enough time together, growth and maturity would automatically happen.

I now realize that community is something that has to happen naturally, as God’s people learn to love one another. It is something that cannot be forced, and the Holy Spirit must be the one to form it rather than humans whose motives can be tainted by our own needs. I also realize that a particular form of community may not last as long as I think, and that I need to be willing to let it go when it is time. For those of you reading this who have been on the receiving end of my misguided efforts, I am sorry. I put the ideal of community ahead of my brothers and sisters. I was wrong.

As to what is next in this journey along the back roads, only God knows. I know that Jan and I still desire to share our lives with some fellow Christ-followers. I also know that it may not take any form that we expect. It may be in a regular gathering. It may take place in just getting together with one or two who share our desire. What I also know is that I want it to be something that happens as Christ’s Spirit moves, not when I think it should happen.

I’m learning to trust my Father. As I leave the thicket, I want to be hear my Shepherd’s voice and follow him wherever he leads, whenever he leads, and to whatever he leads. I would appreciate your prayers.

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Blast From the Past: The Cave

This was first published eight years ago when I was going through some things.

Papa! Papa! Where am I?

How did I get here? It’s so dark. I can’t see a thing!
I remember walking along the path with my friends. Next thing I know I’m waking up here in the dark. I think I remember the path passing near the entrance of a cave. Is that where I am?

How do you feel?

Everything hurts. I feel like I got hit by a truck. Now I remember. We were walking along when I was hit by something. Who would have done something like this?

An Enemy has done this.

Papa, it hurts so bad! I don’t understand! I’m all alone here in the darkness and I feel like everyone has abandoned me!

You are not alone. Your most trusted long time companion is near, waiting for you. I am here.

How did this happen? Everything seemed good. There was some loose rock on the path at times, and there were some places where part of the path had washed away. but I thought we had gotten past them. I thought this part of the journey was going well. I thought we were together.

Papa?

I’m broken. I feel like I can’t move. I’m afraid to try because I can’t see and I don’t know if it’s safe. I don’t know what to do!

Do you remember the time you spent in the desert learning to trust me rather than what you expected me to do?

Yes, I do. That was hard.

You still have more to learn.

Does it have to be so painful? I’d rather lose a job again than feel so hurt and rejected!

Papa, what do I do?

Stay here for awhile. Don’t move. I know it’s dark and you’re scared, but I’m here with you. You are broken, but my love will heal you. You are safe here. Learn again to trust me. No matter what.

When the time comes, I will lead you out of this place, and you and the person who truly loves you will continue on in your journey with me.

Papa, help me! I have no strength.

I know. I am your strength. I love you, son.

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Encouragement From a Lamppost

Last night was a night of fitful sleep and unsatisfying dreams. When I awoke this morning, I was feeling the weight of a number of things that are happening in this little conrner of the world. The events of the past few months and the strain that has put on relationahips of people that I know, the friend who is waiting for a possible diagnosis of cancer, and the friend whose mother just had a stroke, along with the stresses of helping lead a faith community to follow Jesus more closely. These are on top of dealing with Jan’s HD and all that goes with it, and trying to keep myself healthy.

When I went to the kitchen to make coffee, I looked out the window into our backyard. What I saw was similar to the picture above, minus the snow and fir trees. It was about 6:45, and the sky was just beginning to lighten. What I saw was unusual because the lamp had never stayed lit all through the night before this, and the previous day had been cloudy. I had bought that particular lamppost because it reminded me of the lamppost in the Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis.

When I saw the lamp still lit, the first thing that I thought (I believe it was God speaking to my heart) was, “There is still hope.” In the Narnia tales, the lamppost marked the border between Narnia and the wardrobe in the spare room. In some way it signified hope, because it was there that the story of Aslan coming and reclaiming Narnia began. As you read through the rest of the books, there is always an undercurrent of hope, no matter how dire the circumstances.

I have no idea what is going to happen in each of those situations I mentioned. I know I am praying for healing and restoration, but I also know that the final outcome is beyond my reach. But there is still hope. There is still the hope that no matter what happens, my loving Father has us all in his hands, and he always does what is good and right. There is still hope that the King of Kings will return and make everything right, healing every hurt and wiping every tear. There is still hope that Romans 8:18-39 is true.

You may be going through something similar, or worse. Things may well seem hopless to you. I would encourage you to look to the One who alone can give hope. Look to the King who has conquered death and who is bringing a new creation. Look to him because, to be honest with you, without him it is hopeless.

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Thoughts on Epiphany, 2021

The word epiphany, at its core, means a revealing. This past Wednesday was Epiphany Day, and the events that unfolded in Washington, DC and other cities revealed a few things.

First, they revealed the true nature of some, not all of the supporters of Donald Trump. I recognize that many of the folks who have supported him the past four years are good people with motives they consider right. Having said that, I also believe that many of the folks that have ridden the Trump train have done so because they do not want to see “their side:, whatever that is, lose power. Many of the Republicans who are now loudly speaking out against him had nothing to say the last four years because they wanted to keep their party in power. There are folks who are afraid that white Americans will lose power and “those people” will take all our liberties away. I believe that this fear has led many to embrace some of the conspiracy theories swirling around the recent election. If a theory about the election, or anything else for that matter, is put forth by someone who believes that lizard people are among us and out to take all our children away to be eaten or turned into zombies, it’s probably not true.

The other thing the events of last Wednesday revealed is the utter bankruptcy of trying to do the work of the Kingdom of God using the tools of the world. There is actually a huge conspiracy out there. It is the conspiracy of the ruler of the powers of the air, i.e. satan. He has been conspiring and attempting to destroy God’s creation ever since the beginning. He is the father of lies, and is constantly trying to hinder what God is doing by attacking and dividing. He has succeeded in dividing the Church in America, because we have bought the lies that our political allegiance is paramount, that the ballot box will determine if the Church will succed or fail. I was appalled to see banners with Jesus on them carried next to Trump banners, as if they were equal. I was disheartened to see the Christian flag carried into the chambers of Congress by members of the mob. I am saddened by the preachers who stand in front of rallies and proclaim that they must fight to preserve their rights. Peter tried that in the garden and Jesus told him to put his sword away. And don’t quote the verse to me where the disciples tell Jesus they had two swords and he said that was enough. Do you really believe he was saying two swords would be enough to fight against the Roman Empire?

I don’t care on which side of the aisle we place ourselves. If we claim to follow the One who said his Kingdom was not from this world, who told his followers to love their enemies, who willingly gave himself over to the authorities to be killed, we have no business condemning folks who disagree with us. We have no business hitching our wagon to the star of any political party. Neither Trump nor Biden is equal to Jesus. The United States is not equal to the Kingdom of God. We have no business downgrading our faith by taking it down to the level of our political ideas.

Followers of Jesus, we have work to do. There are too many who have taken the mission of the Kingdom and turned it into gaining earthly power and influence. There are too many who are making Republicans, or Democrats, or Libertarians instead of making disciples of King Jesus. I can understand why many have rejected the message. It’s because we have either proclaimed the wrong message or we have hidden the real message under layers of garbage. We must return to telling others that there really is a King, that he died to free us from sin and death, that he rose again because he had broken the power of death, and that he calls everyone to follow him. We must tell them that this King will return and that he will set everything right. Along with this proclamation, we must show the world that it is true by the way we live our lives, loving each other, loving our enemies, and living out our sole allegiance to the King of Kings over and above any other party or man.

God help us to recapture the gospel.

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A Plea to Christians

In the next few days, we here in the United States will elect a President. It seems to be a close race, and because of circumstances we may not know the winner by the end of the day on Tuesday. There is a lot of talk in print media and the internet about unrest and possible violence in the next week or so. Some of that is nothing but fear mongering, but some it has credible evidence behind it. Our nation seems to be divided as badly as it has ever been. There is even talk in some circles about civil war. I am not a prophet, nor do I play one on TV, but I do believe that violence is possible after Tuesday because of the emotions that have been raging in the last few months. I hope I am wrong. I also hope that what I have seen and heard out of some who call themselves followers of Jesus is an aberration.

Brothers and sisters in Christ, in the days and weeks to come, if this country falls into the division and unrest that many foresee, remember to whom we belong. We are followers of the True King, and ambassadors for his Kingdom. While we may be citizens of the United States, it is not our true home. Like Abraham, we are strangers in a strange land. Our identity is not found in our ethnic make up, our lineage, our nationality, or our political beliefs. We are not Christian Americans or American Christians. We are Christians who live in America. This nation, as good as it is, is a temporary dwelling place for us.

I love America. My father and other ancestors fought for this country, going back to the War for Independence. Our system of government is unique in the history of the world. In spite of its flaws (yes, America is not perfect) it is a great nation. But, America is still a kingdom of this world. It, like every other nation, is still Babylon. The ancient Jews who were captive in Babylon were told to seek the peace and prosperity of that city, but their allegiance was to be to the God of Israel. We also are to seek the peace and prosperity of the nation we sojourn in, but our allegiance is to the King of Kings and we are to seek first his Kingdom.

We are brothers and sisters in the family of God. We are the body of Christ. Because we are family, we are to be united. Because we are one body, we are to be together. How many times has your big toe told your left ear that it was not part of the body because it wasn’t a toe? How many times has your left eye trie to prove its superiority over your right elbow because the elbow couldn’t see? Ridiculous, right? It is just as ridiculous for one Christian to denigrate another Christian because of their political ideas, in particular who they vote for. It is just as ridiculous for a group of Christians to pull apart and form churches that are “Christian Nationalist,” or “Patriot Churches,” as if those churches were somehow more pleasing to God. As Christians, we are looking for a city whose builder and maker is God. That is our nation.

Please do not let the voices that are trying to divde this nation do the same to we who call ourselves Christians. Particpate in the process, vote, be passionate. Do not, however, let your passion for a candidate or party overwhelm your passion for Jesus Christ. All of the parties, candidates, and groups will fade fade away. All of the energy put into all of the campaigns will be gone. Those who let their rage and hostility rule will cause harm and suffer harm.

We have a more sure hope. We are children of the Father who sees the end from the beginning. We are called to make disciples, calling people to allegiance to the True King. We can only do that if we present an alternative to a world that thinks that conflict and hatred is the way to win, because we know that in the end, love wins.

Brothers and sisters, in the next few days and weeks, let us show the world the Truth, Goodness, and Beauty of Jesus in contrast to the ugliness around us.

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Ending the Duopoly

Another election year is upon us, and we are faced once again with the lesser of two evils. Or so we are told. But is that really true? Are the only choices we have the ones the two major parties decide we will have?

I believe that we have been sold a bill of goods by the two parties that get all the attention. Both the Democrat Party and the Republican Party want us to believe that they are the only ones capable of governing. I don’t believe that either party really wants to “destroy” the other, but that they have a great deal invested in keeping the status quo, also known as the duopoly. The Freakonomics Podcast episode on September 17, 2020 gives insight into what the problem is and why the “powers that be” don’t want it solved.

If you look at the number of people who decided not to vote in 2016 because of the poor choices, along with the number of those who held their noses and voted for “the lesser of two evils,” you might find that there would be enough voters available to at least give a viable third party candidate enough votes to shake up the system. The major parties are getting farther and farther from any kind of consensus or middle ground, and American politics are becoming increasingly polarized. There are parties this year who could appeal to enough people in that mass called the middle to at least start to make a difference. These parties are not given a chance by those who have a vested interest in maintining the two party system.

The Libertarian Party would appeal to those who want less government, less regulation, and more civil liberty. There are points in their platform that would not appeal to some, but given the chance, they might be able to make some waves. Another party, which I have decided to support, is the American Solidarity Party. For those of you who are strongly pro-life, this party’s platform is pro-life from before birth all the way to death. They believe that all life is sacred, from the baby in the womb to the homeless person, to the immigrant seeking a better life. There are many other parts of their philosophy that appeal to me and would appeal to others if they were known. I believe that they are the party that I can support and vote my conscience.

Those of you that know me may be shocked that I’m actually coming out in favor of a certain party. I usually hold those cards pretty close. You may also disagree with me. Regardless, I firmly believe that the way the system is set up to keep certain folks in power is dangerous to our nation. At some point the split between the two sides could open into a yawning chasm that just might swallow us up. Some of you may say that there’s nothing that can be done this year, so we might as well continue the status quo. To you, I would ask when would be the right time to begin trying to bring about needed change if not now? The Solidarity Party is not on the ballot in South Carolina, so I can’t vote for their Presidential candidate unless I write it in or leave that blank. I could vote for one of the other alternative candidates. I don’t know exactly what I will do, but I firmly believe that it is time to end the duopoly in American politics.

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Thinking

This is the beginning of a reflective, even somewhat sad, period. Those of you that know me, know that I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and feel things deeply. The time from Thanksgiving to Christmas has always been an emotional time for me. Family is important to me, and family is what that time of year is all about.

Fourteen years ago today, my mother died from Alzheimer’s Disease. Thirty three days later, my father joined her. Thanksgiving and Christmas that year were tough. My emotions were right on the edge most of that time. Even though it has been fourteen years, there is still emotion. There is still a sadness, although the good memories are mixed in, in a greater proportion. In October, 2009, Jan’s mom passed away. That added another layer to the grieving and healing process. Jan’s dad left this life in May, 2016, so none of them are around to share in the family celebrations. They say that time heals all wounds. I’m not totally sure that is true. I think time can bring healing, but the wounds are never completely gone. I do believe that our pain and sorrow can be transformed, and we can be better for them.

The sad time, if you want to call it that, begins a little earlier now. Last week, our dog Charlie died. He had been a faithful companion to our family for the past thirteen years. While losing a pet obviously is not the same as losing a person, there is still a hole left behind. All of those things added together leads to good memories mixed with regret, to happiness mixed with sadness. Something will happen, or someone will say something, and emotions will be triggered. Certain dates become more important than others.

I am thankful that my heavenly Father knows all things, and is gracious and loving. I am thankful for the knowledge that our parents are resting with him and are not suffering. I am grateful for the good memories we have, and for what we can learn from the not so good ones. I can look back and see how things in my past have, in some way, shaped who I am today. As I go into this season, I can look back and see how God is truly working all things for my good and for his glory. I am grateful for that.

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Little Bit of an Update

This past week, Jan and I had the opportunity to take part in the Huntington’s Disease Society of America (HDSA) national convention. Because of the pandemic, it was a virtual gathering. It was both informative and inspiring. There were sessions on what to expect, advances in research, and how others were coping. Due to our schedule, there were many things we couldn’t get to, but it was all recorded and will be on the HDSA website.

As Jan’s HD progresses, it was good to be given a sense of what lay ahead. Even though it will get more difficult, it is comforting to be armed with the knowledge of what is going on and some ways we can cope. It was also good to see how different people were dealing with the disease. There was not a sense of despair or sadness. There was more of a feeling that this is the way it is and right now we have to deal with it and live our lives as best we can.

There is also good news for the future. There is promising research that may lead to making HD a disease that we used to talk about. It’s possible that some day the faulty part of the gene will be tweaked and will not be an issue. While we don’t know if it will happen soon enough to help Jan, there is hope for our children and grandchildren.

Please continue to pray for us as we navigate the changes that will happen and learn to deal with each new normal as it comes up.

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Blast From the Past: More From My Journey

This is from 2008.

Most of my life I’ve heard that God wants us to “dream big”, “attempt great things for God, expect great things from God”, and desire to be “greatly used”. Well, I’ve dreamed big dreams and I’ve asked God to let me do great things for him. And, guess what? *crickets chirping*

That’s right. Nothing has come of those dreams. In fact, most of them have crashed and burned. The dreams have ranged from competing in the Olympics (or at least getting to the Trials), to coaching college basketball and building a program that would be among the best in the country and having a ministry that would deeply impact the campus. I’ve even dreamed of of helping plant a church that would touch my community and advance the community. I’ve followed the advice of Christian motivational speakers and asked God to give me his dream for me, and I really believed he had done this.

I have come to the point in my life where I am done with dreaming. I believe that God does give some big dreams and big things to do for the Kingdom. I don’t believe that I’m one of those people. Through my reading (Bible, blogs, and books), praying, and thinking, I’ve come to believe that God has called me to simply be a follower of Jesus. He is telling me to not worry about where the road is going to go, or what I am going to do along the journey. When I ask, he just says, “You’ll find out”. There were a lot of followers of Jesus in the 1st century that didn’t make it into the New Testament or any of the writings of the time, but they were faithful to what God called them to do. That’s what the Father is calling me to be. And, I’m okay with that.

I’ve often described my walk with God as a journey on the back roads. One of the things about the back roads is that they are away from the crowds, away from the spotlight. Back roads are not the places to do great things or become famous. They are places where a traveler can slow down and get to know their companions, where those you encounter are more likely to give and accept anything that is needed.

So, I’ll continue following my Teacher and Friend down the back roads (and sometimes along narrow trails). There’s a lot to see along the way and many interesting people to meet. And at the end, I look forward to the Father saying, “Welcome home”.