Category: relationships

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Thoughts on Easter 2020

The Easter season was a bit different this year. Instead of gathering in person with our brothers and sisters to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus, we gathered around our computer for a livestream service via Zoom. In stead of greeting dear friends with a hug, we waved to the images on the screen. Instead of getting together with friends or family for a feast, we had an Easter dinner for two in our dining room. It was a very good day, and I am grateful for what we were able to do, but it was different, in a strange way.

The coronavirus pandemic, which has devastated much of the world, has changed the way we do just about everything. Many people have been at home for a number of weeks, as “shelter in place” becomes the norm. The great majority of churches have closed their doors, either meeting on line, watching services on television, or not meeting at all. Businesses have been forced to close, and social distancing has forced upon us a new way of relating with each other.

Jan and I found some positive things coming out of an Easter weekend during time of quarantine. We gathered on line with friends Thursday for an altered Seder, followed by an online Maundy Thursday service. Friday evening we watched a Tenebrae service online, and Saturday found us experiencing an Anglican Easter vigil on line. Even though we didn’t do the things we normally do this time of year, we were able to experience a little of the breadth of the the Christian tradition’s celebration of the resurrection.

As the pandemic continues, many of the things we have taken for granted will have to be abandoned or revamped. The ways we work, shop, relate to others, and do church may look totally different in the days ahead. I think that will turn out to be a good thing. There are things that we need to change as individuals, families, churches, nations. As we come to grips with what is really important in our lives, we can become more understanding people, who treat each other as persons made in the image of God. As we learn to work together, we can become more unified. Maybe we can conduct our public lives with an eye toward what is best for all, rather than for our side of the aisle. As churches are forced out of the routine, maybe we can rediscover that the church is not the four walls, but is the family of God who are called to love and serve our neighbors.

Easter is all about hope. The hope that all will be made right, and we will be resurrected. In the midst of tragedy and hopelessness, we can know that Jesus defeated death. Because he walked out of that tomb, nothing will stand in the way of our Father’s plans to restore his creation. Nothing can change that. As the apostle Paul wrote, “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

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Musings From the Past Few Days

Last Wednesday, my life changed. That afternoon I experienced what someone my age hopes will never happen. My heart decided I needed to take a little trip to the emergency room. After arriving by ambulance and having a couple of EKGs done, the cardiologist on duty decided that it was time for me to go to the emergency heart cath room. While there, the doctor found that the artery in back of my heart was 95% blocked and a stent needed to be inserted. While this was happening, my heart tried to make things even more difficult. Fortunately it calmed down and the procedure was completed. After resting in the hospital for a couple days, I was able to go home on Saturday. I am feeling much better and getting anxious to start rehab and get back to some semblance of normal, although I know that the definition of normal will be different.

Between my adventure and all that is going on around the world with the COVID19 virus, I have had some time to think. One thing that something like a heart attack or pandemic will do is cause us to come to grips with what really is important.We chase around trying to find significance in so many different things and we many times forget what really counts. The current virus has pretty much brought the world to a standstill. Almost all sporting events have been cancelled, and the Olympics are in danger of not happening this summer. Restaurants, theaters, even churches are shuttered in an attempt to flatten out the curve and get ahead of this. It is likely that folks will begin to lose jobs, and there is the very real threat of a global recession. There is a great deal of fear as the unknown looms.

All of the dislocation and hardship that folks have gone through or will go through is hard and I don’t want to downplay or minimize their suffering. I grieve with those who are grieving the loss of opportunities, jobs, or especially the loss of loved ones. I am not suggesting that my thoughts are the answer for anyone else. The recent events in my own life and the “new normal” Jan and I are already dealing with, have led me to do a lot of taking stock, trying to determine what is really vital.

First, my relationship with God is the most important thing. Without that, there is nothing else. Loving God with every fiber of my being is the one thing. Next after that comes loving Jan as Jesus loved the church, giving myself for her. Then comes loving my children and their families and being a good grandad. Beyond that comes loving my brothers and sisters in Christ, especially those I am in community with, as Jesus loved me. Then there is loving my neighbor as myself. Regardless of what else may happen in the days and years ahead, if I can do those things I will consider myself to have done well.

Have you thought about these things? What do you consider to be most important?

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February

This is the month we hear a lot about love. Most of what we hear is not an accurate picture of what love really is. Especially for those who follow Jesus, love has more to do with action than with feeling, although feeling can sometimes be involved. Jesus tells us that the greatest commandment is to love God with every fiber of our being, and that along with that we are to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. Those two commandments cover it all. Jesus then says that we are to love our brothers and sisters in Christ as Jesus loved us. So, how do we love others, particularly fellow believers? The Apostle Paul, in 1 Corinthians 13 tells us what that kind of self sacrificing love looks like.

Love is patient. It doesn’t give up. It keeps on seeking the flourishing of the other. Love is kind. It is compassionate and gentle. Love is not envious, does not boast, and is not proud. Love doesn’t try to build itself up at the expense of others, but puts them first. It rejoices with those who rejoice and weeps with those who weep. Love does not dishonor others, but instead, builds them up.  Love isn’t self-seeking, but rather has the mind of Christ in Philippians 2.

Love is not easily angered and doesn’t keep a record of wrongs. It doesn’t blow up at the slightest provocation. It doesn’t keep track of how many times it has been hurt or how many times it has done good to the other. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It doesn’t rejoice when bad things happen to others, but it takes pleasure in the flowering of truth in others. 

Love always protects, hopes, trusts, and perseveres. Love is strong. It surrounds the other and shields them. It never loses hope in the other, because it trusts in the grace of the Father. Love doesn’t look for hidden agendas or motives, but trusts the other. It also trusts the Father to do his work in them. Love always stays strong. No matter how tough it gets, or how long it takes, love sticks around.

Love never fails. When prophecies cease, tongues are stilled. and knowledge passes away, there will still be love. Love is the greatest thing, ahead of even faith and hope. When it all boils down to the basics of living as a follower of Jesus, what is left is love.

Sounds impossible doesn’t it? It is impossible, if we try to do it in our own power. I mean, how do we love our enemies when we have a hard enough time loving those who are our friends? We do it because the Father has first loved us and put his Spirit in us to empower us to love as we are loved. Will we love perfectly? You know as well as I that the answer is no. That is one reason why love has to be patient, kind, trusting, and so on. It has to be that way to be able to continue to love those who imperfectly try to love us, even as they try to love us who imperfectly try to love them.

Let us seek to love others as Jesus has loved us, and trust the Father to shine his love through us onto others.

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Lonely or Broken?

Back in the 80s, the group Yes put out a single titled “Owner of a Lonely Heart.” One line in the song reads, “Owner of a lonely heart, much better than the owner of a broken heart.” There are a lot of people who would agree with that sentiment, along with that expressed in Simon and Garfunkel’s song, “I Am a Rock.” I can understand the feeling. Many have had their hearts broken by friends, family, lovers. Abuse, violence, and death is a common part of the human experience.

While I can understand wanting to withdraw from intimate contact with other people, thinking that hiding the heart will make life better, I would disagree with the sentiment that being lonely is better than being broken hearted. I agree with C.S. Lewis, who wrote: There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one , not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully around with hobbies, and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers of perturbations of love is hell.

I believe a large part of the problem is our culture’s definition of love as something that will make the one loved happy and make the lover happy. It is a very self-centered thing. Because we can never make another person completely happy, and no one can ever make us completely happy, going into any kind of relationship with another person will be no safe investment. If you try to love others, whether as a spouse or friend, they may hurt you and you may hurt them.

As a follower of Jesus, I am commanded to love others. Not necessarily to seek to make them happy, and certainly not to make myself happy, although both of those things can and will happen at times. I am called to love others in a sacrificial way that seeks their good, even if that good may make them unhappy for a time. I am also called to love everyone, those who are like me and those who are different. This is where the rubber meets the road. Can I love my brothers and sisters in my local fellowship when we don’t see eye to eye? Can I love those who follow Jesus differently? If those whom I fellowship with aren’t “as far along in their walk with God as I am” can I love them?

In A Fellowship of Differents, Scot McKnight writes that to love others we must be committed. We must commit to be with those we seek to love. We must spend time with them, being a faithful presence. We must commit to be for them, to be on their side and let them know that we are for them. We must also commit to love them unto the person God has created them to be. As God’s faithful presence in us and his commitment for us transforms us unto the likeness of Jesus, so our loving relationships can transform those we love. It is in that loving unto that we run into difficulties. We don’t always take well to correction or teaching. We must be careful that we don’t hurry the unto before we have loved with and for. By our presence and support, our unconditional love, the Spirit can work in the hearts of those we love.

As someone who likes to be the one who fixes things, often with not so good results, I can tell you that what we need to do in our relationships is be faithful in our presence and support, and then trust the Spirit to do the work of changing hearts the way God wants, not the way we want. This is not easy because our love for others leads us to want them to be Christlike, and it can be heart breaking when it doesn’t happen. But, the results are not up to us. We are simply called to love as Jesus loves us. Period.

Let us show the world around us that we belong to Jesus by our love for others, especially our brothers and sisters.

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Cracks

In “Anthem”, Leonard Cohen sings,

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything (there is a crack in everything)
That’s how the light gets in .

There is a good bit of truth in what Mr. Cohen sings. In the song, he speaks of wars that will continue to be fought, of a holy dove that will be caught, bought, and sold again. There are marriages that are spent, births that are betrayed. Parts that don’t add up, and marches without a drum.

In the midst of situations that seem to be futile, the song tells us to find those bells that still will ring and ring them. It tells us to forget about trying to bring a perfect offering because there is a crack in everything. But that crack is how the light gets in.

Anyone that knows anything about the human condition knows that we are all cracked. No one is perfect. Those of us who follow Jesus should know better than anyone how imperfect and cracked we are.

The truth I see in “Anthem” is this: We are all cracked and can not bring a perfect offering to our Father. Fortunately, we have a perfect offering made for us; Jesus the Messiah. His sacrifice takes away the guilt of all our mistakes and sins. Because our Father has provided a perfect offering, we can continue to ring our bells and proclaim God’s perfect love and grace, and the sacrifice he has provided.

Our cracks are not something to be covered up. We need to remember that even the best among us has cracks. None of us is perfect and it doesn’t do any good to pretend that we are. We see the cracks in another. What makes us think that others cannot see our own cracks?

As it turns out, the cracks are actually good things, when we admit that we have them. Admitting our cracks makes us vulnerable. It makes us willing to be who we are before God, who knows us inside and out anyway, and before others. It allows us to know and be known. It lets us understand and empathize with others who are cracked in some way. All of these things can allow the light of the gospel to shine into our hearts, and into the hearts of those we love.

Do you have any bells that can still ring? Ring them. Don’t try to be perfect, but rest in the perfect offering made by Jesus. Be open and don’t try to hide your cracks. Let the light of the Father’s love shine into you and then out of you onto others.

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Anger

A while back, I wrote a post about the number of folks that were letting their lives be ruled by fear. It seems to me that a growing number of people are also angry. This anger may be driven by their fear. We do have more of a tendency to get angry when we’re fearful or when we don’t understand something or someone.

Some of the prevalent images in the news or social media lately have been images of anger, from the white supremacists with their garden party torches, to the folks on the other side who just want to tear things down. They are angry. Angry because this group of people are getting what seem like advantages that they don’t have, or angry because that group is trying to assert their rights. Neither side is interested in sitting down and trying to have a conversation because they are too busy being angry. Road rage is becoming a bigger problem. Some folks will shoot you if you don’t go fast enough and they have to slow down.

There are things to be angry about. Some of the folks who are expressing their anger have a legitimate gripe.  I see situations almost every day that make me angry. The problem is not anger as such. The problem is letting that anger become so big that it takes over and drives everything we do. We focus on being angry and don’t take that anger and let it be the fuel for positive work.

In his letter to the Ephesian church, Paul writes that we should “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.” Things are going to happen that make us angry. That anger may spring from selfishness or it may be justified. It may even be “righteous anger.” In that anger, we are not to sin. We are not to let that anger cause us to harm or even denigrate another person. We are to deal with that anger and whatever is causing it. If I am angry at someone because they have done something I don’t like, the first thing I need to do is ask my self if the anger is justified. As I have grown older, I’ve become more convinced that most things are just not worth getting angry about.

The second thing that I need to do is ask if there is anything I have done against the other person. Maybe their action was a reaction to something I had done. If so, I need to try to make it right. The third thing I need to do is ask if there is anything I can do in a positive way to help the situation that I am angry about. I can be angry about injustice, but I must realize that there is only so much I can do. A hard lesson for me to learn was the fact that I can’t save everybody. I can only do what God gives me to do and trust him for the outcome.

Those of us who call ourselves followers of Jesus should be the least angry people. We are to be gentle, compassionate people. Others should see the hope that is in us and want to ask aboutit. We should live lives that make people thirsty for the truth, goodness, and beauty of Jesus. May it be so.   

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Fear

Franklin Roosevelt famously said, “…the only thing we have to fear is fear itself,” as he tried to encourage the American people to see the future as full of possibilities rather than full of terrible, fearful things. Not as famously, he also stated that the “common difficulties” concerned “only material things.” I think what Roosevelt was saying that the economic problems in the country at the time were not the most important thing, that there was something greater. That something was the spirit of the American people to pull together to do what needed to be done, including defeating the greatest worldwide threat the world had seen.

Centuries before, Jesus said to his followers, “Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.” He could easily have also said that difficulties they would face are not the important thing, that they paled in comparison to the kingdom. For at least a few hundred years, Jesus’ followers went about their day-to-day fearlessly; facing rejection, misunderstanding, persecution, torture, and death. They were able to do so because they had confidence that the kingdom had been give to them, that they were subjects of the King of Kings, and that everything he had was theirs. They knew that absolutely nothing could separate them from their Father’s love. These early Christians also could live fearlessly because they knew that the sufferings they did endure somehow were what the King used to bring kingdom on earth as in heaven. As Tertullian said, “The blood of the martyrs is the seed of the Church.”

Today, I look around and see a group that is fearful. All it takes is some time spent on social media to see the fear that controls a great deal of what people say and do. Whether it’s fear of a certain political party taking away freedoms, fear of the other side waging a war on Christians, or fear of a certain group coming and taking away jobs or our lives. This fear can lead to saying and doing things that hurt others, ruin relationships, and cause the name of Christ to be slandered. We can easily tend toward fear in our day-to-day as well. We fear that disease will strike us or those we love. We fear that we may lose friends. We fear that we can’t do our jobs well. We fear that we simply aren’t good enough, that eventually people will see through our charade and reject us.  This fear drives us to perfectionism, to overwork, to self medication. We hide behind masks because we fear that others will reject us if they learn the real us. Sometimes we fear facing ourselves.

There is much that can make us fearful. But, as FDR said, those are only material things. Those are things that are inconsequential compared to the kingdom. Compared to the great inheritance that is ours, all of the things of this earth are nothing. Compared to the life that we have been given, the life we fear losing is nothing. Because Jesus died and was raised, the new creation has begun. We are citizens of a kingdom that will never be defeated, that will never pass away. The King has come! We don’t always see his reign in this life, although we do catch glimpses now and then, but he is in control. All the stuff of life that hits us, all the things that our enemy throws at us has already been overcome. We need to live from that reality. Will we still experience bad, even terrible things? Yes we will. But, those things can not wrench us out of our Father’s hands. They can not ultimately harm us because our destiny is settled. It’s hard, I know. I have to remind myself constantly that the things of this world are not the kingdom. Let us all continually remind each other of who we are and whose we are, and of the glory that will be revealed in us when the King finally comes to sett all things right.

Fear not, because your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.