Category: relationships

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Lessons From Bus School

No, I didn’t mean to say school bus. It seems that God puts me on a bus for a while whenever I need to learn new lessons, hence “bus school.”

There are a number of things the Father knew I still had to learn. One is patience (Dang! I thought I had that down!). I am getting extensive experience with older folks who don’t move very quickly and who can be somewhat cranky from time to time. Because there are senior citizens on the bus, as well as folks in wheelchairs, I can not travel at normal speeds around corners or on some of the bumpy roads around here. I am learning that it does no good to be in a hurry. I am also learning to be patient with my self. Believe it or not, I don’t do everything, even driving, perfectly. I’ve made mistakes, and lo and behold the world didn’t end, the sun still came up the next day, and I didn’t get fired.

One lesson that was reinforced the other day is the importance of relationships over and above just about anything else. I pulled up to a house to let one of the seniors off and there was a man in the driveway who knew another one of the passengers. She hasn’t seen him in a while, so he came to the door and began to talk to her. I was supposed to be pulling out and moving on to another drop-off. After all, I had a schedule to keep. The Spirit spoke to my heart and told me to just let them talk, that their relationship was far more important than keeping to a schedule. Don’t be mistaken. I am as concerned with doing things efficiently as anyone. Maybe more, considering my struggles with perfectionism. But, there are times when being a friend is more vital than any task, probably more than some of us realize. When it’s all said and done, what will matter is not how perfectly we did things, but how we treated others, what kind of friend we were. As Jesus said, the greatest commandments are to love God and love others.

The wheels on the bus continue to go round and round. It remains to be seen how much I still have to learn.

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Another Year? Already?

Every year about this time, we do the same thing. We say goodbye to one year and hello to another. It seems like 2015 just zipped right on by. As I get older, the days seem to pass much more quickly. I have read that it has something to do with the fact that a particular period of time is a smaller percentage of the whole life span of an older person. Makes sense to me.

I’ve never been one to make a resolutions at the beginning of a year. I don’t seem to be able to keep them, so I just don’t make them. That way, I’m not disappointed. I’m beginning to realize that there are fewer years left in my life than there used to be. Unless medical science comes up with some miracles, I’m more than halfway through. So, at the beginning of a new year I look back at the past year and look ahead to the one ahead.

My focus has changed from career and financial goals. There is only so much you can do when you’re semi-retired and not earning a boatload of money. Those things are not all that important in the long run anyway. The things that are becoming more and more important are my walk with Jesus, my wife and family, and my friends.

Have I become a little more like Jesus in the past year? Have I loved Jan as Christ loved his church? Have I made her feel treasured? Have I been a good father and friend to my adult children and their spouses? Have I loved my friends and been willing to lay down my life for them? Have they been helped in their spiritual journey by what they have seen in me?

These are the things I think about. This is how I want to be in the year ahead. I know that, as with resolutions, there will be successes and miserable failures. I hope the important people in my life will be patient and forgiving.

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The Pilgrims and Community

The other night, we watched an episode of The American Experience that dealt with the Pilgrims and their settlement at Plymouth. It was interesting and brought out historical facts that will cause one to look at the whole story a bit differently.

According to the program, many of the things we have been taught about the Pilgrims, including some of their writings, are not totally accurate. It is true that we have tended to romanticize them and turn the settlement of New England into legend. It is also true that these settlers, whom we have made almost mythical characters, were actually frail humans with the same foibles and failings as the rest of us. Knowing that makes their story all the more interesting and inspiring.

One of the striking characteristics of the Pilgrims was their desire to live life together in community. They attempted to follow Jesus as the early church did and developed a love for and commitment to one another. The Pilgrims were not perfect in their attempt to be the church. They were suspicious of outsiders who did not see things the same. They were forced to accept non-Separatists as part of their settlement. Like most people of the time, they saw the Native Americans as savages. They succumbed to the temptation to close ranks and focus on themselves, rather than reach out to those around them and be a blessing to them.

Jan and I are part of a faith community that attempts to live our lives together and disciple one another. We too are not perfect and sometimes our attempts at being the church falter. Other times they move forward in fits and starts. It is a messy business and sometimes we hurt and are hurt. Most of us seem determined to stick with it because we believe it is the best way to live this life as followers of Jesus. Learning more about the Pilgrims’ community helps me have hope.

In spite of the frailty and failings of the Plymouth settlers, some great things came from them. The Mayflower Compact was an example of people who thought differently coming together to form a community. The persistence of the Pilgrims made the later settling of New England possible. While they may have been fallible humans, their strong faith is inspiring. In spite of the messiness of their community, the Pilgrims were greatly used by God.

I need to remember that God can do great things in and through our community, as well as other communities, in spite of the times we fail and fall on our faces. Don’t give up. You never know how God is going to us you.

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Church Signs: Don’t Look Back…

A church near us has a sign up that reads, “Don’t look back. You’re not going that way.”

In one sense, I agree with the message. We shouldn’t live in the past and should focus on what is ahead of us each day. The Apostle Paul said that he was forgetting what was in his past and looking forward to what God had ahead of him. It is true that many times we long for the “good old days,” tending to romanticize the past. We also tend to use our past as an excuse for our actions in the present. Looking back can be detrimental to living in the present.

On the other hand, I believe there are times when looking back can be beneficial, even necessary. It’s been said that those who don’t know history are doomed to repeat it. We can learn much from the experience of others. We can also learn much from our own experiences. Much of what we call wisdom is simply learning from what has happened in our past.

Sometimes our problems in the present are caused by our refusal to look at our past. Rather than confronting things which we have done or which others have done to us, we bury them and move on. Except we never really move on. Like a bad horror movie, those things which we think we have buried come back to haunt us. Not forgiving someone who has sinned against us can cause problems with present day relationships. Not dealing with past abuse and putting it behind a wall can cause any number of problems. Sometimes our own past actions can affect our lives if they are not dealt with.

Like Paul, we do need to look ahead to what God has for us. Sometimes we need that to make it through our day-to-day. But there are times when we need to look back. When driving a vehicle, it is necessary to occasionally check the rear view mirror to see if we can safely change lanes or to see if any danger is coming up behind us. Sometimes we need to check the rear view mirror of our life.

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The Problem With Community

Community is a wonderful thing. It is how we make disciples and how we grow in the Christian life. But, there is a problem that happens when followers of Jesus come together to live in community. The problem is that there are not that many people who really want to be in community as Scripture presents it.

Most of us have an idealized picture of what Christian community is. We see it as an idyllic place where we are loved and accepted completely and there are never any disagreements, at least any that may lead to someone being hurt. We may see community as simply a group of friends, while the real work of the church gets done on Sunday. We have what Bonhoeffer called “wish dreams,” utopian visions of community. These wish dreams are extremely dangerous, and can eventually kill the community. These idealized pictures cause us to try to center community around something other than Christ and to attempt to keep it going by the sheer force of our wills. I can attest, from personal experience that centering community around anything other than Jesus and what he has done for us will cause the community to crash and burn, with the resultant “loss of life.”

Community is messy. I may misunderstand you or disappoint you. I may offend you or hurt you deeply. You may do the same to me. We will disagree on things. Sometimes those disagreements may be heated. None of us are perfect. Anyone who knows me knows how true that is. Sometimes though, we forget that and are ready to run at the first sign of conflict or the first hurt feeling. Some will say, “That person yelled at me and totally misunderstood me. I’m leaving.” Or, ” He wounded me deeply. I can’t be a part of this anymore.” While there may be times to leave a group if things are bad, many times the leavers have had their picture of community shattered and don’t want to deal with the messiness of trying to work things out. Maybe hard things need to be said or heard. That is part of living as the family of God.

Others will say, “I’m just not being fed. I need a good preacher to feed me.” Good preaching is a part of our growth in Christ, but it is only a part. I would argue, and I think Scripture would bear this out, that the intimate gatherings of God’s children, whether in Missional communities, small groups, or one to one, do more to facilitate spiritual formation than even the best preaching or teaching. It is in the interaction we have with our brothers and sisters on a daily or at least regular basis that shape us. It is in those times that we learn how to follow Jesus in our day-to-day. As we spend time together, we see how others respond in certain situations. The times of disagreement and the times we mess up should be the best times to learn how to love as Jesus loved us and how to extend the same grace we have been given. The troubling times should be the times that actually form us more into Christ’s image and draw us closer to one another.

To do that though, requires us to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. We don’t like to do that because we may have tried and been ground under the heel of someone we trusted. It’s hard. I’ve felt like I had my heart torn out and stomped on. Add that to the fact that we are basically selfish and living in community looks pretty hard, even impossible. That’s why it has to be centered in the gospel. We are called to be people who repent, who forgive, who seek reconciliation, and who willingly lay down our lives for others. We can only do that if the Spirit has formed our community and gives us the power to live as a spiritual family.

It hurts when people leave. May our communities truly be places where the gospel is lived out and where God’s kingdom comes.

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Love Revival

I know. It sounds like the title of a Motown song. It’s the best I could come up with.

A number of Christian groups are seeking revival. Of course, revival means different things to different people. To some, a revival would mean a return to the morals of the past. To others, it means an increase in charismatic activities. Still others are looking for a revival of adherence to doctrine.

While a revival of some of those things may be a good thing, I believe what is needed is a revival of love. The vital importance of love is a theme that runs all through the New Testament. In the gospels, Jesus tell is that the two greatest commandments are, love God with all our being and love others as we love ourselves. He later upped the ante when he said to his followers that we are to love our brothers and sisters as he loved us.

The Apostle Paul said that we can perform all sorts of good and even spiritual acts, but if we don’t have love we are wasting our time. He also said that what counts is faith working through love. Peter tells us to love one another deeply. It is hard to read through any of the apostles’ letters and not find commands and encouragements to love one another. We are commanded to love more often than anything else we are told to do. It seems that love is something that God thinks is pretty important.

I believe the Church needs a revival of love for God that is shown by following Jesus and doing what he commands, and a revival of a love for others that is self-sacrificing and lays down our lives for others. It was said of the first Christians, “Behold how these Christians love one another.” Stop and imagine with me. What would the Church be like if those of us who claim to follow the one who laid down his life for us really loved God and didn’t just talk about it? What would it look like if we laid down our lives for others and were known for our love rather than what we were against.

I for one, would love to find out.

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Wisdom From Don Henley

As you may know, I believe that all truth is God’s truth and that truth can come from many different places. In Don Henley’s song, “The Heart of the Matter,” there is a bit of truth about forgiveness. The song is about a lost love, but there is something there for all of us who have been hurt by other people.

Henley sings, “The more I know, the less I understand / All the things I thought I knew, I’m learning again.” Those words speak volumes to me. It seems that the older I get the less I understand about some things, especially when it comes to people. Sometimes the more we know about someone, the less we understand what they do. That is one reason we need forgiveness, whether given or received.

 The song goes on:

These times are so uncertain/ There’s a yearning undefined/
…People filled with rage/ We all need a little tenderness/
How can love survive in such a graceless age/
The trust and self-assurance that can lead to happiness/
They’re the very things we kill, I guess
We live in uncertain times. Those of us who follow Jesus face an uncertain future that may include persecution and definitely will include a loss of the influence the church has enjoyed. Because we are family, we must be a family that forgives. The age is quickly becoming more and more graceless, and forgiveness is necessary for love to survive.
In some way, Henley gets it: 
“I’ve been trying to get down to the heart  of the matter
But my will gets weak/ And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it’s about forgiveness
Even if you don’t love me anymore
He recognizes the vital importance of forgiveness:
There are people in your life who’ve come and gone
They let you down and hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; life goes on
You keep carryin’ that anger, it’ll eat you inside
We have all been hurt by people, whether it’s an abusive parent or spouse, a tyrannical boss, or a friend who has betrayed us. Some of those hurts heal relatively quickly while some will never be totally healed until God wipes all tears from our eyes. Some folks we can reconcile with, while with others reconciliation is impossible. The one thing we can do is forgive. Like the Amish in Pennsylvania, the people in Rwanda, or the formerly oppressed majority in South Africa, we can forgive. We must forgive. If we don’t, it will eat away at us and cause issues for the rest of our life.
Forgiveness is more about us than the person we are forgiving. By forgiving, we release the other from any hold their act still has on us. We also release ourselves. We do incur a cost by giving up our “right” to extract a pound of flesh, but that pound of flesh can never pay for their act and forgiving frees us and enables us to move on with our lives. We are no longer bound to that act or that person. We also must forgive because our Father has forgiven us far worse trespasses than any of us have ever felt. Jesus command us to forgive and reminds us that forgiving is an indication of our own forgiveness. We must forgive. For the glory of God and the advance of his kingdom, for the good of others, and for our own wholeness. It’s not easy, but it must be a part of our lives.
There is another side to this coin. That is repentance. That’s a subject for another post.
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My Prayer

Abba Father, let your name be glorified in us, in our work and play, in what we say and do, in our relationships with our brothers and sisters.

Your kingdom is a kingdom of love, forgiveness, and reconciliation, a kingdom of healing and wholeness. Let that kingdom come to our relationships as it is in heaven. Your will is that your children be one. Let that will be done in us as in heaven.

Give us each day what we need. Give us sustenance, grace, and faith.

Forgive us our sins, against you and against others. Help us to forgive those who sin against us, as many times as is necessary.

Don’t let us give in to the temptation to build ourselves up at the expense of others, to prove that we are right and others are wrong, to hold grudges. Deliver us from evil.

Help us to remember that it is your kingdom, your power, and your glory forever and ever.

Amen.