Category: St. Thomas

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Blast From the Past: Out of the Cave, Into…

This too was written eight years ago. Shortly afterward, God led us to a community of faith where we have been ever since.

Some of you have read my recent post about finding myself in a cave. I’m now out of the cave, although still not far from the entrance. I now find myself in the middle of a thicket, sort of like a stand of rhododendron or mountain laurel, so thick that you cannot see out of it. It is still somewhat dark, and the direction I should take is unclear. I see many paths out, but don’t know yet which one to take.

There is the path that would take me back into the church world I left a few years ago. Next to it is the path that would take me to the land of the mega-church. Here I could find a place to hide and lick my wounds. One path seems to go in circles, and looks as if it would leave me no better off. Yet another way out continues in the search for community. That is the path that interests me the most, and the way that I have learned most about in the last couple of days.

You see, I have learned something about community, and about myself. I think I’m beginning to learn why I spent time in the dark cave. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am a pretty laid back individual, but that when I am passionate about something, I tend to go all out. As I learned more and more about the God’s desire for his children to live as brothers and sisters because of Christ, I became more and more passionate with living in community. Dietrich Bonhoeffer said, “The person who loves their dream of community will destroy community, but the person who loves those around them will create community.” As I look back on the past year, and my desire to have and fight for community, I realize I inadvertently pushed it too hard and may have been part of the cause of its destruction. I know that my heart was good, but I think I may have wanted community so badly that I didn’t see the problems that it was causing. Even though I tried to sacrificially love those around me, I think that I didn’t leave room for God to work, thinking that as long as we spent enough time together, growth and maturity would automatically happen.

I now realize that community is something that has to happen naturally, as God’s people learn to love one another. It is something that cannot be forced, and the Holy Spirit must be the one to form it rather than humans whose motives can be tainted by our own needs. I also realize that a particular form of community may not last as long as I think, and that I need to be willing to let it go when it is time. For those of you reading this who have been on the receiving end of my misguided efforts, I am sorry. I put the ideal of community ahead of my brothers and sisters. I was wrong.

As to what is next in this journey along the back roads, only God knows. I know that Jan and I still desire to share our lives with some fellow Christ-followers. I also know that it may not take any form that we expect. It may be in a regular gathering. It may take place in just getting together with one or two who share our desire. What I also know is that I want it to be something that happens as Christ’s Spirit moves, not when I think it should happen.

I’m learning to trust my Father. As I leave the thicket, I want to be hear my Shepherd’s voice and follow him wherever he leads, whenever he leads, and to whatever he leads. I would appreciate your prayers.

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A New Year

Today we enter into a new year. Not only a new year, but also a new decade. Yes, I know that technically the new decade begins next January. But it is the 20s now, so I’m going with calling this a new decade.

I’ve seen a lot of talk about reviewing the past decade, ten year plans, etc. I think it’s a good idea to look back over the last few years and see the changes that have occurred in our individual lives, in our families, and in our world. As I look back over the time since 2010, I can think of a number of things that are different as I enter 2020.

Ten years ago, Jan and I were parents of two unmarried young adults. Now we have added a daughter-in-law, a son-in-law, and three grandchildren. In 2010 I was working as a teacher’s assistant and Jan was working at an assistant living facility. As this decade begins, I am a driver at a retirement community and Jan is semi-retired and tutoring. During this time we have lost Jan’s father and oldest sister.

Ten years ago, we were helping plant a church that met in a bagel shop. In the past ten years the church plant ceased to be and we are now part of a small Presbyterian church that seeks to serve our city. Since 2010, I have lost about 25 pounds and been able to keep it off. My hair has become grayer, and my joints creakier. When the last decade began, we had never heard of Huntington’s Disease. As the new decade begins, we are dealing with the reality of Jan having HD, and all of what that means.

As I look back on the last ten years, I see some happy times and some sad times. I see times of accomplishment and times where I wonder what in the world I was thinking. Sometimes life seemed relatively normal and sometimes it seemed like a long, strange trip. There were times when my faith was strong and there were times when my usual prayer was, “Lord I believe, help my unbelief.”

As I look ahead to the 20s, I don’t know if they will be roaring or calm. I am not even going to attempt a ten year plan and my crystal ball shattered long, long ago. The only thing I do know (and have to constantly remind myself of) is that my Father in heaven loves me and my family with a furious, inexhaustible love and will bring everything about for my good and his glory.

Check back in another ten years. Maybe.

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Blast From the Past: The Story Continues

This was originally published in January, 2008. In the fall of 2006, my mom and dad had both passed away within a month.

I had lost my hero, my adviser, my example. That next Christmas was hard. The biggest thing about the celebration of Christmas for me had always been family, and now I was an orphan.

At the same time a group of us in our church had decided that things needed to change or we could no longer continue there. A few months before this, we had gone to two Sunday morning worship services. One was a traditional service and the other was a more contemporary service. The church was losing people and it was thought that if we provided opportunity for people to worship as they preferred, it would strengthen and grow the church. The contemporary service quickly became just like the traditional service, only with cooler music.

Our group of “revolutionaries” believed that we needed to approach “church” from a fresh angle. We agreed that the church needed to reach into the community around us. We began to meet weekly to set out a course of action and to plan the weekly gatherings. At first, things were moving in a direction that really encouraged me. I was an elder, and had agreed to become an elder in order to try and influence the church in a direction that was more “emerging”. Someone accused us trying to break away and start a new church. I said that I had no interest in planting a new church. (Famous last words)

As time went on I realized that the only way we were going to do what we believed God wanted us to do was to actually begin a new church under the auspices of the original church, with our own leadership. Unfortunately, there were a number of people in leadership, as well as other influential members, who wanted to have a say in what we were doing. We were accused of dividing the church and conditions were put on what we were doing. The conditions were probably good but they essentially put brakes on our efforts. As time went on, the enthusiasm for “doing church” differently waned and the worship service reverted to same old same old with cooler music. At the same time, there were positive signs, so I still planned to stay around and minister where I could.

Toward the end of the summer, I heard about a possible church plant here in Rock Hill. I was immediately intrigued. Some of you know Frank Hamrick. I contacted him and as we talked and got to know each other a little bit, God began to nudge me in the direction of helping in the plant. As time went on and I began to read and study, I became increasingly convinced of the need for a new church in Rock Hill. God continued to work on me, and by the end of December I decided to leave the current church and help Frank.

So now, I’m about to set off on another leg of my journey. Where this one will lead only God knows. If there’s on thing I’ve learned through the years it’s that no matter how much the road twists and turns, and no matter how dark things get, my Father is with me and is leading me exactly where he wants me to go. That makes the trip an adventure rather than a chore.

Should be fun.

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Bend in the Road

I’m sorry there was no Weekend Wanderings post this weekend. Jan and I were volunteering at a music festival put on by a local camp and were very busy Friday night and all day Saturday. Sunday was a full day as well, so I ran out of time. Next time.

From time to time, I like to let all my loyal readers (or maybe that’s reader) know what’s going on in my journey. Some of you know that I have had issues with the institutional church. I grew up in fundamentalism, earned a Bible college degree, and taught for years in Christian schools. I have seen the operation of churches as a member of the congregation, a very part time youth director, a worship leader, a deacon, and an elder. I have taught Sunday School, preached in the pulpit, and performed special music.

About two and a half years ago, we walked away from the institution. I helped a friend begin a “simple” church that met in a bagel shop. At first, things were great. We were building community and beginning to learn how  to disciple and love one another. By the end of the second year, that community had ceased to exist. Some of the folks went back to church, some left completely, and some of us began to meet in another bagel shop. Again, things seemed to be going well. After about four months, without warning, things fell apart. Again, some went back to church, and some just walked away.

Due to the circumstances surrounding the end of this second community, I was devastated. Jan was also hurt, and we both had a hard time for a while. We couldn’t figure out what had happened, and had no clue what God wanted us to do. After a lot of prayer, we felt the Father was telling us to rest, not to do anything but rest. There was still one individual who wanted to continue meeting with us, so we have been meeting in our dining room on Sunday mornings for the last four months. It has been good to meet with this person and do a chronological study of the life and teachings of Jesus, with the goal of being transformed by what we learn.

Four weeks ago, I felt the Father was telling us that it was time to be going. We had learned about a new church from our son, Josh and his fiancee, Alicia. The church meets on Sunday evening, so we were able to continue what we were doing in the morning. We checked it out, and decide we liked it. The group meets for a meal before the service, and celebrates Communion every Sunday. Those are two things that I have come to believe are essential in the life of a church. The music is good, and it’s not a show where the congregation does more watching than anything else. The mission of the church is to be a community that helps each other follow Jesus, and to reach out for the betterment of our city. Two more things I see as essential.

There are a couple of things that are not quite what I believe a local assembly of the church should be. Each Sunday there is a sermon, and the church is part of a denomination. I believe a participatory meeting is better for making disciples, and I also believe that a lot of denominational policies are extra-Biblical and can distract a church from its mission. I also have come to believe, however, that although I am not a fan of institutional church, the Church can be found anywhere God’s people gather, even in church.

So, we have taken a step toward what we think may be where God wants us to be. If we have found a community that is focused on Jesus, on helping each other to follow him, and on being a blessing to our city; if we have found Church within a church, then we will probably stay awhile.

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Come and Die

One the things that has become a tradition for us is the annual Good Friday Stations of the Cross here in Rock Hill. This year the event was held on the campus of the university in town. It is always a meaningful time. This year was more special than others.

This past year has not been the best for Jan and me. There have been some very good things happen, but also some things that are not good at all. This year has seen us experience the death of two communities of faith we were involved in, the second after only a few months. In the last three months we have also gone through the very messy death of what we thought was a close friendship. All of these things added to the usual stresses of life have been hard for both of us, but especially hard on me.

Today, I had the opportunity to help carry the cross from the first station to the second. As I was walking along, I could sense Jesus saying to me, “This is what I want you to do.” I have read the verse where Jesus says that anyone who follows him must take up their cross, but this was the first time it had hit home that Jesus meant me. I am the one who is to take up my cross and die. It’s a fine concept to think about, to debate, and to teach, but I’m finding that actually taking the idea and living it is not easy at all. In a sense, I have died a little bit this year. To be honest, it hurts. It is one of the hardest things one could go through.

As I continued on the walk this afternoon through the different stations, I was again struck by the realization that Jesus knows exactly what I have gone through, because he has experienced the same thing to a much greater extent. In Gethsemane, he agonized over the death he was facing, asking the Father if there was any other way. Recognizing that the cross was the only way, he faced it. Fortunately, that was not the end. After death came resurrection. Jesus conquered death and brought life. As he said, a seed must go into the ground and die before it can yield a harvest.

After the walk, as I sat at the foot of the cross and reflected on what Jesus had said to me, I knew that he has called me to come and die. But as the song below states, he “bids me come and die and find that I may truly live.” There can be no joy on Sunday morning without the pain and death of Friday. There is no resurrection without death. There is no salvation without the cross.

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As It Turns Out, Love Does Win

No, this isn’t a post about the recent book that has some corners of the blogoverse all a-Twitter. Sunday morning, we were talking about following Jesus in 21st Century and how to convey the idea of Christ as King and Lord to a culture that knows nothing about kings and masters. We live in a country where we elect our leaders, and we can vote them out if we don’t like the way they lead us. How do we talk about a ruler to people who cherish democracy and hate being told what to do?

As I thought about this question, I realized that a possible answer lies in the type of kingdom Jesus established. Jesus came in the midst of a world that had much experience with kings. Kings who established their kingdoms by overthrowing others. Kings who ruled by force and fear. Jesus came to inaugurate a kingdom based on love, a kingdom begun by a king who submitted to a cruel execution at the hands of the Roman empire. Jesus kingdom later turned that empire upside down. By love.
When you think about it, our world really isn’t that much different than the Roman world in the first century. We elect our leaders, but how many of us obey the laws of our land because we love them. For the most part, people obey the law because they don’t want to face the consequences of breaking that law. Just notice all the brakelights that come on when drivers on the highway see a state trooper on the side. Most people live lives full of fear. They fear the opinion of others. They fear the future. They fear being seen as they really are. There is force as well. The force of public opinion, the force of things that control us, the force of religion dictating how they live their lives.
As the early Christians did, we have a message that can free folks from their chains of fear and force. We are part of a kingdom, economy, world, family (whatever you want to call it), in which love rules. The reason we are in this is the love of Christ for us. Because Jesus loves us, we love. We love the Father, and we love his children. We also love those around us. We do what we do because of love. It is love that shows the world around us that we belong to Jesus, not the force of our moral or theological arguments. It is love that makes us different, not a set of behavioral rules. It is love that takes us to serve the least of these rather than expect them to come to us. It is love that lets us forgive when everyone else says we should get our revenge. It is love that allows us to lay down our lives for others when the world tells us to look out for number one. Love is the foundation of Christ’s kingdom, and it is by love that his kingdom will conquer.
“Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” (1 John 3:18)
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This week, I’m going to repost some things I wrote last year during the Easter season. This first one was written for Palm Sunday.

Today we celebrated the day that Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey, surrounded by people hailing him as the Messiah. Evidently this procession was not the only one making it’s way into the city that day. The Roman governor, Pilate, was also entering Jerusalem with his forces. This was something that happened before every Jewish holiday. After all, the Romans had to remind the Jews who really was in charge.

So, you have an imperial Roman procession on one side of the city and a subversive, Messianic parade on the other side. The people shouting, “Hosanna!” as Jesus made his way along the road thought they understood what was going on. As they saw it, this man who had performed so many miracles was the promised king who would drive out the hated Gentile oppressors and restore the glory of Israel. Unfortunately, as the week unfolded, many of these same people, now disillusioned, would join in the calls for his crucifixion by those same oppressors.

Those folks were partially right. Jesus was the promise Messiah. He had come to set up a kingdom and free them from their oppression. What they didn’t realize was the nature of the kingdom. It was a kingdom that is not of this world, a kingdom that came in, not by way of overthrowing the present empire, but by the king dying at the hands of that empire. The Jews were expecting God to do things the way they expected. They didn’t understand that God rarely works that way.

I thought of how many times I’ve prayed for things and thought that God was going to answer those prayers in a certain way, either because I had jumped through a certain number of hoops to “earn” God’s blessing, or because I couldn’t think of any other way God could act. I trusted in God for the things I thought he would (or should) do. Like the Jews I followed Jesus for what I could get out of it. The funny thing is, God never seemed to do the things that I expected, yet so many things turned out in such a way that I knew the Father was taking care of me. Things were not all sweetness and light, and sometimes I questioned God about what he was doing. But I can look back on those days and see that God was there, and that he was working.

During our times together at St. Thomas, we have seen that God is not predictable. He is not someone who can be counted on to always do things a certain way. God relates to people in all kinds of ways, and we cannot tie him down to a particular plan of action. None of us can figure God out, yet he calls us into relationship with him. In that relationship we learn to trust God simply for who he is rather than for what we think he can do for us.

Be encouraged. Your Father loves you more than you know. He has given you his life and his glory. Trust the Father, even when the parade of Palm Sunday turns into the darkness of Friday.

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You Are More

In our gathering Sunday, we were discussing who we were in Christ. We were talking about how we often react to certain situations and people according to old scripts that tell us we are this or we are that. We listen to lies that people have told us, saying that we are worthless, that we are stupid, that we are unloved. Because we believe those scripts, we have a hard time believing that God really loves us, and we are not free to love ourselves or to love others as Jesus has loved us. One of our brothers played a song by the group Tenth Avenue North titled “You Are More.”

Here are the lyrics:

There’s a girl in the corner
With tear stains on her eyes
From the places she’s wandered
And the shame she can’t hide

She says, “How did I get here?
I’m not who I once was.
And I’m crippled by the fear
That I’ve fallen too far to love”

But don’t you know who you are,
What’s been done for you?
Yeah don’t you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you’ve made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You’ve been remade.

Well she tries to believe it
That she’s been given new life
But she can’t shake the feeling
That it’s not true tonight

She knows all the answers
And she’s rehearsed all the lines
And so she’ll try to do better
But then she’s too weak to try

But don’t you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you’ve made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,

You’ve been remade.

You are more than the choices that you’ve made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You’ve been remade.

‘Cause this is not about what you’ve done,
But what’s been done for you.
This is not about where you’ve been,
But where your brokenness brings you to

This is not about what you feel,
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved.

You are more than the choices that you’ve made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You’ve been remade.

You are more than the choices that you’ve made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You’ve been remade.

You’ve been remade
You’ve been remade.
You’ve been remade.
You’ve been remade.

You are more. More than what you have done, more than what has happened to you. You are more than what the old scripts tell you. You are a beloved child of the Creator, a co-heir with Christ. You are made in God’s image, more than simply a “sinner saved by grace.” You are free! Let me repeat. You. Are. Free! Free to love your Father with reckless abandon, knowing that he loves you the same way.

You are more. So much more.

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Community and Church Discipline

Church discipline is a subject that is seen in many different ways by different people and different churches. We are given general guidance in Matthew 18 and in Paul’s letters to the Corinthian church. Over the centuries, it has been misused by those in authority and been ignored by others.

While I have always believed that the concept of church discipline is Biblical, the way that concept is carried out has always been a bit fuzzy. In some churches, a person can be subject to discipline for things like not attending every time the doors are open, or going to movies. Some churches don’t hold their members accountable at all. Other churches carry out discipline only to see those folks go across town to another church. There have even been cases where those who have been disciplined have sued the church.

In the last year or so, I have gained an appreciation for what church discipline was in the early church, and for what it can be today. In the institutional church, things are structured in a way that prevents people from really getting to know one another and forming a real community. Even the small group is usually conducted in a way that keeps folks from knowing and being known. This not only allows folks to put on a good front and hide what’s going on, it also prevents people from being able to speak into the lives of others because that close relationship isn’t there.

In a simple church, such as St. Thomas, one of the most important things is community, a sense of family. The gatherings are for the purpose of building one another up, and transparency is not only encouraged but worked for. The goal is to be open and honest with each other, and allow others to speak into our lives. It can be a messy process, but it is also vital to spiritual formation. In the time we have been meeting together, I have grown in my relationship with the Father, and closer to my brothers and sisters. They have become my family along with my physical family. If I ever did something that would cause me to be removed from the fellowship of this grace filled group, it would break my heart. I can see how Paul’s instruction to remove the sinner from fellowship could be so devastating and how it would cause the person to repent.

Maybe church discipline would be effective if more congregations really were communities of faith and not just organizations.

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Reflections on the New Year

I haven’t blogged in almost two weeks. Due to traveling and other Christmas activities, my time on the computer was not as regular as it usually is. I just got caught up in my blog reading yesterday. I have had some time to reflect on the year that has past, and also to look ahead to the new one.


I’ve heard it said that the only constant in life is change. That has certainly been true in the past year. My job responsibilities changed, and I’m now working on a more individual basis with a few students. I enjoy it more than what I was doing, and I feel like I’m actually helping them. Jan left her job at the assisted living facility, and is teaching part time and cooking for a retreat center part time. Our church has not grown this year, in fact it has actually shrunk. That’s a good thing though. We made the decision to try and be open to each other and learn to live life with each other. It’s been an interesting experience, and I think we’ve grown closer as a community and have experienced a measure of healing and freedom. It will be interesting to see what the Father will do in us in 2011. God has been teaching me how to go through my day-to-day being aware of his presence, and focus on listening and doing what he tells me to do. I am learning, although there are times when what I think is the voice of God is just my addled brain talking.

I’m looking forward to this year. I’m sure it will bring changes, some positive, some not so much. I don’t make resolutions, mainly because I never keep them. 🙂 I do have certain things I want to see happen. You can call them goals if you want. I want to live in awareness of God’s presence more each day and hear his voice. I want the courage to take risks when the Spirit directs me. I want to love God and others with abandon, not worrying about what people may think. I want to be a blessing to my faith community, and to others that I come in contact with. I want to be a better husband, loving Jan more as Christ loved the Church. I want to be a better father to my adult children, letting them see Jesus.

I know the road ahead will take some turns. There will be some bumps, and there will be times when I will mess up. The one thing I know for certain is that my relationship with my Father doesn’t hinge on how many resolutions I make and keep, on how well I perform certain spiritual duties, or on anything that I do. Abba loves me, and there is nothing I can do that will change that in any way. I can be the prodigal, the elder brother, or something in between, and God still loves me with a reckless, graceful love. That is why I look forward to the year ahead.

You may make resolutions at the start of a new year, or you may not. You may set goals, and plan how to reach those goals. That’s fine. Just remember that some goals will be met, but others will not be realized. Some resolutions will be shelved until next year. Remember also, that your Father loves you and will continue to love you the same no matter whether you keep all your resolutions or not. You are free, free to make resolutions and then break them, free to set goals and then not meet them.
Jesus came to give us a full, abundant life. So, live. Be free. Abba loves you.