Category: brokenness

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Advent

We are currently in the middle of the time in the church calendar known as Advent. It is a four week period in which we remember the expectant longing of the people of Israel for their Messiah, the promised king who would deliver them from bondage.

At the same time we remember their longing and hope, we look at our own hope and our own longing for our King to return and set all things right. As we look around us, we can see that today’s world is not all that different from that of the first century.

It was a dark time then. The people of Israel had returned to their land, but they were still in bondage to an oppressive empire in addition to their bondage to their own sin. We too, live in dark days. As we look at the world around us it seems as if wickedness and oppression is increasing, and even creation seems to be groaning more and more.

As the first century Jews were divided spiritually and politically, so the twenty first century church seems to have forgotten who its allegiance belongs to. I know that is a broad over-generalization, but that is what gets all the press. We long for the day when the true Kingdom will be consummated.

Like the Jews, we hope and long with expectation because we believe that our King Jesus will return and fully make all things new, that there will be no more pain, sickness or death, and that, to paraphrase Sam Gamgee, everything sad will become untrue.

Even so come, King Jesus.

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Blast From the Past: Still More

When we last left our hero, he was wondering what was going to happen next.

I was without work. I thought I was going to realize the fulfillment of a long held dream of coaching college basketball. So, I sent out resumes and waited. I talked to every coach I knew. And I waited. The summer came and went and still no coaching job. In fact, there were no jobs at all on the horizon. We didn’t feel free to move to another area because my parents and my wife’s parents had moved here to be near us and they were in declining health and needed our help. The search continued. As all this was going on, we had to give our Cocker Spaniel to the pound because he was old and had too much wrong with him for us to afford to have him treated. It was not a fun summer. About a week after we gave our dog away, I was out on yet another job search. As I drove past the animal shelter, I lost it. I began to pray, cry, and yell at God. I even cussed (I know that shocks some of you, but that’s the way it is). I told God that if I had anywhere else to go, I’d chuck this whole Christian thing. I realized that, like the disciples, I had nowhere else to go, that Jesus was the only one worth following.

In September of 2005, I was hired by a tour bus company to drive. I was glad because it would give me a chance to travel. As it turned out, the majority of the job consisted of leaving the house at 4:00 AM, driving to a National Guard camp eighty miles away, and shuttling troops back and forth from the camp to a nearby army base so they could be processed for active duty in Iraq. Most of the day was spent sitting on the bus and waiting for the soldiers to get their paperwork in order. I would usually arrive back home sometime after 10:00 PM. Because of this schedule, I usually only worked three days a week, so the income wasn’t real good. The company also had no health insurance for their employees.

At first, I wondered what I had done wrong, wondered why God had “put me on the sidelines”. I felt like I was in a desert. Sitting on the bus gave me plenty of opportunity to read, think, and pray. God began to teach me about trust and patience. He reminded me that he was the most important one in my life, and that my identity was in Jesus, not in being a teacher or coach. I began to rethink even more of my assumptions about God, church, and life. At the same time, God was teaching me increasingly to trust him. Jan and I saw God provide for us again and again.

In January 2006, I walked out of the desert. I was hired as a teacher’s assistant in a self-contained special education class at a public middle school. The kids I work with all have learning disabilities, some more severe than others. Many of them are from low income families. Quite a change from the Christian schools previously worked in, although not as much as I would have thought. Kids are kids wherever you go.

Also in January, both my mom and my mother-in-law went into a nursing home. Jan’s mom suffered a stroke, and my mom was suffering from advanced Alzheimer’s. Our ministry to our parents changed somewhat, as we were visiting our moms and essentially being there for our dads. It was hard to go into a place full of people who were essentially waiting to die and visit Mom, knowing that she would never leave in this life.

I’ll give your eyes a rest and write more later.

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A Challenge and an Opportunity

Conservative writer George Will, in an interview on CNN, said that he believes that President Trump’s effect on the civil discourse in this country will be more damaging than Richard Nixon’s activities during the Watergate scandal. Whether or not you agree with him, I think it’s safe to say that the public climate in the United States is not good.

Take a look at campaign advertising the past few years. Almost all of it is aimed at painting an ugly picture of the opposing candidate. If you do a bit of digging you can find out that much of the advertising is at best half truths, and at worst bald faced lies. There is usually very little talk about the issues. Actually, this kind of thing has been going on during most of our history as a nation. It’s more widespread today because media is more advanced and covers a broader area. It does seem though, that the amount of vitriol in the public square is quickly reaching toxic levels.

Honestly, I don’t expect folks whose lives are all wrapped up in the kingdom of this world, who believe that human government will solve all our problems to act much differently. If you believe that your favored form of government is the only form of government it’s natural to see the other party as a threat to your way of life. From there it’s a short step to seeing individuals who disagree with you as evil. Don’t even try to tell me that is not happening.

What saddens me is seeing people who claim to belong to Jesus acting like those who don’t. Christians on both sides of the political divide attack other Christians, each side claiming that their views are the only ones influenced by Scripture, and that the other side is of the devil. Take a look at any of the social media sites and you see posts, from people who call themselves Christians, that are filled with hatred and misinformation.

This toxic climate presents followers of Jesus with a challenge and an opportunity. The challenge is to begin to treat those who are our brothers and sisters with the sacrificial love Jesus commanded. Pagans in the first century recognized the love Christians had for each other as something unusual. Christians were also known for showing love to the pagans. When unbelieving citizens of a city fled an outbreak of disease, it was the Christians who remained, taking care of the sick. We here in 21st Century America are still called to show love to fellow Christians. We are not told to love those who agree with us and show hatred to those who disagree. Loving each other is a challenge because we have bought into the idea that government can be used to advance the kingdom of God. Whether on the right or on the left, we forget that the United States, as great as it is, is still a kingdom of this world. We need to remember that we are citizens of a greater kingdom, with a greater agenda.

The opportunity is great. As the civic discourse grows more vitriolic and the world around us grows darker, we have the opportunity to show a better way. The first century church showed the Roman Empire that the sacrificial way of the cross was the only true way to be human. Through simply living out their faith, they turned the world upside down. Imagine what it would look like if followers of Jesus decided they were going to show love to others, in person and online. What would it look like if Christians were known for their civility in discourse and their willingness to listen, not just “own” the other side? How about if, instead of shouting at people, we showed them the truth, goodness, and beauty of the Gospel?

May those who we deal with see, not partisans, but Jesus.

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Hurry Up and Wait

“Hurry up and wait” is a phrase that some who have served in the military my be familiar with. It is also a phrase that describes something that those who have Huntington’s Disease or care for someone who has it have to keep in mind in their day-to-day.

When Jan and I went to the Huntington’s symposium last year, one of the speakers told a story of speaking with a man with HD. He would ask a question and the man wouldn’t answer right away, so the speaker would ask him a further question to clarify. The man again wouldn’t answer right away. After a few minutes of this, the speaker asked the man if he was getting frustrated and the man told him that he indeed was getting very frustrated. The man said that the speaker kept setting his clock back. When asked what he meant the man described his thinking process as a hand on the clock. As he tried to process each question, the hand was moving from twelve o’clock toward six o’clock. Each time the speaker asked him another question, the hand was interrupted in its movement and had to reset back to twelve o’clock.

Hurry up and wait is one of those aspects of the new normal for those affected by HD. The processing of questions, ideas, etc. is slowed down. As the disease progresses, the person may lose a great deal of the ability to carry on conversations because of the length of time needed to process. This can lead to frustration for the one who has HD, the ones who are caretakers, and friends and other family members. Hence the reminder to hurry up and wait. Patience is needed by all involved. Those with HD can be just as frustrated, if not more so, than others around them.

As we journey together through this new normal, we are having to learn to be patient. I am learning that the answers will come if I am patient enough to wait. Jan is learning to be patient with me when I just think about the “hurry up” part of the phrase. Even though it is not easy, I think it has given me a greater appreciation of Jan as my wife and as a human being with worth, regardless of whether or not she comes up with a quick response.

I would appreciate your prayers as we journey down this back road together.

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Getting Personal

May is Huntington’s Disease Awareness month. This month is significant to our family. Last summer, my wife Jan was diagnosed with HD. Later, we found out that both of our children and one of Jan’s sisters also have it.

HD is a genetic, fatal neurological disease for which there is no cure. Yet. If you want to find out more about it you can go to https://hdsa.org/what-is-hd/overview-of-huntingtons-disease/?

As you can probably guess, the diagnosis of a disease such as this has changed our lives. After all, since there is no cure, it will end in death. There is currently no treatment for the disease, only for the symptoms. As the disease progresses, there will be issues with memory and processing, problems with balance and movement and issues with speech and swallowing. Death is often caused by pneumonia, heart failure, choking or other complications. Depending on when the symptoms appear, the course can run from ten to twenty five years.

There are varying degrees of HD. How severe the disease will be depends on the number of “repeats” in a particular gene. The lower the number, the shorter and less severe. The threshold number is 40. That is Jan’s number. The folks with the higher numbers usually show symptoms between the ages of 30 and 50.

We are in a season of trying to settle into a new normal, with only a limited idea of what the future will look like. We know that we have to trust that our loving Father has us in his hands, and that he will be with us through whatever may come. There will be days ahead when Jan will not be able to do many of the things she once did, and there will be times of frustration and wondering.

Our children also face the unknown, but there is encouraging news for them. A number of clinical trials are showing promise, and there is a possibility of a future treatment that could effectively cure HD. We hope and pray that medical science is able to accomplish this soon.

We would appreciated your thoughts and prayers for us as we travel down this back road together.

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Waiting

“How could this happen? How could we have been so wrong?”

“We believed the kingdom was going to be restored and those pagan dogs sent back to Rome where they belong. But this ‘messiah’ turned out to be just like all the others.”

“Now here we are hiding from the priests and the Romans.”

“Why didn’t we fight back? What kind of wimps are we?”

“Fight back? Did you see how many men they had? Besides, Peter tried and he told him to put the sword away!”

“Well, I don’t know about the rest of you, but as soon as all this mess dies down, I’m going back up to Galilee.”

“Me too. Back to the old life. When the only thing we had to worry about was catching fish and fixing nets.”

“Yeah. It’s been an interesting three years, but I’m through with messiahs and kingdoms. Just give me my boat out on the water. As soon as I can, I’m getting out of here.”

And so, they waited.

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Cracks

In “Anthem”, Leonard Cohen sings,

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything (there is a crack in everything)
That’s how the light gets in .

There is a good bit of truth in what Mr. Cohen sings. In the song, he speaks of wars that will continue to be fought, of a holy dove that will be caught, bought, and sold again. There are marriages that are spent, births that are betrayed. Parts that don’t add up, and marches without a drum.

In the midst of situations that seem to be futile, the song tells us to find those bells that still will ring and ring them. It tells us to forget about trying to bring a perfect offering because there is a crack in everything. But that crack is how the light gets in.

Anyone that knows anything about the human condition knows that we are all cracked. No one is perfect. Those of us who follow Jesus should know better than anyone how imperfect and cracked we are.

The truth I see in “Anthem” is this: We are all cracked and can not bring a perfect offering to our Father. Fortunately, we have a perfect offering made for us; Jesus the Messiah. His sacrifice takes away the guilt of all our mistakes and sins. Because our Father has provided a perfect offering, we can continue to ring our bells and proclaim God’s perfect love and grace, and the sacrifice he has provided.

Our cracks are not something to be covered up. We need to remember that even the best among us has cracks. None of us is perfect and it doesn’t do any good to pretend that we are. We see the cracks in another. What makes us think that others cannot see our own cracks?

As it turns out, the cracks are actually good things, when we admit that we have them. Admitting our cracks makes us vulnerable. It makes us willing to be who we are before God, who knows us inside and out anyway, and before others. It allows us to know and be known. It lets us understand and empathize with others who are cracked in some way. All of these things can allow the light of the gospel to shine into our hearts, and into the hearts of those we love.

Do you have any bells that can still ring? Ring them. Don’t try to be perfect, but rest in the perfect offering made by Jesus. Be open and don’t try to hide your cracks. Let the light of the Father’s love shine into you and then out of you onto others.

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Feasting and Fasting

In the liturgical traditions, this time of year is the season of Lent, a period of fasting, reflection, and repentance leading to the remembrance of Jesus’ crucifixion and the celebration of his resurrection. The Lenten season lasts 40 days, beginning with Ash Wednesday, a day of repentance and remembrance that we are dust and to dust we shall return, and ending on the Thursday before Easter Sunday. During this time, people fast from certain types of food, from alcohol or tobacco, from social media, or any number of things. Others add some sort of service to others or other spiritual activity to their schedule. No matter what is done, the focus is on the fact that we are broken people living in a broken world. It helps those who follow Jesus reflect on why he died on the cross.

In many places where Lent is practiced, there is a period of time known as Mardi Gras, or Carnival. It is a time of feasting and partying, sometimes to excess. The day before Ash Wednesday is called either Fat Tuesday or Shrove Tuesday. According to Wikipedia, Mardi Gras is French for Fat Tuesday, referring to the feasting that takes place. Shrove Tuesday refers to the liturgical season of Shrovetide, which ends on that day. Many traditions consume pancakes on Shrove Tuesday.   In many places, the Mardi Gras celebration begins the weekend before and Fat Tuesday is the culmination of the feasting.

The Bible speaks of both feasting and fasting. The Old Testament Hebrews were commanded to fast at certain times. There were also times of fasting for certain types of people or ministry. There were also time of feasting commanded. There were seven different feasts which the Israelites were commanded to attend. Deuteronomy 14 commands the people, once a year, to carry their tithe to what became the Temple in Jerusalem and eat it before the Lord in that place. If the way was too long for them, they were to sell their tithe, and when they arrived at the city, to buy whatever they wanted: oxen, sheep, wine or strong drink. The people of God were commanded to fast at certain times, and they were commanded to party at others.

Our little community of believers tries to carry on a bit of that tradition. We have a Mardi Gras celebration the Saturday before Ash Wednesday every year. We feast on pork, gumbo, and other foods. There is wine and strong drink, although it is rare when someone imbibes excessively. We believe that Christians should throw the best parties and bring the best wine. We also believe in reflecting on the fact that even though we are in Christ, we still sin and need to repent. This year we gathered on Ash Wednesday to serve dinner to a group of men at a homeless shelter, reminding us of our human condition. We will celebrate Good Friday and will feast on Easter Sunday.

We believe that the times of fasting or repentance remind us that the Kingdom has not come in its fullness, that we live in that in-between time. When we feast we look ahead to the wedding feast of the Lamb, when all things will be made new and we will live in the New Jerusalem, when there will be no need for fasting.

Even so, come Lord Jesus.


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Saturday

Today
Darkness
Fear
Hiding
Doubt
Disillusionment
Remorse
Recrimination
Wondering
Waiting