Anger
A while back, I wrote a post about the number of folks that were letting their lives be ruled by fear. It seems to me that a growing number of people are also angry. This anger may be driven by their fear. We do have more of a tendency to get angry when we’re fearful or when we don’t understand something or someone.
Some of the prevalent images in the news or social media lately have been images of anger, from the white supremacists with their garden party torches, to the folks on the other side who just want to tear things down. They are angry. Angry because this group of people are getting what seem like advantages that they don’t have, or angry because that group is trying to assert their rights. Neither side is interested in sitting down and trying to have a conversation because they are too busy being angry. Road rage is becoming a bigger problem. Some folks will shoot you if you don’t go fast enough and they have to slow down.
There are things to be angry about. Some of the folks who are expressing their anger have a legitimate gripe. I see situations almost every day that make me angry. The problem is not anger as such. The problem is letting that anger become so big that it takes over and drives everything we do. We focus on being angry and don’t take that anger and let it be the fuel for positive work.
In his letter to the Ephesian church, Paul writes that we should “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.” Things are going to happen that make us angry. That anger may spring from selfishness or it may be justified. It may even be “righteous anger.” In that anger, we are not to sin. We are not to let that anger cause us to harm or even denigrate another person. We are to deal with that anger and whatever is causing it. If I am angry at someone because they have done something I don’t like, the first thing I need to do is ask my self if the anger is justified. As I have grown older, I’ve become more convinced that most things are just not worth getting angry about.
The second thing that I need to do is ask if there is anything I have done against the other person. Maybe their action was a reaction to something I had done. If so, I need to try to make it right. The third thing I need to do is ask if there is anything I can do in a positive way to help the situation that I am angry about. I can be angry about injustice, but I must realize that there is only so much I can do. A hard lesson for me to learn was the fact that I can’t save everybody. I can only do what God gives me to do and trust him for the outcome.
Those of us who call ourselves followers of Jesus should be the least angry people. We are to be gentle, compassionate people. Others should see the hope that is in us and want to ask aboutit. We should live lives that make people thirsty for the truth, goodness, and beauty of Jesus. May it be so.
Some Things I Don’t Understand
A young teenage girl died this week. She left behind family and friends who loved her dearly. I know all the things that are true. She lived far longer than expected. She is no longer in pain. God is good and kind and he is in control. I know all that and I believe all that. Still, there are some things I don’t understand.
Last night some of us sat with two friends of the young lady. Most of that time was spent in silence. We grieved with them. At this time, it’s the only thing we could do. I spent some time wondering about the brokenness of this world and the pain that we humans have to endure. Jan and I have lost both of our parents in the last few years. That kind of thing is more normal. Children are “supposed” to outlive their parents.
This is different. Parents are not supposed to bury their children. Teenagers are not supposed to spend evenings grieving for other teenagers. People are not supposed to die that young. This world is not supposed to be the way it is. Even though I know the creation is broken and groaning because of sin, I still don’t understand why it sometimes works out the way it does. Even though I know God is good and compassionate, I still don’t understand why this compassion sometimes plays out the way it does.
I know and believe that my Father is loving. I know and believe that his love extends to the young lady and the family and friends she left behind. Having said that, I still have to admit that I don’t understand. The only thing I can do is try to trust my Father’s heart. I have to trust that Romans 8 is right, that God works in everything for the good of those who love him. I have to believe, not only for me, but in some way for my friends who lost a loved one.
I have to trust my Father because I can’t trust my own understanding.
Sad, Angry, and Hopeful
Today, I lied to one of my bus passengers. She told me she had been diagnosed with ALS and asked me if I knew anything about it. After stating a couple of generalities, I told her that I couldn’t think of anything else because I didn’t want to be the one to tell her that the disease is fatal. Two days ago, our next door neighbor died from pancreatic cancer, just a few days after coming home from the hospital. A week and a half ago, friends of ours lost their twenty one year old only son in a tragic accident. I see and hear of families and friendships being torn asunder because of pride and selfishness.
I am saddened by all these things. It is heartbreaking to see parents grieving a son that is supposed to outlive them. It grieves me to know that I will no longer speak to my neighbor across the fence between our houses. I am sad to hear of someone contracting a deadly disease. My heart aches to see relationships broken and people I know in pain.
I am angry because none of these things are the way it is supposed to be, the way creation was made to be. I am angry at evil, at sin, at the things that happen to us, and at the things we do to each other. I am angry because I feel helpless much of the time, knowing that so much is out of my control.
I am sad and I am angry. Yet, at the same time I am hopeful. I believe that the Creator of the universe has stepped into this world, taking on humanity. Entering death, on the cross, the King came through the other side and defeated death. His kingdom was inaugurated through this death and has been coming to fruition in small ways ever since. This King will return and set all things to right. I don’t understand everything that happens in this life and there are many things I don’t like. But, I do believe that one day there will be no cancer, no ALS, no death. I believe that all broken relationships will be reconciled and there will be wholeness and peace.
Even so come, Lord Jesus!
Refreshing Streams
A couple of weeks ago, I took a Saturday and went up to a mountain area not too far from here. After dealing with a bit of anxiety that had caused me to end up in the hospital with what I thought might be a heart attack (thankfully, it wasn’t), I realized that some old hurts still needed healing and were causing me to be anxious about certain things because I was afraid of being hurt again. A lot of things had been happening in my life the past couple months and I succumbed to the temptation to worry about some of them.
As I was hiking through this area, the air was hot and humid, and the trail was dry. I drank enough water before I started walking, so I wasn’t in danger of dehydration, but I did start to get thirsty. After about a mile or so, I came to an area that had a stream flowing through, with a bench for sitting. As I journaled and prayed, one of the thoughts that came to me was the Psalmist saying that he panted after God like a deer pants after water. Even though the stream next to me wasn’t fit to drink, I was still reminded of the many times God has refreshed me when I was dry and thirsty.
My Abba Father has always been there for me, even during those times when it didn’t seem like it; those times when I felt as if I were wandering in the desert with no water in sight. I can go on these mini retreats because I do have a source of living water from which to drink my fill. I realize there will be times when I will be panting and thirsty, but God will always be there with living water, even if it takes a while to get there.
I know that there will be times ahead that could cause anxiety and that I will be hurt. It goes with hanging around people. But I am also realizing that I am only called to show God’s love to folks. I am not responsible for the results. I am learning again to trust my Father’s love and goodness, and let him take care of me and those I care about.
The dry, thirsty trails are still there to wander down. But, there is cool, refreshing water along the way.
Lessons From Meatloaf
The singer, not the food. I know what you all are thinking. “Fred’s really lost his mind!” Now that may be true, but bear with me.
In the song, “Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad,” there is a line that says, “I want you, I need you, but there ain’t no way I’m ever gonna love you.” I wonder if this might be descriptive of many in the church in the 21st century.
One thing I do believe is true is that many in the American evangelical church have a hard time being in community with other believers. I’m not talking about gathering in a worship setting once a week, although that is a vital part of community. I’m talking about spending time with other believers, gathering in homes and other places and digging beneath the surface to build up and challenge each other in following Jesus. That is community, and it can be messy at times.
I think many are saying, “I want you, I need you, but there ain’t no way I’m ever gonna love you.” In other words, they crave community, being known and loved for who they are. They want to be loved and accepted. They recognize their need for community. But.
But, when it comes down to the hard stuff, the hard work of loving as Jesus loves us, the messiness of sacrificially loving others with all their warts and blemishes, that’s a different story. Then it becomes, “ain’t no way!” Some hang out on the periphery, never quite throwing their lot in fully. Others find a church that only asks that they show up once a week and put their money in the offering plate.
Although we do want and need to be part of a fellowship that accepts and loves us, and that challenges us, it is not really about our wants and needs. It is about obeying what our King told us to do, to love one another and to lay down our lives for each other. That is how the world will know we belong to Jesus, not by how we vote or what position we take on social issues. The first Christians, with all their flaws, learned to live with and love folks from all kinds of backgrounds and with all sorts of issues. Even though they were far from perfect, they were known throughout the world for their love for each other and for those outside. And, they turned the world upside down.
May God help us to say, “I want you, I need you, and I will love you no matter what it takes.”
How Long?
This is a poem I wrote recently.
How long?
How long must parents mourn the death of children
Disease, hunger, war, or their own hand?
How long must children watch parents waste away?
Disease, dementia, or simply age
How long must families, friendships, communities be torn apart?
Selfishness and sin
How long must people and nations be destroyed?
Hatred and war
How long must the land be devastated?
Floods, tornadoes, hurricanes
How long must the earth groan?
Belching fire and tearing violently asunder
Creation is broken. It is not supposed to be this way
How long?
How long must we wait
Reunion with loved ones?
How long must we wait
Relationships set right?
How long must we wait?
Creation set right
How long must we wait?
Disease, pain, death ended
How long must we wait?
Anticipating your return
How long must we wait?
Resurrection and the death of death
We long for the way it is supposed to be
Blast From the Past: Out of the Cave, Into the…
This was first posted on February 6, 2012. The healing process had begun.
Some of you have read my recent post about finding myself in a cave. I’m now out of the cave, although still not far from the entrance. I now find myself in the middle of a thicket, sort of like a stand of rhododendron or mountain laurel, so thick that you cannot see out of it. It is still somewhat dark, and the direction I should take is unclear. I see many paths out, but don’t know yet which one to take.
There is the path that would take me back into the church world I left a few years ago. Next to it is the path that would take me to the land of the mega-church. Here I could find a place to hide and lick my wounds. One path seems to go in circles, and looks as if it would leave me no better off. Yet another way out continues in the search for community. That is the path that interests me the most, and the way that I have learned most about in the last couple of days.
You see, I have learned something about community, and about myself. I think I’m beginning to learn why I spent time in the dark cave. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am a pretty laid back individual, but that when I am passionate about something, I tend to go all out. As I learned more and more about the God’s desire for his children to live as brothers and sisters because of Christ, I became more and more passionate with living in community. Dietrich Bonhoeffer said, “The person who loves their dream of community will destroy community, but the person who loves those around them will create community.” As I look back on the past year, and my desire to have and fight for community, I realize I inadvertently pushed it too hard and may have been part of the cause of its destruction. I know that my heart was good, but I think I may have wanted community so badly that I didn’t see the problems that it was causing. Even though I tried to sacrificially love those around me, I think that I didn’t leave room for God to work, thinking that as long as we spent enough time together, growth and maturity would automatically happen.
I now realize that community is something that has to happen naturally, as God’s people learn to love one another. It is something that cannot be forced, and the Holy Spirit must be the one to form it rather than humans whose motives can be tainted by our own needs. I also realize that a particular form of community may not last as long as I think, and that I need to be willing to let it go when it is time. For those of you reading this who have been on the receiving end of my misguided efforts, I am sorry. I put the ideal of community ahead of my brothers and sisters. I was wrong.
As to what is next in this journey along the back roads, only God knows. I know that Jan and I still desire to share our lives with some fellow Christ-followers. I also know that it may not take any form that we expect. It may be in a regular gathering. It may take place in just getting together with one or two who share our desire. What I also know is that I want it to be something that happens as Christ’s Spirit moves, not when I think it should happen.
I’m learning to trust my Father. As I leave the thicket, I want to be hear my Shepherd’s voice and follow him wherever he leads, whenever he leads, and to whatever he leads. I would appreciate your prayers.
Blast From the Past: The Cave
This was first posted on January 25, 2012. It was not a good time in my life. Thankfully the Father has redeemed and brought healing. Sometimes it’s good to look back and see where we were and where we are now.
Papa! Papa! Where am I?
How did I get here? It’s so dark. I can’t see a thing!
I remember walking along the path with my friends. Next thing I know I’m waking up here in the dark. I think I remember the path passing near the entrance of a cave. Is that where I am?
How do you feel?
Everything hurts. I feel like I got hit by a truck. Now I remember. We were walking along when I was hit by something. Who would have done something like this?
An Enemy has done this.
Papa, it hurts so bad! I don’t understand! I’m all alone here in the darkness and I feel like everyone has abandoned me!
You are not alone. Your most trusted long time companion is near, waiting for you. I am here.
How did this happen? Everything seemed good. There was some loose rock on the path at times, and there were some places where part of the path had washed away. but I thought we had gotten past them. I thought this part of the journey was going well. I thought we were together.
Papa?
I’m broken. I feel like I can’t move. I’m afraid to try because I can’t see and I don’t know if it’s safe. I don’t know what to do!
Do you remember the time you spent in the desert learning to trust me rather than what you expected me to do?
Yes, I do. That was hard.
You still have more to learn.
Does it have to be so painful? I’d rather lose a job again than feel so hurt and rejected!
Papa, what do I do?
Stay here for awhile. Don’t move. I know it’s dark and you’re scared, but I’m here with you. You are broken, but my love will heal you. You are safe here. Learn again to trust me. No matter what.
When the time comes, I will lead you out of this place, and you and the person who truly loves you will continue on in your journey with me.
Papa, help me! I have no strength.
I know. I am your strength. I love you, son.
Birthday Reflections
As of today, I have completed my sixth decade on this earth. I remember, when I was young thinking that sixty was so old. I don’t feel that way anymore, except when I get out of bed in the morning.
It’s been an interesting journey so far. As a wise man once said, “What a long, strange trip it’s been.” It’s not been a story for the ages, although there have been many moments that were memorable, at least to me. As I look back I see a life that was just a little bit outside of what some would call normal. Of course, what is normal?
Like everyone, I have had highs and lows. I have been married to a wonderful woman for thirty five years now and that union continues to be a high. My two beautiful children are happily married and are making their own way in the world. Looking back I see that my family has always been the best part of my life. I have had good jobs and bad jobs. I have lost good jobs and bad jobs. While I never got what I thought was the dream job, I’ve always had the sense that I was in the right place, even if I was there in order to learn some lessons. I have had good friends through the years. Some continue as friends, others have been lost and replaced by better friends. I have been hurt by people and learned to forgive. I have hurt people and I hope they have forgiven me. I have learned from each of them.
I have traveled through the Christian landscape, from fundamental Baptist circles where I didn’t quite fit in, to a small Presbyterian church where I feel love and acceptance. Along the way I dabbled in Reformed Baptist, non-denominational, simple, and house churches. I have been fed up with church and ready to call it quits. I have gone from being an advocate of attractional worship that uses music to bring in a crowd, to believing that it is in intimate community that we really are formed into the likeness of Jesus.
As the years have gone by, I have become far less convinced that politics can make lasting change, and far more convinced that being an agent of Jesus’ Kingdom is the only thing that can. I have grown less tolerant of those who are convinced that their way is the only way, and that those who disagree are the enemy.
I have traveled the back roads on this journey. I have not been been successful in business, have not built any empires. I have not been named man of the year, or been roasted in front of a large crowd. I’m not famous. Hopefully I’m not infamous. I don’t really care about all that stuff. I do hope that I have touched some lives in a positive way, that I have made a difference in a small way, that others have seen a bit of Jesus in me.
Sixty years. It does seem like a long time. But, it’s not enough. In many ways it feels like the start, like there’s much more out there. Maybe with all the advances in medical science, I’ll have sixty more. Who knows?