Category: Faith

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Lessons Learned During Recovery 2

I am not going to write about how I’m such a humble person. Only Moses could get away with that. Beside the fact that I’m nowhere near being in Moses’ league, I also know how much I struggle with pride. I’m probably like most red-blooded American men in that regard. I like being the one to give help, but I’m fine doing things without it, thank you very much. I also feel uncomfortable with what I see as “putting people out.”

Hernia surgery changed that. When I awakened back in the room, I was a pretty helpless individual. When I had to get up to go to the restroom, I needed help to sit up. I also could not stand or walk without Jan holding one of my arms to steady me. As we left the next day, I needed assistance to get into, and out of the truck.

That first week of recovery was on of almost total dependence on others. Someone else went outside to get the paper. Someone else fed the dog. Someone else took care of things that I normally take care of. Along with that, I required help doing such simple tasks as washing and drying my feet, and putting on socks. Believe me, for someone who likes to be able to do it myself, it was hard, even though I knew that I needed that help.

The culmination came when we went to our church’s Sunday gathering. As we shuffled into the room, one of the young men and his girlfriend were asked to give up their spots on the couch for me. Not by me, you understand. Remember, I’m too proud to ask anyone to do that. 🙂 While I appreciate their willingness to let me sit there, I felt bad about it. I went back to work full day on Tuesday (forgetting the lesson about patience), and began to drag a chair to my morning duty spot. The teacher who does that duty with me asked if he could get that for me. I seriously thought about telling him that I was good, that I could get it. But I didn’t. I let him carry it.

I think one of the problems with the Church here in the United States is our individualistic mindset. We have bought into the American ideal of the tough, independent loner, who doesn’t need any help. Over the years, the idea has developed that salvation is strictly an individual, personal thing. Along with the fear of being judged if we drop our masks and admit our need, those things have produced a Church that is disjointed and week. This is a far cry from the picture we find in the New Testament of the Church as a body.

The past two weeks have taught me how important each part is in the function of the physical body. In the church, we also need each part. Everyone is important to the function of the body.
I’ve also learned that it’s okay to ask for help, that no one is going to think any less of me if I can’t do certain things by myself (at least no one who matters). It’s not an easy lesson to learn, and I’ll probably have to be reminded more than a few times.

We need each other. Jesus said that the world will know that we are his disciples by our love for each other. It is hard for that love to happen if we continue to try and convince ourselves, and others, that we can go it alone. Let us consider how we can meet the needs of those around us, as well as let our own needs be known.

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Lessons Learned During Recovery

I’m not exactly a patient person. In some situations I can be, but when it comes to going places and doing things, I want it done right now. In my track days I was a sprinter, and I still have to remind myself to not be in such a hurry when I’m driving somewhere.

Last week, things came to a screeching halt. After spending a couple of hours in surgery, and a few more in recovery, I was wheeled to a room for the night. When you’re in the hospital recovering from surgery, you can not be in a hurry. The schedule doesn’t revolve around you, so a good bit of the time is spent waiting. Waiting for something to drink, waiting for medicine, waiting for the nurse to change the IV bag so it stops beeping. And of course, waiting all day for the surgeon to see you and release you to go home. Add to that, 30 minutes waiting for a wheelchair to take you to the car.

After getting out of the truck at home, it was then my responsibility to get myself around, with help from Jan. So, I hopped out of the truck, and ran up to the front door. Wrong! On the old Carol Burnette Show, Tim Conway played a character. He was a little old man who moved excruciatingly slow, to great laughter. That was me, only there was no laughter. It wasn’t a matter of putting one foot in front of the other. It was a matter of putting one foot slightly ahead of the other, until we eventually reached the front door.

Everything has been slow ever since. Sitting down, laying down, getting up, walking, showering, dressing have all been at a pace that would make a dawdling child proud. I’ve been back at work for two days, and everything I do there is in slow motion. I spend a lot of time sitting in one place, and any movement must be done slowly. Thankfully, our dog has understood, and hasn’t been as playful with me as he usually is.

This week has given me a lot of time to read and reflect. It’s good to do that from time to time. Our lives get filled up with so much activity. We rush from place to place, from event to event. Our relationships with other people get crowded out, or simply left in the dust as we rush down the road. It’s easy for us to let our relationship with God fall victim to the hustle and bustle of our day-to-day. We give the Father a few hurried minutes in the morning, or a tired nod in the evening. We go through the day checking things off our to-do list, sometimes even including God.

We forget that we have a relationship with the Father. Any relationship suffers when either party hurries too quickly through life and leaves the other behind. Jesus called his disciples to coma apart and rest. The three years they spent together were at a pace that would drive most of us crazy. The idea was for the disciples to just be with Jesus. Through spending time with the Master, they would learn his teachings,and would learn to be like him.

Sometimes we need to “be still” and simply know that God is God. That’s hard to do, unless something happens, like surgery, to slow us down. Living a life that is in tune to the rhythms of the Father, rather than the noise of the world around us goes against what we are told by that world. Sometimes it even is contrary to what we are told in the church. It is counter-cultural, but that is what we are called to be.

In a couple of weeks, when I have recovered to the point where I can get around normally, I hope I remember to take things a bit slower, being sensitive to the Spirit.

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Reflections on Lent

Last Wednesday was the first day of Lent. Ash Wednesday is celebrated by Christians around the world with a service that includes the placing of ashes on the forehead of the worshippers. The ashes are to remind that we are made from dust, and to dust we will return. That is one part of the Lenten observance that I have not yet participated in, as I have only been observing Lent for the last three years. In the tradition in which I grew up, Lent (like most of the church calendar) was not even on our radar. We celebrated Christmas, Palm Sunday, and Easter. I had a vague notion that other days were observed in other traditions, but we were taught that those days were not important. So, I’m a bit late to the keeping of the church calendar, and still learning.

As I go through the Lenten period, I am struck by the fact that our bodies are formed from the dust of the ground, and to that dust they will return. Because of the brokenness of Creation, we face the inevitable decay of our physical selves. Anyone middle-aged man who has tried to compete in sports at the same level he did when he was in his twenties can attest to that. At some point our bodies will wear out and no longer be useful to us. When they are then placed in the ground, they will return to the dust from which they came. As we look around us, we see that decay in every part of our world. Ash Wednesday and Lent are good reminders that we are broken and in need of a savior.

Thankfully, that is not the end of the story. During this time, we take a good hard look at our humanity and our brokenness, but we also look ahead to the time when our Savior will return and will restore Creation. We look forward to the resurrection and the Kingdom of God coming in all its fullness. When I think about Ash Wednesday, and the symbolism of the ashes on the forehead, I think of the song, “Beauty Will Rise.” In that song Steven Curtis Chapman sings,

“Out of these ashes… beauty will rise
and we will dance among the ruins
We will see Him with our own eyes
Out of these ashes…beauty will rise
For we know, joy is coming in the morning…
in the morning

…This is our hope.
This is the promise.
That it would take our breath away
to see the beauty that’s been made
out of the ashes…”

As we go through this season of Lent, contemplating our sinfulness and our need of a redeemer, let us remember that we do have a Savior who has made us a new creation, and who will one day make all things new.
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Too Comfortable With Jesus?

In Mark 6, Jesus is teaching in the synagogue in his hometown. The people are amazed at his teaching and wisdom. Matthew 13 tells us that his neighbors also were amazed at his miracles. They asked how Jesus got all this wisdom and power. After all, this was the same man who had grown up in their town. They knew his family. He had played with their children. Jesus had probably done work for them. They knew Jesus, or at least they thought they did. He was one of them. They were comfortable with this neighbor.

According to the text, thinking that they had Jesus all figured out caused a lack of faith in them. They couldn’t believe that this small town boy could do the miracles he was doing or teach with the wisdom he was showing. Even with the evidence staring them in the face, their familiarity with Jesus blinded them to what God was doing. Consequently, Jesus did not do many miracles in his hometown.

How easy is it for us to become comfortable with Jesus? Growing up, I heard the stories. I saw the flannel graph pictures. I became familiar with this soft spoken. gentle, fair-haired Savior who seemed to float serenely through first century Palestine ( except for the time that he really got ticked off at the money changers in the Temple). I was a Christian. I had asked Jesus to come into my heart, and since I had my “get out of hell free” card, I grew complacent in the relationship. I prayed, and asked forgiveness when I sinned, but the relationship was not really a close one. I had my image of Christ, and didn’t really expect him to ask much more of me than being a good boy and “worshipping” him when the church doors were open. I’m afraid that the image many churchgoers have of Jesus is not very different from that.

In the past couple of years, I’ve begun to learn to see Jesus more as he is. Through a few authors, particularly N. T. Wright and Dallas Willard, I have seen a different side of the Savior. Jesus the King has stepped into my path and shown himself to be exactly who the Gospels say he is. He is the Christ, the Anointed One of God. He is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. He is God incarnate. His Kingdom is now, not just in the future. Along with that, he is my brother and friend, and he calls me to follow and obey him out of love and gratitude for what he has done for me on the cross.

Jesus also calls me into a relationship with him, a relationship that is in many ways like those with other humans, but is so much better. That relationship is one where I am learning to not think that I have him all figured out, but rather to be open to anything he might do. In the Gospels, Jesus didn’t fit into any one’s preconceived notions, and he dealt with different people in different ways. So it is in my life. I am learning to expect the unexpected.

May we never say, “We have Jesus figured out. We know how he does things, and we know how he doesn’t work.”

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Putting God on Your “To Do” List

The other day, I passed a church sign that read, “Where is God on your ‘To Do’ list? Check your priorities.” While I think the emphasis of the message is that we need to have our priorities straight, especially our relationship with God, I also think the sign reveals a mindset among many that God is one part of our life among many others.

I grew up in a church culture that separated life into “secular” and “sacred.” Things like church activities, “quiet time,” witnessing, etc. were sacred. Things like school , work, and play were secular. While we were still told to “keep a good testimony” during those activities, they were seen as less important than the “spiritual” ones. Over the years, I saw many examples of this, from preachers asking us to compare the amount of time we spent in church activities with the amount of time doing other things, to players and coaches in church athletic leagues arguing with officials. There was a clear distinction made between the things that were “spiritual” and everything else.

That way of thinking creates a view that God is an item on a to do list, something to be checked off and then left while we go on to other things. I don’t believe that Scripture supports that. We are told to seek the Kingdom of God first. I think that means more than just saying hello to God in the morning. The Kingdom of God is the place where God’s rule is present. That should be every area of our life, twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. Jesus Christ is Lord, he is King. We are not someday going, “to be there when they crown him King of Kings.” He is that now and therefore all of life is under his rule. Our duty and privilege is to bring that rule to bear as we go about our day-to-day activities.

For the follower of Jesus, there is no secular. All of life is sacred. God is not on our to do list. He is the list. God is not one priority among many. He is our only priority. If we seek the Kingdom and God’s righteousness first, all of our other needs will be provided, including the grace and wisdom for the things we deal with each day.

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No Explanations

This was posted on Brian McLaren’s site. The picture was taken by Mike Todd at a church next to the Garden of Gethsemane. It’s a pretty funny picture, and the wording is possibly due to the difficulties of translating from one language into another.

As I occasionally do when I see things like this, I began to think. I thought about how we in the church often come together. Before we gather, we put on our masks in order to appear as if we have it all together. We dress up, or down as the case might be, in order to look spiritual. (We either “put on our best for God,” or we show that we “know that God cares about what’s in our heart, not what’s on the outside.”)

If we’re one of those who don’t do everything perfectly, who sometimes royally screw up, (I like to call these people “humans”) we come armed with explanations for the things we have done or said. We feel that we have to justify ourselves in the eyes of others because we don’t want anyone to think that we don’t measure up. Maybe we have experienced the judgement of those who condemn others in order to make themselves look and feel good. Maybe we can’t forgive ourselves for something we’ve done in the past. Maybe we just don’t think we’re worthy of anyone’s love and acceptance. For whatever reason, we think of a “Yes, but,” to tack on in order to explain ourselves.

Sometimes we even try to explain things to God when we come to him in prayer. When you stop and think about it, trying to make excuses for something that the Creator knows everything about is pretty foolish. Yet, we continue to do it.

We all need to realize that we don’t need explanations. The Father knows all about us, even more than we know, and he loves and accepts us anyway. We may try to explain ourselves, but his response is, “It doesn’t matter. It’s taken care of. Just let me love you. Trust me.” We shouldn’t need explanations in the church either. We’re told in Romans 14 that we are to accept those whom God has accepted. We have no right to judge those who are forgiven by God, and they don’t owe us any explanation for being human and acting like it.

Let’s take off the masks, and accept ourselves and our brothers and sisters as who we are – frail humans who still sin, but who are accepted in the Beloved and are righteous in the Father’s sight. Please: No explanations inside the church.

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The Existence of God

A friend on theooze.com posted a link to this essay. It’s an excellent piece on “proving” the existence of God. I would suggest you read the entire essay.

A few paragraphs struck me as significant:

“The existence of God is a profound matter, and never something that should be treated perfunctorily. That “I believe God exists” and that “I know Him” are among the deepest things that a Christian can say, and are a confession of the grace of God. We have been given something that is consonant with purity of heart, and should thus confess it with extreme humility.”

“We are living in a time of history in which saints are required. We have long passed the time in which rational arguments will carry the day. Nothing less than lives which manifest the existence of God will do. The world has heard centuries of arguments – has been subjected to crass persecutions and atrocities in the name of God (even if these were largely not the result of Orthodox actions). We have survived a century of extremes (Bolshevism, Nazism, etc.). That the world is hungry is beyond doubt. But the world is not hungry for a new and winning argument.
The world hungers for God (whether it knows this or not).”

“The proper Christian answer to the hunger of the world is to be found only in the manifestation of God. Thus the challenge of a modern atheist should not be met with an anxious rejoinder from our panoply of arguments – but with the urgency of prayer that we might ourselves become an answer through the reality of the presence of God in our lives.”

“As witnesses of the God who exists – we should strive in our small ways – to become persons whose lives are themselves an argument for the existence of God – a God whose existence is indeed beyond all existence.”

“It is a tall order. Nothing less than life in the image of the resurrection of Christ will do. Nothing less than that has been promised us in Christ.”

May we be people who live in the reality and power of the resurrection.

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Reflections on a Year

Another year has come and gone. (That’s kind of a lame way to start, isn’t it?) It seems like the older I get the faster the years seem to pass, and 2009 was no exception. I’ve heard that the only thing that remains constant is change, and that has certainly been true this year.

As the year opened, Jan and I began going to a house church on Sunday evenings. The friend who I was going to help plant a church invited us to join him one night. There were about four or five couples there, as well as some children. We enjoyed the fellowship and continued to go every week. As time went on, my friend and his family never came back. Other folks came and went, and through this fellowship we began to help at a local camp that was getting started that summer. Now the house church has faded away, as an organized gathering, but we still get together with the host couple on a regular basis, sharing food, discussing spiritual things (sometimes), and serving some of the less fortunate together.

In June, we went out to California to visit Jennie. Josh had already driven out there, and he was out tour guide during the day. We saw where Jennie works and even “helped” during the filming of a short film. When we returned home, I finished my duties at the church we had been a part of for fourteen years, and we began to look around for a community of faith that would better fit what we thought “church” should be. At the same time the discussion about planting a church came up again, and within a couple of months, St. Thomas Community Church came into existence, meeting in a local bagel shop on Sunday mornings. God is working in our little community as we gather to explore God’s story and our part in it, and how we can follow Jesus in our day-to-day.

As the summer went on, the school where Jan was teaching closed. As you well know, this is not a good time to be looking for work. Jan ended up getting a part-time position in an assisted living facility. God has continued to be faithful and provide for us, although things certainly are tighter.
My duties at the school where I work changed again. I’m now in a class for emotionally disabled students. It is more challenging than what I was doing before, and I realize more and more how dependent I am on God’s grace. I’m still coaching basketball, and that is a highlight in my day.

In October, Jan’s mom went to be with Jesus. All of the family came in during the days before she passed, and it was good to see folks we hadn’t seen in a couple of years. It has not been an easy holiday season for us.

As I look back on the past year, I can see many things God taught me. Things about trusting him, about grace, about living in the moment. A couple of my paradigms have shifted, and a couple have been completely dismantled. (Someday, I’ll write a post about those things) I think the biggest change is that I have learned even more that my schedule, and my plans, are not mine. I need to hold everything with an open hand, and allow the Father to do what he sees needs to be done. So, as one year ends and another begins, I continue to try and follow Jesus on this winding road he has called me to.

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Musings

The last few weeks our community has been looking at the first six chapters of Genesis. We ‘re approaching the Bible as God’s story, and looking at God as he is revealed through each part of the story. What we have seen so far is a God who goes by different names – Elohim in some parts, and Yaweh in others. We’ve seen a God who feels, who cries out in anguish after Adam and Eve eat the fruit. A picture of God has emerged that is passionately in love with his creation, and seems to change somewhat after punishing those who disobey him.

As we have gone through this story so far, I have started to wonder about a few things. In my journey, I have gone from being certain about what Scripture teaches about God and his dealings with men to having questions, from holding a tight systematic theology to realizing that things just don’t fit into a nice neat package. Some who knew me back in the day would say that I have slipped into near heresy, at least. Others would say , “Well, he never was that good of a student anyway.” That’s fine. I can live with that.

Maybe the Calvinists and the Arminians are right. Maybe God is sovereign and in control, yet at the same time gives us free will. Maybe God is unchangeable and changing, responding to the different things his creatures do. Maybe God’s purpose for his creation will be fulfilled and people can hinder that purpose, at least to some degree. Maybe God is all-knowing and in some sense learning as he goes along.

There are a number of things that are seeming contradictions in God and how he deals with what he has created, yet somehow fit into his eternal purpose and nature. I’m not sure at this point in life that any of the systems we have come up with over the centuries have a handle on this whole idea of God. I’ve come to realize that God is far bigger and wilder than what we can even realize, that there is no box in the universe large enough to put God in. I don’t think God wants us to understand him or figure out everything about him. I think rather, that God wants us to know him, to have a relationship with him based on his love toward us and our love back to him. He wants us to experience him as a loving Father, not as a subject to be dissected and studied. Jan and I have been married for twenty nine years, and while I know her better than I did when we first met, I will never know everything about her. But, my love for Jan grows stronger every day as I spend time with her, rest in her love for me, and seek to serve her and love her. I believe that’s the kind of relationship the Father wants with us.

I am comfortable with the questions. I don’t have to be absolutely certain about everything. Actually, I’m looking forward to being in the Father’s presence and being amazed at how everything worked out.

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Motives

The other day, I heard someone say that the motivation for the Christian life is not in gaining what we do not have, but in living up to what we do have. I immediately thought, “That seems kind of legalistic.” The emphasis is on what we can do, what we need to do. Knowing the background of the speaker, I am sure that many of the things we must do to “live up to” what we have in Christ include things like going to church every time the doors are open, avoiding things like tobacco and alcohol, and keeping ourselves “separated” from those outside. If the “Christian life” consists of sins to avoid and certain practices to embrace, then it makes sense that we are to be motivated by a desire to live up to a certain standard.

My fundamental disagreement is with the implied definition of the “Christian life.” I believe that life in Christ is not a set of “standards” that we must keep. It is not a set of “truths” that we must give assent to. There are certain things that we believe, and certain things we will or won’t do, if we are followers of Jesus, but the motivation behind that is not an attempt to live up to anything. I believe that the motivation for the Christian life is found in God’s grace through the Holy Spirit. The Spirit teaches us and takes what we learn and changes us. Our knowledge becomes somethng more than just something rattling around in our brain. It is something we experience, something that becomes who we are as the Father’s love and grace fill us.

As we spend time with Jesus, and the Spirit works in us, we will be changed so that the things the Father wants us to do will become more and more natural for us. We’re not perfect, and there is a certain amount of responsibility on our part to put ourselves in the place where God can work, but doing what God desires and becoming more like Jesus is something that God must do. It is not a case of trying to live up to what we have in Christ. If that is our motivation, then we will fail, because it is impossible for us to lift ourselves up in that way.

If you are in Christ, rest in God’s grace for you. Trust that everything you have in Christ is everything you need, and that the Father loves you and sees you as he sees Jesus. It is already accomplished. Let the Spirit guide you and teach you, and change you in the way the Father wants you to change. It’s all about God’s grace, not our own puny efforts.