Category: Life

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This week, I’m going to repost some things I wrote last year during the Easter season. This first one was written for Palm Sunday.

Today we celebrated the day that Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey, surrounded by people hailing him as the Messiah. Evidently this procession was not the only one making it’s way into the city that day. The Roman governor, Pilate, was also entering Jerusalem with his forces. This was something that happened before every Jewish holiday. After all, the Romans had to remind the Jews who really was in charge.

So, you have an imperial Roman procession on one side of the city and a subversive, Messianic parade on the other side. The people shouting, “Hosanna!” as Jesus made his way along the road thought they understood what was going on. As they saw it, this man who had performed so many miracles was the promised king who would drive out the hated Gentile oppressors and restore the glory of Israel. Unfortunately, as the week unfolded, many of these same people, now disillusioned, would join in the calls for his crucifixion by those same oppressors.

Those folks were partially right. Jesus was the promise Messiah. He had come to set up a kingdom and free them from their oppression. What they didn’t realize was the nature of the kingdom. It was a kingdom that is not of this world, a kingdom that came in, not by way of overthrowing the present empire, but by the king dying at the hands of that empire. The Jews were expecting God to do things the way they expected. They didn’t understand that God rarely works that way.

I thought of how many times I’ve prayed for things and thought that God was going to answer those prayers in a certain way, either because I had jumped through a certain number of hoops to “earn” God’s blessing, or because I couldn’t think of any other way God could act. I trusted in God for the things I thought he would (or should) do. Like the Jews I followed Jesus for what I could get out of it. The funny thing is, God never seemed to do the things that I expected, yet so many things turned out in such a way that I knew the Father was taking care of me. Things were not all sweetness and light, and sometimes I questioned God about what he was doing. But I can look back on those days and see that God was there, and that he was working.

During our times together at St. Thomas, we have seen that God is not predictable. He is not someone who can be counted on to always do things a certain way. God relates to people in all kinds of ways, and we cannot tie him down to a particular plan of action. None of us can figure God out, yet he calls us into relationship with him. In that relationship we learn to trust God simply for who he is rather than for what we think he can do for us.

Be encouraged. Your Father loves you more than you know. He has given you his life and his glory. Trust the Father, even when the parade of Palm Sunday turns into the darkness of Friday.

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For My Friends

In John 15:13, Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” Of course, we know that the context is Jesus telling his disciples that he is now calling them friends and that he is going to lay down his life. That has also been interpreted over the years to teach that we, as followers of Jesus, are to lay down our lives for others. I look at this verse and put it together with the command to love each other as Christ loves us and the declaration that that love will be the mark that shows who we belong to. It causes me to look at myself and ask if I’m really willing to lay down my life for my friends. I don’t mean just being willing to take a bullet or throw myself in front of a speeding bus. It is much deeper, and I believe, much more difficult than that. Am I willing to give up my time for my friends? Am I willing to make them a priority? Am I willing to rearrange my schedule, if possible, for them? Am I willing to be awakened in the middle of the night to lend a hand? Am I willing to let them have their way in certain matters? To go deeper, am I willing to pursue a brother or sister who is estranged? Am I willing to forgo worship to be reconciled, as Jesus taught? Am I willing to humble myself and ask forgiveness? Am I willing to forgive, whether the other has asked or not? Am I willing to acknowledge hurt, forgive, and then re-establish fellowship because the other is my sister or brother, because we are family? Now it’s starting to sound more like dying. Am I willing to do whatever it takes, at any cost to myself, to strive to keep the unity we have in Jesus Christ? Am I willing to be misunderstood, criticized, even slandered to show Abba’s love to a world that is desperately in need of it? Am I willing to die? Tough questions. Questions that I ask myself, questions that all who follow Jesus should ask. My answer echoes the prayer of the father with the sick son in Mark 9:24: Lord, I am willing, help my lack of willingness!

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A Peek Inside

While reading Wild at Heart this afternoon, I was struck by a particular passage where John Eldredge quoted Winston Churchill’s statement that all his past life had been a preparation for the trials Britain was going through in World War II. Eldredge then went on to state, “The same is true of you, your whole life has been preparation.”

This is what I wrote in response:

Father, is it true? Has all my life up to this point been preparation? For what? What is it that you want me to do that it has taken fifty five years of preparation? You have told me that I am a Gideon. I want so badly to be the kind of warrior who is willing to go up against insurmountable odds, armed only with your power. Let me be a clay jar, plain and unassuming, but a deadly weapon when filled with you. Gideon led others to freedom. That is what I want to do. I want to be an agent of your grace. I want to help others break away from the chains forged by the lies they believe. I want to be in the battle and watch what you will do.

I want to hear your voice in the midst of all the noise around me. I want to be dangerous, the kind of man who can’t be labeled, who can’t be controlled because he is doing what you tell him to do. I want to live abundantly, to love with abandon, to fight with every fiber of my being for the freedom for which you have set us free. I want to go when you say go, to fight when you say fight. I want to stop and watch you work and to rest when you tell me. I want people to take notice – of you, and the greatness of your grace.

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A Place to Be

The language arts class in which I assist just finished reading Maniac Magee, by Jerry Spinelli. Because I leave halfway through the class each day, I was only able to catch bits and pieces, but I was able to get the basic idea of the book. It’s about a boy who is orphaned at age three, and spends the next few years of his life trying to find a place to call home. He bounces from place to place, never allowing himself to feel comfortable at any one of them because he is afraid to settle in, afraid to let himself get too close, afraid of losing anyone else.

As we finished the book today, I started thinking about how that is so like those of us who follow Jesus. We’re afraid. Afraid to let others get too close, or to get too close to them. We’re afraid that we won’t be accepted once people discover the real us. I think our biggest fear is the fear of being hurt. I know that fear personally, and there have been times when I have tried to not get too close to folks in certain groups, because I have been hurt and don’t want to get hurt again. I understand those who have to deal with that.
I believe that these fears are one of the reasons churches are not what they could be. Many are looking for a safe place, but they don’t let themselves get too comfortable or too close to the people in a church. In a large church, they can hide. Eventually though, they will get the vague feeling that something is wrong, that the church is not meeting their needs. They will then look somewhere else, like Maniac Magee. Unfortunately the cycle will continue to repeat itself, or they will give up on the whole church thing altogether. Or, they may come upon a small to mid-size church that bills itself as a place “where people matter.” They soon find out that people matter as part of a program, not as individuals. Conflicts may happen, and then, out they go. Some spend their whole lives looking for a place to belong.
Even those who are part of simple churches are not immune to these fears. Again, they are perfectly understandable. If one of the goals of a simple church is to know and be known, there will inevitably be conflict. Too many folks have the idea that if they can just “do church” the way the early church did, all of their problems will be solved. Have you read the letters the Apostles wrote to the early churches lately? It seems that a large part of those letters were written to address problems that the people were having with each other. I have yet to be in a church where a man was sleeping with his father’s wife.
Anytime we deal with people, there will be conflicts. Life is messy, and the deeper we let people into our lives, the better the chance that we will be hurt. That hurt makes it hard to believe that we are safe, that it is really possible to live in community. Some return to the old routine of moving from place to place, never allowing themselves to get comfortable or to love again. Others will give up, and try to go it alone. Both approaches have problems. The first puts us right back into the system that hasn’t produced the community that many look for. The second forgets the fact that the Church is the Body of Christ, that we need each other as the body needs each of its parts. When a limb is amputated, the patient experiences a phantom limb, feeling pain in a part of the body that isn’t there. The same thing happens in the Body of Christ.
Living in community is hard. The conflicts happen, and the wounds they leave are real, and sometimes deep. I don’t believe the answer is to hide our hearts deeper, or refuse to be vulnerable again. Loving and being loved is hard, messy, and painful. It can not be accomplished in our own strength, it can only be done in the power of the risen Christ, the One who has told us to love each other as he loves us.
Be encouraged. Community and love can happen. It is what Abba wants. It is how others will know we belong to Jesus.
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Lent

The following is a repost of something I wrote last year, with some updates:

Tomorrow is the first day of Lent. Ash Wednesday is celebrated by Christians around the world with a service that includes the placing of ashes on the forehead of the worshippers. The ashes are to remind that we are made from dust, and to dust we will return. That is one part of the Lenten observance that I have not yet participated in, as I have only been observing Lent for the last four years. In the tradition in which I grew up, Lent (like most of the church calendar) was not even on our radar. We celebrated Christmas, Palm Sunday, and Easter. I had a vague notion that other days were observed in other traditions, but we were taught that those days were not important. So, I’m a bit new to the keeping of the church calendar, and still learning.

As I approach the Lenten period, I am struck by the fact that our bodies are formed from the dust of the ground, and to that dust they will return. Because of the brokenness of Creation, we face the inevitable decay of our physical selves. Anyone middle-aged man who has tried to compete in sports at the same level he did when he was in his twenties can attest to that. At some point our bodies will wear out and no longer be useful to us. When they are then placed in the ground, they will return to the dust from which they came. As we look around us, we see that decay in every part of our world. Ash Wednesday and Lent are good reminders that we are broken and in need of a savior.

Thankfully, that is not the end of the story. During this time, we take a good hard look at our humanity and our brokenness, but we also look ahead to the time when our Savior will return and will restore Creation. We look forward to the resurrection and the Kingdom of God coming in all its fullness. When I think about Ash Wednesday, and the symbolism of the ashes on the forehead, I think of the song, “Beauty Will Rise.” In that song Steven Curtis Chapman sings,

“Out of these ashes… beauty will rise
and we will dance among the ruins
We will see Him with our own eyes
Out of these ashes…beauty will rise
For we know, joy is coming in the morning…
in the morning

…This is our hope.
This is the promise.
That it would take our breath away
to see the beauty that’s been made
out of the ashes…”

As we go through this season of Lent, contemplating our sinfulness and our need of a redeemer, let us remember that we do have a Savior who has made us a new creation, and who will one day make all things new.

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You Are More

In our gathering Sunday, we were discussing who we were in Christ. We were talking about how we often react to certain situations and people according to old scripts that tell us we are this or we are that. We listen to lies that people have told us, saying that we are worthless, that we are stupid, that we are unloved. Because we believe those scripts, we have a hard time believing that God really loves us, and we are not free to love ourselves or to love others as Jesus has loved us. One of our brothers played a song by the group Tenth Avenue North titled “You Are More.”

Here are the lyrics:

There’s a girl in the corner
With tear stains on her eyes
From the places she’s wandered
And the shame she can’t hide

She says, “How did I get here?
I’m not who I once was.
And I’m crippled by the fear
That I’ve fallen too far to love”

But don’t you know who you are,
What’s been done for you?
Yeah don’t you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you’ve made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You’ve been remade.

Well she tries to believe it
That she’s been given new life
But she can’t shake the feeling
That it’s not true tonight

She knows all the answers
And she’s rehearsed all the lines
And so she’ll try to do better
But then she’s too weak to try

But don’t you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you’ve made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,

You’ve been remade.

You are more than the choices that you’ve made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You’ve been remade.

‘Cause this is not about what you’ve done,
But what’s been done for you.
This is not about where you’ve been,
But where your brokenness brings you to

This is not about what you feel,
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved.

You are more than the choices that you’ve made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You’ve been remade.

You are more than the choices that you’ve made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You’ve been remade.

You’ve been remade
You’ve been remade.
You’ve been remade.
You’ve been remade.

You are more. More than what you have done, more than what has happened to you. You are more than what the old scripts tell you. You are a beloved child of the Creator, a co-heir with Christ. You are made in God’s image, more than simply a “sinner saved by grace.” You are free! Let me repeat. You. Are. Free! Free to love your Father with reckless abandon, knowing that he loves you the same way.

You are more. So much more.

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Free!

I read a couple of posts this morning that started the wheels turning in my head (that’s what the squeaking noise was). The first post was by Dan Edelen here, and the second was by Jeff Dunn and is found here.

As one who grew up and served in conservative Christian circles, I have constantly bumped against walls that were put up to keep us from engaging in certain behaviors, or to make us do other things. I’ve always been anti-legalism, and over the years cultivated an image as a bit of a rebel. Unfortunately, the image was many times driven by a desire to do what I wanted rather than what God wanted. I was more anti-legalism than pro grace.
I am learning that a reliance on God’s grace and love is what should define my life. The posts mentioned above are part of that learning. I am learning that Romans 7:5-6, Galatians 2:19-21, and Colossians 2:20-23 are good passages to live by. I am learning that my Father loves me no matter what I do or don’t do. I am learning that Jesus took away all my sins: past, present, and future. Not only that, but the power of sin has been broken by Christ.
Sin is no longer the defining force in my life. I still sin, but I also have a Savior that has freed me. When I do sin, it’s not because sin is controlling me. It’s life. It’s part of being a man who is still learning how to follow Jesus and live in God’s grace. Fortunately, my Father doesn’t condemn me, he is not disappointed with me. He sees me as his beloved son. He teaches me and leads me, and continues to fill me with his love.
I’m learning that I am not in control of my life, God is. No matter hard I try, I can’t please God more. I can’t do things that are going to influence God to bless me. It’s not up to me.
I’m learning that I am a dead man. I have died to sin and its power. I have died to this world. I am dying to the opinions of other people, because the only opinion that counts is that of the One who calls me child. That last one will take some time.
I want to be as Jesus, who only did what the Father told him to do. Jeff Dunn says that folks accuse him of being “all grace.” I’ll gladly accept that label. Dan Edelen writes, “Anymore, the only rules I impose on myself on this walk of faith are, am I loving the Lord, and am I loving other people.” That sounds good to me. Jesus himself said that the two greatest commandments are to love God and love others, and that everything else hangs on that.
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Reflections on the New Year

I haven’t blogged in almost two weeks. Due to traveling and other Christmas activities, my time on the computer was not as regular as it usually is. I just got caught up in my blog reading yesterday. I have had some time to reflect on the year that has past, and also to look ahead to the new one.


I’ve heard it said that the only constant in life is change. That has certainly been true in the past year. My job responsibilities changed, and I’m now working on a more individual basis with a few students. I enjoy it more than what I was doing, and I feel like I’m actually helping them. Jan left her job at the assisted living facility, and is teaching part time and cooking for a retreat center part time. Our church has not grown this year, in fact it has actually shrunk. That’s a good thing though. We made the decision to try and be open to each other and learn to live life with each other. It’s been an interesting experience, and I think we’ve grown closer as a community and have experienced a measure of healing and freedom. It will be interesting to see what the Father will do in us in 2011. God has been teaching me how to go through my day-to-day being aware of his presence, and focus on listening and doing what he tells me to do. I am learning, although there are times when what I think is the voice of God is just my addled brain talking.

I’m looking forward to this year. I’m sure it will bring changes, some positive, some not so much. I don’t make resolutions, mainly because I never keep them. 🙂 I do have certain things I want to see happen. You can call them goals if you want. I want to live in awareness of God’s presence more each day and hear his voice. I want the courage to take risks when the Spirit directs me. I want to love God and others with abandon, not worrying about what people may think. I want to be a blessing to my faith community, and to others that I come in contact with. I want to be a better husband, loving Jan more as Christ loved the Church. I want to be a better father to my adult children, letting them see Jesus.

I know the road ahead will take some turns. There will be some bumps, and there will be times when I will mess up. The one thing I know for certain is that my relationship with my Father doesn’t hinge on how many resolutions I make and keep, on how well I perform certain spiritual duties, or on anything that I do. Abba loves me, and there is nothing I can do that will change that in any way. I can be the prodigal, the elder brother, or something in between, and God still loves me with a reckless, graceful love. That is why I look forward to the year ahead.

You may make resolutions at the start of a new year, or you may not. You may set goals, and plan how to reach those goals. That’s fine. Just remember that some goals will be met, but others will not be realized. Some resolutions will be shelved until next year. Remember also, that your Father loves you and will continue to love you the same no matter whether you keep all your resolutions or not. You are free, free to make resolutions and then break them, free to set goals and then not meet them.
Jesus came to give us a full, abundant life. So, live. Be free. Abba loves you.
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Thanksgiving

Thursday is Thanksgiving, the day set aside to stop and reflect on the things that we are thankful for. Then we fall asleep watching football. The good thing is that many people really do stop and think about their blessings.

There is much in my life for which I am thankful. First, and most importantly, I am thankful that the Creator of the universe is my Abba, and that he calls me son. I am thankful that I am a coheir with Christ of all things. I am grateful for God’s love and grace, and for his patience with me.

I am thankful for my family. I was blessed to grow up with a mom and dad who loved me unconditionally, and taught me a lot about following Jesus. I am thankful for my sister and her family, and for their love. I am thankful that they live relatively close. I am extremely thankful for the wonderful woman who shares my life. Jan is a blessing from the Father, and her love and support are essential to me. God has allowed us the privilege of bringing up two fantastic children. Josh and Jennie have given us countless wonderful memories, and we continue to be very, very proud of them. I am thankful for my in-laws. I have always felt loved and accepted, and Jan’s dad continues to be a strong support to us.

Like many folks in today’s economy, I am thankful I have a job. Beyond that, I am grateful to have a job where I can see a bit of difference made in what I do. I enjoy working with the middle school kids, and love the opportunity to coach the high school basketball team God has given me.
I am thankful for the things God has taught me over the last few years. My faith has been tested and stretched, and my dependence on the Father and my love for Jesus has deepened. Although their are still areas where the answers aren’t there, I am comfortable with the questions. I am grateful for the community God has led us to. We are a fellowship that is committed to loving God and loving each other. We are learning to open up to each other and accept each other, warts and all. We are seeking to live as free people in Christ and to help others find that freedom. The folks in our community have become a family, and they are all a real blessing to us.

I am thankful for the friends I have made along my journey so far, and for the ones who will come along later. I am grateful for those of you who read this blog, and for those who write the things that God uses to teach me. I could go on and on, but you get the idea. I am extremely blessed.

I will have limited computer access for the next few days, so the blog will be silent. I hope your Thanksgiving is blessed. Enjoy the day, and spend a bit of time thanking God.

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I Am Sad Today

My heart is grieving today. Today would have been the 11th birthday of a little girl named Zahra Baker. She is the girl who was reported missing over a month ago, and whose remains are being found in various places. Those of you who live in the Charlotte area are familiar with the story.

My heart is grieving, but it also cries out for justice. I must admit that a large part of me asks for no mercy for someone who would abuse, and then kill, a child. Another part of me wonders what could cause someone to commit such unspeakable acts, and wonders at the injustices along the way that allowed this.

I could probably come up with a long list of failures on the part of people that caused this tragedy to happen. The whole story has not come out, but there was allegedly abuse at home. I don’t know how many visits social service workers made, or if they noticed anything amiss. Relatives have said that they knew that things were not good at home. One of them was quoted as saying that Zahra had a horrible home life, and that, “this was something…we knew was going happen.” The family’s neighbors had not seen the girl out of the house for at least a month, and some of them didn’t even know she lived there. My heart grieves for a world where relatives know something is going on and feel, for whatever reason, unable to step into the situation. I grieve for a world where neighbors don’t know what is going on in the lives of those around them.

I am not condemning the relatives or neighbors in this case. I don’t know their situations, so I have no right. What I do know, and what breaks my heart is that we live in a world where we have shut ourselves off from our neighbors, or in some cases, our own families. We leave our houses in the morning, drive to work by ourselves, spend our day barely interacting with our coworkers, drive back home, where we shut the door to the outside world. At the most, we wave to our neighbor as we drive away. How many of us spend time with those who live around us, getting to know them as people? How many of us who call themselves followers of Christ spend time with our neighbors without an agenda to “get them saved?” How many of us see them as beings made in the image of God, rather than as those on the “outside?”

Abuse and other problems happen in churches just like they do “out in the world.” We don’t pick up on these things because we do not build deeper relationships. How many of us really know those we call brothers and sisters in Christ? How many churches are filled with folks who show up on Sunday morning, settle into their comfortable seat, sing a few songs, listen to a stirring (or not) talk, then get into their cars and drive back home, waiting until the next week before they see anyone in the church again? Even many of our small groups are superficial, and don’t let any “fellowship” delve into what is really going on in our lives. We worship with people who look like us, think like us, and drive the same quality car as us. We make sure that our time together is spent on things that don’t unmask us, so we accumulate more knowledge. We equate discipleship to imparting knowledge about Scripture and the spiritual life rather than pouring our life into the life of another person. We are afraid to let others inside the wall, because we fear what they might say. We fear rejection or condemnation.

My heart grieves. It also cries, ‘Enough!” It is time for the body of Christ to stop acting like a bunch of unconnected parts, and begin spending time with one another, building into each other’s lives. This will be revolutionary for many in the institutional church, because it will mean that the majority of our time will need to be spent in going from house to house rather than from meeting to meeting. We will spend more time building relationships than building programs. Our money will go to help individuals in need instead of a building program. We will know who has need and giving will come naturally, not from a “benevolence ministry.”

Relationships are not easy. They can be very messy, and sometimes painful. The alternative is continuing in the, “How are you doing?” “Fine,” way of dealing with people. We can let down our guard and develop deep relationships fueled by love, or we can stay on the surface and never get to know others. We can know people and be known well enough to step in and help when it’s needed, or we can say we never saw it coming when the world collapses on them. We can be the body of Christ, or we can be people who just “go to church.”

Choose wisely.