Category: Life

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What’s Going On?

Barb wondered what is happening in the lives of her readers, so I finally got around to writing about what’s going on with me.

Things have changed quite a bit in the past few months. In July, Jan and I left the church we had been a part of for fourteen years. That same month, the school Jan taught at closed because of financial problems caused by dwindling enrollment. At the beginning of August we joined a small community of faith that was just starting up. We meet in a bagel shop on Sunday mornings, and we average between twenty and thirty people. We are hoping to form a body that will show the love of Christ to those outside the church, whether “unchurched” or “de–churched.” It’s going well, and we are looking for opportunities to reach out to our city.

Jan found part-time work at a retirement village here in town. She is a resident assistant in the assisted living facility. Working part time allowed her to spend more time with her mom and dad, which was a good thing because her mom slowly went downhill until she passed away in late September. We saw the grace of God during that month, as the three daughters and all nine grandchildren were able to visit and spend some good time with her. Each time a new set of visitors would come, Mom would rally. She recognized each one and was able to talk with them. It was a blessing.

Josh is in his last year of grad school. This year is proving to be a very busy one as he works on his thesis in addition to the regular classes. Hopefully the economy will have improved next spring to the point where architectural firms will be hiring. Jennie has been promoted and is a still photographer for a special effects studio in Los Angeles. She loves California, and is doing well. This school year, I am still a teacher’s assistant, but I am in a different class. I’m still coaching girls’ basketball, and in the spring I will coach softball. There is a different set of challenges this year as I learn to love a different set of “neighbors.” I’m still enjoying what I do, although it does get wearing at times.

My spiritual journey continues along the twists and turns on the back roads. I’m becoming more and more convinced that we Christians have failed at the main thing Jesus told us to do – love others. I’m learning to look at Scripture as God’s story. Not a set of rules. Not a storehouse of individual verses to be mined in order to put together a system of theology. Not a textbook to be mastered. Not a handbook for life. It has some of those aspects in it, but now I see it as the story of how God shows himself and relates to the world he created. Scripture is to be taken as a whole narrative, not chopped up into proof texts. I believe that we are called to proclaim the Good News that Jesus is Lord, not tie the Gospel to a particular political or economic system of thought. While we may participate in the process (or not), the important thing is the Gospel.

My beliefs on a number of other things have changed. I won’t go into a whole lot of detail here. Some of that will probably come out in future posts. Those of you who are regular readers, (and if you’re not, why not?) have read about some of those changes. If you haven’t, there’s an archive on the sidebar. 🙂

Anyway, that’s a bit of an update. I would be interested in reading what’s going on in your life. Drop me a note in the comments so I can check it out.

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In Memory

Yesterday, we buried Jan’s mom, so there is no TGIF this week.

I’m sure you’ve all heard various mother-in-law jokes. They are a staple of stand-up comedy and TV sit-coms. Some of you may have experiential knowledge of mother-in-law jokes or stereotypes.

In the thirty one years that I have known Jan, twenty nine as a married couple, I never experienced any of the things that seem to make mother-in-law jokes so popular. From the first time I met Jan’s mom, I was accepted and loved. One of the best qualities of Wilma Parkis was her unconditional love that she showed to her family, extending to the men who married her three daughters. We were not just sons-in-law. We were sons. That love was also extended to my mom and dad. It was not really a matter of two families joined simply because of a marriage as it was two families merged into one. Even after we moved away for a few years, our parents continued to get together on a regular basis. When we moved to South Carolina, both sets of parents moved here, and their friendship continued.

At the funeral yesterday, some of the grandsons spoke beautifully of their memories of their grandma. We have heard stories from the nurses and others who were her caretakers at the nursing home where she spent her last four years. All of those accounts stressed her unconditional love for those she met and, most importantly, her love for her Savior.

Wilma Winifred Lazear Parkis (she was proud of that name) was a wonderful wife, mother, mother-in-law, grandmother, and great grandmother. We will all miss her, but we are comforted knowing that she is resting in the presence of God.

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Wish-Dreams

Last Sunday, the discussion centered around the death of “wish-dreams.” Wish-dreams are those things that we want to happen, and we all have them. We can have them in any area of our lives. A man can marry a woman and believe that she is going to meet his every need and be the perfect wife. A woman can believe that the man she marries will be her knight in shining armor and make everything right. Parents have wish-dreams for their children. You can see this by looking at the adults at any sporting event their child is a part of. Leaders and members of churches also have certain things that they expect to see in those churches. These are their wish-dreams.

The problem with wish-dreams is that they usually do not come true. Often they crash and burn with disastrous results. Marriages break up when a spouse doesn’t match the ideal and one partner cannot change the other. Young athletes burn out because of the pressure put on them by parents trying to live vicariously through their children. People bounce from church to church trying to find that ideal congregation that will be heaven on earth.

Wish-dreams die. Sometimes God kills them. We can either continue to pursue them and become disillusioned and bitter, or we can give them up and allow the Father to take us where he wants us. I have been through the process of watching dreams crumble and die. While painful, it is a necessary part of our growth as followers of Jesus. As we give up our dreams, God can replace them with his dreams for us.

I was originally going to write about the relationship between wish-dreams and unity, but I’ll give your eyes a rest by continuing this tomorrow. (Plus, I’ve always wanted to post a “series”) 🙂

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Three Years

It’s been three years since my mom was freed from her world of disease and pain. There is still sadness as I think back on that time. I know that she will never leave my heart or my thoughts, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I still miss her. I probably always will.

The longer I live and the more I learn, the more I realize how profound Mom’s life really was. Dan Edelen writes here about the genius of ordinary, simple saints. That got me thinking about the influence that Mom’s simple deep faith had on me. She didn’t have any seminary training, yet she knew Jesus. It was obvious in the way she loved my sister and me, and in the way she loved other people. Her life was hard growing up but I never saw any bitterness or hardness in her. You could see in her that she knew her Savior, and that she wanted to be like him. We always went to conservative churches where there was a certain amount of legalism and judgementalism, but I didn’t see that in Mom. While she was by no means perfect, she was one of the closest to being like the Master that I have ever known. Mom was a wonderful example of simply living her faith out, and that went a long way to shaping me into the person I am now (at least the good parts).

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Led Zeppelin in Rock Hill!

Actually, it was a group named ZoSo. They bill themselves as “The Ultimate Led Zeppelin Experience.” They looked and sounded an awful lot like the original, so it was a pretty good concert in downtown Rock Hill Friday night. After the concert, Jan and I watched the annual fireworks show. On Saturday, we sat in our front yard and watched our neighborhood parade, then we went to the neighborhood picnic. After a cookout with Jan’s dad, we watched a July 4 show on TV, and some fireworks at a church across the street.

On Sunday, we went out for breakfast and then went to the Latta Plantation north of Charlotte. We learned a bit of the history of one part of the Charlotte area. Later, we went and spent the evening with the our small group/house church that we have been a part of the last few months.

All in all, a good weekend.

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29

Tomorrow Jan and I celebrate the 29th anniversary of the day we said, “I do.” It’s hard to believe it has been 29 years. It’s hard to believe Jan has put up with me this long. 🙂

There are differences of opinion on whether there is “that certain one” that God has for each person. I don’t know, but I do know that I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else, or loving anyone else as much as I love Jan. I am extremely grateful to the Father for the gift of such a wonderful wife, lover, and friend.

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Reconnecting

Yesterday, Jan and I traveled to Asheville to attend a ceremony remembering the life of my second cousin. Even though she was a cousin, my sister and I knew her as Aunt Polly. Polly was a member of the Daughters of the American Revolution, and the ceremony was to place a marker on her tombstone designating her membership. The ceremony was a fine example of a simple patriotism that remembers and honors the sacrifices of those who have preceded us. First, we recited the pledge of allegiance, followed by the American’s Creed. Then, a member of the DAR sang the National Anthem.

One of Polly’s daughters spoke of her mom’s life followed by two granddaughters who spoke of her influence on the lives of all the grandchildren. After this, the marker was unveiled, and a great granddaughter played “Taps” on a trumpet. We then went into the church social hall for a reception. It was a wonderful time seeing cousins I hadn’t seen in far too many years, and reconnecting with a bit of my own heritage. I even spent a little time with an aunt on my dad’s side. The visit made me realize how easy it is to lose touch with family and how necessary it is to try and keep in contact.

From Asheville we traveled to Columbia to watch my nephew play soccer. It was good to see my sister and her family after a couple of weeks without being with them.

It was a good reminder of the things that are really important: family, faith, and a love for the country in which God has placed you. So many other things in life are affected by how we live out those three things.

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Gone For Awhile

I’m sorry there was no TGIF on Friday. I was out of town for a few days and had very limited computer access.

On Friday, I was in Clarks Summit, PA for my 30th college reunion. I know, I don’t look that old.:) It was good to see a couple of classmates, but the highlight of the weekend was being there for the retirement celebration of the school’s former athletic director and basketball coach. Along with seeing him, I was able to spend time with my former soccer coach and my old track coach. These three men have had more influence on my life than anyone except my own father. They taught me how to see athletics, and all of life as a way to glorify God. This had a huge impact on the way I have approached coaching and teaching. I just hope that I have had a similar impact on some of the kids I’ve had the privilege of working with through the years. That afternoon, I walked across the soccer field; and since it was homecoming weekend I remembered back to when I was a senior and walked across that same field with my mom and dad. That brought a few tears.

Saturday, I drove to Baltimore and spent the night with some friends from The Ooze. We went duckpin bowling and had a blast! We were in an old building that had lanes on two floors. It’s the oldest continuously operating duckpin alley in the U.S. I hadn’t been duckpin bowling since I was a kid, so I had a lot of fun. Sunday, we attended Cedar Ridge Community Church. That’s the church that Brian McLaren founded. It was a good service. Later that day, I drove to Springfield, VA and spent the night with a nephew and his wife. It was good seeing them again.

On Monday, I went and saw the new building that had replaced my old high school. I didn’t like the building, but their football stadium and track stadium are very nice. Then I went and visited my parent’s grave. There were more tears, as there will always be at certain times. I drove home and got in at 10:00 PM, tired and feeling blessed that I was able to make this trip.

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Two Years

It’s been two years since my mom and dad left this world and stepped into the presence of their Lord. Mom passed on August 27, and Dad joined her thirty three days later, on September 30.

After two years, the pain and sorrow is not as fresh or strong as it was. I am continuing to heal, although there are still times when I find myself with a catch in my throat and a tear in my eye. When a holiday comes, especially Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, I stop and think about how much I miss them. Whenever I read or hear something about the loss of a family member, I feel my own loss. When I read about being reunited with loved ones in God’s presence, I long for that day.

When Josh, along with a little bit of help from me, laid a new kitchen floor, I thought of how my dad was probably watching while we were working; wishing we could hear his words of advice. I think he is pleased.

Losing the ones who brought you into this world, who began the process of teaching you to make your way, and who were a major influence on your journey of faith is hard. It does leave a hole that is not filled. Maybe that is so we don’t get too attached to life in the here and now, but look for the time when the King will make all things right.

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Real Life

A little bit ago, Rachel posted a picture of Piper Palin spitting on her palm so she could wet down the cow-lick in her brother’s hair. It’s a cute picture and has even made it onto late night TV.

What struck me about that picture was how, in the midst of all the hoopla of a political convention, real life happens. Sometimes we get so wrapped in the things we are doing that we forget that life is going on all around us. We tend to get tunnel vision and think that the “big thing” that we are doing is the most important thing on earth. This is true whether we are involved in politics, making money, or even doing “church” work.

It has been said that at the end of our lives, no one will say, “I wish I’d spent more time at the office.” I think that is so true. Most of us will look back over our lives and wish we’d developed relationships with those around us, even with those in our own families.

I wonder if we will stand before Jesus and hope he will be impressed with the churches we have built, the doctrinal debates we have won, the systematic theologies we have constructed; only to hear him say, “Yes, but how many of your neighbors did you really get to know? How many times did you give to me by relating to and serving one of the least of these? Did you help your family grow in their faith? You missed a lot of the abundant life that I came to give you because you were consumed with all the “great” things you thought you were doing for me.”

Let us never forget to live.