Category: Love

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Lonely or Broken?

Back in the 80s, the group Yes put out a single titled “Owner of a Lonely Heart.” One line in the song reads, “Owner of a lonely heart, much better than the owner of a broken heart.” There are a lot of people who would agree with that sentiment, along with that expressed in Simon and Garfunkel’s song, “I Am a Rock.” I can understand the feeling. Many have had their hearts broken by friends, family, lovers. Abuse, violence, and death is a common part of the human experience.

While I can understand wanting to withdraw from intimate contact with other people, thinking that hiding the heart will make life better, I would disagree with the sentiment that being lonely is better than being broken hearted. I agree with C.S. Lewis, who wrote: There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one , not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully around with hobbies, and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers of perturbations of love is hell.

I believe a large part of the problem is our culture’s definition of love as something that will make the one loved happy and make the lover happy. It is a very self-centered thing. Because we can never make another person completely happy, and no one can ever make us completely happy, going into any kind of relationship with another person will be no safe investment. If you try to love others, whether as a spouse or friend, they may hurt you and you may hurt them.

As a follower of Jesus, I am commanded to love others. Not necessarily to seek to make them happy, and certainly not to make myself happy, although both of those things can and will happen at times. I am called to love others in a sacrificial way that seeks their good, even if that good may make them unhappy for a time. I am also called to love everyone, those who are like me and those who are different. This is where the rubber meets the road. Can I love my brothers and sisters in my local fellowship when we don’t see eye to eye? Can I love those who follow Jesus differently? If those whom I fellowship with aren’t “as far along in their walk with God as I am” can I love them?

In A Fellowship of Differents, Scot McKnight writes that to love others we must be committed. We must commit to be with those we seek to love. We must spend time with them, being a faithful presence. We must commit to be for them, to be on their side and let them know that we are for them. We must also commit to love them unto the person God has created them to be. As God’s faithful presence in us and his commitment for us transforms us unto the likeness of Jesus, so our loving relationships can transform those we love. It is in that loving unto that we run into difficulties. We don’t always take well to correction or teaching. We must be careful that we don’t hurry the unto before we have loved with and for. By our presence and support, our unconditional love, the Spirit can work in the hearts of those we love.

As someone who likes to be the one who fixes things, often with not so good results, I can tell you that what we need to do in our relationships is be faithful in our presence and support, and then trust the Spirit to do the work of changing hearts the way God wants, not the way we want. This is not easy because our love for others leads us to want them to be Christlike, and it can be heart breaking when it doesn’t happen. But, the results are not up to us. We are simply called to love as Jesus loves us. Period.

Let us show the world around us that we belong to Jesus by our love for others, especially our brothers and sisters.

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A Challenge and an Opportunity

Conservative writer George Will, in an interview on CNN, said that he believes that President Trump’s effect on the civil discourse in this country will be more damaging than Richard Nixon’s activities during the Watergate scandal. Whether or not you agree with him, I think it’s safe to say that the public climate in the United States is not good.

Take a look at campaign advertising the past few years. Almost all of it is aimed at painting an ugly picture of the opposing candidate. If you do a bit of digging you can find out that much of the advertising is at best half truths, and at worst bald faced lies. There is usually very little talk about the issues. Actually, this kind of thing has been going on during most of our history as a nation. It’s more widespread today because media is more advanced and covers a broader area. It does seem though, that the amount of vitriol in the public square is quickly reaching toxic levels.

Honestly, I don’t expect folks whose lives are all wrapped up in the kingdom of this world, who believe that human government will solve all our problems to act much differently. If you believe that your favored form of government is the only form of government it’s natural to see the other party as a threat to your way of life. From there it’s a short step to seeing individuals who disagree with you as evil. Don’t even try to tell me that is not happening.

What saddens me is seeing people who claim to belong to Jesus acting like those who don’t. Christians on both sides of the political divide attack other Christians, each side claiming that their views are the only ones influenced by Scripture, and that the other side is of the devil. Take a look at any of the social media sites and you see posts, from people who call themselves Christians, that are filled with hatred and misinformation.

This toxic climate presents followers of Jesus with a challenge and an opportunity. The challenge is to begin to treat those who are our brothers and sisters with the sacrificial love Jesus commanded. Pagans in the first century recognized the love Christians had for each other as something unusual. Christians were also known for showing love to the pagans. When unbelieving citizens of a city fled an outbreak of disease, it was the Christians who remained, taking care of the sick. We here in 21st Century America are still called to show love to fellow Christians. We are not told to love those who agree with us and show hatred to those who disagree. Loving each other is a challenge because we have bought into the idea that government can be used to advance the kingdom of God. Whether on the right or on the left, we forget that the United States, as great as it is, is still a kingdom of this world. We need to remember that we are citizens of a greater kingdom, with a greater agenda.

The opportunity is great. As the civic discourse grows more vitriolic and the world around us grows darker, we have the opportunity to show a better way. The first century church showed the Roman Empire that the sacrificial way of the cross was the only true way to be human. Through simply living out their faith, they turned the world upside down. Imagine what it would look like if followers of Jesus decided they were going to show love to others, in person and online. What would it look like if Christians were known for their civility in discourse and their willingness to listen, not just “own” the other side? How about if, instead of shouting at people, we showed them the truth, goodness, and beauty of the Gospel?

May those who we deal with see, not partisans, but Jesus.

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John 3:1-21

In our Sunday gatherings we have been looking at the Gospel of John. One Sunday a couple of months ago, I had the opportunity to teach on John’s account of Jesus’ conversation with Nicodemus.

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38 Years and Counting

On this date thirty eight years ago, Jan and I were married. We have been through a lot in that time, most of it good, some it challenging, and some of it flat out bad. We have reared two children, and are grateful that they have grown into responsible adults. We have buried our parents and become the “older generation.” We have become grandparents. Not once, not twice, but three times in the past thirteen months.

We have lived in five homes in three different cities, moving from the bustle of the Washington, DC area to the more blue collar Cincinnati, Ohio suburbs, to the small, yet growing town of Rock Hill, South Carolina. We have each taught in four different schools. Jan is currently tutoring part time, and I am working as an assistant in a law office. We have spent most of our working years traveling together to the same place, and had the blessing of having our son and daughter in the same schools with us for a good bit of the time. Jan has stuck with me through the times I was without work, when we often wondered how we were going to make it and when I seriously doubted my self-worth. There were times when her belief in me was what kept me going.

I am grateful for a wife who has been a constant in my life. There has never been a time when I doubted her love for me. She has been a support and a blessing to me throughout the years. She is one of the people God has used to mold me into who I am. I am thankful for the privilege of being her husband, her companion, her love. I consider myself most blessed man on earth.

As we enter this new stage of our journey, being grandparents, and dealing with getting a bit older, I am glad to have such a wonderful woman to travel with. Jan, I love you so much more than yesterday, and so much less than tomorrow. Happy Anniversary.

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Father

All of us have fathers. My father was a good man. Not perfect, but good. There never was a time when I didn’t know he loved me. He was a good provider and role model. I learned a great deal from him, although not as much as I could, or should, have. He was the kind of father that makes me proud to be his son.

Many folks don’t have a father like that. It is heartbreaking to hear those who had fathers who were absent. Some of their fathers died while they were young, others were absent because of work or simply lack of interest. More heartbreaking are the stories of the fathers who were abusive, who treated their children in ways that no one should be treated.

Our picture of God is often colored by our experience with our earthly fathers. Some of us see God as Abba, as the loving Father who cares perfectly for his children. To us, he is Papa, Daddy. Others unfortunately, have a hard time seeing God as their Father. Their image of God is that of a King who is hard, who is demanding, who is always asking more and more of us. That saddens me, because I believe the picture we have of God has a great deal to do with how free we are able to live as his children.

I once heard someone say something which I  believe will help those who struggle with the idea of God as Father. If you have trouble with that, try to imagine the perfect father, with all of the best attributes and no bad qualities. Imagine a father who always makes good and loving decisions, and who always does what is best for his children. Then, take that image and magnify it beyond comprehension. Do that and you have God.

Even the best of earthly fathers are imperfect. My father had his flaws, and I definitely have mine. But our heavenly Father, our Abba, has no flaws. He is absolutely perfect. He is everything anyone would want in a father, and more. We can’t begin to imagine such a perfect father. But we can accept that he is and trust him to be exactly what we need.

Cry out to Abba. Let his furious love wash over you and let him wrap you in his arms. Crawl up in his lap and rest in his perfect care.

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So, What’s Been Going On?

Last week I mentioned that a lot had been going on in my life. It’s true. There have been a fair amount of changes around here. All of these changes are good and will hopefully bring further good as time passes.

The first thing that came our way was the news that our daughter and her husband are expecting. They will become parents toward the middle to end of August. Not too very long afterward came the news that our son and daughter-in-law are going to be parents as well! They are adopting a baby boy who is slated to be born sometime between the middle of July and the beginning of August. So, all of a sudden we have gone from having no grandchildren to expecting​ two! God has answered a lot of prayers.

In the midst of all this wonderful news, I began a new career as a legal assistant for a good friend of ours. This was an answer to prayers that have been going up for the last two years, so needless to say, I am very grateful and happy. They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but so far I think I’m learning a lot of new tricks. I’m looking forward to going in to work on Mondays for the first time in quite a while. It definitely has been an adjustment and is much more challenging than anything I’ve done in a while, but it’s certainly not boring.

Hopefully, I can be forgiven for not posting as much lately. If not, that’s okay too. Sometimes certain things have to take a back seat to life. I’m going to try to be more regular in my writing, but I’m not going to make any promises. Life is good, and it marches on. I hope all of you faithful readers have good things happen to you as you continue on your journey.

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Church Signs: “The Best Thing We Can Give Someone​…

…Is Our Prayers.”

Usually my church signs posts are about the disagreements I have with the message on a particular sign. This time I agree with the message, to a point.

We are encouraged and commanded to give our requests to our Father, whether those requests are for ourselves or for others. In the Sermon on the Mount Jesus tells us that we are to ask God to change a person’s heart when anything we might say to them would be like giving pearls to pigs. Prayer is important and it is a perfect way to show others that we care.

Unfortunately, it’s far too easy for us to use prayer as an excuse to avoid doing things for people. We’ll say that we will pray for someone when we have the ability to help them out ourselves. Sometimes we simply forget to even pray for them. That is not a good thing. James tells us that if we say, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” it does no good. In the same way, if we say, “I’ll pray for you,” but don’t help when we can, it does no good.

The criticism that Christians are more interested in a person’s soul than their physical needs has some validation if the only thing we do is pray. At the same time, prayer is not a last resort when nothing else is working. We need to do both. We are to pray for the kingdom to come and for God’s will to be done on earth as it is in heaven, and sometimes we are the means through which that happens.

The best thing we can give others is prayer, and our help, and our love.