Category: suffering

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Blast From the Past: Out of the Cave, Into…

This too was written eight years ago. Shortly afterward, God led us to a community of faith where we have been ever since.

Some of you have read my recent post about finding myself in a cave. I’m now out of the cave, although still not far from the entrance. I now find myself in the middle of a thicket, sort of like a stand of rhododendron or mountain laurel, so thick that you cannot see out of it. It is still somewhat dark, and the direction I should take is unclear. I see many paths out, but don’t know yet which one to take.

There is the path that would take me back into the church world I left a few years ago. Next to it is the path that would take me to the land of the mega-church. Here I could find a place to hide and lick my wounds. One path seems to go in circles, and looks as if it would leave me no better off. Yet another way out continues in the search for community. That is the path that interests me the most, and the way that I have learned most about in the last couple of days.

You see, I have learned something about community, and about myself. I think I’m beginning to learn why I spent time in the dark cave. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am a pretty laid back individual, but that when I am passionate about something, I tend to go all out. As I learned more and more about the God’s desire for his children to live as brothers and sisters because of Christ, I became more and more passionate with living in community. Dietrich Bonhoeffer said, “The person who loves their dream of community will destroy community, but the person who loves those around them will create community.” As I look back on the past year, and my desire to have and fight for community, I realize I inadvertently pushed it too hard and may have been part of the cause of its destruction. I know that my heart was good, but I think I may have wanted community so badly that I didn’t see the problems that it was causing. Even though I tried to sacrificially love those around me, I think that I didn’t leave room for God to work, thinking that as long as we spent enough time together, growth and maturity would automatically happen.

I now realize that community is something that has to happen naturally, as God’s people learn to love one another. It is something that cannot be forced, and the Holy Spirit must be the one to form it rather than humans whose motives can be tainted by our own needs. I also realize that a particular form of community may not last as long as I think, and that I need to be willing to let it go when it is time. For those of you reading this who have been on the receiving end of my misguided efforts, I am sorry. I put the ideal of community ahead of my brothers and sisters. I was wrong.

As to what is next in this journey along the back roads, only God knows. I know that Jan and I still desire to share our lives with some fellow Christ-followers. I also know that it may not take any form that we expect. It may be in a regular gathering. It may take place in just getting together with one or two who share our desire. What I also know is that I want it to be something that happens as Christ’s Spirit moves, not when I think it should happen.

I’m learning to trust my Father. As I leave the thicket, I want to be hear my Shepherd’s voice and follow him wherever he leads, whenever he leads, and to whatever he leads. I would appreciate your prayers.

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Blast From the Past: The Cave

This was first published eight years ago when I was going through some things.

Papa! Papa! Where am I?

How did I get here? It’s so dark. I can’t see a thing!
I remember walking along the path with my friends. Next thing I know I’m waking up here in the dark. I think I remember the path passing near the entrance of a cave. Is that where I am?

How do you feel?

Everything hurts. I feel like I got hit by a truck. Now I remember. We were walking along when I was hit by something. Who would have done something like this?

An Enemy has done this.

Papa, it hurts so bad! I don’t understand! I’m all alone here in the darkness and I feel like everyone has abandoned me!

You are not alone. Your most trusted long time companion is near, waiting for you. I am here.

How did this happen? Everything seemed good. There was some loose rock on the path at times, and there were some places where part of the path had washed away. but I thought we had gotten past them. I thought this part of the journey was going well. I thought we were together.

Papa?

I’m broken. I feel like I can’t move. I’m afraid to try because I can’t see and I don’t know if it’s safe. I don’t know what to do!

Do you remember the time you spent in the desert learning to trust me rather than what you expected me to do?

Yes, I do. That was hard.

You still have more to learn.

Does it have to be so painful? I’d rather lose a job again than feel so hurt and rejected!

Papa, what do I do?

Stay here for awhile. Don’t move. I know it’s dark and you’re scared, but I’m here with you. You are broken, but my love will heal you. You are safe here. Learn again to trust me. No matter what.

When the time comes, I will lead you out of this place, and you and the person who truly loves you will continue on in your journey with me.

Papa, help me! I have no strength.

I know. I am your strength. I love you, son.

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Encouragement From a Lamppost

Last night was a night of fitful sleep and unsatisfying dreams. When I awoke this morning, I was feeling the weight of a number of things that are happening in this little conrner of the world. The events of the past few months and the strain that has put on relationahips of people that I know, the friend who is waiting for a possible diagnosis of cancer, and the friend whose mother just had a stroke, along with the stresses of helping lead a faith community to follow Jesus more closely. These are on top of dealing with Jan’s HD and all that goes with it, and trying to keep myself healthy.

When I went to the kitchen to make coffee, I looked out the window into our backyard. What I saw was similar to the picture above, minus the snow and fir trees. It was about 6:45, and the sky was just beginning to lighten. What I saw was unusual because the lamp had never stayed lit all through the night before this, and the previous day had been cloudy. I had bought that particular lamppost because it reminded me of the lamppost in the Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis.

When I saw the lamp still lit, the first thing that I thought (I believe it was God speaking to my heart) was, “There is still hope.” In the Narnia tales, the lamppost marked the border between Narnia and the wardrobe in the spare room. In some way it signified hope, because it was there that the story of Aslan coming and reclaiming Narnia began. As you read through the rest of the books, there is always an undercurrent of hope, no matter how dire the circumstances.

I have no idea what is going to happen in each of those situations I mentioned. I know I am praying for healing and restoration, but I also know that the final outcome is beyond my reach. But there is still hope. There is still the hope that no matter what happens, my loving Father has us all in his hands, and he always does what is good and right. There is still hope that the King of Kings will return and make everything right, healing every hurt and wiping every tear. There is still hope that Romans 8:18-39 is true.

You may be going through something similar, or worse. Things may well seem hopless to you. I would encourage you to look to the One who alone can give hope. Look to the King who has conquered death and who is bringing a new creation. Look to him because, to be honest with you, without him it is hopeless.

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Goodbye and Hello

Tonight we say goodbye, or rather, good riddance to the year 2020, and say hello to 2021.

Sometimes, there is a sense of loss in looking back on the year. I don’t believe this year is any different. Many, if not most of us can look back on things lost this year. Lost opportunities abound. Many didn’t get the chance to have their graduation, final season, vacation, family reunion, etc. The list goes on. Businesses closed, and millions of people lost their jobs. Even worse, many lost health and loved ones.

Our institutions took a hit as well. Many churches lost people as attending a virtual worship service morphed into not bothering at all for many. Our political process turned into a sideshow that may have long lasting repercussions. Our society seems as divided as ever, and many wonder if it will ever come back together.

Even the weather seemed to have it out for us. The hurricane season began before the official date and ended after it was supposed to be over. There was a record number of storms, adding to the loss and devastation in some parts of the country.

While there are many reasons to simply write this year off, there have been positive things happen. American politics haven’t yet fallen apart completely, even though some may have been trying to make that happen. Even with all the machinations, the system is still working. In the midst of the division, there has been more of a desire to ensure the rights of those whose rights have been under appreciated. We still have a long way to go, but it’s a start. Even with the horrendous loss of lives from this pandemic, it could have been worse. We have seen people join together on an unprecedented scale to try and alleviate the suffering of others. Many heroes have emerged from this tragedy. There has been much good come out of adversity.

We can look to the year ahead with trepidation or with hope. There will be dark days ahead, as the pandemic continues. Politicians will still look out for their own interests, and forget about the rest of us. There will still be selfish people, and the economy will still struggle. I choose to believe that better days are ahead, regardless of what shape those days might take. To do otherwise would be to give in to despair. As a follower of King Jesus, I believe that nothing that happened this past year suprised him, and that nothing in the future is going to shock him.

I have seen God work in some amazing ways in this past year, and I believe he will contine to work in the year to come. You might call me a starry-eyed optimist who isn’t grounded in reality, but my optimism isn’t an everything will be peachy keen, rose colored glasses optimism. My outlook is shaped by the firm belief that the King has come, has brought his Kingdom and the new creation into being, and will return again to finally set all things right. That is the reality in which I live. I hope you too can come to see that truth as well.

May God bless you in this year ahead.

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Little Bit of an Update

This past week, Jan and I had the opportunity to take part in the Huntington’s Disease Society of America (HDSA) national convention. Because of the pandemic, it was a virtual gathering. It was both informative and inspiring. There were sessions on what to expect, advances in research, and how others were coping. Due to our schedule, there were many things we couldn’t get to, but it was all recorded and will be on the HDSA website.

As Jan’s HD progresses, it was good to be given a sense of what lay ahead. Even though it will get more difficult, it is comforting to be armed with the knowledge of what is going on and some ways we can cope. It was also good to see how different people were dealing with the disease. There was not a sense of despair or sadness. There was more of a feeling that this is the way it is and right now we have to deal with it and live our lives as best we can.

There is also good news for the future. There is promising research that may lead to making HD a disease that we used to talk about. It’s possible that some day the faulty part of the gene will be tweaked and will not be an issue. While we don’t know if it will happen soon enough to help Jan, there is hope for our children and grandchildren.

Please continue to pray for us as we navigate the changes that will happen and learn to deal with each new normal as it comes up.

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On Protesting

Turn on the news today, and you are likely to see a group of people protesting at a state capitol. These protests are, at this time, against the stay at home or shelter in place rules that have been imposed during the pandemic. There are many who are in favor of the protests, and there are many who are against them. America has a long history of protesting, going all the way back to when we were still under the British throne. The freedom to assemble and to let the government know what we like or don’t like is in the Bill of Rights. Over the years, some of the protests have been very effective in bringing about needed change.

As an individual and as a citizen, I am in favor of the right to protest. I have taken part in a couple of protest actions myself. Having said that, I do have a problem with the protests that have happened recently. You may or may not have seen the pictures and video of heavily armed people dressed in combat gear crowding into the Michigan state house and even in front of the governor’s office. I would not call that a protest. I would call that an act of intimidation. Along with the weapons, there were statements made that it was too late for voting and was time for force. Another statement mused about the governor being hit by a shotgun blast.

The 1st Amendment to the Constitution provides the right to peaceably assemble. I didn’t see anything peaceable in a group of people storming into the halls of government with military type weapons, screaming in the faces of the law enforcement officers. I don’t believe that is the type of protest that the founders wanted to protect. It’s interesting that many of those folks would be the quickest to denounce the protests of blacks marching against police brutality, Latinos marching against the conditions in the camps along the border, over even NFL players taking a knee during the national anthem. In fact, I seriously doubt that a group of armed people of color would have been allowed anywhere near the capitol.

You may be saying, “Well, all of those Vietnam protests and civil rights protests weren’t all peaceful either.” You would be correct. Not everyone who protested did so in a peaceful manner. There was violence. In any large group there will be some who are trying to use the protest as a cover for harming others. The difference I see is that during the recent protests, the biggest majority of the group seems to have been the ones who were using intimidation tactics and implicitly threatening violence. There seems to be a fair number of people in this country who feel that it is their God-given right to force their way of thinking on others, with violence if necessary.

I don’t pretend to know what the answer is to all the problems that this pandemic is causing. People are getting desperately sick and many are dying. That doesn’t look like it’s going to get better any time soon. Millions of people are out of work, and know one is able to say definitively when the economy will be back to some sense of normal. Those who say that people need to be able to work are right. People need to be able to provide for themselves and their families. Those who say that we need to try and keep more from getting sick are also correct. The most vulnerable especially need to be protected.

I do believe that there needs to be something that seems to have left public life in America. There needs to be a civility in discourse that accepts what the other is saying and works to find solutions that benefit the whole. We need to respect and empathize with both those who are worried about their livelihood and those that are worried about their health or the health of loved ones. For those of us who claim to be followers of Jesus, Scripture gives us the way to approach things. Philippians 2 tells us that we are to “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

What would it look like if Christians began to think first of the good of others?

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Some Encouragement

It’s May. It may be hard for some of us to tell. Jan and I were talking the other day about the markers not being present this year. April Fool’s Day went by without all the usual antics. We celebrated Easter, but the usual feasting and fellowship was missing. Spring break was non-existent for many students because they were already at home. End of the year testing, spring sports, and graduation are other things that will not happen this year.

For many, the days fade into each other without the markers of commuting to work, going out on a weekend, or traveling to gather for worship. It’s hard. While it looks like there is light at the end of this tunnel, we really don’t know what will happen as businesses slowly reopen and folks start to go about their day-to-day outside of their homes. We are facing an uncertainty that most of us have never had to deal with. Listening to those who seem to have some expertise doesn’t always bring confidence and hope.

We are told in Matthew 6, to pray for God’s Kingdom to be known and his will to be done on earth as it is in heaven. We who follow the King know that he has already defeated death. We know that our King does reign. He has promised us that everything that happens is worked for our good and his glory, and that our present sufferings will pale in comparison to the glory that will be revealed in us. Because we are in Christ, there is absolutely nothing that can separate us from our Father’s love.

Be encouraged. It is hard. The future is cloudy. But our Abba has got this.

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Looking Ahead

We are now roughly two months into the Covid-19 pandemic here in the United States. To say that this is a life changing thing would vastly underestimate the effect it has had on our lives. We don’t know what the future holds, whether immediate or long term. You can find a different prognosis and prediction for each day of the week. I don’t believe anyone has the complete picture. Regardless, the future will look a great deal different than what we have been used to.

There are some things I hope will be true in our lives in the days to come. I hope that we will be kinder people, more patient and understanding. That seems to be true right now, and I hope i t continues. I hope that we continue to care about others, even sacrificing out own interests to help someone. I hope that we actively look for ways to do good to our neighbors. I hope that we will cherish our families and the time we have with them.

I hope that we can put differences aside, whether political, philosophical, or social, and work to recognize and do what is good for all, rather than what benefits one group over another. I hope that we as a culture can be truly pro life, from the womb to the nursing home. I hope that we can welcome those who come here looking for a better life without blaming them for our ills. I hope that we can recognize the value of everyone in our society and pay wages that allow them to take care of themselves and their families. I hope that we can realize that it really doesn’t profit anyone to gain the whole world only to lose their soul.

I hope those of us who follow Jesus will realize that the church is not the building or the institution, but is the people. I hope that we will cherish our brothers and sisters in Christ, and seek to love them as Jesus loved us. I hope that we will be known more for what we are for than for what we are against. I hope that we show the truth, goodness, and beauty of Jesus to our neighbors and demonstrate the hope of people who know that this world will be renewed.

I hope that all of us will have a better idea of what really matters. I hope that the next crisis that comes along will find us better prepared to handle it in a way that benefits us all.

Pipe dream? Maybe, but I will not give up hope.

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Thoughts on Easter 2020

The Easter season was a bit different this year. Instead of gathering in person with our brothers and sisters to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus, we gathered around our computer for a livestream service via Zoom. In stead of greeting dear friends with a hug, we waved to the images on the screen. Instead of getting together with friends or family for a feast, we had an Easter dinner for two in our dining room. It was a very good day, and I am grateful for what we were able to do, but it was different, in a strange way.

The coronavirus pandemic, which has devastated much of the world, has changed the way we do just about everything. Many people have been at home for a number of weeks, as “shelter in place” becomes the norm. The great majority of churches have closed their doors, either meeting on line, watching services on television, or not meeting at all. Businesses have been forced to close, and social distancing has forced upon us a new way of relating with each other.

Jan and I found some positive things coming out of an Easter weekend during time of quarantine. We gathered on line with friends Thursday for an altered Seder, followed by an online Maundy Thursday service. Friday evening we watched a Tenebrae service online, and Saturday found us experiencing an Anglican Easter vigil on line. Even though we didn’t do the things we normally do this time of year, we were able to experience a little of the breadth of the the Christian tradition’s celebration of the resurrection.

As the pandemic continues, many of the things we have taken for granted will have to be abandoned or revamped. The ways we work, shop, relate to others, and do church may look totally different in the days ahead. I think that will turn out to be a good thing. There are things that we need to change as individuals, families, churches, nations. As we come to grips with what is really important in our lives, we can become more understanding people, who treat each other as persons made in the image of God. As we learn to work together, we can become more unified. Maybe we can conduct our public lives with an eye toward what is best for all, rather than for our side of the aisle. As churches are forced out of the routine, maybe we can rediscover that the church is not the four walls, but is the family of God who are called to love and serve our neighbors.

Easter is all about hope. The hope that all will be made right, and we will be resurrected. In the midst of tragedy and hopelessness, we can know that Jesus defeated death. Because he walked out of that tomb, nothing will stand in the way of our Father’s plans to restore his creation. Nothing can change that. As the apostle Paul wrote, “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”