Category: suffering

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Musings From the Past Few Days

Last Wednesday, my life changed. That afternoon I experienced what someone my age hopes will never happen. My heart decided I needed to take a little trip to the emergency room. After arriving by ambulance and having a couple of EKGs done, the cardiologist on duty decided that it was time for me to go to the emergency heart cath room. While there, the doctor found that the artery in back of my heart was 95% blocked and a stent needed to be inserted. While this was happening, my heart tried to make things even more difficult. Fortunately it calmed down and the procedure was completed. After resting in the hospital for a couple days, I was able to go home on Saturday. I am feeling much better and getting anxious to start rehab and get back to some semblance of normal, although I know that the definition of normal will be different.

Between my adventure and all that is going on around the world with the COVID19 virus, I have had some time to think. One thing that something like a heart attack or pandemic will do is cause us to come to grips with what really is important.We chase around trying to find significance in so many different things and we many times forget what really counts. The current virus has pretty much brought the world to a standstill. Almost all sporting events have been cancelled, and the Olympics are in danger of not happening this summer. Restaurants, theaters, even churches are shuttered in an attempt to flatten out the curve and get ahead of this. It is likely that folks will begin to lose jobs, and there is the very real threat of a global recession. There is a great deal of fear as the unknown looms.

All of the dislocation and hardship that folks have gone through or will go through is hard and I don’t want to downplay or minimize their suffering. I grieve with those who are grieving the loss of opportunities, jobs, or especially the loss of loved ones. I am not suggesting that my thoughts are the answer for anyone else. The recent events in my own life and the “new normal” Jan and I are already dealing with, have led me to do a lot of taking stock, trying to determine what is really vital.

First, my relationship with God is the most important thing. Without that, there is nothing else. Loving God with every fiber of my being is the one thing. Next after that comes loving Jan as Jesus loved the church, giving myself for her. Then comes loving my children and their families and being a good grandad. Beyond that comes loving my brothers and sisters in Christ, especially those I am in community with, as Jesus loved me. Then there is loving my neighbor as myself. Regardless of what else may happen in the days and years ahead, if I can do those things I will consider myself to have done well.

Have you thought about these things? What do you consider to be most important?

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Advent

We are currently in the middle of the time in the church calendar known as Advent. It is a four week period in which we remember the expectant longing of the people of Israel for their Messiah, the promised king who would deliver them from bondage.

At the same time we remember their longing and hope, we look at our own hope and our own longing for our King to return and set all things right. As we look around us, we can see that today’s world is not all that different from that of the first century.

It was a dark time then. The people of Israel had returned to their land, but they were still in bondage to an oppressive empire in addition to their bondage to their own sin. We too, live in dark days. As we look at the world around us it seems as if wickedness and oppression is increasing, and even creation seems to be groaning more and more.

As the first century Jews were divided spiritually and politically, so the twenty first century church seems to have forgotten who its allegiance belongs to. I know that is a broad over-generalization, but that is what gets all the press. We long for the day when the true Kingdom will be consummated.

Like the Jews, we hope and long with expectation because we believe that our King Jesus will return and fully make all things new, that there will be no more pain, sickness or death, and that, to paraphrase Sam Gamgee, everything sad will become untrue.

Even so come, King Jesus.

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Getting Personal

May is Huntington’s Disease Awareness month. This month is significant to our family. Last summer, my wife Jan was diagnosed with HD. Later, we found out that both of our children and one of Jan’s sisters also have it.

HD is a genetic, fatal neurological disease for which there is no cure. Yet. If you want to find out more about it you can go to https://hdsa.org/what-is-hd/overview-of-huntingtons-disease/?

As you can probably guess, the diagnosis of a disease such as this has changed our lives. After all, since there is no cure, it will end in death. There is currently no treatment for the disease, only for the symptoms. As the disease progresses, there will be issues with memory and processing, problems with balance and movement and issues with speech and swallowing. Death is often caused by pneumonia, heart failure, choking or other complications. Depending on when the symptoms appear, the course can run from ten to twenty five years.

There are varying degrees of HD. How severe the disease will be depends on the number of “repeats” in a particular gene. The lower the number, the shorter and less severe. The threshold number is 40. That is Jan’s number. The folks with the higher numbers usually show symptoms between the ages of 30 and 50.

We are in a season of trying to settle into a new normal, with only a limited idea of what the future will look like. We know that we have to trust that our loving Father has us in his hands, and that he will be with us through whatever may come. There will be days ahead when Jan will not be able to do many of the things she once did, and there will be times of frustration and wondering.

Our children also face the unknown, but there is encouraging news for them. A number of clinical trials are showing promise, and there is a possibility of a future treatment that could effectively cure HD. We hope and pray that medical science is able to accomplish this soon.

We would appreciated your thoughts and prayers for us as we travel down this back road together.

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Fear

Franklin Roosevelt famously said, “…the only thing we have to fear is fear itself,” as he tried to encourage the American people to see the future as full of possibilities rather than full of terrible, fearful things. Not as famously, he also stated that the “common difficulties” concerned “only material things.” I think what Roosevelt was saying that the economic problems in the country at the time were not the most important thing, that there was something greater. That something was the spirit of the American people to pull together to do what needed to be done, including defeating the greatest worldwide threat the world had seen.

Centuries before, Jesus said to his followers, “Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.” He could easily have also said that difficulties they would face are not the important thing, that they paled in comparison to the kingdom. For at least a few hundred years, Jesus’ followers went about their day-to-day fearlessly; facing rejection, misunderstanding, persecution, torture, and death. They were able to do so because they had confidence that the kingdom had been give to them, that they were subjects of the King of Kings, and that everything he had was theirs. They knew that absolutely nothing could separate them from their Father’s love. These early Christians also could live fearlessly because they knew that the sufferings they did endure somehow were what the King used to bring kingdom on earth as in heaven. As Tertullian said, “The blood of the martyrs is the seed of the Church.”

Today, I look around and see a group that is fearful. All it takes is some time spent on social media to see the fear that controls a great deal of what people say and do. Whether it’s fear of a certain political party taking away freedoms, fear of the other side waging a war on Christians, or fear of a certain group coming and taking away jobs or our lives. This fear can lead to saying and doing things that hurt others, ruin relationships, and cause the name of Christ to be slandered. We can easily tend toward fear in our day-to-day as well. We fear that disease will strike us or those we love. We fear that we may lose friends. We fear that we can’t do our jobs well. We fear that we simply aren’t good enough, that eventually people will see through our charade and reject us.  This fear drives us to perfectionism, to overwork, to self medication. We hide behind masks because we fear that others will reject us if they learn the real us. Sometimes we fear facing ourselves.

There is much that can make us fearful. But, as FDR said, those are only material things. Those are things that are inconsequential compared to the kingdom. Compared to the great inheritance that is ours, all of the things of this earth are nothing. Compared to the life that we have been given, the life we fear losing is nothing. Because Jesus died and was raised, the new creation has begun. We are citizens of a kingdom that will never be defeated, that will never pass away. The King has come! We don’t always see his reign in this life, although we do catch glimpses now and then, but he is in control. All the stuff of life that hits us, all the things that our enemy throws at us has already been overcome. We need to live from that reality. Will we still experience bad, even terrible things? Yes we will. But, those things can not wrench us out of our Father’s hands. They can not ultimately harm us because our destiny is settled. It’s hard, I know. I have to remind myself constantly that the things of this world are not the kingdom. Let us all continually remind each other of who we are and whose we are, and of the glory that will be revealed in us when the King finally comes to sett all things right.

Fear not, because your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.        

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Some Things I Don’t Understand

A young teenage girl died this week. She left behind family and friends who loved her dearly. I know all the things that are true. She lived far longer than expected. She is no longer in pain. God is good and kind and he is in control. I know all that and I believe all that. Still, there are some things I don’t understand.

Last night some of us sat with two friends of the young lady. Most of that time was spent in silence. We grieved with them. At this time, it’s the only thing we could do. I spent some time wondering about the brokenness of this world and the pain that we humans have to endure. Jan and I have lost both of our parents in the last few years. That kind of thing is more normal. Children are “supposed” to outlive their parents.

This is different. Parents are not supposed to bury their children. Teenagers are not supposed to spend evenings grieving for other teenagers. People are not supposed to die that young. This world is not supposed to be the way it is. Even though I know the creation is broken and groaning because of sin, I still don’t understand why it sometimes works out the way it does. Even though I know God is good and compassionate, I still don’t understand why this compassion sometimes plays out the way it does.

I know and believe that my Father is loving. I know and believe that his love extends to the young lady and the family and friends she left behind. Having said that, I still have to admit that I don’t understand. The only thing I can do is try to trust my Father’s heart. I have to trust that Romans 8 is right, that God works in everything for the good of those who love him. I have to believe, not only for me, but in some way for my friends who lost a loved one. 

I  have to trust my Father because I can’t trust my own understanding.

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How Long?

This is a poem I wrote recently.

How long?
How long must parents mourn the death of children
Disease, hunger, war, or their own hand?
How long must children watch parents waste away?
Disease, dementia, or simply age
How long must families, friendships, communities be torn apart?
Selfishness and sin
How long must people and nations be destroyed?
Hatred and war
How long must the land be devastated?
Floods, tornadoes, hurricanes
How long must the earth groan?
Belching fire and tearing violently asunder
Creation is broken. It is not supposed to be this way
How long?
How long must we wait
Reunion with loved ones?
How long must we wait
Relationships set right?
How long must we wait?
Creation set right
How long must we wait?
Disease, pain, death ended
How long must we wait?
Anticipating your return
How long must we wait?
Resurrection and the death of death
We long for the way it is supposed to be

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Church Signs: Don’t Look Back…

A church near us has a sign up that reads, “Don’t look back. You’re not going that way.”

In one sense, I agree with the message. We shouldn’t live in the past and should focus on what is ahead of us each day. The Apostle Paul said that he was forgetting what was in his past and looking forward to what God had ahead of him. It is true that many times we long for the “good old days,” tending to romanticize the past. We also tend to use our past as an excuse for our actions in the present. Looking back can be detrimental to living in the present.

On the other hand, I believe there are times when looking back can be beneficial, even necessary. It’s been said that those who don’t know history are doomed to repeat it. We can learn much from the experience of others. We can also learn much from our own experiences. Much of what we call wisdom is simply learning from what has happened in our past.

Sometimes our problems in the present are caused by our refusal to look at our past. Rather than confronting things which we have done or which others have done to us, we bury them and move on. Except we never really move on. Like a bad horror movie, those things which we think we have buried come back to haunt us. Not forgiving someone who has sinned against us can cause problems with present day relationships. Not dealing with past abuse and putting it behind a wall can cause any number of problems. Sometimes our own past actions can affect our lives if they are not dealt with.

Like Paul, we do need to look ahead to what God has for us. Sometimes we need that to make it through our day-to-day. But there are times when we need to look back. When driving a vehicle, it is necessary to occasionally check the rear view mirror to see if we can safely change lanes or to see if any danger is coming up behind us. Sometimes we need to check the rear view mirror of our life.